¿Qué es 'kicksplode' en español?
October 23, 2017 9:21 PM Subscribe
Michael Bay is producing a live-action Dora the Explorer movie.
College Humor has already done a parody miniseries, Dora the Explorer and the Destiny Medallion, starring Ariel Winter, in the Bay-esque style: trailer, part 1, part 2, part 3.
information courtesy of /r/nottheonion
College Humor has already done a parody miniseries, Dora the Explorer and the Destiny Medallion, starring Ariel Winter, in the Bay-esque style: trailer, part 1, part 2, part 3.
information courtesy of /r/nottheonion
I seem to be trapped inside The Onion, please let me out so I can stop crying
posted by JDHarper at 9:29 PM on October 23, 2017 [38 favorites]
posted by JDHarper at 9:29 PM on October 23, 2017 [38 favorites]
This was being discussed on my twitter earlier this evening. My only suggestion to the horror that it invokes was "well, it will still be a bilingual movie?"
posted by hippybear at 9:30 PM on October 23, 2017
posted by hippybear at 9:30 PM on October 23, 2017
On a scale of 1 to Michael Bay Heroine how sexualized do we anticipate Barely Legal Teen Dora to be here? Ugh ugh ugh.
Ugh. Who on earth thought this was a good idea?
posted by JDHarper at 9:38 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Ugh. Who on earth thought this was a good idea?
posted by JDHarper at 9:38 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I seem to be trapped inside The Onion, please let me out so I can stop crying
2017: It's April Fools' Day every day except that the pranks are real and also your friends do horrible pranks that have no consideration for anything you've ever cared about or past traumas you've endured.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:42 PM on October 23, 2017 [21 favorites]
2017: It's April Fools' Day every day except that the pranks are real and also your friends do horrible pranks that have no consideration for anything you've ever cared about or past traumas you've endured.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:42 PM on October 23, 2017 [21 favorites]
I seem to be trapped inside The Onion, please let me out so I can stop crying
I will be posting a link to this comment in every thread in every mefi post for the rest of this year
posted by not_the_water at 10:20 PM on October 23, 2017 [16 favorites]
I will be posting a link to this comment in every thread in every mefi post for the rest of this year
posted by not_the_water at 10:20 PM on October 23, 2017 [16 favorites]
El lenguaje de las explosiones es un lenguaje universal. Miguel Bahía es el Doctor Esperanto de Joliwud.
In all seriousness, wtf?
posted by Metafilter only supports English letters in userna at 10:40 PM on October 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
In all seriousness, wtf?
posted by Metafilter only supports English letters in userna at 10:40 PM on October 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
I wonder if the live action Dora will SHOUT INSTEAD OF SPEAKING AT ALL TIMES TOO.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 10:51 PM on October 23, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by GallonOfAlan at 10:51 PM on October 23, 2017 [8 favorites]
Dora the Exploder
posted by secret about box at 10:51 PM on October 23, 2017 [24 favorites]
posted by secret about box at 10:51 PM on October 23, 2017 [24 favorites]
I'M THE MAP [huge explosion]
posted by davejay at 11:55 PM on October 23, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by davejay at 11:55 PM on October 23, 2017 [9 favorites]
Well, all we know for sure is that Megan Fox will not be cast as Dora.
posted by Laotic at 12:30 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Laotic at 12:30 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Lots of explosions, mindless jump cuts, virtually no plot and overly sexualised young females? Who could refuse? If he manages to also sexually harass the female lead, would it then be a tick in every "Hollywood" box?
posted by greenhornet at 1:26 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by greenhornet at 1:26 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
What the everlovin FUCK?!
posted by Faintdreams at 2:09 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Faintdreams at 2:09 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I was hoping for his take on Cranford, but OK.
posted by Segundus at 2:34 AM on October 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Segundus at 2:34 AM on October 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
Wait, this ... this isn't a joke?
