'Tis the no'
October 19, 2017 7:37 AM Subscribe
“Look, I don't mean to be hyperbolic (I do), but trust me when I say that candy corn is quite possibly the biggest possible affront to the world's best food group. (No disrespect meant if you're one of those people who love the controversial kernels, but let's talk because I have a lot of questions for you.) Whatever your opinions on the waxy pellets of sugary doom, I'm pretty sure that we can agree on this: candy corn most certainly does not belong on pizza.” [via: Teen Vogue]
I love candy corn, and I love pineapple on pizza, but even thinking about putting candy corn on pizza makes me shiver with nausea.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 7:43 AM on October 19, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by a fiendish thingy at 7:43 AM on October 19, 2017 [14 favorites]
is candy corn pizza a sandwich
posted by bondcliff at 7:45 AM on October 19, 2017 [37 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 7:45 AM on October 19, 2017 [37 favorites]
No one should ever be this high.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:46 AM on October 19, 2017 [15 favorites]
posted by PlusDistance at 7:46 AM on October 19, 2017 [15 favorites]
toss a few fun size Three Musketeers bars on there, though, and it's a deal
posted by thelonius at 7:50 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 7:50 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Now I am become Candy Corn Pizza, the destroyer of worlds.
posted by Bob Regular at 7:51 AM on October 19, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by Bob Regular at 7:51 AM on October 19, 2017 [13 favorites]
Oh look, an atrocity against all that is good and decent. Who would do that to a pizza, and what did that pizza do to their mother?
posted by NoxAeternum at 7:52 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by NoxAeternum at 7:52 AM on October 19, 2017
Created by a someone with the handle "TheRealAsswolf".
Not sure what I was expecting.
posted by domo at 7:52 AM on October 19, 2017 [10 favorites]
Not sure what I was expecting.
posted by domo at 7:52 AM on October 19, 2017 [10 favorites]
I adore candy corn. I am one of those who actually buys and enjoys melon cremes, despite knowing just how disgusting they are.
This is what a horror movie monster would place before me to make me start running in the opposite direction. It is an abomination not only unto God, but also unto Nurgle and Cthulhu. There is nowhere in the deepest depths of The Pit where this would be a welcome meal. On the planes of Leng they shudder at the concept. Dim Carcosa disappeared after a chef whispered about this to another. Some say the only way to fend off the King in Yellow is to offer him a slice of this.
In other words, yuck. I was hoping for a fake candy pizza, with a raspberry sauce and something like a white chocolate crust. I don't know if it would be good, but it could be interesting. But this is beyond anything.
posted by Hactar at 7:55 AM on October 19, 2017 [15 favorites]
This is what a horror movie monster would place before me to make me start running in the opposite direction. It is an abomination not only unto God, but also unto Nurgle and Cthulhu. There is nowhere in the deepest depths of The Pit where this would be a welcome meal. On the planes of Leng they shudder at the concept. Dim Carcosa disappeared after a chef whispered about this to another. Some say the only way to fend off the King in Yellow is to offer him a slice of this.
In other words, yuck. I was hoping for a fake candy pizza, with a raspberry sauce and something like a white chocolate crust. I don't know if it would be good, but it could be interesting. But this is beyond anything.
posted by Hactar at 7:55 AM on October 19, 2017 [15 favorites]
I mean, on the one hand, it's a frozen pizza, which ... I don't know, I'd rather eat an Ellio's, which at least tastes like Bowling Alley. I'm not sure you can do much more to ruin it.
But on the other hand, fucking candy corn.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:55 AM on October 19, 2017
But on the other hand, fucking candy corn.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:55 AM on October 19, 2017
Chuck E. Cheese's Introduces Exclusive Candy Corn Pizza This "Chucktober"
“The white pizza starts with Chuck E. Cheese's traditional crust which is topped with garlic mozzarella cheese in the center of the pizza and a ring of sharp cheddar cheese around the outside of the pizza to create a multi-colored tapered appearance -- just like the candy. The Candy Corn Pizza will be served in Chuck E. Cheese's restaurants nationwide from Oct. 16 to Oct. 31 along with two individual servings of candy corn for the perfect mix of sweet and savory. On Halloween, Chuck E. Cheese's will be giving away free slices of Candy Corn Pizza on the hour, every hour from 4 to 8 p.m., while supplies last.”posted by Fizz at 7:56 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
that early 90s cinemax porn sure took a turn for the ungh
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:58 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:58 AM on October 19, 2017
I mean, that Chuck E Cheese pizza is pretty cute and does NOT have candy corn actually on the pizza.
posted by muddgirl at 8:02 AM on October 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 8:02 AM on October 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
> No one should ever be this high.
I know there's been a lot of research on the subject and that scare tactics have been proven to not work on kids, but I feel like this could actually be an effective deterrent. "You don't want to be the kind of person who would eat *this*, would you? Just say no to drugs!"
