the animal’s head configuration is “unique,”

August 6, 2017 11:57 AM

Disembodied Anus-Eye Terrorized Ancient Earth's Oceans [Gizmodo] “Earth’s ancient oceans were rife with nightmare creatures, from many-limbed worms to six-foot-long crab-ancestors. This week, scientists are taking the prehistoric freak show to another level, with a new paper introducing Capinatator praetermissus, the 500-million year old bristled-jawed worm monster pictured above. You know what it looks like. We know what it looks like. It looks like an anus-eye.”
posted by Fizz (36 comments total)

Love the classy framing.

seriously
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:09 PM on August 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

Great, now I have ABBA's song Angel Eyes running through my head with alternate lyrics forming spontaneously.
posted by hippybear at 12:11 PM on August 6, 2017 [4 favorites]

BTW, MeFites, if anyone needs an appropriately standoff-ish sockpuppet account, username "anus eye" and all of its variants are available. Just sayin'...
posted by mosk at 12:20 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

I do not like this Pokemon.
posted by Artw at 12:44 PM on August 6, 2017 [12 favorites]

Yeah, but I bet it will kick ass at your nearby gym!
posted by hippybear at 12:47 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

I do not like this Pokemon.

“I choose you Pika.....NOOOOOPEEEE!!!!!!!!!”
posted by Fizz at 12:49 PM on August 6, 2017 [6 favorites]

Technically, that is an embodied anus-eye.

Science journalism fails again.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:52 PM on August 6, 2017 [18 favorites]

In the Monster Manual I had for AD&D back in the 70s, it was the Eye Of The Buttholder.
posted by hippybear at 12:57 PM on August 6, 2017 [18 favorites]

It doesn't have an eye there. That's an anus-mouth. This is an anus-eye.
posted by sukeban at 12:58 PM on August 6, 2017 [18 favorites]

Nope, can't unsee that!
posted by hippybear at 12:59 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

It doesn't have an eye there. That's an anus-mouth. This is an anus-eye.

You certainly learn something new every day around here.
posted by Artw at 1:04 PM on August 6, 2017 [13 favorites]

MetaFilter: learning the differences between anus-mouth and anus-eye
posted by Fizz at 1:14 PM on August 6, 2017 [9 favorites]

You know what it looks like. We know what it looks like. It looks like an anus-eye.

I know it looks like a leech. I know you look like a weirdo.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:32 PM on August 6, 2017 [4 favorites]

I know it looks like a leech. I know you look like a weirdo.

Indeed, we get a glimpse into the Freudian/Nietzschean fears of this Gizmodo writer. Gaze long into the anus-eye,
the anus-eye also gazes into you.
posted by Fizz at 1:52 PM on August 6, 2017 [7 favorites]

Based on these comments there is NO WAY IN FUCK I am going to click on the link and look at that thing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:38 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

(It honestly looks more like a venus fly trap was merged with a flatworm. It's not nightmare fuel, that creature.)
posted by hippybear at 2:43 PM on August 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

> It's not nightmare fuel

Unless they pull it out of you...















...or you out of it.
posted by mosk at 2:45 PM on August 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh! Can someone tell mosk that his therapist called, and it seemed to be urgent?
posted by hippybear at 2:48 PM on August 6, 2017 [4 favorites]

lol. it's ok, hippybear, i'm done.
posted by mosk at 2:49 PM on August 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

Reading the summary on the toilet, it occurs that it would save me from turning around and looking after I get up.

The lighting might not be very good for it, though. Hmm. Might need waterproof lights in the toilet.
posted by clawsoon at 2:53 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

CapinatatorPraetermissus.cx
posted by duffell at 3:18 PM on August 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

It probably captured its prey by flapping its graspy bits toward one another, forcing its helpless victims into its anus-shaped mouth.

Markov chain erotica.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:22 PM on August 6, 2017 [6 favorites]

Guys, come on now, you missed it by one letter
Crapinatator ...
One more letter and just like that every middle-schooler in the world would have this creature memorized..
posted by forforf at 3:28 PM on August 6, 2017 [4 favorites]

Some scientific discoveries don't need to be shared with the world
posted by Hermione Granger at 3:47 PM on August 6, 2017

Any fans of the Delta Green supplement Targets of Opportunity in the house?
posted by Artw at 3:50 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

I dunno. I didn't immediately think "anus-eye" when I saw that, and even after having it suggested to me I still really don't see it. The graspers are eyelashes and the mouth is a pupil/anus, I guess?

It's a weird-looking beastie, but in the world of tiny and/or ancient things that flit about in the inky depths, it's not so bad.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:51 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

#1 on the list of rejected Fleshlight designs.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:19 PM on August 6, 2017 [7 favorites]

Disembodied Anus-Eye Terrorized Ancient Earth's Oceans

Finally! My doom prog metal band has a hook for their new concept album!
posted by jonp72 at 4:24 PM on August 6, 2017 [5 favorites]

If you want to see the outcome of the repeated calls for scientists to explain their work in terms average people can understand and be excited by - well, here it is.
posted by ryanshepard at 4:27 PM on August 6, 2017 [3 favorites]

So those radial structures are supposed to be asslashes?
posted by pykrete jungle at 5:06 PM on August 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

It is clearly a worm wearing a tiara.
posted by Bee'sWing at 5:15 PM on August 6, 2017 [4 favorites]

Can we just cool it with all the anus-shaming?
posted by davebush at 5:28 PM on August 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

I love ancient creatures, because god(s)/evolution was basically saying "I have no idea what I'm doing here, let's just mash a bunch of parts together and see what survives. Lesse, how many eyes are enough? Have we tried 5 yet? OK, here goes! Now let's try a bunch of legs and spines, I'm not really sure which side is up and which is down, let's let 'em figure that one out."
posted by filthy light thief at 9:12 PM on August 6, 2017 [3 favorites]

Try to think that worm's not around
But it's uncomfortably near
My sanity ain't gaining no ground
Because the Anus-Eye is here

Anus-Eye, that old Devil sent
You glow unbearably bright
Need I say my ocean descent
Was misspent with Anus-Eye tonight

So drink up all you people
Order anything you see
Have fun you happy people
The laughs and the jokes on me

Pardon me but I got to run
The fact's uncommonly clear
Get out of the water and into the sun
Why is this Anus-Eye here
Oh, why the Anus-Eye

Excuse me while I disappear
Anus-Eye, Anus-Eye...
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:44 PM on August 7, 2017

I wonder if they suffered from asstigmatism?
posted by Kabanos at 7:32 PM on August 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

And let us not forget the great 1970s Brazilian Anus-Eye Controversy (in Portuguese, but worth getting Google Translate to do its job.)

Excerpt: Back in the studio, Décio and Marcão, the agency's art director, saw that the photos were too explicit. Chico Andrade, also a member of Décio, came to take photographs with a prostitute, at the agency, where they tested the marble in the mouth and anus, but these photos were not part of the final art"
posted by Devonian at 1:02 PM on August 9, 2017