Scents from a Mall
November 1, 2017 12:05 PM   Subscribe

The Sticky, Untold Story of Cinnabon

Three decades after its creation in Seattle, the cinnamon roll purveyor maintains a novel sway over our appetites and, thanks to a certain flamboyant, corrupt attorney, some unexpected TV fame.
posted by poffin boffin (114 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
 
In the first few weeks, Cinnabon had raisins.

I am shook
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:18 PM on November 1, 2017 [9 favorites]


I am super, super pissed that they have all but left the Boston area.

I am also super pissed that I know they exist, because they have ruined all other cinnamon buns for me.

And now I know the reference to saulgoodman's username! Woo-hoo!
posted by Melismata at 12:21 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


"The aroma assailed Rich Komen the moment he stepped inside Ward Parkway Shopping Center in Kansas City. "

Oh wow. I grew up a very short drive from that mall. I'd forgotten the name "T.J. Cinnamons" until now, but I do remember that when I started seeing Cinnabons I knew they were a copycat of something Kansas City already had.
posted by dnash at 12:27 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


I remember when we had to go to NYC in January 2010 for my PR interview at the Canadian embassy (which is sadly super depressing) and for some reason, we were passing through Penn Station. My husband needed to find a restroom or something, and I decided, "well, fuck it, I am just going to sit here and eat a Cinnabon." I did. And this is possibly the most pointless story I have ever told on this website, but for all of the sights of NYC we took in for five days (it was also our super belated honeymoon), for some reason, that goddamn Cinnabon I ate in Penn Station is one of my main memories.
posted by Kitteh at 12:29 PM on November 1, 2017 [48 favorites]


I wonder what life is like in the horrifying parallel universe where the raisins remained.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:36 PM on November 1, 2017 [29 favorites]


And now I know the reference to saulgoodman's username! Woo-hoo!

I think it's older than the TV thing. The man contains multitudes.
posted by thelonius at 12:37 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter saulgoodman existed before Breaking Bad.

Say it out loud as three separate words.

(It's also the name of a character in The Illuminatus! Trilogy.)
posted by elsietheeel at 12:37 PM on November 1, 2017 [12 favorites]


And this is possibly the most pointless story I have ever told on this website

Feel the power of the non sequiter side!
posted by thelonius at 12:38 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


It was a source of great joy the day I realized that I could make my own cinnamon rolls with a bread maker. The details about the specific cinnamon used by Cinnabon are going to be valuable next time I bake them.
posted by amtho at 12:40 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I have to say that I like making my own partly because I can make them _smaller_ and without frosting.
posted by amtho at 12:42 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


From the article:
Malls, by contrast, offer a concentration of people who return less frequently. So does the humanity-packed portal that’s been Cinnabon’s other natural habitat since the early ’90s: the airport. It’s a similarly scent-trapping enclosed space, plus people tend to set aside their usual nutritional mores when traveling.
This lines up with my experience of Cinnabon in 2017. It feels like they only exist in airports. Or at least every airport I've traveled to in the last few years, seems to have one. I appreciate the smell but it's not my go to airport food.
posted by Fizz at 12:54 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


horrifying parallel universe where the raisins remained

I would wolf a disgusting, raisin-y Cinnabon every day for four years in exchange for a very specifically different timeline than our current one.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 12:56 PM on November 1, 2017 [93 favorites]


I think there's one of these inside Eglinton subway station. (Is there? Am I remembering right?)

Everything else in the station is covered in black subway brake dust, so I've never tried one from there.
posted by clawsoon at 1:00 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


Or at least every airport I've traveled to in the last few years, seems to have one.

That or an Auntie Anne's, since they appear to operate on identical principles.
posted by halation at 1:01 PM on November 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


that goddamn Cinnabon I ate in Penn Station is one of my main memories
I have a similar memory of Penn Station but it's with an Auntie Anne's pretzel, the only one I've ever eaten.
We were starving and barely made the train to Newark to catch our plane home. God that station is a nightmare.

I think there's one of these inside Eglinton subway station. (Is there? Am I remembering right?)
I can't remember if there's one in Eglinton, but there's one in Dufferin Mall; you can smell it from the freaking parking lot.
posted by chococat at 1:02 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I wonder what life is like in the horrifying parallel universe where the raisins remained.

