foolproof cosplay of a Respectable White Lawyer, but on Twitter

September 22, 2017 9:43 AM

THREAD: My dispute with a billionaire Texan GOP donor, the exotic dancer he nearly killed, and the photo he does not want people to see.

Single link twitter thread from @RespectableLaw. Some descriptions of sexual violence. Sorta previously on mefi.
posted by postcommunism (49 comments total)

What a charmer. Nice to hear about one of the hideous old tyrants who own the country running into some difficulties but I doubt it'll slow him or the other fuckers down much.
posted by Artw at 9:53 AM on September 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

God I hate twitter for anything substantial.
posted by tippiedog at 10:01 AM on September 22, 2017 [28 favorites]

In tweet 5: WHO IS TAKING THAT PICTURE? I'm seriously disturbed. Like, by the whole thing, but that photo is not helping.
posted by soren_lorensen at 10:02 AM on September 22, 2017

Yeah, the write up is interesting, but the format of twitter actually slows reading speed significantly, so I feel like people who publish long pieces on twitter are deliberately taking more time out of our lives than necessary for no good reason.
posted by corb at 10:05 AM on September 22, 2017 [10 favorites]

I assume this is the Dallas News article in question.
posted by tippiedog at 10:06 AM on September 22, 2017

Tweet #4's ridiculous pearlescent shirt is what threw me, he looks like a businessman from a 1980s fictional version of the year 2000.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:06 AM on September 22, 2017 [6 favorites]

If only there were a web publishing format better suited for longer form stories such as a this. A personal journal perhaps, or a personal log file on the web. We could call it, I don't know, a weblog?
posted by COD at 10:11 AM on September 22, 2017 [32 favorites]

I doubt it'll slow him or the other fuckers down much

Is Texas a community property state?
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:12 AM on September 22, 2017

How dare this person utilize this baffling online format where I have to start reading at the top and then scroll down for more?
posted by Legomancer at 10:25 AM on September 22, 2017 [45 favorites]

"But my client doesn't need your money, she finds your emails amusing, and I'm not scared of you, old timer. I am able to lift a standard size Coleman cooler full of Old Milwaukee completely over my head."

This person is Brisco County Jr. and I claim my five dollars!

Socrates Poole: You almost cost us both our jobs. They do not like to be called robber barons, you know.
Brisco County Jr.: Well, of course they don't. It isn't exactly a compliment.

posted by octobersurprise at 10:25 AM on September 22, 2017 [7 favorites]

I'm sorry, I can't get over the shirt, he looks like a pastor who gives out molly at communion. Like he skinned a ghost. Like a successful business retreat entertainer who does "office magic". Like he's the leader of a Willennialist cult.

It is a ridiculous shirt for a ridiculous person.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:28 AM on September 22, 2017 [23 favorites]

Is Texas a community property state?
Yes, it is.
posted by Bee'sWing at 10:32 AM on September 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Interesting but wtf is with the weird letter he sends Hiles? Old Milwaukee? Rugby? Rumpus room? I guess it accomplished what he wanted but it reads like it’s some kind of joke
posted by not_the_water at 10:36 AM on September 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

it is a joke. the joke is that the idea that she would take the mugshot down is as ridiculous to him as the letter he sends back. It's the insulting counteroffer that's made specifically because it insults.
posted by Fraxas at 10:45 AM on September 22, 2017 [20 favorites]

He's also taking the piss with regard to Hiles beating a woman and threatening another woman. "Oh you're a tough guy, huh?" the letter implies, "Well, I'm tough, too. Look at all of these mundane and comical feats of strength I can perform!"
posted by explosion at 10:49 AM on September 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

Twitter is seriously the most frustrating medium when you're trying to read something coherent.
posted by lkc at 10:50 AM on September 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

Also, 90k is way low-balling a billionaire. 7 figures, minimum.
posted by lkc at 10:53 AM on September 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

I imagine the logical conclusion of this kind of thing would be to see something like War and Peace broken into 140-character fragments, interspersed with other tweets/replies that may or may not be related.

