The Last Death-Defying Honey Hunter of Nepal
August 15, 2017 2:34 PM Subscribe
Three hundred feet in the air, Mauli Dhan dangles on a bamboo rope ladder, surveying the section of granite he must climb to reach his goal: a pulsing mass of thousands of Himalayan giant honeybees. They carpet a crescent-shaped hive stretching almost six feet below a granite overhang. The bees are guarding gallons of a sticky, reddish fluid known as mad honey, which, thanks to its hallucinogenic properties, sells on Asian black markets for $60 to $80 a pound—roughly six times the price of regular Nepali honey.
I'm fairly sure that I've done this quest-line in Final Fantasy XIV. You have to battle these psychotic bees and the reward was just a pair of boots that made me run slightly faster. Not worth it at all. Refuse this quest.
posted by Fizz at 3:13 PM on August 15, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 3:13 PM on August 15, 2017 [6 favorites]
Clearly I missed my calling.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:24 PM on August 15, 2017
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:24 PM on August 15, 2017
Mad Honey?
Xenophon would suggest you be a little careful.
posted by leotrotsky at 3:37 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
Xenophon would suggest you be a little careful.
posted by leotrotsky at 3:37 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
Sounds like nobody is harvesting it anymore, Burhanistan. Guess you're going to have to climb a 300-foot bamboo rope ladder and then spend hours sawing off chunks of hive and lowering them to the ground while giant bees try to kill you yourself.
Sounds like a fun time, actually. Meetup?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:58 PM on August 15, 2017 [9 favorites]
Sounds like a fun time, actually. Meetup?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:58 PM on August 15, 2017 [9 favorites]
I just read about beekeeping from the '50's that was a deep dive into all aspects of it, from anatomy to practices/theory to marketing to statistics, and it mentioned these cousins to the European Honeybee. I still don't quite understand how a hive can function as an 'open-air' hive (as opposed to nesting in trees/bushes/hives or other enclosed spaces but maybe the climate supports it somehow.
I had no idea that harvesting it was the anti-OSHA but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Thanks for the post.
posted by RolandOfEld at 4:06 PM on August 15, 2017
I had no idea that harvesting it was the anti-OSHA but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Thanks for the post.
posted by RolandOfEld at 4:06 PM on August 15, 2017
Looks like the Turkish version is purchasable, even overseas, here. Neat. I'll lurk here waiting for someone to comment saying they tried it 10 years ago in Utah in a sweat lodge and that it was A) amazing, B) terrible, or C) just a bad idea due to vomiting and diarrhea. Possibly all three.
posted by RolandOfEld at 4:24 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by RolandOfEld at 4:24 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
Ah, but does it have an aftertaste a little like machine oil?
posted by tobascodagama at 4:39 PM on August 15, 2017
posted by tobascodagama at 4:39 PM on August 15, 2017
This reads like a encyclopedia entry in a Jack Vance novel.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:27 PM on August 15, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:27 PM on August 15, 2017 [4 favorites]
I need a spoonful of that shit.
I was thinking that, too, but then I got to this part:
Two to three teaspoons is usually the correct dose. After about an hour you are overcome with an urgent need to defecate, urinate, and vomit. “After the purge you alternate between light and dark. You can see, and then you can’t see,” says Jangi. “A sound—jam jam jam—pulses in your head, like the beehive. You can’t move, but you’re still completely lucid. The paralysis lasts for a day or so.”
Maybe I'm a square, but no part of that sounds like a good idea to me.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:27 PM on August 15, 2017 [16 favorites]
I was thinking that, too, but then I got to this part:
Two to three teaspoons is usually the correct dose. After about an hour you are overcome with an urgent need to defecate, urinate, and vomit. “After the purge you alternate between light and dark. You can see, and then you can’t see,” says Jangi. “A sound—jam jam jam—pulses in your head, like the beehive. You can’t move, but you’re still completely lucid. The paralysis lasts for a day or so.”
Maybe I'm a square, but no part of that sounds like a good idea to me.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:27 PM on August 15, 2017 [16 favorites]
“A sound—jam jam jam—pulses in your head, like the beehive. You can’t move, but you’re still completely lucid. The paralysis lasts for a day or so.”
I don't know. In this political climate, that sounds like a vacation.
posted by Fizz at 6:52 PM on August 15, 2017 [10 favorites]
I don't know. In this political climate, that sounds like a vacation.
posted by Fizz at 6:52 PM on August 15, 2017 [10 favorites]
There are a bunch of things out there which are technically hallucinogens but which I don't want to try because they sound terrible. Mad honey, datura, amanita… yeah, you can trip on them. As long as you like nightmares, being violently ill, and possibly dying if you get the dosage wrong!
