"Everyone needs someone else"
November 30, 2017 10:16 AM Subscribe
How intentional communities try to combat loneliness, a detrimental condition experienced by 40% of Americans. "Intentional communities[...] are intimate: a couple dozen apartments or single-family homes, built around central squares or common spaces. And they’re operated in ways intended to keep the community connected — with weekly dinners at a community center or other common area, shared babysitting services, shared gardens or games or even vacations. If you don’t want to participate, fine; no one will come pester you to play a pick-up game you don’t want to play or join a committee you don’t want to join. But when you need the community — because a spouse is away or a baby is sick or you’re just plain lonely and would like some companionship — it’s there for you."
I live in co-housing, and the "health benefits" were not even a consideration as to why we moved here. What an odd, off-putting way of thinking about community! Other people don't exist to lower your risk of dying from heart disease.
They're not wrong about the meetings, though.
posted by libraryhead at 10:36 AM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
They're not wrong about the meetings, though.
posted by libraryhead at 10:36 AM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
A bunch of my Burner friends and I talk about doing this when we're a bit older and ready to bail on city life. We all have our eyes on different parcels of land here and there (and a few of us own them already), but I like the idea that we can put our collective building, feeding, infrastructure and resource management skills to some practical use down the line. I'll be the first to accept criticism of Burning Man on any number of levels, but for the relative few of us who go out there early to build the place, it's provided an invaluable learning experience in co-creating and sustaining these kinds of communities.
posted by mykescipark at 10:40 AM on November 30, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by mykescipark at 10:40 AM on November 30, 2017 [6 favorites]
I lived in cohousing in Ann Arbor. It was great for kids being able to run free without cars, but the gossip was insane. Having a neighbor who was a dick, or never watched his kids was a much bigger issue, because you couldn’t help their lives rubbing up against you life again and again.
The mandatory shared chores sucked, too.
That said, I still think it’s a better way to live, despite the drawbacks. It kind of feels like living in semi-private college housing, community for better or worse.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:41 AM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
The mandatory shared chores sucked, too.
That said, I still think it’s a better way to live, despite the drawbacks. It kind of feels like living in semi-private college housing, community for better or worse.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:41 AM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Okay, I'm a big fan of intentional communities and cohousing, but Commonspace just looks like an overpriced post-college dorm—more real estate business plan than community.
Also, that photo where the two women are cooking and the two men are 1) playing on his laptop and 2) eating
posted by the_blizz at 10:57 AM on November 30, 2017 [15 favorites]
Also, that photo where the two women are cooking and the two men are 1) playing on his laptop and 2) eating
posted by the_blizz at 10:57 AM on November 30, 2017 [15 favorites]
What an odd, off-putting way of thinking about community! Other people don't exist to lower your risk of dying from heart disease.
Well, we don't really know why people exist at all, so.
But is it really off-putting that being around other people is healthy, and that participating or living in an intentional community may have beneficial side-effects? It sounds a lot better than "raises the ROI for investors by increasing rent per square foot via increased resident density."
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:02 AM on November 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
Well, we don't really know why people exist at all, so.
But is it really off-putting that being around other people is healthy, and that participating or living in an intentional community may have beneficial side-effects? It sounds a lot better than "raises the ROI for investors by increasing rent per square foot via increased resident density."
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:02 AM on November 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
is it really off-putting that being around other people is healthy,
I do kind of resent that fact, just a bit.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:03 AM on November 30, 2017 [26 favorites]
I do kind of resent that fact, just a bit.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:03 AM on November 30, 2017 [26 favorites]
Pleasantly surprised to enjoy something from Time again. Good find.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:09 AM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:09 AM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
happy to see this get press!
in lewiston maine there is a great place called "raise-op" which is less about the lonely part and more about long term affordable housing but happens to get the community part as well. really inspiring place.
i've visited a handful of these places including ones in ithaca ny, amherst ma and brunswick me. they have all been the more rural type. separate houses and a bigger common house and then shared yard/woods/etc.
currently working on starting a ~9 unit rural cohousing/working place in maine as well. yes it's a lot of docs and meetings so far but i haven't soured on it yet!
posted by danjo at 11:11 AM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
in lewiston maine there is a great place called "raise-op" which is less about the lonely part and more about long term affordable housing but happens to get the community part as well. really inspiring place.
i've visited a handful of these places including ones in ithaca ny, amherst ma and brunswick me. they have all been the more rural type. separate houses and a bigger common house and then shared yard/woods/etc.
currently working on starting a ~9 unit rural cohousing/working place in maine as well. yes it's a lot of docs and meetings so far but i haven't soured on it yet!
posted by danjo at 11:11 AM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
This is my dream. There are a few cohousing communities in Seattle and the movement seemed to be gaining steam for a while, but I'm worried our out of control housing inflation has stifled that momentum, since the parcels that could be bought for this are now so expensive because they can be huge expensive apartment buildings instead.