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:02 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
I know there's been a lot of research on the subject and that scare tactics have been proven to not work on kids, but I feel like this could actually be an effective deterrent. "You don't want to be the kind of person who would eat *this*, would you? Just say no to drugs!"
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:02 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
You know, I've been missing pretty misanthropic these past few weeks. This...this threatens to tip me over the edge and fully commit to the idea that humanity cannot be redeemed.
posted by nubs at 8:06 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by nubs at 8:06 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm so glad candy corn has gelatin in it because it makes it so easy to justify throwing it in the garbage when my vegetarian daughters are given it by assholes on Halloween.
posted by 256 at 8:08 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by 256 at 8:08 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
Do they have candy corn in Scotland? This rends me of some fast food horrors in Scotland.
posted by Bee'sWing at 8:10 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Bee'sWing at 8:10 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't know what it is about other people's food choices that turns liberals into authoritarians.
posted by rocket88 at 8:11 AM on October 19, 2017 [18 favorites]
posted by rocket88 at 8:11 AM on October 19, 2017 [18 favorites]
I would try it.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:11 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:11 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Jalapeno poppers but instead of cheese it's candy corn
posted by uncleozzy at 8:12 AM on October 19, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by uncleozzy at 8:12 AM on October 19, 2017 [7 favorites]
I think I still have candy corn at home, and was thinking of making pizza this week . . . perhaps I should experiment and report back. My kids would probably be less disgusted by this than when I put anchovies and Gorgonzola on pizza.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:12 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:12 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I think it's just that fascism is fun when you're the one in charge so, since we as liberals don't get to experience that in any field that matters, we have to pick the most irrelevant ones to get our authoritarian rocks off.
Also, I should confess that I have totally lied to my kids in the past and told them that certain (actually vegetarian) things weren't vegetarian simply because I didn't want them to eat them. So, yay for gaslighting too I guess?
posted by 256 at 8:13 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, I should confess that I have totally lied to my kids in the past and told them that certain (actually vegetarian) things weren't vegetarian simply because I didn't want them to eat them. So, yay for gaslighting too I guess?
posted by 256 at 8:13 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
It could be worse. It could have those chocolate "Indian corn" candy corn imposter/bane of the "autumn mix" on it.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:15 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:15 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
I think I still have candy corn at home,
You probably do. Candy corn has no known expiry date....
posted by Fizz at 8:16 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
You probably do. Candy corn has no known expiry date....
posted by Fizz at 8:16 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Once again Teen Vogue speaks Baby Ruth to pellet
posted by chavenet at 8:17 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 8:17 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
I was recently introduced to one, single good use for candy corn. Mix it with dry roast peanuts, and you have Payday bar as trail mix.
posted by notsnot at 8:17 AM on October 19, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by notsnot at 8:17 AM on October 19, 2017 [13 favorites]
I am one of Those People who actually really likes candy corn, circus peanuts, black licorice, Thrills Gum, double and triple-salted licorice, and NECCO Wafers, so this does not bother me at all.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:22 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:22 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
I am challenged to offer a better exemplar of democracy than pizza. Flora and fauna, even its shape is inclusive and eternal. It can be ordered by halves, even thirds. Its capacity for proportion is as sublime as a republic's chambers of edict.
Candy-corn's not a threshold; This is traditionalist deflection, a promulgation of decorum most odious and irrational. I may not agree, but I'll tie my intestines into knots to defend the right to it.
posted by lazycomputerkids at 8:22 AM on October 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
Candy-corn's not a threshold; This is traditionalist deflection, a promulgation of decorum most odious and irrational. I may not agree, but I'll tie my intestines into knots to defend the right to it.
posted by lazycomputerkids at 8:22 AM on October 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
I adore candy corn. I am one of those who actually buys and enjoys melon cremes, despite knowing just how disgusting they are.
Hactar, you and me forever! I mean, assuming that by "melon cremes" you mean those pumpkin things that you get from the bulk bin at the Cub around Halloween? I love those pumpkin things. I got some from a small vendor once that were made with honey and had this underlying honey-like flavor in addition to the mysterious pumpkin "creme" flavor and that was really good.
It's something about the texture and dense sweetness - like, mouthfeel is more important with these than with some other candies. Because they are not fatty, they don't have the kind of melting/coating quality that chocolate does, but they have a slightly similar "not a soft candy but does not fragment" thing.
I also like frosting more than average, provided that it's good frosting.
Actually, I don't usually get the pumpkin things or candy corn because I eat all of it immediately, and that's even worse than eating a lot of chocolate immediately in terms of making you feel terrible.
