๐Ÿ”
October 30, 2017 3:28 AM   Subscribe

Do you have strong feelings about cheeseburgers? Google's CEO promises to fix their hamburger emoji first thing Monday, after receiving Twitter complaint.
posted by Literaryhero (110 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
Hate to sound like a fanboy (or fanboi, since it's 2017) but why am I not shocked that Samsung and Google's most recent versions of the hamburger and beer are not only obvious copies of the Apple version, but are also both aesthetically and functionally inferior copies?

It's like a kid who does a bad job copying someone else's essay, then can't respond to questions about it.
posted by rokusan at 3:36 AM on October 30 [8 favorites]




This is using irony or parody or whatever to subtly talk about Google's and Apple's structural problems with diversity, tech bro culture, misogyny, and community-damaging tax avoidance, right?
posted by jojo and the benjamins at 3:53 AM on October 30 [10 favorites]


You know how we can build family emojis by chaining together other 1-person-emojis?

Jo Shields on Twitter proposes allowing us to do the same for burgers: ๐Ÿž๐Ÿฅ—๐Ÿ…๐Ÿง€๐Ÿฅฉ๐Ÿž (meat emoji has bad support, you may see boxes or question marks). Not only can you then decide the order, but also if you want pickles or not!
posted by Martijn at 4:14 AM on October 30 [7 favorites]


That author needs to stop huffing organic solvents.

In the kitchen, because of physics, we assemble starting on the bottom, and build up. Took me a couple re-reads to see that no, I am not mis-seeing these pictures, the writer just doesn't know how to describe them properly.

Having said that, starting from the bottom, duh: bun, mustard (lightly spread on bun, so will not be visible), burger, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, bun.

This is the canonical hamburger. So it is written and so it shall be made.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:21 AM on October 30 [7 favorites]


I don't actually want to go back and kill his grandparents but perhaps award a huge medical or archaeology scholarship to Scott Fahlman.
posted by sammyo at 4:22 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


Unicode is really fascinating. Did you know that your iOS (and probably Android now too) device is capable of displaying ancient Sumerian cuneiform, as just regular totally normal text? ๐’ฒ๐’†‰

Less surprising is Egyptian hieroglyphs: ๐“€ฝ๐“€ฟ๐“€๐“๐“…ƒ๐“…„๐“…… and Linear B ๐ƒช๐ƒฆ๐ƒŽ.

๐Ÿ’ฉ and ๐Ÿ” and ๐Ÿ† of course now stand next to these most august and mysterious glyphs as equals.
posted by vogon_poet at 4:23 AM on October 30 [20 favorites]


"I wouldnโ€™t be surprised if the Galaxy Note 7โ€™s battery designer was responsible."
posted by oheso at 4:24 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


This is using irony or parody or whatever to subtly talk about Google's and Apple's structural problems with diversity, tech bro culture, misogyny, and community-damaging tax avoidance, right?

I read it as a meditation on bikeshedding
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 4:32 AM on October 30 [7 favorites]


> starting from the bottom, duh: bun, mustard (lightly spread on bun, so will not be visible), burger, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, bun. This is the canonical hamburger.

no no no NO NO!

Mayo is applied to the topside of the bottom bun. Nowhere else. Mustard goes on the top bun.

*(Also, tomatoes are only appropriate on hamburgers when in season.)
posted by ardgedee at 4:33 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Mayo is applied to the topside of the bottom bun. Nowhere else. Mustard goes on the top bun.

Did I wake up in some alternative earth? Mayo and mustard on a cheeseburger? People do that? Where? Why? I'm not sure if that's as bad as putting Ketchup on a hotdog but it's close.
posted by octothorpe at 4:42 AM on October 30 [7 favorites]


> You know how we can build family emojis by chaining together other 1-person-emojis?

Hm. Microsoft alleges that iOS won't support zero-width-joined emoji, but a Gizmodo article from 2015 says that Apple's already constructing emoji using ZWJ. So either Microsoft is doing it in some nonstandard way (which is historically a thing for them to do) or Apple is using lookups to replace certain emoji combinations with unique glyphs and leaving unrecognized combinations unjoined (also totally in character).
posted by ardgedee at 4:42 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


In the kitchen, because of physics, we assemble starting on the bottom, and build up. Took me a couple re-reads to see that no, I am not mis-seeing these pictures, the writer just doesn't know how to describe them properly.