Well...Elizabeth Warren is president; open travel across the Korean DMZ has just resumed following the Hanoi Accords; following the death of Saddam Hussein in 2005, his sons were toppled in the (mostly) bloodless "Baklava Revolution"; rapid adoption of solar and wind power has begun to halt global warming; and Twitter doesn't exist.


But, yeah- raisins in the Cinnabons.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:02 PM on November 1, 2017 [85 favorites]


I think there's one of these inside Eglinton subway station. (Is there? Am I remembering right?)

Yes. Also Sheppard station (here in Toronto for people wondering WTF we’re talking about).
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:04 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Softball size, pshaw, I prefer mine entire loaf of bread size with icing half an inch thick.

PSA: do not eat an entire Machine Shed roll, you will die, stop at a third and evaluate your life choices

One time they were out of cinnamon rolls and the waitress offered to have icing put on a caramel roll instead. It was the most deliciously decadent thing ever but my blood sugar is still recovering.
posted by Flannery Culp at 1:04 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Cinnabons are also in the NJ rest stops. There is one right outside of the Molly Pitcher women's restrooms, so I associate it with wiping my hands, then hauling the kid to get Roy Rogers fries and chicken. The NJ turnpike is also the only time we eat at Roy Rogers.
posted by Hermeowne Grangepurr at 1:05 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I would wolf a disgusting, raisin-y Cinnabon every day for four years in exchange for a very specifically different timeline than our current one.

Sorry, your mirror universe choices are limited to Cinnabons with raisins and Cinnabons with goatees.
posted by Palindromedary at 1:05 PM on November 1, 2017 [15 favorites]


I think there's one of these inside Eglinton subway station. (Is there? Am I remembering right?)


There was when I was in high school, but I don't know if there is anymore, and I don't think I've been back there in 20 years.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:06 PM on November 1, 2017


During a particularly dark period in my Lost Years, two decades back, I applied for a menial job at Cinnabon headquarters in Seattle. Hey, I was there and it was there and I needed money and they needed a minion and it all seemed perfect. The joint seemed okay and crap wages were better than what I was making at the time. The interview went well and everything was looking good.

Of course, I didn't get the job.

I still hold a grudge against those sticky bastards. I don't claim it's rational or fair -- a lot of people didn't hire me back then -- but that one was especially rough and thus, as far as I am concerned, they are invited to eat a hearty bowl of salted goat anuses.

The buns still look delicious, though.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 1:06 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


That or an Auntie Anne's, since they appear to operate on identical principles.

Man, fuck Auntie Anne and her bullshit pretzels. Butter, and especially "butter," doesn't belong anywhere near a goddamn pretzel, or even a "pretzel."
posted by uncleozzy at 1:06 PM on November 1, 2017 [10 favorites]


Oh wow. I grew up a very short drive from that mall. I'd forgotten the name "T.J. Cinnamons" until now, but I do remember that when I started seeing Cinnabons I knew they were a copycat of something Kansas City already had.

My first job was at the Ward Parkway bowling alley. There were several kids from my high school who worked at T.J. Cinnamon's, and yep, it was right there between the escalators on the lower level.
posted by candyland at 1:07 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


There is no reason for the continued existence of Auntie Anne's in a universe that has Wetzel's Pretzels.
posted by Flannery Culp at 1:07 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Butter, and especially "butter," doesn't belong anywhere near a goddamn pretzel

if you have never been to an Amish market, please remedy this lack in your life immediately, because a freshly-baked hot pretzel brushed lightly with melted butter is a magical experience
posted by halation at 1:08 PM on November 1, 2017 [9 favorites]


you trying to pick a fight, uncleozzy?
posted by Melismata at 1:08 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Always could rely on them in airports to make the wait seem shorter and then get nauseous on the plane.
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 1:11 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


you trying to pick a fight, uncleozzy?