This is one more reminder that other people - except Hactar, I guess [ETA - and apparently a fiendish thingy] - are a perpetual mystery and we all die alone.
posted by Frowner at 8:24 AM on October 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
Hactar, you and me forever! I mean, assuming that by "melon cremes" you mean those pumpkin things that you get from the bulk bin at the Cub around Halloween? I love those pumpkin things. I got some from a small vendor once that were made with honey and had this underlying honey-like flavor in addition to the mysterious pumpkin "creme" flavor and that was really good.
It's something about the texture and dense sweetness - like, mouthfeel is more important with these than with some other candies. Because they are not fatty, they don't have the kind of melting/coating quality that chocolate does, but they have a slightly similar "not a soft candy but does not fragment" thing.
I also like frosting more than average, provided that it's good frosting.
Actually, I don't usually get the pumpkin things or candy corn because I eat all of it immediately, and that's even worse than eating a lot of chocolate immediately in terms of making you feel terrible.
This is one more reminder that other people - except Hactar, I guess [ETA - and apparently a fiendish thingy] - are a perpetual mystery and we all die alone.
posted by Frowner at 8:24 AM on October 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
Man I really like candy corn as well. It taste like honey or toasted sugar to me and that combined with the texture are great!
posted by Carillon at 8:28 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by Carillon at 8:28 AM on October 19, 2017
Damn, this pice of journalism about a popular tweet missed the best part: looking in the responses and seeing it make its journey out of Furry Twitter into Human Twitter, complete with people asking "what's up with all the animal avatars" and some of them starting to become furries.
Although it's been going around long enough that maybe now that is completely buried beneath... all kinds of unrelated conversations, really.
posted by egypturnash at 8:31 AM on October 19, 2017
Although it's been going around long enough that maybe now that is completely buried beneath... all kinds of unrelated conversations, really.
posted by egypturnash at 8:31 AM on October 19, 2017
fimbulvetr: "candy corn, circus peanuts, black licorice, Thrills Gum, double and triple-salted licorice, and NECCO Wafers, so this does not bother me at all."
I like all those things except candy corn and circus peanuts(!), but I haven't tried Thrills Gum and am now intrigued. Also, do tell me more about triple-salted licorice please!!
posted by Grither at 8:34 AM on October 19, 2017
I like all those things except candy corn and circus peanuts(!), but I haven't tried Thrills Gum and am now intrigued. Also, do tell me more about triple-salted licorice please!!
posted by Grither at 8:34 AM on October 19, 2017
Actually, I don't usually get the pumpkin things or candy corn because I eat all of it immediately, and that's even worse than eating a lot of chocolate immediately in terms of making you feel terrible.
I am having a sort of somatic nostalgia just thinking about it. Candy corn/mallowcreme sugar shock feels different than other kinds. I keep talking myself out of buying some, because there is no portion control in the face of those little pumpkins, but I suspect I will give in next weekend.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:35 AM on October 19, 2017
I am having a sort of somatic nostalgia just thinking about it. Candy corn/mallowcreme sugar shock feels different than other kinds. I keep talking myself out of buying some, because there is no portion control in the face of those little pumpkins, but I suspect I will give in next weekend.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:35 AM on October 19, 2017
But we all agree that pineapple on pizza is ok, right?!
posted by Fizz at 8:37 AM on October 19, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 8:37 AM on October 19, 2017 [9 favorites]
But we all agree that pineapple on pizza is ok, right?!
It is too early in the morning for heresy.
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:39 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
It is too early in the morning for heresy.
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:39 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
Thrills Gum
In the US we have Chowards Violet Mints and Scented Gum, which I suspect are similar (they sure taste like soap). A friend of mine used to eat them by the case. They're not so bad.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:44 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
In the US we have Chowards Violet Mints and Scented Gum, which I suspect are similar (they sure taste like soap). A friend of mine used to eat them by the case. They're not so bad.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:44 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Thrills Gum -- the purple gum with the motto "IT STILL TASTES LIKE SOAP!"
There is absolute truth to their advertising.
Triple Salted Licorice, for those times when double-salted just won't do.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:46 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
There is absolute truth to their advertising.
Triple Salted Licorice, for those times when double-salted just won't do.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:46 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Thrills is rosewater flavoured rather than violet.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:47 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:47 AM on October 19, 2017
PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA IS FANTASTIC. Especially when combined with something salty, like green olives or bacon.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:48 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:48 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
When I was a kid, I loved Thrills, which was an advantage, because it was always the Halloween candy lots of other kids didn't want, so I got plenty of it. Well, that and black licorice.
I picked up a pack of Thrills at Bulk Barn about a year ago and...oh god not as good as I remember.
I still love me some salmiakki, though!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:50 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I picked up a pack of Thrills at Bulk Barn about a year ago and...oh god not as good as I remember.
