Your cat is probably in feudal China right now

September 28, 2017 12:02 PM

Explanations of common cat behaviours. What your cat is really trying to tell you.
posted by angiep (17 comments total)

Love the gifs!
posted by Melismata at 12:16 PM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

Just as I suspected.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:21 PM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm surprised he didn't work his haunted apartment into this.
posted by msbutah at 12:50 PM on September 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

14. Sitting on your computer when you need to work:

"Experts" say: Cats like warm places, and your laptop is warm.

This is inaccurate. Cats are anti-literacy, which is why they also lay on books and paperwork.
posted by AFABulous at 1:11 PM on September 28, 2017 [29 favorites]

11. Sleeping in boxes

Incorrect. Cats like containers because they allow them to relax and assume their natural liquid form.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 1:16 PM on September 28, 2017 [29 favorites]

I wish Chubby Cat would just be content in that we know she gets right in there and cleans the butt (also a famous 70s disco single in our house) so it's not necessary to show us as we awake in the morning.
posted by Kitteh at 1:18 PM on September 28, 2017

"Experts" say: An exposed belly is a sign of trust.

The truth: An exposed belly is a trap. Your cat knows you can't resist snuggling its furry belly, at which point it will attack you and feast on your flesh. Beware.

In this case, both are true!
posted by gladly at 1:27 PM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

It seems like keeping warm is a top cat (not Top Cat) priority.
posted by codacorolla at 1:33 PM on September 28, 2017

Also, please stop making me want a cat.
posted by codacorolla at 1:33 PM on September 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

Your cat just cleaned its butt and wants to show it off to you. Look at that sparkling clean butt and say, "Very nice butt, cat. Good job."

This is totally true. I'll be petting Tommy, and all of a sudden he'll turn around, present butt, and look over his shoulder at me like the cat in the .gif. I say, "What a fine cat butt!" and he turns around and everything's back to normal. He just wants to be admired.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:49 PM on September 28, 2017 [13 favorites]

And, although my sister is generally the Cat Whisperer in the family, my secret superpower is getting to kitty tummies without them minding. Oh, the sweet kisses and soft snorgles I have bestowed upon feline abdomens both large and small, stripey and spotted, floofy and velvety, lean and round, purring and silent...
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:59 PM on September 28, 2017 [19 favorites]

That is not a cat loaf. That is and always will be a cat football.
posted by yhbc at 2:10 PM on September 28, 2017

That suggestive eyebrow waggle in #4.... no. LOL but no.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:33 PM on September 28, 2017

Parenthetically: that article was surrounded by big-ass links to other clickbaity-title namedropping articles ... and I'm pretty sure I don't know who any of the celebs in question are (except Prince Harry, who is impossible to avoid here in Thatcherland, dammit).

Seldom have I been so grateful to be ancient and out of touch with the popular culture.
posted by cstross at 2:55 PM on September 28, 2017 [7 favorites]

Cats like containers because they allow them to relax and assume their natural liquid form.

Wait, the tedcruz entity is a cat?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:54 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Wait, the tedcruz entity is a cat?

Nah, the cats are Founders.
posted by mordax at 6:27 PM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I think cats are more like a plasma that exhibits qualities of two different phases without really belonging to either. So, just as plasma behaves both like a gas and a liquid, cats behave like some hybrid of solid and liquid. Cats are also polarised with an electric charge. You can see this in action when you pick them up and hold them near a sofa or counter-top. They display an attraction to the object in question. I'm trying to get a grant to further my research in felidynamics as it's a promising field of study.
posted by um at 5:51 AM on September 29, 2017 [3 favorites]