PSA: Please Unpack and Update Game Consoles Before Gifting Christmas

November 29, 2017 3:44 AM

Giving someone a big name game console this christmas? Apply software updates beforehand! Modern ".. game consoles require a lengthy series of updates, downloads, adjustments and vaguely arcane incantations before they work properly." You do NOT want to be attending to this Christmas day.

Suggestion to gift givers: "..open their consoles ahead of Christmas morning to get the updates installed, the games downloaded and the controllers either stocked with fresh batteries or completely charged so people can play the moment the wrapping paper is removed."

Why?

Christmas day is possibly, the worst day of the year to have to set up a new console.

Save yourself the hassle and - where possible - apply the updates / find the necessary batteries ahead of time. The days of new consoles being entirely plug-n-play straight out of the box, are over.

'How to Geek' has a slightly more involved step by step (but originally dated 2015) guide on how to set up a brand new Xbox / Playstation

posted by Faintdreams (44 comments total)

Yo, console companies: get on this!

Put on your box label, somewhere, the latest update you have on the thing in the box: you do already with MAC addresses and serials.
posted by filtergik at 4:09 AM on November 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

Put on your box label, somewhere, the latest update you have on the thing in the box: you do already with MAC addresses and serials.

They are unlikely to do that as it would be of considerable assistance when looking for consoles with old/vulnerable software to jailbreak.
posted by jaduncan at 4:20 AM on November 29, 2017 [5 favorites]

Console OS updates generally aren't too vast. The real problem is the 20GB day one patch that all the people who got the latest Call Of Dudebro will have to try and download on Christmas morning before they can play it online.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 4:34 AM on November 29, 2017 [13 favorites]

Nintendo's scarce Super NES Classic should have a label on the box that proudly announces "Needs no updates or batteries!". I'd forgotten how nice it is to unpack a box, plug in the console, and just fly.
posted by Servo5678 at 4:47 AM on November 29, 2017 [4 favorites]

Ban them from doing any install on Xmas day so you can watch Dr Who in peace.
posted by biffa at 5:02 AM on November 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

Well, that's why you buy them a Switch. Which, yeah, needs to be charged beforehand, because it comes with a really short cord that you don't want to be tethered to while you play.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:08 AM on November 29, 2017

Haha. So instead of Dad fumbling with the bicycle instructions, he’s up all night downloading patches for the PS4.
posted by notyou at 5:18 AM on November 29, 2017 [43 favorites]

The Switch is pretty good but it also has software updates, both for the OS and for the games
posted by aubilenon at 5:18 AM on November 29, 2017

*checks his Intellivision*

Yep, still good.
posted by delfin at 5:20 AM on November 29, 2017 [14 favorites]

My experience with the Switch is that you can carry on playing without installing the updates if you want to, which after years of abuse at the hands of Microsoft and Xbox live, was a breath of fresh air.
posted by tomp at 5:26 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh, I wasn't suggesting that the Switch didn't need to be updated. Just that it allowed for a simultaneous Doctor Who marathon.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:34 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

In my experience with the PS4 the system updates were pretty painless (maybe twenty minutes to get everything ready to go?) but downloads for games that are on discs is a major pain and one I will never not be salty about.

My typical routine with a new game is to fire it up after I get home and walk away while it does its download thing and maybe play later in the evening right before bed if the download gods have been kind.

Of course, there is the rare exception (like Dark Souls 2: Scholar of the First Sin) that doesn't require much (or any?) download and can be played right out of the box. But those are rare.

And don't forget, if you download a game you have to allow time for download AND install! I bought the digital copy of Fallout 4: GOTY edition on the PS Store over Thanksgiving weekend. I started downloading it Friday around four or five, finished downloading at ten, and finished installing some time between 12AM (at 19% of completion) and 8AM the following day.

I do pine for the days of putting games in and just playing them, however, I also remember blowing in cartridges, losing game files to faulty batteries, and praying to God your friend's father was a technical wizard who had a thorough understanding of their home setup if you wanted to set up a Super Nintendo in a new household for a sleepover.

Also I realize writing this I should probably go outside more.
posted by Tevin at 5:46 AM on November 29, 2017 [4 favorites]

Not a game console, but I bought my son a Dash robot for Christmas and am really glad that I unboxed it to check for Bluetooth compatibility with the old beater tablet he uses, because Dash required an update that took a good 45 minutes to complete. I'm going to check again Christmas Eve, because man what a bummer for a 5 year old. "I got you this cool ass robot, but you can't play with it until it spends an hour sitting there blinking and updating." That might as well be an eternity to a kid.
posted by soren_lorensen at 5:47 AM on November 29, 2017 [5 favorites]

Of course, even if you do all the updates and batteries, some assholes will bring down the PSN, rendering the console useless on Christmas day. As a non-console gamer, trying to explain that to an 11 and 8 year old was no fun at all.
posted by gladly at 5:48 AM on November 29, 2017 [2 favorites]

Honestly with a Switch or anything else, you may want to turn it on beforehand just to see if it works. Everything has a failure rate.

