I come when the trumpet sounds
August 14, 2017 7:25 AM   Subscribe

Trumpy Bear: Born on flag day... find the secret zipper, simply style his trademark hair. SLYT, unless you order one.
posted by bendybendy (38 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Needs real/fake tag
posted by MtDewd at 7:31 AM on August 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


Honestly, I'm not in the mood to laugh too much, and had reservations about posting, but the banality of...

Appears to be real.
posted by bendybendy at 7:32 AM on August 14, 2017


Does he shit in the woods? Is he in that awful toilet paper commercial with the blue bears? This must be real because we live in Trumpland.
posted by mermayd at 7:44 AM on August 14, 2017


Seriously, man, if you are a patriot, how in the blistering green fuck can you justify using a flag patterned blanket? Maybe I am a little over-literal, but I see that is pretty much disrespecting the flag anyway.

(Also, the whole secret zipper thing brings back some truly terrifying things I have seen from the plushie/brony subcultures. Trigger warning please?)
posted by Samizdata at 8:11 AM on August 14, 2017 [5 favorites]


It's real. I saw the commercial on tv last night.
posted by davelog at 8:28 AM on August 14, 2017


Anyone else think that this was showing an American flag armband?

I mean, it's a reasonable guess, given the circumstances.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:35 AM on August 14, 2017


I'm just kinda wondering when the right went from "the flag is sacred and should be treated as such" to "pull a flag out of this bear's back and use it as a blanket".
posted by Gaz Errant at 8:35 AM on August 14, 2017 [3 favorites]


I'm just kinda wondering when the right went from "the flag is sacred and should be treated as such" to "pull a flag out of this bear's back and use it as a blanket".

It's only an issue when you can bludgeon the other side for being un-American.

They really don't have any good faith arguments, or underlying principles, or particularly give a shit about the principles upon which our country was founded.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:38 AM on August 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


The veteran's name is Warholic
posted by Merus at 8:38 AM on August 14, 2017 [7 favorites]


I see they went with the mean child molester look that's popular with the 1-79 yo demo.

You can tell that they know their audience with the Just 2 Easy Payments copy. You know, when you desperately need a teddy bear, maybe to comfort you as you're dying because of lacking health care, and you are too poor to pay for the toy up front.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 8:41 AM on August 14, 2017 [5 favorites]


Anyone else think that this was showing an American flag armband?

That's a flag draped across its arm.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:09 AM on August 14, 2017


Also, this may be the finest example of Poe's Law in history.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:11 AM on August 14, 2017 [5 favorites]


The veteran's name is Warholic

Everyone in the future will be famous, and/or a Trump administration press secretary, for 15 minutes...
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:12 AM on August 14, 2017 [5 favorites]


This can easily spin a person's brain into some weird event horizon made out of pure irony.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:20 AM on August 14, 2017


Oh, it's totally real. I don't have cable, but I do have an OTA DVR that, among other things, records NYPD Blue. Among the other delightful products pitched to seniors during the ads (seriously, seniors? You're down with Dennis Franz's ass?) is this...thing. I can ignore the ads for copper pans, the ads for reverse mortgages make me angry on behalf of the seniors, but the Trumpy bear makes me want to smash the TV.

("Trumpy...you can do STUPID things!")
posted by praemunire at 9:25 AM on August 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


Great gift for all AMERICAN holidays!

Where does Christmas fit in here?
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:49 AM on August 14, 2017


This is obviously terrible but it was made so intentionally in order to sucker people exactly like us to post it all over social media with the caption "Can you believe this shit??" so that it goes viral, eventually ending up as a silly skit on Colbert and John Oliver, then finally as a "look on the lighter side of politics" piece on a Sunday morning news show, at which point it will be officially No Longer a Thing. Meanwhile, the marketing company that made a quick couple hundred grand selling this garbage to a bunch of rubes will have moved on to shilling the next plastic piece of shit that came along.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:01 AM on August 14, 2017 [8 favorites]


I'm just kinda wondering when the right went from "the flag is sacred and should be treated as such" to "pull a flag out of this bear's back and use it as a blanket".