My canonical pretzel is somewhere between a street pretzel and a Bavarian Brezn. There's no room for the oddly-shaped dinner rolls at Auntie Anne's.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:14 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


I would dip a soft pretzel in movie theater "butter" and revel in my greasiness. Mmmm.
posted by elsietheeel at 1:15 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


I used to stop at the rest areas that had Cinnabon when going to/from grad school, and I was so sad when they closed.
posted by jeather at 1:19 PM on November 1, 2017


Huh, in my mind I thought TJ Cinnamon's did predate Cinnabon and I was right but more by coincidence than anything. Funny how it was a east coast-west coast thing that a failed attempt to franchise led to a competitor that would eventually beat out the original. Going to TJ Cinnamons was one of the many perks of making a trip over the border to the US for a day and reveling in American decadence.
posted by GuyZero at 1:21 PM on November 1, 2017


A co-worker and I had a goal of eating lunch at every restaurant in Chicago's North Western Station food court over the course of several months worth of Fridays. Cinnabon day was tough. It doesn't make for much of a lunch.
posted by hwyengr at 1:21 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


I've never seen anything but vending machines in the rest stops in the Southeast. Cinnabon! I'd be powerless over that, on a long drive, for sure.
posted by thelonius at 1:22 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


It’s one of the eight locations [Greg Komen] cherry-picked to keep when his dad sold the company. Over his shoulder you can see the enormous mixer and dough proofing in the oven; Greg’s locations still make their rolls from scratch (well, technically a base mix), while most franchises’ rolls begin with sheets of frozen dough.
I find myself wondering where the other seven locations are, and if any of them are more convenient to me than the one in Bellevue Square, which is a hell of a hassle to get to for someone who lives a carless life in Seattle's University District.
posted by egypturnash at 1:28 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


Man, fuck Auntie Anne and her bullshit pretzels. Butter, and especially "butter," doesn't belong anywhere near a goddamn pretzel, or even a "pretzel."

There is no Platonic Ideal Pretzel. Just different people's takes on an age-old idea.

Butter. No Butter.

They're delicious. Who cares?

Now, if you're talking bagels, on the other hand. That's a whole different story. The Bagel in its Ideal Form exists. I have eaten them and they are glorious.
posted by zarq at 1:36 PM on November 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


Auntie Anne's is way down the list of offensive mall stores, somewhere between The Museum Company and the map kiosk. It's not like you're talking about Cinnabon and their horrible stench here.
posted by Sphinx at 1:39 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]




Always could rely on them in airports to make the wait seem shorter and then get nauseous on the plane.


It's funny cuz it's true.

If you want to be a real asshole, take one on the plane.
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:41 PM on November 1, 2017 [9 favorites]


Now, if you're talking bagels, on the other hand. That's a whole different story. The Bagel in its Ideal Form exists. I have eaten them and they are glorious.

Quoted for truth. I thought I knew the difference between a bagel and a GOOD bagel (Lender's vs. Noah's) and then I moved to NYC and I had a real bagel and then I knew that everything I had previously believed was a lie.

But (as far as I've experienced) every pretzel is delicious. Ultimately what defines a baked good as a pretzel is a sodium carbonate or lye bath, and you can dip that baked good in butter or mustard or cheese sauce or whatever, and it will still be identifiable as a pretzel...

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Bagels are contentious, cinnamon rolls are hard to perfect, but a pretzel exists in so many different forms and they're all tasty as fuck.
posted by elsietheeel at 2:00 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


then I moved to NYC and I had a real bagel
Heh. Wait 'til you come to Montreal.
posted by chococat at 2:03 PM on November 1, 2017 [20 favorites]


That article makes me really want a cinnamon roll or donut or anything sweet and baked. At least I have some Halloween candy in this cubicle: A poor substitute.
posted by narancia at 2:04 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Actually, I have been to Montreal and I've had a Montreal bagel and they are incredibly delicious, but not quite as good as the bagels I had in NYC.

(I'm sorry, Canada.)
posted by elsietheeel at 2:05 PM on November 1, 2017 [8 favorites]


(Timmy's has it over DD or any other American coffee chain though.)
posted by elsietheeel at 2:06 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Wait 'til you come to Montreal.
St-Viateur or Fairmount tho
posted by halation at 2:06 PM on November 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


I wonder what life is like in the horrifying parallel universe where the raisins remained.

Well...Elizabeth Warren is president; open travel across the Korean DMZ has just resumed following the Hanoi Accords; following the death of Saddam Hussein in 2005, his sons were toppled in the (mostly) bloodless "Baklava Revolution"; rapid adoption of solar and wind power has begun to halt global warming; and Twitter doesn't exist.


But, yeah- raisins in the Cinnabons.