I currently have a Switch waiting for the kids in my closet and thank God I just got back into Stardew Valley on PC, otherwise I don't think I'd have the self control.
posted by selfnoise at 5:50 AM on November 29, 2017

Thanks for this, I wouldn’t have known otherwise and grandma is sending us a Switch this Christmas. I think I’ll still pack it up after so I can see my son lose his shit unwrapping it.
posted by furtive at 6:01 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Don't open and update them too far ahead, or you've got the worst case scenario: a wasted evening preparing to console, and then a wasted Christmas morning installing the updates that have been released in the interim. Sometimes I use my PS4 rarely enough that I'm installing a major update every time I turn it on.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:01 AM on November 29, 2017 [5 favorites]

paper c makes a good point, time to fall back on the old tradition of packing the kids up in bed on Xmas eve then stuffing yourself with Santa's sherry and mince pies while getting the presents sorted out.
posted by biffa at 6:05 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

We have this great early home movie of Christmas morning where father, as an eight year old on Christmas morning. Him, his brother, and his cousin all come tearing out of the hall to the tree, tear the wrapping off the first boxes they see, then tear open the boxes the presents were to immediately start playing with the toy.

It seems like for about the last decade, any excitement I feel at getting a new console game is severely tempered by the fact that I'll have to spend some unknown amount of time downloading and installing updates. It's gotten worse as I've had less time for gaming and end up playing slightly older games after they've gotten cheap.

I know we can't go back to the days where you just tear open a new toy and go like that but I think manufacturers would do well to design their products to make it easier for people giving them as gifts to get as close to that as possible.
posted by VTX at 6:16 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Nintendo's scarce Super NES Classic should have a label on the box that proudly announces "Needs no updates or batteries!". I'd forgotten how nice it is to unpack a box, plug in the console, and just fly.

Excellently, if you buy this in the UK, it doesn't actually come with a plug.
posted by dng at 6:21 AM on November 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

dng - that is messed up. Nintendo have pulled some unsavoury stunts this year, but not supplying a power source for European buyers of the SNES mini is one hellova dick move.

The false market scarcity is also a huge dick move, but I won't rant about that here.
posted by Faintdreams at 6:33 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Having been in the middle of foul xmas day arguments over whose Apple account the kids' new iPads were to go on, then later spending a good hour in front of a huge-screen UPDATING icon with a nearby kid nearly dying from anticipation when we should have been watching A Christmas Story got the X-thousandth time, I agree.

The rechargeable battery, though, is the true killer of Christmas. In my day, batteries were dead by lunchtime, and you couldn't get more until the 27th.
posted by scruss at 6:49 AM on November 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

I was gifted a Nintendo 3DS XL a couple of years ago and the update and configuration time was at least an hour and I could barely take it. I just wanted to play Animal Crossing, dang it!
posted by Calzephyr at 6:51 AM on November 29, 2017

I know we can't go back to the days where you just tear open a new toy and go like that but I think manufacturers would do well to design their products to make it easier for people giving them as gifts to get as close to that as possible.

Oh holy shit, what you said. It's not even about game updates. Toys nowadays come in transparent trays with umpteen twist ties holding them in. You can't even open a spider man figure without having to cut a couple of ties or rubber bands. At least Lego sets are still in the same sort of boxes with bags inside.
posted by Fleebnork at 7:05 AM on November 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

And don't forget about things like server overloads and network congestion/bandwidth problems on Christmas day as everyone does the patches and downloads.. Plus the rogue DDOS that probably all major providers have been hit with over Christmas .. (Sony stands out in memory)
posted by k5.user at 7:09 AM on November 29, 2017

In here, some stores have a (paid) setup-up service for laptops, tablets and phones for less tech-savvy people. If some updates didn't take hours to complete, it wouldn't be that hard to take the newly bought system out of the box, install the most recent update, reset settings back to factory and reseal everything inside.
posted by lmfsilva at 7:26 AM on November 29, 2017

> Don't open and update them too far ahead, or you've got the worst case scenario: a wasted evening preparing to console, and then a wasted Christmas morning installing the updates that have been released in the interim.

The file sizes for incremental patch updates between early December and Christmas Day should be much smaller than the incremental patch update between when the console or game was packaged and Christmas day.

So the optimal scenario is probably to run the patches once you receive the package, and then again on Christmas Eve.
posted by ardgedee at 7:59 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

FYI, you don't need to open up the console, plug it in, let it patch for hours and ruin the suprise.