I still love me some salmiakki, though!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:50 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
The folks at ThreadBanger (a fun YouTube channel) tested this, and it's apparently not bad. (Rob is admittedly a bit...happy....much of the time.) He said the sugar just melts into the cheese and makes it all taste sweet and salty and really interesting.
One of the irrational angers I have is anyone turning their noses up at any food. I know it's all in good fun, but it's such a weird thing to me that people do all the time. "Oh, your taste buds experience things differently from me? You are a HEATHEN."
posted by xingcat at 8:51 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
One of the irrational angers I have is anyone turning their noses up at any food. I know it's all in good fun, but it's such a weird thing to me that people do all the time. "Oh, your taste buds experience things differently from me? You are a HEATHEN."
posted by xingcat at 8:51 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
I can't think of another candy whose appearance as a pizza topping would cause such universal disgust
Circus Peanuts.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:56 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Circus Peanuts.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:56 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I love candy corn (admittedly candy corn on pizza made me cringe), and about once every eight years or so I suddenly get an intense craving for those orange candy peanuts. I buy a bag, eat about 3/4 of a peanut and thats it, Im good for another eight years.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 8:59 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by WalkerWestridge at 8:59 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Needs more deep frying.
posted by flabdablet at 9:00 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by flabdablet at 9:00 AM on October 19, 2017
I hate candy corn. But... I would be willing to try this (because I love sweet+savory), even as I acknowledge that it's an aberration that will only end badly for me.
posted by sldownard at 9:06 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sldownard at 9:06 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Thrills is rosewater flavoured rather than violet.
I often wonder about rosewater as a flavour/scent and its popularity outside of the N. American marketplace. I feel like that's not a common flavour here in N. America, though maybe I'm wrong about that. I know that in India, it is a flavour that will sometimes be put on certain desserts.
posted by Fizz at 9:08 AM on October 19, 2017
I often wonder about rosewater as a flavour/scent and its popularity outside of the N. American marketplace. I feel like that's not a common flavour here in N. America, though maybe I'm wrong about that. I know that in India, it is a flavour that will sometimes be put on certain desserts.
posted by Fizz at 9:08 AM on October 19, 2017
When I was a kid, I loved Thrills, which was an advantage, because it was always the Halloween candy lots of other kids didn't want, so I got plenty of it. Well, that and black licorice.
I clued in at about 12 that you could get a pound of halloween toffee from your friends for a couple of cookies and cream small bars that were 98% hype and 2% flavour. I had halloween candy each year until late November.
posted by notorious medium at 9:09 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
I clued in at about 12 that you could get a pound of halloween toffee from your friends for a couple of cookies and cream small bars that were 98% hype and 2% flavour. I had halloween candy each year until late November.
posted by notorious medium at 9:09 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
The only acceptable thing to do with candy corn is to add it to Halloween Cocoa Krispie treats. :D
posted by xthlc at 9:11 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by xthlc at 9:11 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
halloween toffee
Do those taste like Bit-o-Honey or Mary Jane? Because those are my favorite otherwise-unloved Halloween candies.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:12 AM on October 19, 2017
Do those taste like Bit-o-Honey or Mary Jane? Because those are my favorite otherwise-unloved Halloween candies.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:12 AM on October 19, 2017
Disappointing. Teen Vogue was doing such a good job.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:14 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:14 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Disappointing. Teen Vogue was doing such a good job.
They're not PROMOTING this, they're reporting on it. And the writer in question is pretty clear in their opinion that this is an abomination.
posted by Fizz at 9:17 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
They're not PROMOTING this, they're reporting on it. And the writer in question is pretty clear in their opinion that this is an abomination.
posted by Fizz at 9:17 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I dislike candy corn, not least because if it is present, I will eat it mindlessly.
posted by theora55 at 9:23 AM on October 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 9:23 AM on October 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
Queso fundido except it's melted candy corn.
posted by ardgedee at 9:30 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by ardgedee at 9:30 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
When I came to Canada, I menaced the extended family with the Australian treats I brought with me: Vegemite and musk flavoured sweets, and the greatest of these was the sweets. My sister in law took one bite and declared "you'd like thrills gum!" About a week later, she sent me some, and I do! Can't wait to send some back home. I also tried some of the Canadian equivalent of the delightful Australian chocolate coated Turkish delight (called "Turkish Delight"), but it's not as nice, tastes a little bit like sealing wax. You know what is really excellent though, if you like liquorice and you live near Dutch communities, is liquorice/mint Mentos. So great.
posted by glitter at 9:37 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by glitter at 9:37 AM on October 19, 2017
It is too early in the morning for heresy.
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six heresies before breakfast.
posted by solotoro at 9:43 AM on October 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six heresies before breakfast.
posted by solotoro at 9:43 AM on October 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
My thing with candy corn is that it tricks me every year.
