"1000 crickets for thirty bucks. I think that's a pretty good deal."
August 2, 2017 5:20 PM Subscribe
There would be a lot of innocent merriment to be had from a bright, serious sticker saying 1000 MEDIUM CRICKETS.
Great setup. I heard kids in the background. What must it be like to be a kid in a house with a bona fide Reptile Room?
posted by Countess Elena at 5:36 PM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]
Great setup. I heard kids in the background. What must it be like to be a kid in a house with a bona fide Reptile Room?
posted by Countess Elena at 5:36 PM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]
How do you measure out 1000 crickets? How do I know if I'm getting my money's worth?
posted by dilaudid at 5:39 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by dilaudid at 5:39 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Say what you want about America — thirty bucks can still get you a hell of a lot of crickets.
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:41 PM on August 2, 2017 [23 favorites]
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:41 PM on August 2, 2017 [23 favorites]
Seriously, though — cool video. The guy obviously loves his reptiles.
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:45 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:45 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I used to know a snake owner who fed it with mice he bought at the pet store, and the side of the box said "I'VE FOUND A NEW HOME!"
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:46 PM on August 2, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:46 PM on August 2, 2017 [10 favorites]
"when you wish upon a (GULP!)"
posted by pyramid termite at 5:52 PM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by pyramid termite at 5:52 PM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm pretty awed by his dedication of a whole room to a cool ass reptilary*. Even if he gets his crickets for cheap, this care and dedication for his lizard pals makes him a hero to squamate aficionados everywhere.
It's a series of unfortunate events for the crickets, but for those lizards (and snake), it's like the car give-away on Oprah: YOU GET A CRICKET, AND YOU GET A CRICKET...EVERYONE GETS A CRICKET!
*obligatory pun: Anole new world, a dazzling place they never knew
posted by Cold Lurkey at 6:26 PM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]
It's a series of unfortunate events for the crickets, but for those lizards (and snake), it's like the car give-away on Oprah: YOU GET A CRICKET, AND YOU GET A CRICKET...EVERYONE GETS A CRICKET!
*obligatory pun: Anole new world, a dazzling place they never knew
posted by Cold Lurkey at 6:26 PM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]
Years from now, reptile poets will chant epic poems about the day of 1,000 crickets.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:26 PM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:26 PM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]
There would be a lot of innocent merriment to be had from a bright, serious sticker saying 1000 MEDIUM CRICKETS.
Well, it's even more fun when you release only 999 of them and label each one with the numbers 2-1000, so someone spends forever looking for the last one.
posted by loquacious at 6:32 PM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]
Well, it's even more fun when you release only 999 of them and label each one with the numbers 2-1000, so someone spends forever looking for the last one.
posted by loquacious at 6:32 PM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]
Ok, just hypothetically here, say one had a box of 1000 crickets, but no reptile room to release them into...where should one release this (totally hypothetical) box of 1000 crickets?
(fancy restaurant? elementary school? surgical operating theater? grocery store? non-stop flight, LAX to JFK? dentist's office? (lots of open mouths) church? birthday party bouncy castle?)
posted by sexyrobot at 6:34 PM on August 2, 2017
(fancy restaurant? elementary school? surgical operating theater? grocery store? non-stop flight, LAX to JFK? dentist's office? (lots of open mouths) church? birthday party bouncy castle?)
posted by sexyrobot at 6:34 PM on August 2, 2017
(make-your-own smoothie bar? swimming pool? department store changing rooms? the DMV? butter factory? (mmm...cricket butter) already occupied sensory deprivation chamber? fireplace? MRI machine? crowded subway car? bikini wax parlour? wrapped neatly under the christmas tree with a tag that says "puppy"?)
posted by sexyrobot at 6:46 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sexyrobot at 6:46 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I can vouch first-hand that the only thing that smells worse than a box of live crickets is a box of dead crickets that some shipping idiot left on the tarmac in below-freezing weather.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 6:54 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 6:54 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
I know someone who once emptied a bag of live crickets into the front-door mail slot of a landlord who had treated him unfairly.
So that's another place you could release them.
posted by corey flood at 6:57 PM on August 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
So that's another place you could release them.
posted by corey flood at 6:57 PM on August 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
(elevator? water slide? down 'Old Faithful' and wait 15 minutes? psychiatric hospital? white house press conference? strip club? underwear drawer?)
...wait, where did he say he ordered those from again?
posted by sexyrobot at 7:00 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
...wait, where did he say he ordered those from again?
posted by sexyrobot at 7:00 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
"Ok, just hypothetically here, say one had a box of 1000 crickets, but no reptile room to release them into...where should one release this (totally hypothetical) box of 1000 crickets?"
You get a cheap duffel bag or backpack, and cut a few slits in the bag along the seams so they're not very visible. Then you put the box in the bag, open the box, and carry it to the principal's office and ask for a form that you need for graduation. Fiddle with the zippers while you do so you can leave them open. Tuck the bag under the chair where you sit to wait. Get the form. "Forget" the bag. Allow crickets to take their natural course escaping the bag and singing merrily.
Or, um, so I'm told.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:10 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
You get a cheap duffel bag or backpack, and cut a few slits in the bag along the seams so they're not very visible. Then you put the box in the bag, open the box, and carry it to the principal's office and ask for a form that you need for graduation. Fiddle with the zippers while you do so you can leave them open. Tuck the bag under the chair where you sit to wait. Get the form. "Forget" the bag. Allow crickets to take their natural course escaping the bag and singing merrily.