This is real?
posted by kyrademon at 4:01 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is real?
posted by kyrademon at 4:01 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
♫ I'm the crap, I'm the crap, I'm the crap, I'm the crap...♫
I'm the crap!
posted by middleclasstool at 4:33 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm the crap!
posted by middleclasstool at 4:33 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
You never know, they might not make Dora a sexy girl. It might star Mark Wahlberg in a reverse-Ghostbusters gender flip instead.
posted by p3t3 at 4:46 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by p3t3 at 4:46 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
“My name is Shane, it rhymes with rain”
That’s gonna be a bad rap over a terribly produced beat isn’t it.
I mean I’m fascinated I really am. God help us all if he ever decides reading rainbow needs a Michael Bay treatement.
posted by Annika Cicada at 5:03 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
That’s gonna be a bad rap over a terribly produced beat isn’t it.
I mean I’m fascinated I really am. God help us all if he ever decides reading rainbow needs a Michael Bay treatement.
posted by Annika Cicada at 5:03 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
So, "Dora the Explorer," grown up(ish) and made by Michael Bay.
Doesn't that basically work out to be Laura Croft?
posted by MrGuilt at 5:17 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Doesn't that basically work out to be Laura Croft?
posted by MrGuilt at 5:17 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
My favorite bit from the article may be: producer Mary Parent (The Revenant, The SpongeBob Movie).
Apparently Nick is big on getting the "Wait, they hired who!?" reaction for their movies.
posted by Greasy Eyed Gristle Man at 5:20 AM on October 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Apparently Nick is big on getting the "Wait, they hired who!?" reaction for their movies.
posted by Greasy Eyed Gristle Man at 5:20 AM on October 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
It might star Mark Wahlberg in a reverse-Ghostbusters gender flip instead.
Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals (and Backpacks, and Maps, and the Kids At Home)
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:23 AM on October 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals (and Backpacks, and Maps, and the Kids At Home)
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:23 AM on October 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
"Hey there, Map...Wow, you've got a lot of things written on you...I produced Entourage...Say hi to ya muddah for me."
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:25 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:25 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I couldn't find a contact form on Paramount's website so I tweeted at them because seriously, don't let Michael Bay be in charge of the way a little girl is presented to a bunch of other little girls. Even if he means well (and I see no reason to think he would) he's got a lot of fucked up perceptions of women and girls and it's going to come through. This kind of thing does real damage.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:26 AM on October 24, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:26 AM on October 24, 2017 [7 favorites]
Coming soon: Gaspar Nöe’s Caillou
posted by fungible at 6:04 AM on October 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by fungible at 6:04 AM on October 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
I was hoping for his take on Cranford
I hate this about myself, but I would 100% watch that.
posted by thivaia at 6:18 AM on October 24, 2017
I hate this about myself, but I would 100% watch that.
posted by thivaia at 6:18 AM on October 24, 2017
It might star Mark Wahlberg in a reverse-Ghostbusters gender flip instead.
Doric the Diggler (AKA "The Column"), with a prosthetic penis that always points the way.
posted by pracowity at 6:32 AM on October 24, 2017
Doric the Diggler (AKA "The Column"), with a prosthetic penis that always points the way.
posted by pracowity at 6:32 AM on October 24, 2017
Werner Herzog's Bob the Builder
Alejandro Jodorowski's Pingu
also, fuck Michael Bay and everything he's done to the world
posted by kokaku at 6:36 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Alejandro Jodorowski's Pingu
also, fuck Michael Bay and everything he's done to the world
posted by kokaku at 6:36 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I don't know, Herzog seems pretty mellow these days. It would be a little surprising if he did Bob The Builder, but it wouldn't blow my mind like it would have 15 or 20 years ago.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:44 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:44 AM on October 24, 2017
Since it wasn't Uwe Boll we know we're not quite darkest timeline yet. But we're close. Mild scifi dystopia in a few years I'd guess.
posted by bonehead at 6:49 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by bonehead at 6:49 AM on October 24, 2017
I dunno. As a parody aimed at the idea of Michael Bay producing a Dora movie (as opposed to simply being aimed at the Dora franchise), I think it hits a bullseye.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:54 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by Thorzdad at 6:54 AM on October 24, 2017
Alejandro Jodorowski's Pingu
There was a video of Irish Pingu doing the rounds a few years ago that sounded like what would happen if Guy Ritchie had a go with one of the scripts.
edit: found it
posted by lmfsilva at 7:11 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
There was a video of Irish Pingu doing the rounds a few years ago that sounded like what would happen if Guy Ritchie had a go with one of the scripts.
edit: found it
posted by lmfsilva at 7:11 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Doesn't producing basically just mean paying for?