Wow, totally misleading. Elizabeth Warren Harding, the daughter of Warren Harding's love child, is president. She spends all of her time on MySpace. The Hanoi Accords ceded all political power in North and South Korea to Dennis Rodman. The Baklava Revolution resulted in the ceding of all political power in Iraq to Dennis Rodman. Global cooling has resulted in Hockey becoming America's favorite pastime. But nobody misses Twitter. And the cinnamon rolls have rum-soaked raisins.
posted by The Great David S. Pumpkins at 2:09 PM on November 1, 2017 [13 favorites]


"medium rare to rare" rolls? Ew. But yes, I guess delicious? For the [you wouldn't believe they are] vegan version, with choice of toppings, I definitely enjoy Cinnaholic.
posted by latkes at 2:09 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


As a young teen, I remember using Cinnabon as the planned meeting location if we were there in a group and splitting up. Not because we were planning to eat there, but because you could always locate it if you just followed the smell.
posted by Secretariat at 2:14 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


oh shit Cinnaholic is coming to Canada and oh god plz plz plz somewhere close to me
posted by Kitteh at 2:14 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Man, now I want to get a big ol' Cinnabon pecan roll, stick my face in it, guzzle away, and then walk down the street with my face all sticky and stray pecans sticking to it so that people will know what I've just been up to.

this may be a metaphor for something, I dunno
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:16 PM on November 1, 2017 [12 favorites]


We had (checked: still have) a Cinnabon at Valley River, a mall in Eugene. I still remember this after 20 years. I wouldn't be able to point you towards anything else there, but I still remember the Cinnabon.
posted by fraula at 2:16 PM on November 1, 2017


Quoted for truth. I thought I knew the difference between a bagel and a GOOD bagel (Lender's vs. Noah's) and then I moved to NYC and I had a real bagel and then I knew that everything I had previously believed was a lie.

My grandparents moved to Amarillo, TX from Long Island in the very early 80's and every time we flew down to see them we would bring a duffel bag filled with New York bagels because they could only get Lenders. Also, a giant tub of real mustard from the kosher deli. If we wound up taking a really tiny prop plane from Dallas to Amarillo, the whole plane would smell fantastic by the time we landed.
posted by zarq at 2:27 PM on November 1, 2017 [13 favorites]


Actually, I have been to Montreal and I've had a Montreal bagel and they are incredibly delicious, but not quite as good as the bagels I had in NYC.

(I'm sorry, Canada.)


Is that like a Canadian sorry where you're apologizing for existing or are you actually admitting to being wrong here?

because wow, you're so, so wrong.
posted by GuyZero at 2:31 PM on November 1, 2017 [8 favorites]


next time I'm at the station I may buy one just to see if they taste as good as they smell.

They do.
posted by rhizome at 2:32 PM on November 1, 2017


next time I'm at the station I may buy one just to see if they taste as good as they smell.

They do.


yeah, the reason I don't eat Cinnabon for three meals a day isn't because they taste bad. They taste gooooood.
posted by GuyZero at 2:37 PM on November 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


next time I'm at the station I may buy one just to see if they taste as good as they smell.

add raisins and pretend it's 1985
posted by roger ackroyd at 2:38 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


metafilter: add raisins and pretend it's 1985
posted by halation at 2:42 PM on November 1, 2017 [12 favorites]


For at least five years I've had a last-10lbs to lose before allowing myself to get a Cinnabon again. I was never that into them, but I do want to have one again, and it can't be before I lose those last 10. A person's gotta have principles.
posted by rhizome at 2:54 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Wait, people don't like raisins?

This might explain why I spent all morning cleaning eggs off my house
posted by Beardman at 3:03 PM on November 1, 2017 [26 favorites]


Man, fuck Auntie Anne and her bullshit pretzels. Butter, and especially "butter," doesn't belong anywhere near a goddamn pretzel, or even a "pretzel."

I was the manager of a Hot Sam Pretzels store in Crossgates Mall in the late 80's / early 90's. We got pre-dipped frozen pretzels from Pennsauken , and every morning filled the oven with a sodium hydroxide bath.

I concur. "Butter" is not how I roll..
posted by mikelieman at 3:04 PM on November 1, 2017


Now, if you're talking bagels, on the other hand. That's a whole different story. The Bagel in its Ideal Form exists. I have eaten them and they are glorious.