Say, look at the bag of candy corn in the clear cellophane with the festive ribbon. That looks really yummy. But I know better. It's a trick. It really does look like three delicious flavors in one, though, doesn't it? Wouldn't it be great if in each bite you got a bit of orange, a bit of cherry, and maybe a bit of whip cream? Not too sweet. A bit of snap in the bite. Maybe last year's was just a bad batch? Maybe it was leftover from the year before that? These ones are packaged so pretty. Maybe the maker took extra care with the candy corn, too?
Buys the bag, opens it, eats three or four tri-colors.
Goddammit.
posted by notyou at 9:50 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Say, look at the bag of candy corn in the clear cellophane with the festive ribbon. That looks really yummy. But I know better. It's a trick. It really does look like three delicious flavors in one, though, doesn't it? Wouldn't it be great if in each bite you got a bit of orange, a bit of cherry, and maybe a bit of whip cream? Not too sweet. A bit of snap in the bite. Maybe last year's was just a bad batch? Maybe it was leftover from the year before that? These ones are packaged so pretty. Maybe the maker took extra care with the candy corn, too?
Buys the bag, opens it, eats three or four tri-colors.
Goddammit.
posted by notyou at 9:50 AM on October 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
notyou, I've got great news for you, I have these tins filled with fruitcake that look really yummy and I think you'd really enjoy them. They have a fancy ribbon and gold packaging. And the cake itself has all these pretty colours and layers.
posted by Fizz at 10:00 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 10:00 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
You take each piece of candy corn individually. You nibble the white tip off and note that the tip gets hard faster than the rest. You then nibble off the yellow on the bottom, noting the honey flavoring and the outer shell also getting stale. Then pop the orange part and start again.
posted by Sophie1 at 10:04 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Sophie1 at 10:04 AM on October 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
I am one of Those People who actually really likes candy corn, circus peanuts, black licorice, Thrills Gum, double and triple-salted licorice, and NECCO Wafers, so this does not bother me at all.
I have finally found a soulmate! (although I've never heard of Thrills Gum)
posted by holborne at 10:11 AM on October 19, 2017
I have finally found a soulmate! (although I've never heard of Thrills Gum)
posted by holborne at 10:11 AM on October 19, 2017
I watched candy corn melt along the edge of a pizza. That's my dream. That's my nightmare: melting, slithering, along the edge of a frozen pizza...and surviving.
--Col. Kurtz
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:15 AM on October 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
--Col. Kurtz
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:15 AM on October 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
Violet Mints are fantastic. (I assume we're talking about the slightly chalky light purple hardish candies here).
My fiancee despises candy corn. Yet she bought me a bag of autumn mix. (This is part of how I know I'm making the right choice.) I ate the chocolate ones immediately to get them out of the way, so I could enjoy the others. The thing is, I don't know anyone who actually likes the chocolate candy corn. It's either people who don't like candy corn but think adding a little chocolate makes it more manageable, but still horrible, or people like me who like candy corn and think the chocolate subtracts from them. Either way, you're not converting anyone.
I also offer you Alton Brown's home made candy corn recipe.
posted by Hactar at 10:16 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
My fiancee despises candy corn. Yet she bought me a bag of autumn mix. (This is part of how I know I'm making the right choice.) I ate the chocolate ones immediately to get them out of the way, so I could enjoy the others. The thing is, I don't know anyone who actually likes the chocolate candy corn. It's either people who don't like candy corn but think adding a little chocolate makes it more manageable, but still horrible, or people like me who like candy corn and think the chocolate subtracts from them. Either way, you're not converting anyone.
I also offer you Alton Brown's home made candy corn recipe.
posted by Hactar at 10:16 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
Even as a kid I did not like candy corn. I do have to admit to liking those orange banana flavored peanuts things though, that most people hate.
Candy corn on pizza is an abomination. I'm sure it would be illegal here in NJ.
posted by mermayd at 10:18 AM on October 19, 2017
Candy corn on pizza is an abomination. I'm sure it would be illegal here in NJ.
posted by mermayd at 10:18 AM on October 19, 2017
your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 10:31 AM on October 19, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 10:31 AM on October 19, 2017 [12 favorites]
Do those taste like Bit-o-Honey or Mary Jane?
The only way to describe it is the most generic dark toffee imaginable. As close to burnt sugar as you can get without actually burning it. They're generally referred to as "tooth pullers" because they're so damn thick and sticky.
If Kerr's halloween toffee is a 10 on the Maillard scale, Mary Janes and Bit-O-Honey are like a 5 and way creamier.
posted by notorious medium at 10:58 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
The only way to describe it is the most generic dark toffee imaginable. As close to burnt sugar as you can get without actually burning it. They're generally referred to as "tooth pullers" because they're so damn thick and sticky.