Amen. This article was clearly written by someone whose closest approach to cooking a burger is going to the drive-through on their own.

Also not a one of these is a hamburger emoji. They're all cheeseburgers.
posted by Dysk at 4:44 AM on October 30 [13 favorites]


Nope, mayo goes on the top bun because then it's in direct contact with the tomatoes and mayonnaise-y tomato juice is delicious.

Also on my Android, the following reads as loaf of bread, bowl of salad, tomato, wedge of cheese, box, loaf of bread.

Jo Shields on Twitter proposes allowing us to do the same for burgers: ๐Ÿž๐Ÿฅ—๐Ÿ…๐Ÿง€๐Ÿฅฉ๐Ÿž (meat emoji has bad support, you may see boxes or question marks).
posted by elsietheeel at 4:45 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


Also on my Android, the following reads as loaf of bread, bowl of salad, tomato, wedge of cheese, box, loaf of bread.

Same. The comment about cuneiform and hieroglyphs was just all squares, too.
posted by Dysk at 4:51 AM on October 30 [6 favorites]


I am surprised at my interest in this. "Who cares?" is what I wanted to mumble, and yet it piqued my interest, and piqued it some more for being so piquey. I am Pikes [sic] Piqued. As a vegan -- did I tell you I'm a vegan yet? 'cause I'm a vegan -- anyway, as a vegan, I feel I should add in my capacity as a vegan that this also applies to fake cheese on a fake hamburger. The "cheese" melts on the "hamburger" or you have failed, and an emoji of a cheeseburger does likewise because either an emoji (and I hate emojis, but still) either an emoji mirrors the essentials of reality or it fails. Maybe I just need lunch.
posted by pracowity at 4:55 AM on October 30 [5 favorites]


Can we get an Australian version with beetroot and egg?
posted by freethefeet at 4:58 AM on October 30 [11 favorites]


> Did you know that your iOS (and probably Android now too) device is capable of displaying ancient Sumerian cuneiform, as just regular totally normal text?

This has been the subject of a fair amount of complaint, as the Unicode Consortium is seen by some to be wasting their time adjudicating over cute and unnecessary pictograms when there are over a hundred writing systems and an uncountable number of obscure symbols and characters that need approval in order to fully support existing writing systems. There are accusations that cultural bias and western white male nerd priorities made it easier for fictional languages like Klingon to be supported than real languages spoken by millions of people.
posted by ardgedee at 5:05 AM on October 30 [31 favorites]


Unicode is really fascinating. Did you know that your iOS (and probably Android now too) device is capable of displaying ancient Sumerian cuneiform, as just regular totally normal text? ๐’ฒ๐’†‰

great you just made me summon ๐Ÿ‘ฟ Pฬ อˆอšฬœอAอ•ฬฏฬซZฬ•ฬฃอ™อ‰UอกอšฬŸZฬชอŽฬบอ–ฬณUฬฌฬœอ”ฬผฬฅฬฉ ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

i dont even have ๐Ÿฅฉ let alone ๐Ÿ‘ to sacrifice ๐Ÿ˜ญ
posted by Foci for Analysis at 5:20 AM on October 30 [6 favorites]


Nope, mayo goes on the top bun because then it's in direct contact with the tomatoes and mayonnaise-y tomato juice is delicious.

akshually mayo goes on the bottom bun. Bottom bun, mayo, tomato, burger, top bun. Cheese if you have a strong cheese, otherwise it's just there so you can call it a cheeseburger.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:20 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


This is the canonical hamburger. So it is written and so it shall be made.

Pffft.

Buttered toasted bun, rissole, cheese, bacon, fried egg, fried onion, beetroot slice, pineapple ring, tomato slice, salt, tomato sauce, shredded lettuce, pepper, buttered toasted bun.

This is the canonical Hamburger With The Lot And Pineapple. So it is written and so it shall be made.
posted by flabdablet at 5:21 AM on October 30 [5 favorites]


beetroot

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!??