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 7:14 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 7:14 AM on October 24, 2017
Not just financing and the business side, but also choosing the director and casting.
posted by ryanrs at 7:20 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ryanrs at 7:20 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Doesn't producing basically just mean paying for?
It mostly means taking care of the finances and logistics of making the movie, but some producers, Bay perhaps being one of them previously, become involved in determining the style and general tone of the movie, depending on circumstance. Tom Cruise, for example, is involved in the production of most of his movies and makes them fit his persona, which is why they all seem so much alike in many ways, leaving the director less freedom to interpret the story as they will. That's not uncommon for franchise movies, but it isn't necessarily a given either depending on the talent involved and who the producers are.
In this case, the writer, Nick Stoller, has had some success with movies for all audiences, so they might be leaning towards giving him more say if they like his treatment for the property or they might go a different direction entirely or even, god help us have Bay direct, though that seems unlikely.
Having Bay as a producer alone wouldn't be bad necessarily since he definitely knows how to control all aspects of big production and can get financing, the question will be how personally involved he'll be in the picture and who he gets to make the movie and star in it.
posted by gusottertrout at 7:24 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
It mostly means taking care of the finances and logistics of making the movie, but some producers, Bay perhaps being one of them previously, become involved in determining the style and general tone of the movie, depending on circumstance. Tom Cruise, for example, is involved in the production of most of his movies and makes them fit his persona, which is why they all seem so much alike in many ways, leaving the director less freedom to interpret the story as they will. That's not uncommon for franchise movies, but it isn't necessarily a given either depending on the talent involved and who the producers are.
In this case, the writer, Nick Stoller, has had some success with movies for all audiences, so they might be leaning towards giving him more say if they like his treatment for the property or they might go a different direction entirely or even, god help us have Bay direct, though that seems unlikely.
Having Bay as a producer alone wouldn't be bad necessarily since he definitely knows how to control all aspects of big production and can get financing, the question will be how personally involved he'll be in the picture and who he gets to make the movie and star in it.
posted by gusottertrout at 7:24 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Ditto what Gusottertrout just said. If folks object to Bay being involved, that's fair and so be it—but he's not directing, and there's definitely a distinction to be made.
posted by cribcage at 7:26 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by cribcage at 7:26 AM on October 24, 2017
Michael, baby, call me! I have an idea for a live-action Tennessee Tuxedo remake that will set your pants on fire!
posted by octobersurprise at 7:30 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by octobersurprise at 7:30 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Werner Herzog's Bob the Builder
Alejandro Jodorowski's Pingu
Lars von Trier's Teletubbies.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:45 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Alejandro Jodorowski's Pingu
Lars von Trier's Teletubbies.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:45 AM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Lars von Trier's Teletubbies.
I feel like David Cronenberg already did the definitive take on Teletubbies.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:49 AM on October 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
I feel like David Cronenberg already did the definitive take on Teletubbies.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:49 AM on October 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
They should have got Scorsese: "Mean Streets... Cape Fear... Shutter Island! Mean Streets... Cape Fear... Shutter Island! Fuckin' say it with me!"
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:50 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:50 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
From Paramount, who recently took over the development of the live action Sonic the Hedgehog movie.
posted by eye of newt at 8:52 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by eye of newt at 8:52 AM on October 24, 2017
I would like to see Wes Anderson's Octonauts
posted by Kabanos at 9:49 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Kabanos at 9:49 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I would like to see Wes Anderson's Octonauts
Eh, it's been done.
posted by The_Vegetables at 10:06 AM on October 24, 2017
Eh, it's been done.
posted by The_Vegetables at 10:06 AM on October 24, 2017
George Lucas' Caillou.