Or, um, so I'm told.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:10 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
I am the only one suggesting the garden?
Or a fire ants colony. Your choice.
posted by kadmilos at 7:57 PM on August 2, 2017
Or a fire ants colony. Your choice.
posted by kadmilos at 7:57 PM on August 2, 2017
Contrary to popular belief, principals are not reptiles.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:58 PM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:58 PM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Ok, just hypothetically here, say one had a box of 1000 crickets, but no reptile room to release them into...where should one release this (totally hypothetical) box of 1000 crickets?
Someone's living room on Halloween?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:04 PM on August 2, 2017
Someone's living room on Halloween?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:04 PM on August 2, 2017
Am I the only one imagining now jamaro's cats with some kind of head or otherwise cat mounted portal gun and zapping their way through test chambers?
Pivoting off that, I would totally watch at least 30 minutes of animation or CGI of cats ninja-ing and/or derping their way through some Portal levels.
Granted, I would also just watch jamaro's cat's hunting crickets. Or even just crickets, I guess.
/Hedburg
posted by loquacious at 9:43 PM on August 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
Pivoting off that, I would totally watch at least 30 minutes of animation or CGI of cats ninja-ing and/or derping their way through some Portal levels.
Granted, I would also just watch jamaro's cat's hunting crickets. Or even just crickets, I guess.
/Hedburg
posted by loquacious at 9:43 PM on August 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
Ok, just hypothetically here, say one had a box of 1000 crickets, but no reptile room to release them into...where should one release this (totally hypothetical) box of 1000 crickets?
I may hypothetically know someone who hypothetically bred and raised them to hypothetically release in or near people's houses because he is a complete bastard. Hypothetically.
A close personal bastard, but a bastard nonetheless.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:32 PM on August 2, 2017
I may hypothetically know someone who hypothetically bred and raised them to hypothetically release in or near people's houses because he is a complete bastard. Hypothetically.
A close personal bastard, but a bastard nonetheless.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:32 PM on August 2, 2017
Lizard struggling to deal with the fact that you can get food to your mouth several times faster than you can actually swallow: I feel you man, I feel you.
posted by colin.jaquiery at 4:42 AM on August 3, 2017
posted by colin.jaquiery at 4:42 AM on August 3, 2017
I hope he knows that he will never sleep again. Those little bastards are LOUD.
posted by Optamystic at 6:01 AM on August 3, 2017
posted by Optamystic at 6:01 AM on August 3, 2017
Normally I don't give a crap about 'resell' value of houses, and am greatly annoyed by people who only consider it when modifying their home...
But, can you imagine what that room will smell like in a year or two?
posted by DigDoug at 6:18 AM on August 3, 2017
But, can you imagine what that room will smell like in a year or two?
posted by DigDoug at 6:18 AM on August 3, 2017
Ok, just hypothetically here, say one had a box of 1000 crickets, but no reptile room to release them into...where should one release this (totally hypothetical) box of 1000 crickets?
At an Episcopal church, on the sixth Sunday in Lent, at Evensong, during the First Lesson.
Doing the Lord's work.
posted by Devonian at 9:57 AM on August 3, 2017
At an Episcopal church, on the sixth Sunday in Lent, at Evensong, during the First Lesson.
Doing the Lord's work.
posted by Devonian at 9:57 AM on August 3, 2017
"How do you measure out 1000 crickets? How do I know if I'm getting my money's worth?"
You estimate the number of crickets in a particular volume and use a scoop. Those of us who are fishermen have seen this done many times at bait shops. Some of us have seen it when we bought 500 crickets and released them under our dorm's resident assistant's door just before final exams.
posted by pupsocket at 1:08 PM on August 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
You estimate the number of crickets in a particular volume and use a scoop. Those of us who are fishermen have seen this done many times at bait shops. Some of us have seen it when we bought 500 crickets and released them under our dorm's resident assistant's door just before final exams.
posted by pupsocket at 1:08 PM on August 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
(airplane? medicine cabinet? in bed? ice cream factory? front seat of roller coaster? Gramma's purse? Trader Joe's? mailbox? chocolate fountain? tanning booth? confetti cannon/baloon drop? library? "Will it Blend?" during a quiet moment at the symphony? all up in your face? glove compartment? inside airplane oxygen masks? at the gynecologist's office? during 'cricket fest'? inside a suit of armor at the museum so they all crawl out of the eyes ominously? crop duster? turkey stuffing? while they're filming a love scene? SCHOOL BUS! over the balcony into the orchestra seats? dropped on tiny parachutes by sparrows to act as mercenaries in the great ladybug war? sleeping bag? cookie jar? as part of my 'act'? ALL the pockets in coat check? Slurpee machine? riighht beehiind youuuuuu? International Space Station? Justin Beiber concert? cotton candy machine? hotel air vents? cat show? inside the walls? until you talk, Mr. Bond? McDonald's? calmly, during a meeting at work? inside my rectum? weddinng?)
posted by sexyrobot at 11:12 PM on August 4, 2017
posted by sexyrobot at 11:12 PM on August 4, 2017
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