Would you like some CARROTROOT and maybe POTATOROOT with your beetroot?

All I need is for everybody to agree on my exact version of consensus reality. Why is that so hard? It's like you people are trying to be difficult, and we are here trying to get serious work done. How are we going to all come to my correct understanding of the way to construct a hamburger when we can't even stop saying beetroot?

This is why we can't have nice things.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:26 AM on October 30 [26 favorites]


enjoy getting rooted
posted by flabdablet at 5:48 AM on October 30


yum beetroot and potato patties in a hamburger bun
posted by infini at 5:49 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


hash browns style
posted by flabdablet at 5:50 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


The half-full beer mug with foam on top reminds me of the dishwater-in-a-wine-glass martini picture taken at that Trump Tower bar.
posted by emelenjr at 5:54 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


shred a bit of yamroot in the mix as well
posted by flabdablet at 5:54 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


in the hash browns, not in the martini
posted by flabdablet at 5:54 AM on October 30


because that would taste bad
posted by flabdablet at 5:54 AM on October 30


Google's positioning of the cheese is blasphemous, simultaneously defying both culinary physics (how do you cook it to drip down the bun like that?)

I mean, honestly.

Presumably you are already toasting your buns under a broiler or on a grill, right? So on the broiler just add the cheese after its toasted. On the grill after it's toasted, flip the bun and add the cheese to melt. The cheese will prevent the bun from getting soggy.

I don't happen to make my burgers this way, but it sounds kind of tasty. Like a patty melt but the bread doesn't get soggy.
posted by muddgirl at 5:55 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


All you people saying mayonnaise is a reasonable thing to put on a hamburger are condoning the devil's condiment. It is Satan's own wallpaper paste, and that's my final word on it.

Also, this entire thread is setting off my inner MST3K fan. I sure would like a charbroiled hamburger sandwich and some french-fried potatoes...
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:09 AM on October 30 [8 favorites]


Correcting my earlier Unicode nerding-out: Elvish and Klingon are maintained by third parties in private use areas, so they exist by a limited consensus and are not fixed as part of the standard. Elvish has been accepted for consideration into Unicode Plane 1 but it's not there yet.

(And now that I've walked away and thought about it for a while: One reason why constructed scripts can be effectively fast-tracked while living-but-obscure languages seem to languish could be, in part, because there are no real scholarly, political or social complications to the constructed scripts; there is an easy-to-research canonical source for Elvish, but usually no such thing for fading languages with few official references, and including them into an international standard can be complicated when they belong to cultures whose occupying forces are attempting to extinguish them. Still that doesn't fully excuse how the occasional writing system gets in quicker if it's the subject of nerd-culture obsession, like Phaistos Minoan.)
posted by ardgedee at 6:13 AM on October 30 [8 favorites]


Why are we all still talking about hamburgers? Not one hamburger has been in evidence in this thread or the linked articles, in description, picture, or emoji.

We're talking about cheeseburgers, guys.
posted by Dysk at 6:19 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Unicode is really fascinating. Did you know that your iOS (and probably Android now too) device is capable of displaying ancient Sumerian cuneiform, as just regular totally normal text? ๐’ฒ๐’†‰

One step closer to Snow Crash, great
posted by dismas at 6:30 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Incidentally don't think I'm letting Apple off the hook for putting the lettuce at the bottom.
posted by ardgedee at 6:33 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


But now I'm wondering... Each of these big corporations are known for having large and well-stocked cafeterias at their main campuses.

Can any Mefites with access confirm whether official company meals resemble their emoji?
posted by ardgedee at 6:34 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


look, i'm just not going to be satisfied until we get a 10 gigapixel image of a cheeseburger made by an Anthony Bourdain approved local restaurateur with a ridiculous, over-the-top take on American excess

symbolism is nothing - my retinas better be scalded with hyperrealistic juiciness or why even use the internet
posted by runt at 6:38 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Came for the hyperrealistic juiciness, stayed for the flat design.

Was duly disappointed.
posted by flabdablet at 6:40 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Nope, mayo goes on the top bun because then it's in direct contact with the tomatoes and mayonnaise-y tomato juice is delicious.