Right now I live in a small apartment complex that tends to be much more communal/neighborly than I've been used to, and it's really nice. I think the design of it makes a huge difference: it's two buildings facing each other with a courtyard in the middle, and all the doors/stairs are on the outside, with shared balconies/patios. It encourages people to make small-talk more, and then when there are people who are more outgoing, and/or if people hit it off, it becomes very easy to get to know people better. Probably a bit of a nightmare for antisocial introverts though.
I made some really good friends in my first year here and it was a dream. There's nothing like having a close friend who lives right next door. Then the building management changed, the new management hiked the rents, and every single person I liked save one moved out within a month. Stupid capitalism.
posted by lunasol at 11:35 AM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Right now I live in a small apartment complex that tends to be much more communal/neighborly than I've been used to, and it's really nice. I think the design of it makes a huge difference: it's two buildings facing each other with a courtyard in the middle, and all the doors/stairs are on the outside, with shared balconies/patios. It encourages people to make small-talk more, and then when there are people who are more outgoing, and/or if people hit it off, it becomes very easy to get to know people better. Probably a bit of a nightmare for antisocial introverts though.
I made some really good friends in my first year here and it was a dream. There's nothing like having a close friend who lives right next door. Then the building management changed, the new management hiked the rents, and every single person I liked save one moved out within a month. Stupid capitalism.
posted by lunasol at 11:35 AM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is a great idea and I'd love to see them become more popular. At the same time, I have a little knee-jerk reaction to intentional communities - I always think, or, you know, you could get to know your neighbors. If you grew up in the projects, or in a little village, you might already know that you can get gossip and grudges and oh-I-heard-you-were-sick-here's some soup without having to move to a special designer neighborhood. If you want to spend time in endless meetings debating the cost of utilities and responsibility for plowing or which streetlights to get, there are town committees you can join. If everyone who lived in an apartment complex or urban neighborhood or village center would join in, then we wouldn't need a term for this. It would just be called community.
Maybe it's just the people I know: I live near a cohousing community, and I know a lot of people who have lived in/are very interested in intentional communities, and they are all of a certain type of hippie baby boomers. I understand the difference between "intentional community" and "neighborhood" (it's all in the bylaws, and nobody normally makes participation on the public works committee compulsory). But unless your community is specifically oriented to affordable housing, or there's a land trust involved, you're still talking about people who can afford those houses. And have the leisure to spend time at meetings - the same people who show up to zoning board meetings too. These don't really fix the structural issues that prevent most people from creating deeply enmeshed communities, it just makes it an option for those who already can.
posted by epanalepsis at 11:38 AM on November 30, 2017 [16 favorites]
Maybe it's just the people I know: I live near a cohousing community, and I know a lot of people who have lived in/are very interested in intentional communities, and they are all of a certain type of hippie baby boomers. I understand the difference between "intentional community" and "neighborhood" (it's all in the bylaws, and nobody normally makes participation on the public works committee compulsory). But unless your community is specifically oriented to affordable housing, or there's a land trust involved, you're still talking about people who can afford those houses. And have the leisure to spend time at meetings - the same people who show up to zoning board meetings too. These don't really fix the structural issues that prevent most people from creating deeply enmeshed communities, it just makes it an option for those who already can.
posted by epanalepsis at 11:38 AM on November 30, 2017 [16 favorites]
The modified apartment living approach is a kind of nice answer to the question "If you live in a fairly small space, where do you socialize?"
posted by puddledork at 11:43 AM on November 30, 2017
posted by puddledork at 11:43 AM on November 30, 2017
What prevents you from ending up in an intentional community full of assholes you can't stand? It seems like the only requirement to move in is being able to afford the cost. That's no different than any other neighborhood.
posted by haileris23 at 11:44 AM on November 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by haileris23 at 11:44 AM on November 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
I lived in cohousing in Ann Arbor. It was great for kids being able to run free without cars, but the gossip was insane.
this, right here, is the thing that turns me away from living in a small town. In my experience, when everyone knows everyone else's business, that just makes it a little too easy for the majority way of doing things to take precedence, and if you don't fit in with the majority then...
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:44 AM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
this, right here, is the thing that turns me away from living in a small town. In my experience, when everyone knows everyone else's business, that just makes it a little too easy for the majority way of doing things to take precedence, and if you don't fit in with the majority then...