Yes. Bialys
posted by mikelieman at 3:05 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I can't believe it's not bullshit.
posted by The Great David S. Pumpkins at 3:06 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Me Tafil Ter: Say it out loud as three separate words.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:08 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


iiii iiittt tttt
posted by The Great David S. Pumpkins at 3:10 PM on November 1, 2017 [9 favorites]


For years (and on two separate coasts) my family had a Christmas Eve morning tradition: my dad, my two younger sisters, and I would get up early and go to the mall, where we would each eat a Cinnabon and then complete any last minute shopping errands. My mom sometimes came too, or other visiting aunts, but not always. Most of the last minute shopping errands were my dad shopping for my mom, so that worked out. I think she enjoyed having a morning to herself during the holidays. This continued long after all of us became adults.

Our local mall no longer contains a Cinnabon, alas, so now me and my middlest sister alternate baking them at home. (My turn this year.) I make a good cinnamon roll, but it's not quite the same.
posted by darchildre at 3:15 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


They have Cinnabons you can bake yourself in the dairy case at Wegmans. I only know this because of reasons.
posted by valkane at 3:34 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Btw making cinnamon rolls with maple sugar or adding chocolate chips are amazing options. I use this recipe.
posted by jeather at 3:34 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Also, I have to go to Wegmans tomorrow.
posted by valkane at 3:35 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Something that's stuck with me that I read years ago is some research that found men were quite sexually aroused at the scent of cinnamon rolls.1 This seems like complete nonsense, but the moment I read it I knew it must be true.

I feel like it's very revealing of the male psyche,2 though of what I don't know.3

1. Hirsch, 1994
2. Hirsch noted that, in fact, there were no scents which failed to cause arousal. This is also revealing.
3. Later research found that pumpkin pie with lavender was the most arousing. Because of course: delicious baked goods and a hint of a woman's perfume. But mostly baked goods. Honestly, I do know.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:42 PM on November 1, 2017 [10 favorites]


Cinnamon buns are my favorite human food. I also like saying 'cinnamon buns.' Bun-zah. Prince Jake says talking about cinnamon buns too much will draw attention. But they are very interesting.
posted by officer_fred at 3:44 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


So I guess the oral history article trend has some life in it still
posted by thelonius at 3:52 PM on November 1, 2017


making cinnamon rolls with maple sugar or adding chocolate chips are amazing options. I use this recipe.
Hmm, have to try that one.
For breakfast on my kids' birthdays I always do these ones I found on Joy the Baker. Tons of butter in the dough, then you laminate the dough with cream cheese. They always turn out fucking unbelievable.
posted by chococat at 3:53 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


research found that pumpkin pie with lavender was the most arousing

Any questions?
posted by The Great David S. Pumpkins at 3:54 PM on November 1, 2017 [9 favorites]


Why settle for mere chain store buns? Cinnamon Girl.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 4:02 PM on November 1, 2017


Auntie Anne Pretzels make my tongue tingle. I don't know why this is, other than the ungodly amount of salt in them.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:17 PM on November 1, 2017


Heh. Wait 'til you come to Montreal.

Do not eat a Montreal bagel unless you are either prepared to move there or to be disappointed by bagels for the rest of your life.
posted by srboisvert at 4:20 PM on November 1, 2017 [8 favorites]


Yes. Bialys

!!!
posted by zarq at 5:15 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I don't even particularly enjoy cinnamon rolls, but that cream cheese frosting takes it to cannot-resist-whatsoever mode (I have a weakness for cream cheese).
posted by honey badger at 5:16 PM on November 1, 2017


Something that's stuck with me that I read years ago is some research that found men were quite sexually aroused at the scent of cinnamon rolls.

Hence the famous Sir Mixalot lyric: "...if you ain't got Cinnabuns, hon..."
posted by zarq at 5:17 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I have fond memories from childhood of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls - the kind where the dough is in a cardboard tube you pop open, separate the pucks of dough in a pan, bake, and then spread icing on. As an adult I sometimes bought them again as a treat. Until Pillsbury went and hatched a deal with Cinnabon, forever altering their product. I tried them once or twice, but the flavor is wrong. Have never bought them again.
posted by dnash at 5:26 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I like cinnamon rolls (though not with raisins -- in fact, I'd prefer the goatee timeline), but I'm not a fan of icing in general and I find that spoogey thick white frosting that people sometimes put on them to be super gross. So when I see a more naked cinnamon roll in a bakery with no frosting, I get excited. And now I see the comments above about sexual arousal and cinnamon rolls. Hmm.