Thanks tippiedog for the more informative link. tl;dr: rich man beats the shit out of woman, gets multiple felony charges reduced to misdemeanor plea with zero jail time.
posted by splitpeasoup at 10:57 AM on September 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

Frankly, I think it would be in the public interest to post that mugshot in every strip club in Texas.

It's really a workplace safety issue.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:01 AM on September 22, 2017 [22 favorites]

I dunno. I kind of enjoy the Twitter thread format. It feels conversational. It's not something I'm into if I'm sitting down to read a deep, probing piece of journalism, but when I'm looking at something while also working, I like that it's conversational and easy to start and stop reading if I have to take a break to actually work.
posted by missjenny at 11:25 AM on September 22, 2017 [12 favorites]

If only there were a web publishing format better suited for longer form stories such as a this. A personal journal perhaps, or a personal log file on the web. We could call it, I don't know, a weblog?

Some people carry cash and wear vintage clothing styles, but they seem mostly doing it out of nostalgia and style rather than practicality.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 11:43 AM on September 22, 2017

Interesting but wtf is with the weird letter he sends Hiles? Old Milwaukee? Rugby? Rumpus room? I guess it accomplished what he wanted but it reads like it’s some kind of joke

It's pretty standard lawyer japery to send a technically legally accurate and correct but in all other ways absurd letter in reply to behavior that itself is absurd and does not have a legal leg to stand on. See also: the ACLU's recent amicus brief for the Bob Murray v John Oliver case.
posted by soren_lorensen at 11:45 AM on September 22, 2017 [7 favorites]

I regularly encounter blogs that are a million times more of a pain in the ass to deal with and read than twitter

somebody posted an interesting FPP yesterday that linked to a blog where a banner with the site's logo took up HALF THE FUCKING BROWSER WINDOW and WOULD NOT GO AWAY

so please, continue linking tweetstorms, they're a known quantity if nothing else
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:47 AM on September 22, 2017 [15 favorites]

Interesting but wtf is with the weird letter he sends Hiles?


Its purpose was, in part, to get publicity. Looks like it's working.
posted by mikeand1 at 11:57 AM on September 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

For those annoyed by the twitter format: ttthreads.com is really handy for turning twitter threads into a readable narrative. Here's this story.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 11:57 AM on September 22, 2017 [11 favorites]

Am I the only one who's a little squicked out about how the woman who was nearly murdered by someone who did 35 hours of community service not only seems less important to this discussion than the Wacky Lawyer Note, but than the format of Twitter?
posted by Etrigan at 12:07 PM on September 22, 2017 [22 favorites]

Well, yeah, the 35 hours of community service for attempted murder is the completely normal thing here, so it passes without comment. That in itself is horrifying - it's a horrifying world these fuckers are intent on building and maintaining.

(You can bet that on the GOP side of the fence there's much outrage that he'd have to do even that. They'll do all they can to prevent any of their chosen suffering the same indignity again.)
posted by Artw at 12:11 PM on September 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm a DV survivor. If I let myself start expressing my feelings about men that beat their less powerful partners and get away with it, I will start screaming and never stop.

Sometimes we engage with the things we have the spoons to handle, not the ones we care about most.
posted by corb at 12:12 PM on September 22, 2017 [33 favorites]

the woman who was nearly murdered by someone who did 35 hours of community service

Rich Man Justice.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:26 PM on September 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

"Then I explained, very legally and using very Caucasian language..."
Now I am looking forward to using very legal and very Caucasian language in my next dispute with a real estate tycoon.
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:40 PM on September 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

Molly Jr.
posted by jim in austin at 1:23 PM on September 22, 2017

Some people carry cash and wear vintage clothing styles, but they seem mostly doing it out of nostalgia and style rather than practicality.

After the Equifax and other assorted hacks, that seems more and more like a damn practical idea.
posted by COD at 1:41 PM on September 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Also, 90k is way low-balling a billionaire. 7 figures, minimum.

No doubt. Eye-rolled the Bentley. Why agree to a measley 190K Bentley when you could ask for a 2.4 million Bugatti Chiron. Or for only half a million, a Lamborghini Aventador.