Mayonnaise is glue, going on the bottom helps anchor everything. Of course, if you follow that to it's conclusion, as the current net avatar of cooking suggests, you end up with the order, from bottom up: bun, sauce (thousand island), fixings (lettuce and pickle), (60g) patty, cheese, (60 g) patty, cheese, topper bun.

So not only does this allow better stability, and crunch, maillardization is improved and the eater also gets two slices of cheese. Well, Kraft cheese food singles, technically.
posted by bonehead at 6:49 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


Hate to sound like a fanboy (or fanboi, since it's 2017) but why am I not shocked that Samsung and Google's most recent versions of the hamburger and beer are not only obvious copies of the Apple version, but are also both aesthetically and functionally inferior copies?

I still haven't forgiven Google for getting rid of those adorable blobmoji.
posted by tobascodagama at 6:54 AM on October 30 [5 favorites]


man, fuck google. use almost any of their services and it's impossible to reach a human being if you have a problem, but if you have a cute and whimsical complaint the goddamn CEO jumps in to make things right, because it doesn't threaten their business model or the capitalist system in any way.
posted by indubitable at 7:00 AM on October 30 [13 favorites]


Apparently the canonical hamburger emoji includes cheese as well. If this is a problem, I'm afraid you'll have to take it up with an international bureaucratic standards committee. Have fun.
posted by traveler_ at 7:01 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


The unicode people clearly know somewhere between 'fuck all' and 'nothing' about food. Hamburgers do not contain cheese. Cheeseburgers do. It's not fucking rocket surgery.
posted by Dysk at 7:14 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Still no samosa emoji.

โ˜น๏ธ
posted by Fizz at 7:16 AM on October 30 [9 favorites]


Like, you might as well be arguing that the canonical cheese toastie contains ham (no you nitwits, that's a ham and cheese toastie!) or the canonical hotdog is topped with beef chilli (which is a god damn chilli dog, not a hotdog) or that the canonical bicycle has an engine (which would make it a bloody motorbike, for fuck's sake).

Google, Apple, Microsoft, unicode, get your act together.
posted by Dysk at 7:19 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Hamburger With The Lot And Pineapple.

The great schism in Australian burger nomenclature. One school holds that if there's another ingredient, namely pineapple, it's not the fucking lot, is it? The other maintains that the pineapple ring is outside the set of burger ingredients, and thus must be enumerated separately.
posted by zamboni at 7:36 AM on October 30 [5 favorites]


Beetroot cutlet with peanuts
posted by infini at 7:46 AM on October 30


Lettuce (and onion, for that matter) on the bottom is the best way. Although the lettuce needs to be shredded. A single piece of lettuce will protect the bottom bun from sogginess, but with nowhere to go the burger juices will run out onto the eater's hands. A nice bed of shredded lettuce, on the other hand, will absorb the burger juices. Thus, from the bottom up: toasted bun, shredded lettuce and onion, burger, cheese, bacon, pickle chips, tomato slice, toasted bun. Alternatively, melt the cheese directly on to the top and bottom buns.
posted by slkinsey at 7:48 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


Still no samosa emoji.

And a side order of sambhar vada pls ... one by two
posted by infini at 7:48 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


Perhaps the root of the problem is that the cheese itself is fake.
posted by mbrubeck at 7:55 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


And it better be a butter burger.
posted by symbioid at 7:55 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


Does no one melt cheese onto their bun in the broiler, then slap their patty and veggies on top of that?
posted by latkes at 7:55 AM on October 30


Same. The comment about cuneiform and hieroglyphs was just all squares, too.

Anything past Android 4 or 5 understands any Unicode, but continues to lack the necessary fonts for most less widely used code points. If you're writing on your own site, you can use web fonts to work around the lack of native fonts.
posted by wierdo at 7:56 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


I get why this is funny but my Google stock is in free fall this morning. Emojigate is triggering a massive sell-off and without an immediate massive cash infusion into the markets, weโ€™re talking about real people losing their life savings.