During a particularly dark period in my Lost Years, two decades back, I applied for a menial job at Cinnabon headquarters in Seattle. Hey, I was there and it was there and I needed money and they needed a minion and it all seemed perfect. The joint seemed okay and crap wages were better than what I was making at the time. The interview went well and everything was looking good.

Of course, I didn't get the job.

I still hold a grudge against those sticky bastards. I don't claim it's rational or fair -- a lot of people didn't hire me back then -- but that one was especially rough and thus, as far as I am concerned, they are invited to eat a hearty bowl of salted goat anuses.


Many years ago I had a terrible and low-paid job in Seattle that involved making deliveries, including occasionally to the Cinnabon headquarters. At least at the time, not only did they not offer cinnamon rolls to hungry young delivery guys (my first delivery there was a total let down), but the place didn't smell at all like cinnamon and I kind of suspect they didn't allow cinnamon rolls onto the premises. The front desk people weren't very nice, either, but maybe that was because of getting people like me wandering in off the street hoping for treats.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:30 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


What is it with Cinnabon in the last few days? I hadn't thought about them in years, but there's this post, my brother posting earlier today on FB about eating six of them in a probably unhealthily short period of time, and I had one on Monday. I got it from what is clearly the best gas station in the world, the pilot at the intersection of the 395 and 58 near California City. It is the best because in addition to the Cinnabon, I also got a six foot long multi colored stuffed caterpillar, because they had it. And now I do.
posted by flaterik at 5:53 PM on November 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


The Eglinton Cinnabon is unfair. The pneumatic action of the trains below drives the cinnapong into the bus mall, all up and down both platforms, and sometimes out to the Berwick Avenue bridge. They're not even particularly good cinnamon rolls, but I suspect there's some kind of opiate in there to keep folks coming back.
posted by scruss at 5:56 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I kind of suspect they didn't allow cinnamon rolls onto the premises. The front desk people weren't very nice.

I'd be mad too if I worked at Cinnamon Roll Central and they had no freaking cinnamon rolls!!
posted by latkes at 6:00 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


If you want to see a massive cinnamon bun, order it at Skillet Diner in Seattle. It takes up an entire salad plate and is served impaled with a steak knife, the better for you to divide and conquer your shame.
posted by batter_my_heart at 6:01 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Thanks to this fpp I was forced to go to Fairview Mall after work to stuff my cakehole with one, which fueled my aimless wandering through the twitching corpse of a Sears where, as a child, I used to spend far less time erect than rolling on the polished pebble-concrete floor in listless misery as my mother flicked through the racks of button up tie blouses.
posted by CynicalKnight at 6:41 PM on November 1, 2017 [14 favorites]


Wait, people don't like raisins?

i don't actually hate raisins, what i hate is how so many raisin-containing baked goods seem to revel in LAWLESSLY NONDISCLOSING RAISINY STATUS
posted by poffin boffin at 6:51 PM on November 1, 2017 [15 favorites]


I agree, for both sides of the question raisin status should be truthfully and clearly disclosed.
posted by rhizome at 7:01 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Not to be a stickler about your wonderfully nostalgic post cynicalnight, but I believe “polished pebble-concrete floor” is terrazzo flooring.. It a thing and it’s really cool and was the canonical floor of any department store or government building for most of my (and presumably your) childhood.
posted by Captain Chesapeake at 7:02 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I lived in Seattle for 20 years. When batter_my_heart referenced huge, skillet-sized cinnamon rolls, I had this flashback to some restaurant that was a destination on long rides back when I was training for the STP. Huge cinnamon rolls the size of a dinner plate. Can't for the life of me remember the name of the restaurant. Probably 20 miles or so out of town to the northeast, maybe? I'm remembering riding to the north end of Lake Washington and then off to the northeast?

20+ years on I'm astounded that I could eat half of one of those, get back on my bike, and pedal all the way back to the U district. Ah, youth.
posted by Sublimity at 7:14 PM on November 1, 2017


To me, Cinnabon is a clear case of things never tasting as good as they smell. The last one I had (years ago) was such a letdown, compared to the promise of the wafting scent, that I haven’t bothered since. Possibly this reflects who I am as a person.
posted by snowmentality at 7:18 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


But this singular product of 1980s mall culture sprang to life in a test kitchen across the street from Gas Works Park.