I first saw the Chiron in Nice a month ago and haven't been able to stop drooling, sigh.
posted by fraula at 2:19 PM on September 22, 2017

this person has all kinds of great twitter threads: Afghan War Rugs and the Lossy Compression of Cultural Coding
posted by indubitable at 2:33 PM on September 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

Another one about Yugoslavia under Tito
posted by indubitable at 2:48 PM on September 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

How dare this person utilize this baffling online format where I have to start reading at the top and then scroll down for more?

Until I saw the ttthreads version, I thought the thread stopped at post #20. Because it did.
posted by Western Infidels at 4:19 PM on September 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

You have to click the "more replies" link at the bottom of the original thread to get more tweets.
posted by XtinaS at 4:57 PM on September 22, 2017

perhaps the most horrific thing about this is that it was reported in the press (quoted approvingly in the write-up) as Hiles having pleaded guilty to a "domestic violence charge." time was (maybe only in my candy-colored imagination?) when "domestic violence" just meant assault on a woman you own by benefit of marriage but these days it means assault by a man on any woman whatsoever. Real regular assault is only for people. women are like snails, we carry our domiciles upon our backs. so whether we are professionals working for violent clients or complete strangers being beaten by complete strangers, anywhere you punch or choke or kick us is home.

oh, and somebody registered polite discomfort at the Lawyer's whole "arm candy" "young lady" expected-to stay-bought rigamarole before he finally got it out of his system and started calling her a woman for the remainder of the story. and in response he said he was trying to write in the voice of the creepo abuser, which is fair enough (I do in fact think.) but then this:

"My sense is that a lady who hustles nearly half a million bucks off a rich man probably has a good sense of humor about her job."

we all have our senses. my sense is that women for whom violent abuse is a regular occupational hazard have perfected the fine art of pretending not to mind when a well-meaning nonviolent prick calls their life-threatening and highly skilled line of work a hustle or worse because he doesn't think it's worth what they get paid for it, or because he thinks that getting highly paid for their work is somehow a cheat, despite being an impressive or a justified cheat.

and he is indeed a much finer human being than the subject of his story. hooray for him. I mean that, too.

(p.s. read this on Wonkette, not on twitter, people! jeez)
posted by queenofbithynia at 6:22 PM on September 22, 2017 [19 favorites]

I like to think that somewhere some Twitter community really hates Metafilter links because of the unthreaded comments.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:40 PM on September 22, 2017 [6 favorites]

Regarding the letter: I've played a bit of rugby. WTH is a 'walk on scrimmage'? Subbed on for a scrum?
posted by pompomtom at 2:38 AM on September 23, 2017

Real regular assault is only for people. women are like snails, we carry our domiciles upon our backs. so whether we are professionals working for violent clients or complete strangers being beaten by complete strangers, anywhere you punch or choke or kick us is home.

I believe domestic violence covers relationship violence, even if the parties do not cohabitat, which is why he was charged with that. I think this is a good thing but would be open to hearing why it is not.
posted by nestor_makhno at 3:59 AM on September 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

time was (maybe only in my candy-colored imagination?) when "domestic violence" just meant assault on a woman you own by benefit of marriage but these days it means assault by a man on any woman whatsoever.

I feel like in this time you were imagining it was considered 100% okay to beat sex workers if they took a dime more than you reported they originally charged you, or didn't give you value for money, or you just felt like it. I'm not sure that 'women' benefited in this time from 'just regular old assault' terms - these men only got in trouble if they beat ladies.

So the expansion of domestic violence was actually I believe intended as an expansion of rights "hey, it's not just wrong when respectable married ladies get beat, but also when you beat women you are sleeping with!"

misogyny naturally permeates everything forever.
posted by corb at 7:27 AM on September 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

I always say this about everything, but Transmetropolitan predicted EXACTLY this type of biting, invasive, irreverent truth and justice online journalism.

Way before twitter (1998, I think), Spider Jeruselam was blowing up public figures' lives with exactly this kind of set up and drop. So again, but not for the last time: Warren Ellis is the greatest living futurist.
posted by es_de_bah at 8:50 AM on September 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Sometimes we engage with the things we have the spoons to handle,

I have never heard this phrase before but it's wonderful, Corb, and I'm stealing it.

