"Don't take it personally. He doesn't really like anyone."
August 10, 2017 3:22 PM   Subscribe

Humans agree with John Oliver that geese are assholes. Zuri the baby elephant will also testify to that.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (23 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I'd only seen a short GIF of baby elephant vs. goose. That elephant did well! And great trumpeting.
posted by Bee'sWing at 3:39 PM on August 10

In the mid 1990s there was a used car lot in Sheffield, UK that had geese as guard animals.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:42 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]

Baby elephants are awesome. Geese are assholes. That said, I have to admit a grudging admiration for that goose and its deep, deep commitment to its assholism.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:14 PM on August 10 [14 favorites]

i feel bad for geese since the only media coverage i see involving them is when shithead suburban homeowners whine about Canada geese pooping in their yard and lowering property values. recently, they got a permit from the USDA to launch an extermination campaign to kill over a hundred of them. like, hey asshole, your brand new stick built mcmansion with plastic siding was built somewhere that used to be swampland a decade ago.
posted by indubitable at 4:40 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]

The comments suggest the goose is probably protecting a nest and that he's talking with his mate at the very end, which does fit the behavior.
posted by tavella at 4:41 PM on August 10

There's also a jerk chicken at one point.
posted by lagomorphius at 5:10 PM on August 10

Geese ARE assholes*, but in this case, the elephant totally started it.
*cute, but assholes all the same. These adorable fuckers his at me and chase me every chance they get.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 5:14 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]

Canada geese and I have some kind of understanding. I mean, a goose is gonna do what it's gotta do.

Everyone thinks baby elephants are so great.
posted by allthinky at 5:16 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]

If I lived in the country, I'd have a goose as a pet, a pure pet. I'd name her Samantha.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 5:19 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]

Baby elephant GIFs.
posted by Bee'sWing at 5:46 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]

Canada geese are horrible, loathesome creatures. Tasty assholes.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:09 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]

That goose is going to come back with his friend.
posted by lagomorphius at 6:11 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]

the elephant totally started it
I demand to see the unedited tapes!
posted by Bee'sWing at 6:37 PM on August 10 [6 favorites]

posted by los pantalones del muerte at 7:18 PM on August 10 [3 favorites]

Millions of Canada geese every day just mind their own business, pecking at grass and shitting everywhere, and casually crossing the road in an orderly fashion. I've yet to have a bad experience with geese as I walk past them while they slowly walk out of the way, although I imagine one day I'll run across an asshole that wants to squawk at me.
posted by The arrows are too fast at 8:27 PM on August 10 [3 favorites]

I know a guy who started a small organic farm to feed himself and his family, teaching himself what he needed to know along the way. He kept both chickens and geese. He ended up with an over abundance of chickens and asked a neighbor, who was a much more experienced farmer, to show him the proper way to humanely kill and butcher a bird.

Basically at the family farm scale this is done with a sharp hatchet and a chopping block. After his neighbor demonstrated the proper technique the new farmer understood why the phrase "like a chicken with it's head cut off" is a thing. So the cycle that afternoon was: kill a chook; collapse for several minutes in gales of laughter; repeat.

Fast forward a few months and the guy decided to kill one of the geese. So he sharpens the hatchet, gets out the chopping block, and has a swing.

What he hadn't reckoned on was that geese have a network of strong muscles supporting their long necks, and for this reason some farmers prefer shooting them to attempting decapitation.

He was horrified when the goose let out an ear-splitting shriek and staggered away after the hatchet basically bounced off. He quickly rallied and finished the job, but was so appalled by what he'd done that he was unable to eat the goose (which ultimately just meant more for his wife and kids).

He continued to keep geese as they did an excellent job of mowing and manuring the grass.

I don't know what the point of this story is other than the war between humans and birds with long necks is an ancient one.
posted by um at 11:54 PM on August 10 [6 favorites]

Tasty assholes.

i'll just take your word for it
posted by indubitable at 6:19 AM on August 11 [2 favorites]

Has anyone ever been hurt by a goose? I just don't get it, from my experience they can't hurt you because THEY HAVE NO TEETH. Geese are oversized lizards with wings and are territorial around their nests. If a goose makes a run at you all you have to do is stand still and if they nip you just brush their head away. Not hard mind you, but just so they know you're not afraid of them. And then you leave the area because there's likely a nest nearby.
posted by photoslob at 8:10 AM on August 11 [1 favorite]

They have no teefs but their beaks have BARBS and they HISS at you with their uncannily pink and hissy tongues.

I don't mind geese but like seagulls, they can be bullies if you're trying to feed ducks.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 8:43 AM on August 11 [1 favorite]

I don't mind geese but like seagulls, they can be bullies if you're trying to feed ducks.

Argh. I'm a serious lover of all things feathered and I've done work over the years on several stories concerning birds. I really don't want to come off as a condescending jerk, but (you knew there would be a but) you shouldn't feed wildlife. That goes especially for our feathered friends. Geese (and ducks) can become aggressive due to people feeding them. This leads to people freaking out when they're surrounded by a gaggle of geese honking for food and it leads to the geese being removed or worse.

The linked video is cute but like someone already mentioned it's the elephant that doesn't belong. The goose sees water in Utah and builds a nest just like geese have been doing in Utah for a gazillion years. If anything, the goose is probably wondering what is the big gray thing with five appendages doing in my pond.
posted by photoslob at 10:18 AM on August 11 [2 favorites]

I've also heard that geese can hit pretty hard with their wings.

I haven't been hurt by geese, but I definitely respect their desire for space. I run with a dog along a trail that's along a lake that attracts geese. And with each spring the geese come around to nest and try to decide where they want to stay. And inevitably some try to build right in the middle of the asphalt trail. Often at one spot that's a Y intersection of trail.

I'll run off the trail to give them 10+ yards of space and let the other pedestrians dissuade them from nesting there. Usually after 2-3 days the geese gave gone for a lower traffic area. This year, despite giving 10+ yards of distance to a pair at the Y, one launched into the air to charge at us, honking and hissing. I got my dog to the other side so he wouldn't try to fight, and kept running and ultimately there was no contact as goose landed about a yard away and was content to just flap and honk. But that was definitely scary getting charged by something at head height spitting honking and hissing.

I think it's the fact that these mere birds can cause us humans fear is why most people think that they're assholes. Meanwhile I'm still celebrating in that my office is near the wearhouse of a major grocery chain, and this is the first spring which didn't have any dead geese plastered on the road by them. I love getting to stop on a road for to watch a gaggle of geese cross.
posted by nobeagle at 11:22 AM on August 11

Has anyone ever been hurt by a goose? I just don't get it, from my experience they can't hurt you because THEY HAVE NO TEETH


Right. Tell it to the suburban CA grandmother who I know that was walking out with a basket to hang clothes and was mugged by a gander and knocked down on the cement patio and wound up with a subdural hematoma.

How about the local ID kid about 4-5 years old with a broken arm and hefty bruises on her legs, arms, and face?

I've been pinched hard and had bruises from a goose that eventually got exactly what it deserved--gravy.

I'll farm poisonous snakes before I ever have another goose on this place.
posted by BlueHorse at 9:45 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]

I warned you all about geese years ago.
posted by KingEdRa at 7:14 PM on August 12 [1 favorite]

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