At least I think this is how markets work. The point is, Obama would have been all over this shit because he understood how the youths communicate nowadays.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:57 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


I donโ€™t want to further derail the thread but I have questions about this Australian Burger you speak of.
posted by Grandysaur at 7:58 AM on October 30


man, fuck google. use almost any of their services and it's impossible to reach a human being if you have a problem, but if you have a cute and whimsical complaint the goddamn CEO jumps in to make things right, because it doesn't threaten their business model or the capitalist system in any way.
posted by indubitable at 7:00 AM on October 30 [3 favorites +] [!]


I don't know, I hate google with all of my being and not only will they be the first up against hte wall when the revolution comes but there is a warm seat in hell waiting after that.. but... I think it's kind of nice that the CEO is doing this. I don't have a problem with a little whimsy and joy. I am mad that they don't take action on all their problems, but I'm not mad that they do fun stuff sometimes.
posted by latkes at 7:58 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


Whimsy and joy would be bringing back the blobs, not fucking around with a perfectly valid cheeseburger emoji.
posted by tobascodagama at 8:02 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Also, it's a hamburger for me on Android 7.1. No cheese. Gboard brings up the same cheeseless glyph for both hamburger and cheeseburger. Someday I'll get around to installing an Oreo ROM, but I'm trying to put off the gumdrop mass murder as long as possible. I don't care for the Apple/everyone else style, so I'm waiting for an easy way to prefer the old glyphs but use the new if it is missing from the old set.
posted by wierdo at 8:08 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


Has anyone, like, tried putting cheese on the bottom of a burger? I've eaten burgers upside-down and they are tastier because my tongue hits all of the flavory parts (condiments, cheese, etc) first.

In response to this mob-mentality that's-just-not-how-it-is-doneism, I will be putting cheese on the bottom of all of my cheeseburgers forthwith.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:10 AM on October 30 [5 favorites]


God, I went to the ever-useful Emojipedia to check what fuckery Samsung - king of all bad emoji - had got up to with the burger. They've only gone and put the lettuce in between the cheese and burger what the actual fuck
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:11 AM on October 30 [9 favorites]


At least Google put the cheese next to the hot meat component, Samsung are actively working against the cheese melting.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:12 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Now do the plate of beans emoji.
posted by Standeck at 8:28 AM on October 30 [6 favorites]


Emoji pedantry is my favorite pedantry.
posted by mosst at 8:32 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Emoji pedantry is my favorite pedantry.

Followed closely by: โ€œIs this a sandwich?โ€ as my second favourite form of pedantry on MetaFilter.
posted by Fizz at 8:39 AM on October 30 [5 favorites]


I still haven't forgiven Google for getting rid of those adorable blobmoji.

Wadda ya' think's in the burgers?
posted by Space Coyote at 8:42 AM on October 30 [6 favorites]


Vegetables on the bottom bun, cheese melted or place on the burger patty, and sauces either optionally on top of the cheese or applied to the top bun, depending on personal preference.

(What do I mean by vegetables? Lettuce, relish, onions...)

Anything else is insanity.

(Uh-oh, where do pickles go... On the side, of course...)
posted by jkaczor at 8:42 AM on October 30


God, I went to the ever-useful Emojipedia to check what fuckery Samsung - king of all bad emoji - had got up to with the burger. They've only gone and put the lettuce in between the cheese and burger what the actual fuck

Mozilla's hamburger emoji just gets rid of all vegetables completely. They're like, fuck vegetables. We only recognize three burger ingredients: bread, cheese, & meat.
posted by Fizz at 8:42 AM on October 30 [7 favorites]


Those Mozilla sesame seeds are huge, they look like little bugs crawling all over your burger
posted by Space Coyote at 8:50 AM on October 30


I am horrified that anyone would put anything between the bottom bun and the meat. I am never attending a hamburger cookout with any of you.

It's okay for emojis to fuck up the layering order; they're designed to be consumed visually, not orally. God bless you little graphic designer if you think the cheese looks better on top of the lettuce just fucking go with it.

But some of what is actually being prescribed here in re: burger assembly is genuinely upsetting and makes me want to reconsider my participation in this web site
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:09 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Getting too precious about hamburgers is, in a way, emblematic of everything that's wrong with America today.