PS4 offline update
Xbox One offline update

You can download the updates from a faster work connection, slap them on a USB drive, and update them Christmas morning in the blink of an eye and BE A HERO TO YOUR KIDS.
posted by Talez at 8:19 AM on November 29, 2017 [18 favorites]

The Switch is pretty good but it also has software updates, both for the OS and for the games

I can also attest that the updates for physical games can be fairly weighty as well. I bought the Switch version of DOOM on cartridge a couple of weeks ago, and before I could play I had to sit through a 7 GB(!) download for multiplayer and other content because apparently not everything would fit on the cart.

I will hasten to add that it is a pretty brilliant port that preserves basically everything that people liked about the PC version with barely noticeable (for me) dings to the graphics and frame rate, but the download was kind of a buzzkill.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:35 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Yeah, um, my kid can go ahead and apply all the patches and updates and shit himself on Christmas Day if he wants. I'm fine with that.

Back in my day we had to write our own video games.
posted by Cookiebastard at 9:00 AM on November 29, 2017 [7 favorites]

Back in my day we had to write our own video games.

No you didn't. You just copied them out of the pages of the magazine.
posted by Talez at 9:06 AM on November 29, 2017 [18 favorites]

All the people going on about the Switch - that's all fine and dandy except if the games you want to play aren't on it.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 10:09 AM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Nintendo's scarce Super NES Classic

I guess I'm not going to get this one, either
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:33 AM on November 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

All the people going on about the Switch - that's all fine and dandy except if the games you want to play aren't on it.

The whole point of a Switch is the games you want to play aren't on other platforms.
posted by Talez at 12:00 PM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

The whole point of a Switch is the games you want to play aren't on other platforms.

I've owned four Nintendo consoles in my life and this was the reason I bought every single one.
posted by aspersioncast at 1:15 PM on November 29, 2017

The whole point of a Switch is the games you want to play aren't on other platforms.

Partially. The other point of the Switch is that it also allows you to play games that are on other platforms (insofar as Nintendo has succeeded in getting major third parties and indie developers on board), but in a portable hand-held/tabletop form factor that doesn't rely on being tethered to a TV or computer.
posted by Strange Interlude at 2:04 PM on November 29, 2017

Can't you just not hook it up to the internet, and play whatever version of the game is on the disc? I realize some games have mandatory online DRM nonsense, but are we so far gone that most/all console games require internet connectivity?
posted by vibratory manner of working at 3:03 PM on November 29, 2017

The most recent console I own is a gamecube, so I'm willing to believe I'm well out of touch on this one.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 3:04 PM on November 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Sometimes, a game will require an update just because the console manufacturer wants to plug an exploit.
posted by ikea_femme at 3:25 PM on November 29, 2017

> Toys nowadays come in transparent trays with umpteen twist ties holding them in.

Pro-tip: have diagonal/flush cutters to hand. They're not expensive, and they're better for removing ties without damaging the product than scissors.
posted by scruss at 6:56 PM on November 29, 2017

Sometimes, a game will require an update just because the console manufacturer wants to plug an exploit.

[My expertise is PS4 but I think this probably applies to all the consoles] Generally games require a system update to whatever version of system software they were programmed against. So if you want to play a year-old game, you only need to have your system software up to date as of a year ago. Since people like playing new games, this does encourage people to upgrade, even if it "fixes" holes that let people do stuff they want, like jailbreaking the device. But the other advantage of this policy is it makes things way easier for game developers. They can just blithely develop against the latest version of the OS, without having to work around or even test for bugs in or features missing from older OS versions. Which, while doable, is a big hassle, as phone and computer developers can confirm.
posted by aubilenon at 7:30 PM on November 29, 2017

I vaguely remember some PC game I was having problems getting the patch to apply. I found out that that particular patch was basically a server side patch and the only actual update it made the game files was the version number the client (which the server checked before it would allow the connection). So I was able to open the relevant settings file, manually change the version number, and everything worked!

It was neat to be to apply such a simple work-around but it did further convince me that patching in video games has gotten out of hand.
posted by VTX at 6:05 AM on November 30, 2017

This is so sad. Imagining the epic meltdowns and crushing disappointments that must plague the Christmas mornings of little gamers. MOM!!!
posted by thelonius at 6:15 AM on November 30, 2017

scruss: “> Toys nowadays come in transparent trays with umpteen twist ties holding them in.

Pro-tip: have diagonal/flush cutters to hand. They're not expensive, and they're better for removing ties without damaging the product than scissors.”

I need one of those to compliment my Zibra Open-It. It cuts open clamshells and zip ties, has a built in knife for slicing open boxes or shrink wrap, and even has a little screwdriver to open battery compartments. It's so much better than trying to use regular scissors to open plastic clamshell packaging.
posted by ob1quixote at 9:19 AM on November 30, 2017