Cinnabon was invented three blocks away from my home. Well I will be god-damned.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:20 PM on November 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Nah, 3 blocks away should be outside the damning zone.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:48 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


For those that don't have a Cinnabon's close by, remember that IKEA also sells hot cinnamon rolls. Are they still $1? (Asking for a friend)
posted by FJT at 8:00 PM on November 1, 2017


"Cinnabon has 880 calories, 36 grams of fat and 59 grams of sugar, the equivalent of 15 teaspoons."

Yes, yes, I KILL YOUR JOY WITH NUMBERS.
posted by storybored at 8:06 PM on November 1, 2017 [7 favorites]




Their go-to for comparison is Swiss Chalet?
posted by rhizome at 8:52 PM on November 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


At our house, we really miss the McDonald's Cinnamon Melts. So cinnamon-y it crunched on your teeth, and available at the drive-thru. We were so sad when they were discontinued.

One of my kids is really into baking, and he's done cinnamon rolls a couple of times. I may have to drop a hint in his direction after this thread.
posted by Orlop at 8:52 PM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I can't sleep and I'm seriously considering driving to the airport
posted by thelonius at 8:57 PM on November 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


I used to spend far less time erect than rolling on the polished pebble-concrete floor in listless misery as my mother flicked through the racks of button up tie blouses.

The thing I was utterly fascinated by in the department store (probably Rich's) were the mirrors that were set at an angle. This was at an age where I seriously believed that Mcdonald-Land was real, and located in the woods behind the tables outside the local franchise, so I think I thought that the tilted mirror world was perfectly real.
posted by thelonius at 9:01 PM on November 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


When I lived in the southeastern US, the only fast-food joint I ever bothered to patronize was a regional chicken-and-biscuits franchise named Bojangles. They had decent biscuits and seemingly actual chicken breast patties rather than reconstituted protein slime. I'd often buy a Cajun chicken biscuit and a frosted cinnamon biscuit on the way to work in the morning, and be a happy feller for a while.

Some years prior to that, my sister worked at a Bojangles for a few months back when each store got biscuit mix from the home-office supply and made the biscuits themselves (!!!). Many evenings the employees were allowed to take home any leftover plain biscuits that they would have had to throw out before the next day's business anyway. Those biscuits were glorious at breakfast the next morning, just slightly toasted with a generous pat of butter.

Anyway, I prefer biscuits to those alluring-yet-horrid-yet-alluring Cinnabons.

I'm not sure I've said the word "biscuits" enough yet. Biscuits biscuits biscuits biscuits biscuits biscuits biscuits.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:20 PM on November 1, 2017 [17 favorites]


Here I am! No need to cause a racket!

Their go-to for comparison is Swiss Chalet?

I am entirely okay with this scale.

I have eaten at the Eglinton Station one, and it is fine. Used to be one in Jackson Square in the auld hometown of Hamilton, but it is long gone and replaced with a newly built washroom, which is probably more practical.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:42 PM on November 1, 2017


Saul Goodman

It’s all good, man.
posted by bendy at 12:43 AM on November 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Cinnabon is gross. There, I said it.
Their rolls are disgusting, oily processed-dough and congealed sugar bombs and I say that as someone who has been known to eat just the whipped white sugar/butter/brown sugar/vanilla part of the chocolate chip cookie recipe with a spoon and and glass of milk.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:56 AM on November 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


I have only recently become aware of the fact that so many people don't like raisins. Like, really hate raisins. That's fine, you haters go on and hate. More raisins for me!
posted by zardoz at 1:10 AM on November 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


I have only recently become aware of the fact that so many people don't like raisins.

Very well, but in the future please make more of an effort to stay currant.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:23 AM on November 2, 2017 [17 favorites]


next time I'm at the station I may buy one just to see if they taste as good as they smell

Just make sure you've seen Louis's PSA beforehand.
posted by flabdablet at 3:54 AM on November 2, 2017


I have only recently become aware of the fact that so many people don't like raisins. Like, really hate raisins. That's fine, you haters go on and hate. More raisins for me!

Personally, I'm fine with plain raisins, but I find cooked raisins really gross. The worst are when they are boiled/steamed, like in those pseudo-curries, but surprise raisins in baked goods are a close second.