If Kerr's halloween toffee is a 10 on the Maillard scale, Mary Janes and Bit-O-Honey are like a 5 and way creamier.
posted by notorious medium at 10:58 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
When my father was dying, he didn’t have an appetite. On doctor’s orders, at the CVS, I bought one of every type of candy I could find. Later, I must’ve walked fifty miles in rings around the cancer ward with him, the chemo hooked up to an IV stand on rollers, the both of us eating stale candy corn poured four or five pieces at a time into a Dixie cup. It's not easy to find drugstore candy corn in the middle of summer.
posted by thursdaystoo at 11:19 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by thursdaystoo at 11:19 AM on October 19, 2017 [6 favorites]
candy corn is an affront to all things decent, an abomination unto the lord. the fact that i know people who unironically call it their favourite candy makes me question every decision i've made in my entire life leading up to that moment.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:27 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by poffin boffin at 11:27 AM on October 19, 2017
i refuse to even consider reading this article
posted by poffin boffin at 11:29 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by poffin boffin at 11:29 AM on October 19, 2017
No one should ever be this high.
Well, I suppose I could try to smoke a little more.
posted by loquacious at 11:43 AM on October 19, 2017
Well, I suppose I could try to smoke a little more.
posted by loquacious at 11:43 AM on October 19, 2017
Some jerk in my office left a bag of candy corn on the counter in the kitchen today and I just ate one just because they were there. What is wrong with me.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:51 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by uncleozzy at 11:51 AM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Plot to move the Overton window until pineapple is accepted?
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:53 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:53 AM on October 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
Brach's candy pumpkins are mellowcremes. Not mallow. And it's because they are mellow and creamy.
posted by elsietheeel at 11:58 AM on October 19, 2017
posted by elsietheeel at 11:58 AM on October 19, 2017
Some jerk in my office left a bag of candy corn on the counter in the kitchen today and I just ate one just because they were there. What is wrong with me.
*uncleozzy at the office*
posted by Fizz at 12:16 PM on October 19, 2017
*uncleozzy at the office*
posted by Fizz at 12:16 PM on October 19, 2017
Candy corn is really difficult to get outside the October/November window in the US. It is downright impossible in Sydney outside of one kosher grocer and he is at $7 for a small bag. Right now, I have candy corn oreos that my son's desperately want but we are rationing them. Candy corn in home made snack mix is the bomb.
posted by jadepearl at 12:37 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jadepearl at 12:37 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Nothing says Halloween to me like candy corn and black jellybeans.
That being said, candy corn Oreos are surprisingly good.
posted by Sphinx at 12:53 PM on October 19, 2017
That being said, candy corn Oreos are surprisingly good.
posted by Sphinx at 12:53 PM on October 19, 2017
Huh, I totally thought 'Halloween toffee' was this stuff, but those are apparently 'peanut butter kisses' -- they are more a cross between Mary Janes and saltwater taffy. Now I need Halloween toffee in my life for sure. GIVE ME ALL THE DANK WEIRD TOFFEE/TAFFY PLS
posted by halation at 12:54 PM on October 19, 2017
posted by halation at 12:54 PM on October 19, 2017
but I'll tie my intestines into knots
So will that much candy corn.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:55 PM on October 19, 2017
So will that much candy corn.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:55 PM on October 19, 2017
My peanut allergy put such stalwart candies as Snickers, Reese's and Butterfinger off limits in my childhood trick-or-treating, so I flailed around a lot in efforts to find alternatives. Also there used to be traces of peanut butter in Plain M&Ms, as part of Mars' efforts to kill me... the reformulated 'Milk Chocolate M&Ms', Twix bars and Skittles were not even on the market until I was a grown adult fighting obesity. Still, the fact that I actually like 3 Musketeers, Tootsie Rolls, gummy bears (and other gummy creatures) and Bit-O-Honey (but they had to convince me those tiny nut pieces were almonds, not peanuts) more than most folks is a result of that. But I never got into candy corn - not a dislike, just a disinterest.
But it is worth noting that Brach's website is promoting a new flavor of candy corn: "Sea Salt Chocolate". Something for everyone to go "WTF?!?" over.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:10 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
But it is worth noting that Brach's website is promoting a new flavor of candy corn: "Sea Salt Chocolate". Something for everyone to go "WTF?!?" over.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:10 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Even if you hate candy corn, I can strongly recommend making your own.
My wife loves candy corn with a deep and burning passion-- one year we actually had in our actual home a Valentine's Day candy corn pack in which the pieces were three shades of pink, and I think it may have also spoken in unearthly tones of nightmares beyond human ken-- so I thought to myself, maybe this is one of those things where industrialization has produced a watered-down version of a confection that was at one time reasonable, so if I look into the past, I can return to what was good.