No issue. It's not their flag anymore.
posted by Naberius at 10:15 AM on August 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


Of course, everybody here already knows all that so my comment just reads as po-faced and didactic. I like everybody's funny comments much better!
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:16 AM on August 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


Bear is Russian. If truly patriotic, would be eagle. Telling, that.
posted by caution live frogs at 10:50 AM on August 14, 2017 [9 favorites]


My god, the irony level has transformed caution live frogs into Rorschach. Hrm.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 AM on August 14, 2017 [6 favorites]


Trumpy can do stupid things.
posted by JHarris at 11:27 AM on August 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


Is the veteran's name really Warholic? If so, he writes awful right wing nutter letters to our local newspaper.
posted by mermayd at 11:42 AM on August 14, 2017


I believe it is against the United States Flag Code to store your flag in a bear.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:21 PM on August 14, 2017 [6 favorites]


That's ok, I'm just going to keep my meth in it.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:23 PM on August 14, 2017


The bear is brown. It needed to be a weird shade or fake tan orange. Except for the eye sockets...
posted by greenhornet at 1:02 PM on August 14, 2017 [3 favorites]


Fancy!
posted by ducky l'orange at 1:52 PM on August 14, 2017


I made it about 60% of the way through before my brain broke.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 2:18 PM on August 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


On our shelf we have a Bernie Sanders bear from the Vermont Teddy Bear company. For the election, you could get all the candidates, including a very tasteful DJT. My biggest problem with this bear is he is a cheap imitation knockoff... which... well... shooting fish in a barrel.
posted by Nanukthedog at 2:18 PM on August 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm straining for a joke, something about the right to bear flags.

Nope, I can't land it.
posted by etherist at 2:59 PM on August 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


I want a robotic talking one. Teddy Trumpspin.

I was going to say a creepy robotic talking one, but they already have the creepy covered.

Also, is it really so hard to hire someone to do voiceover who can do it without sounding like he's trying to sound older and more manly than he really is?
posted by davejay at 3:20 PM on August 14, 2017


I'm just kinda wondering when the right went from "the flag is sacred and should be treated as such" to "pull a flag out of this bear's back and use it as a blanket".

Oh, that's easy. The flag is incredibly sacred and must be treated by the utmost solemn reverence by those who are not part of the conservative right for they are at risk of defiling it just by being near it. The conservative right can wear flag-patterned clothing, store flags in wildlife, and modify it to include symbols of comic-book vigilantes and modify the colors for political purposes.
posted by rmd1023 at 5:13 PM on August 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


Is all that stuff about the storm bear supposed to be dogwhistle-y fascist shit, as in Stormfront, Daily Stormer et al? It's obviously a ridiculous and crazy product, but I'm scared it may be cuddly Nazi propoganda too. (Weird how there were no children in the whole ad. Not even something about how kids would love it too. It was a teddy bear pitched exclusively at crazy old people.)

Jesus Christ, this thing is a Tim and Eric bit that escaped into the real world. Great job!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 6:14 PM on August 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


Honestly, as far as dogwhistles go, "I come when the trumpet sounds" seems like some full-on eschatological-type crazy shit.


Of course, now I need to go and leaf through the Revelation of John, just to make sure their isn't actually some sort of weird crap about a bear pulling a flag out of his ass or something.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:39 PM on August 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


Why isn't that bear packing heat? Did not our fore-bears fight for the Right To Arm Bears?
posted by monotreme at 8:27 PM on August 14, 2017


The only named people were the two white dudes. Seems about right.

Frank Warholic?
posted by amanda at 7:03 AM on August 15, 2017


I'm always kinda creeped out and dismayed by the trend of disassociating with and quarentining our seniors (and/or our seniors disassociating with us and quarantining themselves) and the commercial and political culture that springs from it and around it. Praemunire has it right. This is the deepest, scariest, saddest symbol of that I've ever seen. Funny, too. 🙃
posted by es_de_bah at 10:09 AM on August 15, 2017


The only reason I suspect this isn't real is that there's no way Trump lets his brand name be used on anything without getting the vig.
posted by Quindar Beep at 2:35 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


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