You build your burger your way, I'll build mine my way. No ones hurt by the fact that I put mayo on the bottom bun, followed by shredded cabbage, followed by an upside-down burger (because I can never tell which is the top and which is the bottom bun after their toasted), followed by barbeque sauce, then the top bun.
posted by muddgirl at 9:21 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


I have to say, people who only eat their hamburger one way are on my list for possible serial killer.
posted by lumpenprole at 9:22 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Cabbage??? Cabbage is for fish tacos and making fermented delights, not burgers!
posted by elsietheeel at 9:28 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


I can totally get on board with some shredded red cabbage in just about any context, burgers included.
posted by Dysk at 9:30 AM on October 30


Followed closely by: โ€œIs this a sandwich?โ€ as my second favourite form of pedantry on MetaFilter.

This weekend I searched "are pies and quiche the same thing" and result #5 or so was an askme, which I dutifully read.

You burger pedants may be interested to know that my husband makes a beet slider - a big ol round of beet with melted cheese and fried onions on top.
posted by Emmy Rae at 9:32 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


My complaint is that none of these have peanut butter on them
posted by aubilenon at 9:42 AM on October 30


*clears throat*

Can I eat this?
posted by infini at 9:45 AM on October 30 [5 favorites]


My burger: Bun, mayo, shredded or diced onion, patty, cheese, tomato, lettuce, sprinkle of salt & pepper, mayo, bun.

If grilled onions are available, skip the diced on the bottom and put them directly on the cheese; skip tomato; put lettuce etc. on top.

Husband insists that mustard belongs on the bottom bun because it's a savory sauce for the meat; mayo goes on the top as a veggie-enhancing sauce. I hate mustard, so I don't do it that way. Neither of us likes pickles, which makes it easy to avoid the question of where they belong.

Tomatoes go directly on the cheese because they're less likely to fall off that way. Veggies are on top instead of on bottom for the same reason - when you set the burger down between bites, it's less likely to slide apart if the heavier contents are on the bottom.

But sometimes I just want a Big Mac. Which I order without pickles, which gets me two bonuses: One, no pickles; two, it's hot and fresh-made, not grabbed from the stack of ready burgers that have been sitting around.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 9:46 AM on October 30


On my honeymoon with Mr. Machine, we went to New Zealand, and one of the best days of my life involved going blackwater tubing under a cave of glow worms, then eating my FACE OFF at Burger Fuel afterwards, where I had, for the first time, a cheeseburger with roasted beets on it. We may subsequently have been late returning our rental car because I insisted on going to just ONE MORE BURGER JOINT THAT HAD BEETS AS A TOPPING FOR THE BURGER.

tl;dr: roasted beets are full of sweetness and umami, and are a friend to all burgerkind.
posted by joyceanmachine at 9:47 AM on October 30


I used to put mustard on the top where the cheese goes, and ketchup on the bottom where the meat goes, because cheese and mustard are in the yellow family, and ketchup and meat are in the red-family.

But then again I was a strange kid.
posted by muddgirl at 9:52 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


This discussion has me wanting to do a similar post on burgers/sandwiches as depicted in various video-game franchises. Hmm...
posted by Fizz at 9:55 AM on October 30


Best burger I've had:

Bottom to top because I'm not a heathen.

Bun -> Patty (consisting of ground pork surrounding a slice of black pudding -> Bacon -> Pulled Pork -> Bun
posted by koolkat at 9:56 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


Oh man, if we're doing best: Q39 in Kansas City has a burger with burnt ends on it and a jalapeno/apple/cabbage coleslaw. Perfect combo of fatty meat and fresh zing.
posted by Emmy Rae at 9:59 AM on October 30


Whimsy and joy would be bringing back the blobs, not fucking around with a perfectly valid cheeseburger emoji.

I'm curious, in what way has Google removed them? Just on their phones?

I ask because I thought they'd been removed from Android itself when my LG G4 stopped having them some time back during an update. However, my phone got destroyed and I had to get a new one, and now I have an LG G6 (picked it up maybe 1.5 months ago) and the blobmojis are back.

Is this now each vendor choosing for themselves?