Obviously most people like them since they are so common, but it's interesting how intense the dislike seems to be from the rest of us.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:01 AM on November 2, 2017 [2 favorites]



"Cinnabon has 880 calories, 36 grams of fat and 59 grams of sugar, the equivalent of 15 teaspoons."


When I was sixteen and living in Toronto, my grandmother in North Bay, ON was hosting through Rotary a student visiting from Denmark. They drove up and stayed with us so Astrid could see the city and a bit of what else there was to Canada. Also, Gran wanted to set me up on since kinds of a friendly date with her because I guess she thought that would be cute.

Small talk was painful. The exchange I remember best was me asking her how she was enjoying being in Canada. "It's alright. The people in Denmark are much more attractive." Okay.

We took the subway downtown to see a rock concert. On the way we had to walk through the basement of Union Station where there is a typically pungent Cinnabon. And boy do I love Cinnabon. When the aroma hit my nose, I knew I had to have one and I thought she ought to have one as well, for a complete North American experience. She was gonna love it.

She did not love it. She played along grudgingly until the order came back to us. She glanced at the two enormous mounds of under baked dough and looked queasy. She wouldn't take one bite. Fuck you, I thought. These will not go to waste. I could have spent that money on used CDs. She was gonna watch me scarf down a day's worth of calories in dough even if it made us late for the concert. She acted disgusted in me but truly I felt disgusted with her. This was the culture she was here to know.

When we got through the ticket line she put about 20ft between us and kept it until it was time to go home. We basically didn't talk for the rest of the night which we fine with me.
posted by Evstar at 6:34 AM on November 2, 2017 [13 favorites]


holy shit. seatac mall was where we shopped when i was very young, because that's where mervyn's and lamonts and sears were, and i loved the food court -- it was its own little walkway that branched off from the main mall thoroughfare, tiled in black and white throughout (you can see some of it at the top of the wall in the picture of the cinnabon counter in the article), mirrors and shit, very fancy to little 7 or 8 year old me. and at the head of that walkway was the cinnabon counter, the fanciest joint in that place. the article doesn't mention the steps they put in, in front of the glass partition, so that kids could stand there and watch the dough being kneaded and cinnamoned and cut and rolled up-close. i think those, plus the unique shape of the storefront, probably helped with the early success in that location. cinnabon was a spectacle, y'all. also, it probably helped that the mall santa was set up a stone's throw from that counter. and since they opened on 12/5/85, a thursday, they probably made bank that weekend off the parents dragging their kids around for santa photos.

damn, i miss that mall.
posted by palomar at 7:41 AM on November 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


For those of you wondering, here’s Jerilyn’s grandmother’s recipe
posted by zippy at 10:32 AM on November 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


I was spoiled by the boarding school I taught at. Once a week (I can't remember the week), they'd have hand-made cinnamon buns. They were square, because they bumped up against each other while cooking, but that just gave you a bit more swirl to eat on each corner. Regular cream cheese icing, made right there. Dear god, those things were good.

I've so far resisted the siren call of Cinnabon, mostly because I don't want to eat anything that sticky while in a transit location (airport, train station). Otherwise, I'd be there.

On the other hand, I will happily make cinnamon swirl pancakes. Those things are ridiculously good.
posted by Hactar at 11:32 AM on November 2, 2017


About ten years ago I found a recipe for potica in an 80's cookbook, "International Delights," or something like that. The link here doesn't feature that exact recipe but it's more or less the same idea. (Minus the tarragon. ?) Thing is: in my cookbook, the recipe includes frosting made of confectioner's sugar, water and vanilla... and the filling itself is brown sugar, walnuts, eggs, and cinnamon. A lot of cinnamon. No raisins. Americanized, even as an "International Delight?" (The cookbook also happily recommends the use of margarine in place of butter, and I doubt "traditional recipes" touted as Very Old employed margarine in their original incarnations.)

So when I make this, people attack it. Because my recipe is just basically a giant cinnamon bun - and, since my mind works this way, I tend to think this and similar recipies are where cinnamon rolls originate and I think that's quite funny.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 3:53 PM on November 2, 2017


Man, fuck Auntie Anne and her bullshit pretzels.

thank you for this beautiful sentence.
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 11:55 PM on November 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


The last time I went to a Cinnabon, it was the branch at the Library of Alexandria.

That branch appears to be closed but if you fire up this page you'll find all the nearby ones across Egypt.
posted by mdonley at 8:06 AM on November 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


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