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:57 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:57 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
Oh, wait, you're still completely lucid. Never mind. That's a nightmare. I want to be completely paralyzed and knocked the fuck out. The honey doesn't go far enough.
posted by Fizz at 6:58 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 6:58 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
As long as you like nightmares, being violently ill, and possibly dying if you get the dosage wrong!
I mean, kinda?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:02 PM on August 15, 2017 [7 favorites]
I mean, kinda?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:02 PM on August 15, 2017 [7 favorites]
A funky beehive! “A sound—jam jam jam—pulses in your head, like the beehive."
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:44 PM on August 15, 2017
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:44 PM on August 15, 2017
Man, I am dying for a steaming mug of ayahuasca with mad honey.
posted by slkinsey at 7:50 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by slkinsey at 7:50 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
No, I absolutely will not, post a link to Spoonful. I won't.
posted by Oyéah at 9:47 PM on August 15, 2017
posted by Oyéah at 9:47 PM on August 15, 2017
Wonderful stuff - thanks for posting. Still waiting for the dream.
posted by misterbee at 10:57 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by misterbee at 10:57 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
I didn't know which bit to post so I'm posting both, why not.
Leela: We're just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission?
Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey!
--
Zoidberg: One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls and you'll go into a sleep so deep you'll never wake up. Never!
posted by kersplunk at 4:57 AM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]
Leela: We're just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission?
Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey!
--
Zoidberg: One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls and you'll go into a sleep so deep you'll never wake up. Never!
posted by kersplunk at 4:57 AM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]
I love that weird SCP bit about their recording gear inexplicably not working during the ceremony where the forest spirits were called, and then starting to work again straight after!
posted by yoHighness at 5:15 AM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by yoHighness at 5:15 AM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]
Two to three teaspoons is usually the correct dose. After about an hour you are overcome with an urgent need to defecate, urinate, and vomit. “After the purge you alternate between light and dark. You can see, and then you can’t see,” says Jangi. “A sound—jam jam jam—pulses in your head, like the beehive. You can’t move, but you’re still completely lucid. The paralysis lasts for a day or so.”
You mean this isn't how everyone normally goes to sleep?
posted by srboisvert at 9:02 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
You mean this isn't how everyone normally goes to sleep?
posted by srboisvert at 9:02 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
Use of this product has resulted in at least one creatively titled paper, "Mad honey sex: therapeutic misadventures from an ancient biological weapon." This paper comes out of Turkey, where "mad honey" is produced in the Black Sea region.
The bioactive compounds are produced by rhododendrons that the bees visit. There is a 19th century report of Ossetians using local rhododendron species as a psychoactive incense.
Rhododendrons produce a class of compounds called grayanotoxins. You can read more about grayanotoxins and mad honey in the FDA's Bad Bug Book (PDF link).
Although psychoactive rhododendron products are weird and interesting to me, their ingestion sounds neither fun nor appealing.
posted by compartment at 9:13 AM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]
The bioactive compounds are produced by rhododendrons that the bees visit. There is a 19th century report of Ossetians using local rhododendron species as a psychoactive incense.
Rhododendrons produce a class of compounds called grayanotoxins. You can read more about grayanotoxins and mad honey in the FDA's Bad Bug Book (PDF link).
Although psychoactive rhododendron products are weird and interesting to me, their ingestion sounds neither fun nor appealing.
posted by compartment at 9:13 AM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]
Two to three teaspoons is usually the correct dose. After about an hour you are overcome with an urgent need to defecate, urinate, and vomit. “After the purge you alternate between light and dark. You can see, and then you can’t see,” says Jangi. “A sound—jam jam jam—pulses in your head, like the beehive. You can’t move, but you’re still completely lucid. The paralysis lasts for a day or so.”
Sounds like an acquaintance's recommendation for a local restaurant, "First time you eat there you'll get horrible diarrhea, but the next time you'll be fine." Gee, that's too bad, because there's going to be no first time.
posted by lagomorphius at 9:26 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
Sounds like an acquaintance's recommendation for a local restaurant, "First time you eat there you'll get horrible diarrhea, but the next time you'll be fine." Gee, that's too bad, because there's going to be no first time.
posted by lagomorphius at 9:26 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's official: I know nothing about the world.. maaaaannnn.....
posted by Cosine at 1:57 PM on August 16, 2017
posted by Cosine at 1:57 PM on August 16, 2017
Smithers, fetch me those bees and summon the hounds.
posted by quinndexter at 7:02 AM on August 17, 2017
posted by quinndexter at 7:02 AM on August 17, 2017
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posted by praemunire at 2:40 PM on August 15, 2017 [9 favorites]