Also more on topic, mayo on bottom, ketchup + mustard on top is undoubtably the true hamburger.
posted by tocts at 10:01 AM on October 30


The blobs were removed from the Android OS itself, starting with Oreo (8.0). With the exception of Nexus/Pixel devices, software updates happen at the whim of the carriers and device OEMs, so it's likely your G6 hasn't got the Oreo update yet.
posted by tobascodagama at 10:36 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


Forget the burgers, I just wish I could get Nougat on my Zenpad.
posted by Samizdata at 10:42 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


I won't be happy until I see a MN-based Juicy Lucy burger emoji, with the cheese on the inside!
posted by Ber at 11:18 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


That reminds me, I need to get around to trying to hammer out the details for a Luther Cristo Burger that I was inspired to try to make.
posted by radwolf76 at 11:26 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


A clever PR move - look how many people are kept occupied by a totally irrelevant issue instead of watching for any wrongdoings of the company. I'd say, it's a small win (for google at least).
posted by Laotic at 11:38 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


Working at Wendyโ€™s in HS, I was trained in Burger Construction using the WRG/WRG method. (WRG=white, red, green.)

Starting with a toasted bun, assemble as follows:

1. Place split bun on work surface with cut sides up. Lower bun on left, top bun on right.
2. Place patty on lower bun. If this is a cheeseburger, the cheese should be placed on the patty while on the grill, so the heat can melt the cheese to the patty.
3. Apply a schmear of mustard to the patty.
3a. If this a bacon cheeseburger, add (2) slices of bacon in an x-pattern on top of the patty.

THE BOTTOM IS NOW COMPLETE.

4. Apply a schmear of mayo to the top bun. (WHITE)
5. Apply a schmear of catsup (NOT KETCHUP). (RED)
6. Place (4) dill pickle slices. (GREEN)
7. Place 2-3 rings of sliced onion. (WHITE)
8. Place (1) slice of tomato. (RED)
9. Place (1) slice of iceberg lettuce. (GREEN)

BRING BOTH HALVES TOGETHER IN A SINGLE MOTION TO COMPLETE ASSEMBLY. THE BURGER IS NOW COMPLETE.

DAVE THOMAS HAS SPOKEN. SO SHALL IT BE DONE.*

* I admit to committing Burger apostasy by adding several dashes of hot sauce on top of the mustard. It is delicious. Also, sometimes I use ranch dressing in lieu of mayonnaise. It is also delicious.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 11:53 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Everything I know about building burgers comes from playing Burger Time in the good old days.
posted by LeLiLo at 1:00 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]


They've only gone and put the lettuce in between the cheese and burger what the actual fuck

From that same link, HTC's hamburger emoji appears to be wearing a brassiere made of guacamole.
posted by gauche at 1:27 PM on October 30


From Memory:
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles onions on a sesame seed bun.

Behold the power of advertising.


And, as a bonus.
Big Mac, Filet 'o Fish, Quarter Pounder, Frech Fries. Icy Coke, Thick Shake, Sundae and Apple Pie.
posted by Nanukthedog at 1:44 PM on October 30 [1 favorite]


It's called "beetroot" because the beet greens are also edible -- and good, too; the beet is chard's more-competent aunt. Parsnip and carrot and potato greens are not edible.

zamboni has the secret knowledge, though.

posted by clew at 2:09 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]




This is the leading news story of the day, for some.
posted by adamrice at 2:53 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]


The first fast food burger with non-standard toppings/dressings I remember was Carl's Jr.'s Western Bacon Cheeseburger - "Charbroiled All-Beef Patty, Two Strips of Bacon, Melted American Cheese, Two Crispy Onion Rings and Tangy BBQ Sauce on a seeded bun" - which I enjoyed over 30 years ago (and still do occasionally). It was their first "specialty burger" and inspired several copycat burger chains to use onion rings instead of raw onions (a trend I like), and regrettably led to a bunch of lesser menu items at Carl's and its later merger-mate Hardee's, the most heinous being their Teriyaki Burger, featuring "(top side)Teriyaki Glaze, Grilled Doleยฎ Pineapple, Swiss Cheese, (bottom side) Red Onion, Lettuce, Tomato and Mayonnaise". So many things there that really don't don't go on the same burger, and I don't care how much goes inbetween - pineapple and mayonnaise?!?
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:08 PM on October 30


THE HAMBURGER EMOJI SHOULD NOT HAVE CHEESE ON IT. THAT'S A F#@%ING CHEESEBURGER.