Then I looked it up and discovered that the current recipe for candy corn is in fact the original, the sweet was originated as part of the boom in candy-making after industrial candy machines were invented, and all the make-your-own recipes are people trying to improve a sweet that has, for basically a century now, contained carnauba wax.
I made some anyway, to take to a Halloween party. I didn't use Alton Brown's exact recipe, but all the recipes out there are pretty much the same.
It. Was. Amazing. It was one of the most surreal experiences of my life, because it tasted wonderful, and yet the flavor was also recognizably candy corn, and I hate candy corn. I tried a few pieces of the manufactured stuff afterwards, to see if my taste buds had been swapped by aliens, and nope, still loathe that. So it turns out that homemade candy corn is a meeting place between rival candy factions-- all the other candy corn haters at the Halloween party liked it too-- and, in the interests of domestic tranquility, you should totally roll up a batch.
But if you're going to do such a horrific thing as putting homemade candy corn on pizza, can you at least also make your own pizza? The thought of going through the entire mixing and boiling and coloring and rolling and chopping process just to spread the results into an anguished layer on a disc of industrial cardboard is even worse than the article's pictures. Which, man, those are pretty bad.
This kind of desecration should only be enacted with artisanal ingredients, and then it can be posted on Instagram as an ironic performance piece somebody did while drunk, and then we can all go back to our lives secure in the knowledge that candy corn pizza is not a real thing.
Standards, people. Christ.
posted by Rush-That-Speaks at 3:18 PM on October 19, 2017 [7 favorites]
My wife loves candy corn with a deep and burning passion-- one year we actually had in our actual home a Valentine's Day candy corn pack in which the pieces were three shades of pink, and I think it may have also spoken in unearthly tones of nightmares beyond human ken-- so I thought to myself, maybe this is one of those things where industrialization has produced a watered-down version of a confection that was at one time reasonable, so if I look into the past, I can return to what was good.
Then I looked it up and discovered that the current recipe for candy corn is in fact the original, the sweet was originated as part of the boom in candy-making after industrial candy machines were invented, and all the make-your-own recipes are people trying to improve a sweet that has, for basically a century now, contained carnauba wax.
I made some anyway, to take to a Halloween party. I didn't use Alton Brown's exact recipe, but all the recipes out there are pretty much the same.
It. Was. Amazing. It was one of the most surreal experiences of my life, because it tasted wonderful, and yet the flavor was also recognizably candy corn, and I hate candy corn. I tried a few pieces of the manufactured stuff afterwards, to see if my taste buds had been swapped by aliens, and nope, still loathe that. So it turns out that homemade candy corn is a meeting place between rival candy factions-- all the other candy corn haters at the Halloween party liked it too-- and, in the interests of domestic tranquility, you should totally roll up a batch.
But if you're going to do such a horrific thing as putting homemade candy corn on pizza, can you at least also make your own pizza? The thought of going through the entire mixing and boiling and coloring and rolling and chopping process just to spread the results into an anguished layer on a disc of industrial cardboard is even worse than the article's pictures. Which, man, those are pretty bad.
This kind of desecration should only be enacted with artisanal ingredients, and then it can be posted on Instagram as an ironic performance piece somebody did while drunk, and then we can all go back to our lives secure in the knowledge that candy corn pizza is not a real thing.
Standards, people. Christ.
posted by Rush-That-Speaks at 3:18 PM on October 19, 2017 [7 favorites]
The Wikipedia article on candy corn contains this tantalizing sentence: "During the Halloween season, blackberry cobbler candy corn can be found in eastern Canada."
Can any MeFites comment on this? Is it as delicious as it sounds, or is it just a disappointment that tastes vaguely purple?
posted by elsietheeel at 3:26 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Can any MeFites comment on this? Is it as delicious as it sounds, or is it just a disappointment that tastes vaguely purple?
posted by elsietheeel at 3:26 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I am admittedly not pro-candy-corn, but I do like blackberries. Unfortunately, 'purple' is a pretty good taste-descriptor for the stuff I have tried. If you are curious, though, it is possible to try it for yourself. (Totally not seasonal, but I've also had Bomb Pop Candy Corn and it is decidedly better than the blackberry.)
posted by halation at 3:36 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by halation at 3:36 PM on October 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
But we all agree that pineapple on pizza is ok, right?!
Not just ok, but necessary.
We don't have candy corn here but I'm just back from a trip to NYC with my Mum. We stayed with my cousin in New Jersey for a couple of days first and she had a bowl of it sitting in the kitchen and my Mum discovered it. She has a really sweet tooth (as do I - hi pineapple) and she couldn't stop going back to the bowl. When we got the train into the city pretty much the first thing she did was find a shop and buy a big bag of it which she stashed in her handbag like a little squirrel. For the next couple of days I kept turning round to see her fishing candy corn out of her handbag (which kept freaking me out because she doesn't really believe in germs and I was like "you're just off the subway at least use some hand sanitiser first for the love of god!") Now we're back and she's pining. Will have to try and import some for Christmas. Her dentist will thank me.
posted by billiebee at 3:54 PM on October 19, 2017
Not just ok, but necessary.