Harmony Korine's Peppa Pig
Uwe Boll's Yo Gabba Gabba!
posted by zarq at 10:14 AM on October 24, 2017
Harmony Korine's Peppa Pig
Uwe Boll's Yo Gabba Gabba!
posted by zarq at 10:14 AM on October 24, 2017
Ridley Scott's Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends
Starts off fine, but then the Miss Spider's best friend Miss Spider Wasp arrives.
posted by zarq at 10:16 AM on October 24, 2017
Starts off fine, but then the Miss Spider's best friend Miss Spider Wasp arrives.
posted by zarq at 10:16 AM on October 24, 2017
I want a Wes Anderson Hair Bear movie.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:16 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by octobersurprise at 10:16 AM on October 24, 2017
Given Anderson's propensity towards twee miniaturism, I think he'd be a better fit for The Littles.
But you know who would really knock a Hair Bear Bunch movie out of the park? Richard Linklater. He'd could do it as a straight up '70s period piece, and have McConaughey, Wiley Wiggins, and Rory Cochrane as the voices of the bears.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:44 AM on October 24, 2017
But you know who would really knock a Hair Bear Bunch movie out of the park? Richard Linklater. He'd could do it as a straight up '70s period piece, and have McConaughey, Wiley Wiggins, and Rory Cochrane as the voices of the bears.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:44 AM on October 24, 2017
The what with the who now? STAAHHP HOLLYWOOD. JUST STOP.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:28 AM on October 24, 2017
posted by Space Kitty at 11:28 AM on October 24, 2017
He'd could do it as a straight up '70s period piece, and have McConaughey, Wiley Wiggins, and Rory Cochrane as the voices of the bears
That's genius. I love it.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:11 PM on October 24, 2017
That's genius. I love it.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:11 PM on October 24, 2017
A Condensed History of Michael Bay Being a Sexist Jerk
Back in 2009, The Observer’s Jason Solomons wrote about how Megan Fox got her role as midriff-baring Mikaela Banes in the first two Transformers films: “She told me she went to director Michael Bay’s house to audition and he made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her. She said she didn’t know what had happened to the footage. When I put it to Bay himself, he looked suitably abashed. ‘Er, I don’t know where it is either.’”
“The first time I ever met him, I was 15 and I was an extra on Bad Boys II,” Fox told Jimmy Kimmel. “We were shooting this club scene, and they brought me in, and I was wearing a stars and stripes bikini and a red cowboy hat, and six-inch heels. And they took me to Mike and he approved it. And they said, ‘You know, Michael, she’s 15, so you can’t sit her at the bar and she can’t have a drink in her hand.’ So his solution to that problem was to then have me dancing underneath a waterfall getting soaking wet. And that’s… At 15. I was in 10th grade. So that’s sort of a microcosm of how Bay’s mind works.”
Yet another creep.
posted by jcruelty at 9:35 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Back in 2009, The Observer’s Jason Solomons wrote about how Megan Fox got her role as midriff-baring Mikaela Banes in the first two Transformers films: “She told me she went to director Michael Bay’s house to audition and he made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her. She said she didn’t know what had happened to the footage. When I put it to Bay himself, he looked suitably abashed. ‘Er, I don’t know where it is either.’”
“The first time I ever met him, I was 15 and I was an extra on Bad Boys II,” Fox told Jimmy Kimmel. “We were shooting this club scene, and they brought me in, and I was wearing a stars and stripes bikini and a red cowboy hat, and six-inch heels. And they took me to Mike and he approved it. And they said, ‘You know, Michael, she’s 15, so you can’t sit her at the bar and she can’t have a drink in her hand.’ So his solution to that problem was to then have me dancing underneath a waterfall getting soaking wet. And that’s… At 15. I was in 10th grade. So that’s sort of a microcosm of how Bay’s mind works.”
Yet another creep.
posted by jcruelty at 9:35 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
So … When Are We All Going to Apologize to Megan Fox for What We Let Hollywood Do to Her?
posted by homunculus at 1:47 PM on November 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by homunculus at 1:47 PM on November 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
That is a good piece with one eyeroller of a self-congratulatory back-patter of a subtitle that almost made me not want to read it.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:31 AM on November 14, 2017
posted by middleclasstool at 7:31 AM on November 14, 2017
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Why the last paragraph of the piece is repeated twice is a mystery only Droa could solve.
posted by hippybear at 9:28 PM on October 23, 2017