I loathe the ubiquity of cheese on burgers, both in reality and in emojis. The only reason to put cheese on a burger is to cover up the taste of the meat, which removes the entire purpose of eating a hamburger. Go eat some tofu* hippies.

(I've decided this will be the hill I'll die on. The prevalence of cheese on burger emojis is just an indication of our overall cultural decline.)

*I like tofu. But I don't put cheese on it, either.
posted by mrbula at 4:14 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]


I'm pretty sure the proper order is bun, mustard, burger, cheese, lettuce, up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A
tomato, mayonnaise, bun.
posted by webmutant at 5:00 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Sorry @webmutant:

but the traditional Konami Code doesn't work...
Game Genie though has these codes for NES Burger Time
Game Genie codes
GZVIAZEI: Anti-gravity shoes
SZKNNIAX: Fast play for experts
SXVSSXSU: Monsters always move slowly
GOVSVXAO SXVSSXSU: Monsters move at double speed
SXVSSXSU YOVSVXAO: Monsters move at quadruple speed
YPESOUGO: Peter Pepper gets super speed
AASGKLGE: Start game with 8 lives
APVGSLIA: Start game with double peppers
SZSTVAVI: Start game with infinite lives
SLKIZYVI: Start game with infinite peppers
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:34 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]



Mayonnaise is glue, going on the bottom helps anchor [...]

This is somewhat like anchoring a clown's foot with a banana peel, since mayonnaise is probably the slipperiest ingredient in the stack-up (except maybe for grilled onions, if properly prepared with lots of grease).
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 5:40 PM on October 30


I've seen food know-it-alls refer to butter and mayo as "moisture barriers", so mayo or 'special sauce' could function on the bottom the same way a lettuce leaf could. Some fast fooderies do use all-of-the-above of ketchup, mustard and mayo on some of their burgers just because they can.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:47 PM on October 30


It's called "beetroot" because the beet greens are also edible -- and good, too

We planted a dozen beets this year and got not a one worth eating, but we did get bunch after re-growing bunch of beet greens, which are a perfectly serviceable green if you donโ€™t mind them turning everything else pink.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:05 PM on October 30 [1 favorite]


I'll eat anything on a burger, even friggin beetroot and egg, but the cheese has to be cold.
posted by Stonkle at 7:20 PM on October 30


All this talk of moisture barriers is silly. If you don't want a soggy bun, toast it. That will give the bread enough structure to absorb the moisture of the condiments and not turn to mush.

Going back to my high school Wendy's days, one of the things we had to do for rush prep was toast packages of buns, put them back in the bag and then they would be stored in a warmer. Storing them in the bags would essentially steam the buns but they'd still hold up.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 7:58 PM on October 30 [1 favorite]


I still haven't forgiven Google for getting rid of those adorable blobmoji.

I found them kind of awful, but dammit at least they had their own personality, rather than being Apple-lite.
posted by rokusan at 9:11 PM on October 30 [1 favorite]


This level of thought, passion and commitment to the topic of emoji is why The Emoji Movie exists - right?
posted by rough ashlar at 12:17 AM on October 31


Guys. Maybe this is where they got the โ€˜cheese on the bottomโ€™ idea?
posted by buzzkillington at 6:34 AM on October 31


clew - carrot ... greens are not edible

Yes they are! Maybe a little bitter, but bitterness is an underrated flavour.

Carrot top pesto goes very nicely with anything sweet, roast carrots for example!

In fact it's good with a tasty pasta as it has a bit more poke than basil pesto.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled meat pattie discussion.
posted by asok at 6:56 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


Its Tuesday, did he fix it?
posted by infini at 10:24 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


For those that work at Google and thought the emoji icon arrangement physically impossible, their cafeteria obliged, with an Android burger.

https://www.theverge.com/2017/11/3/16604632/google-android-burger-emoji-fight
posted by fragmede at 8:52 AM on November 6


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