We don't have candy corn here but I'm just back from a trip to NYC with my Mum. We stayed with my cousin in New Jersey for a couple of days first and she had a bowl of it sitting in the kitchen and my Mum discovered it. She has a really sweet tooth (as do I - hi pineapple) and she couldn't stop going back to the bowl. When we got the train into the city pretty much the first thing she did was find a shop and buy a big bag of it which she stashed in her handbag like a little squirrel. For the next couple of days I kept turning round to see her fishing candy corn out of her handbag (which kept freaking me out because she doesn't really believe in germs and I was like "you're just off the subway at least use some hand sanitiser first for the love of god!") Now we're back and she's pining. Will have to try and import some for Christmas. Her dentist will thank me.
posted by billiebee at 3:54 PM on October 19, 2017
Candy corn? On pizza?
There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery.
posted by Ber at 6:05 PM on October 19, 2017
There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery.
posted by Ber at 6:05 PM on October 19, 2017
I grew up with candy corn, and I ate it all the time, and loved it. Right up until about last year, at which point I ate some candy corn and realized it's just sugar, that's it, that's all it is. Sugar, and some clever coloring but it's just goddamn sugar. I have a HUGE sweet tooth but candy corn has become something way too on the nose for me. I mean, it's just sugar shaped like something else, but it's still just sugar.
As for it being on pizza....look, those people who did that are just trying to get a rise out of you. They know it's wrong; don't take the bait.
posted by zardoz at 6:41 PM on October 19, 2017
As for it being on pizza....look, those people who did that are just trying to get a rise out of you. They know it's wrong; don't take the bait.
posted by zardoz at 6:41 PM on October 19, 2017
I also don't like bait* on pizza.
*Yes, I mean anchovies. Get over it.**
**Though one or two does liven up a marinara.***
***But candy corn emphatically does not.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:23 PM on October 19, 2017
*Yes, I mean anchovies. Get over it.**
**Though one or two does liven up a marinara.***
***But candy corn emphatically does not.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:23 PM on October 19, 2017
I am pro-candy corn, in the sense that that candy is the prettiest Halloween candy ever created, the epitome of style over substance.
So, I'll eat it sometimes, and decorate everything else with it, because...something about that shape and those colors in that combination is beautiful.
posted by PearlRose at 8:47 AM on October 20, 2017
So, I'll eat it sometimes, and decorate everything else with it, because...something about that shape and those colors in that combination is beautiful.
posted by PearlRose at 8:47 AM on October 20, 2017
I also don't like bait* on pizza.
*Yes, I mean anchovies. Get over it.**
*squints at menu board*
"Yeah, can I get a large Margherita with minnows?"
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:52 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
*Yes, I mean anchovies. Get over it.**
*squints at menu board*
"Yeah, can I get a large Margherita with minnows?"
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:52 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
I like candy corn. Wish it was 3 flavored though as I always try to taste the colors separately.
Tootsie rolls are an abomination though. That's not chocolate, that just bullshit.
posted by jclarkin at 9:15 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
Tootsie rolls are an abomination though. That's not chocolate, that just bullshit.
posted by jclarkin at 9:15 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
More like catshit. Bullshit would be much bigger.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:45 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:45 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
So some 30 years ago a friend introduced me to candy corn mixed with whole raw almonds as an autumnal snack and I thought it was awesome. I like candy corn generally. My kid convinced me to try banana slices on top of a cheese pizza before baking it. It was delicious. So I'm going to believe anyone who says melted sugary stuff on top of melty salty stuff is tasty because that kind of thing is tasty. I would try the candy corn pizza in a heartbeat. Thanks for the homemade candy corn recipe, kind commenter above!
posted by Bella Donna at 9:42 PM on October 20, 2017
posted by Bella Donna at 9:42 PM on October 20, 2017
Look, Brach's and some other small batch makers get this right: honey IS the base flavor.
The huge issue is that people mistakenly conflate the store brands with the original, which is Brach's. Most generic versions don't use actual honey to flavor their candy corn.
That said, the white chocolate candy corn M&Ms are pretty great -- but you cannot eat too many of those, either!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 5:56 PM on October 21, 2017
The huge issue is that people mistakenly conflate the store brands with the original, which is Brach's. Most generic versions don't use actual honey to flavor their candy corn.
That said, the white chocolate candy corn M&Ms are pretty great -- but you cannot eat too many of those, either!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 5:56 PM on October 21, 2017
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posted by demiurge at 7:39 AM on October 19, 2017 [9 favorites]