The answer is none.
September 2, 2017 3:38 PM   Subscribe

How much more creepy can you get than a wasp nest built around a baby doll? Bonus: toddlerpedes! (Jon Beinart previously, previouslier)
posted by Johnny Wallflower (24 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
Err, Johnny, creepy wasp nest dolls is not your brand. You're the happy animal picture man.

(But seriously, this is great.)
posted by ambrosen at 3:43 PM on September 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


I saw the post. It was clearly marked. I thought, I am not going to be happy to see this image. I thought, I am going to regret opening that link.

Reader, I was correct.
posted by jeather at 4:00 PM on September 2, 2017 [6 favorites]


Jesus Christ, why did I click that link?

Goddamn nightmare fuel bullshit was clearly labelled and I clicked it anyway.
posted by jacquilynne at 4:02 PM on September 2, 2017


Oh, stop complaining. It's way less creepy than a wasps' nest built into a real baby…
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:15 PM on September 2, 2017 [8 favorites]


Reading how freaked out everyone was made seeing the actual image less awful
posted by janey47 at 4:24 PM on September 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


The Stephen King IT clown and nightmare fuel thread is a few posts down.
posted by Fizz at 4:27 PM on September 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Are we certain this isn't a David Lynch art project?
posted by davebush at 4:55 PM on September 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I love it
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 5:19 PM on September 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


Johnny Wallflower's mask is slipping pretty often these days. Soon, we will discover that he is actually a hive of wasps or a mimic octopus or some other damned thing.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:25 PM on September 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


Or a wallflower
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:32 PM on September 2, 2017


groovy AND grotesque!
posted by vrakatar at 6:27 PM on September 2, 2017


Guh, no.

The worst thing I've ever personally seen like this was an old plastic cookie jar, filled with a some very old cookies. And a fuckton of cobwebs and funnel spiders clouding up the cookies with webs and spider husks and live spiders so much that you could just kind of barely see the cookies and the indentations of chocolate chips in the cookies beneath thick, almost silky layers and baroque sheets of webs.

The palpably disturbing thing was how the spiders even got into the apparently well sealed plastic jar in the first place, and how the cookies hadn't crumbled to dust and powder yet, because apparently the jar was well sealed enough to keep out mites, beetles and moths.

Yet somehow there will still spiders in there. And, apparently, enough things for them to eat that they lasted x number of generations in what appeared to be a tightly sealed plastic jar. And yet those things didn't eat the cookies.

It was one hell of a disturbingly living-yet-preserved conundrum. No, I never opened the nightmare cookie jar. Nightmare cookie jar went into the trash wrapped into two heavy duty contractor bags to try to keep the evil safely contained inside.

I still occasionally have actual nightmares about nightmare cookie jar.

The less chaotic neutral and more chaotic evil part of me also still occasionally wonder how it would have fared as a found object in a group art show, and how many people might have fainted, vomited or passed out once they figured out what it was.
posted by loquacious at 7:54 PM on September 2, 2017 [16 favorites]


Somewhere at the bottom of a landfill generations of spiders still feed, and grow, and die. One day the seal holding the lid shut will weaken enough for a small hole to form. When that happens a colony of spiders will crawl their way out of the jar and into your nightmares.
posted by euphorb at 10:53 PM on September 2, 2017 [5 favorites]




Dear AskMeFi, I'm somewhat peckish, and stumbled across an old plastic cookie jar, filled with some very old cookies ...
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:07 AM on September 3, 2017 [5 favorites]


"turban"

Sometimes a saint wants to cosplay Marie Antoinette, and wasps say "OK."
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:47 AM on September 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


The palpably disturbing thing was how the spiders even got into the apparently well sealed plastic jar in the first place, and how the cookies hadn't crumbled to dust and powder yet, because apparently the jar was well sealed enough to keep out mites, beetles and moths.

Yet somehow there will still spiders in there. And, apparently, enough things for them to eat that they lasted x number of generations in what appeared to be a tightly sealed plastic jar. And yet those things didn't eat the cookies.


It sounds like those spiders had found a genius set up, with the cookies serving as bait luring in an endless amount of prey, but the jar providing protection from competitors and predators. It's basically a "free candy" creeper van, but for spiders.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:34 AM on September 3, 2017 [4 favorites]


Although I was repeatedly stung by hornets for daring to take a shortcut through a rickety hedge at the age of four, I still have an unfathomably deep attraction to the designs and layers of construction in the wasp, bee and hornet nests/natural hives I have seen. The colors are so perfectly balanced; the planes undulate like waves across the sand. The repetition of the cells is nearly hypnotic to me.

It seems impossible to discover what goes on underneath those undulating surfaces, even though I have an enduring memory of what comes out. The oddest thing is that I have never again been stung by any member of the clans, no matter how close I accidentally come to their territories...

Actually this sounds like an origin story, but it's not, I swear.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 7:34 AM on September 3, 2017 [4 favorites]


Somewhere at the bottom of a landfill generations of spiders still feed, and grow, and die. One day the seal holding the lid shut will weaken enough for a small hole to form. When that happens a colony of spiders will crawl their way out of the jar and into your nightmares.

And when they come forth, they will be a swarm of albino spiders, each with eight tiny stunted vestigial eyes. Pigment and sight will have been discarded as unimportant evolutionarily, so these new creeping white arachnids will sense loquacious how? Hearing? Micro-changes in air density? Body heat? It is an unsettling thought.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:36 AM on September 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is as good an excuse as any to repost mhoye's arachnid factoid.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:47 AM on September 3, 2017


When I was 8 or 9 I was in the undeveloped fields near my house with a friend when we found a wasp nest. Being clever we assumed the grey peeled newspaper look meant it was old, empty and decayed. So we snapped off the bush branch it was on and put it in a grocery bag we found lying nearby.

"This we will be great for show and tell at school!" I declared.

We marched to his house with our wasp nest in a bag.

When we finally got to his house my friend had lost all patience. "I want some honey" he said. And so we pulled the nest out and he opened it by peeling back the papery layers.

No honey to be seen. Just hundreds of wasps.

So we screamed and ran around in a circle a bit but nothing much happened. My friend got croquet mallets from his garage (they were the de rigueur suburban accoutrements at that time).

We proceeded to lay waste to what we felt was an existential hazard to the entire neighbourhood.

Zero stings. I wonder what it must have looked like to the neighbourhood watch busy bodies.

It was an insect version of the printer scene from office space before PC Load Letter or rap music even existed.

Little boys are monsters. Dumb lucky monsters.

(we kept a few honey combs and took them to school for show and tell. A few weeks later wasps hatched out of them. In the classroom. Good times)
posted by srboisvert at 1:15 PM on September 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: It's basically a "free candy" creeper van, but for spiders.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 6:28 PM on September 3, 2017 [4 favorites]


For added value, there's also hermit crabs living in doll parts.
posted by ambrosen at 1:05 PM on September 5, 2017 [2 favorites]


Beat me to it, ambrosen!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:23 PM on September 5, 2017 [1 favorite]


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