(That said, I wish people would either chill on the tweet-storm complaints or take it to metatalk because the article warned us of the format and it's our choice to click the link.)
posted by greermahoney at 10:22 AM on September 23, 2017

I have never heard this phrase before but it's wonderful

Source.
posted by Lexica at 4:09 PM on September 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

I believe domestic violence covers relationship violence, even if the parties do not cohabitat, which is why he was charged with that. I think this is a good thing but would be open to hearing why it is not.

basically if someone hurls me to the ground and stomps on me, I would like them to enjoy severe criminal charges, and I would also like the opportunity to sue them for an amount of money equal to my pain and suffering and I would also like the opportunity to apply for a restraining order of whatever duration seems good to me, so that when they have been convicted and served out whatever serious sentence was imposed, they are never again free to come look me up if I do not want them to, even if it is just to say Sorry. and I would like such an order to be seriously and vigilantly enforced.

but I would not like any of this to be contingent on whether or not I have fucked the perpetrator one time or many times, or taken money from them or worked in a club where they bought a drink one time or ridden up in a hotel elevator with them. I would not like the crime to be defined by how the perpetrator feels about me, whether he has had intercourse with me, whether he has married me, or whether he has told me he loved me at any time prior to stomping on me. The suggestion of that seems fairly unspeakable to me. (So, too, does the inference that a professional escort or dancer is in a "relationship" with a man because she agrees to do some work for him.)

I do not want anybody to do these things to me: not a boyfriend, not a husband, not an ex, not a co-worker, not a friend, and not a stranger.

I do not want any man to be able to consider whether it's a better bet, risk-wise, to take out his sexualized aggression on the waitress at his local diner or his own wife. I do not want there to BE any better bets for him to take. I do not want different classes of person -- different classes of women -- to receive different statuses under the law, as crime victims, depending on whether they have or have not been intimate with the man who harmed them. Even with hypothetically identical arrest and conviction rates and identical sentencing, I do not want identical crimes to be defined differently based on who did them.

I have no quarrel with and plenty of support for record-keeping on all these things, so that detailed information about who beats who, and how often, is freely available for research and discussion. but that is a different thing.

If people passionately believe that intent is fundamental to defining the quality and severity of an offense, and that certain motivations for violent assault are worse than others and create different levels of harm, and that this should be reflected in law, I agree. I agree strongly. This is what hate crime legislation is for.
posted by queenofbithynia at 6:36 PM on September 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

queenofbithynia, in Canada IPV is an aggravating factor when it comes to sentencing - because of the violation of trust, the tendency for the violence to be concealed, and because it often takes place in the home. We have not entirely reversed the previous attitude of not taking IPV seriously, but I do agree that the prior relationship between people connected by violence should be considered and IPV should be treated much more harshly than violence from a stranger. (Apologies if I have misunderstood you wanting to treat IPV and stranger violence the same).
posted by saucysault at 7:06 PM on September 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

People complaining about Twitter making things hard to read: the problem with Twitter is that we've known, for a while now, that Twitter readers do not click through. If you want to get Twitter to read what you write, spinning it out onto a blog, or an article, or even an image, is far less likely to get people to read it than making a thread of tweets that Twitter imperfectly chains together.

That's hardly the only problem with Twitter (it being fundamentally at odds with how human social structures work is probably the biggest one) but it's a problem.

So again, but not for the last time: Warren Ellis is the greatest living futurist.

Wait, even better than William Gibson? I feel like that's forcing a ranking on people who don't deserve to be ranked against each other.
posted by Merus at 12:58 AM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

"Also, 90k is way low-balling a billionaire. 7 figures, minimum."

If she were actually trying to get money out of him, absolutely, but thats clearly not what she is trying to do. Without the twitter thread taking down the picture would have an unknown monetary value that could plausibly go up that high, but with the thread doing so is worthless to him. What purpose could taking the picture down from this little blog have for him when its already gone viral? To low ball him is to just insult him further, suggesting that he is cheap in addition to everything else the thread demonstrates.
posted by Blasdelb at 5:57 AM on September 24, 2017