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:44 AM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I actually live near Syracuse, NY and I'm one of the 25% of Americans who have "no one to confide in" and will frequently go for days without speaking aloud so I wandered over to the Commonspace web site. $850/mo for a dorm room? I guess intentional communities are for people with a lot more financial resources than I have. (I've also looked at other intentional communities that involve buying homes near where I live and they're asking $250,000+ for 900 sq. foot town homes. Yikes.)
posted by xyzzy at 11:59 AM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by xyzzy at 11:59 AM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
If you don’t want to participate, fine; no one will come pester you to play a pick-up game you don’t want to play or join a committee you don’t want to join. But when you need the community — because a spouse is away or a baby is sick or you’re just plain lonely and would like some companionship — it’s there for you.
Also this? Is not how social capital works. You have to give some to get some. Nobody can compel you to participate, but you can't expect people not to take offense, or simply not to feel as much goodwill towards you because of that. The design of your living space has some effect on behavior, of course, but it doesn't change the basic rules of human interaction.
posted by epanalepsis at 12:05 PM on November 30, 2017 [21 favorites]
Also this? Is not how social capital works. You have to give some to get some. Nobody can compel you to participate, but you can't expect people not to take offense, or simply not to feel as much goodwill towards you because of that. The design of your living space has some effect on behavior, of course, but it doesn't change the basic rules of human interaction.
posted by epanalepsis at 12:05 PM on November 30, 2017 [21 favorites]
I miss the few years I lived in a collective house. It was a nice arrangement. There was big common space, including kitchen, so it always felt like the hearth was warm... but there was generous private space for each person. My partner and I were able to retreat up to our floor and were able to feel like we had our own space. No walking in a towel through a common area when someone had friends over, you know?
I daydream about putting something together with the right group of people... houses close together with kitchens that open on a common yard, or units of a multi-family house with some shared spaces, or something like that.
Even being where I'm at now, where I have a few close friends as neighbors within a few minutes' walk, is a really lovely way to live.
posted by entropone at 12:35 PM on November 30, 2017
I daydream about putting something together with the right group of people... houses close together with kitchens that open on a common yard, or units of a multi-family house with some shared spaces, or something like that.
Even being where I'm at now, where I have a few close friends as neighbors within a few minutes' walk, is a really lovely way to live.
posted by entropone at 12:35 PM on November 30, 2017
I feel that no one who's never had to negotiate the shared chores/meetings/someone keeps leaving the lobby door open/no hanging out on the open porch after 11 p.m. experience can fully understand it. It's not something that fits the expectations of your average middle-class white suburban adult, for sure.
posted by praemunire at 12:40 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 12:40 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
What prevents you from ending up in an intentional community full of assholes you can't stand? It seems like the only requirement to move in is being able to afford the cost. That's no different than any other neighborhood.
An intriguing solution to your point, and similar points raised in this thread, are the affordable semi kinda sorta communal living areas we already have in pretty much every zip code except the most exclusive. They're called trailer parks, and it wouldn't take nearly as much effort or commitment or money to mold one into something almost indistinguishable from what's being promoted in the article. Just sayin.
posted by Beholder at 12:59 PM on November 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
An intriguing solution to your point, and similar points raised in this thread, are the affordable semi kinda sorta communal living areas we already have in pretty much every zip code except the most exclusive. They're called trailer parks, and it wouldn't take nearly as much effort or commitment or money to mold one into something almost indistinguishable from what's being promoted in the article. Just sayin.
posted by Beholder at 12:59 PM on November 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
What prevents you from ending up in an intentional community full of assholes you can't stand?
In the co-op I lived in, we would vote on new residents. There were still assholes I couldn't stand, but I avoided them while still living happily. If there were fewer residents, though, the one or two assholes would be a larger percentage of the whole and it wouldn't be worth it.
posted by tofu_crouton at 1:03 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
In the co-op I lived in, we would vote on new residents. There were still assholes I couldn't stand, but I avoided them while still living happily. If there were fewer residents, though, the one or two assholes would be a larger percentage of the whole and it wouldn't be worth it.
posted by tofu_crouton at 1:03 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Maybe it's just the people I know: I live near a cohousing community, and I know a lot of people who have lived in/are very interested in intentional communities, and they are all of a certain type of hippie baby boomers.
I kind of feel this way too. I'm a groups person: I like being in groups, I like thinking about groups, I even like meetings. I lived in a co-op for 5 years. I'd be really interested in a co-housing type situation now or in the future, because I'm really drawn to the idea of being able to have a community and live near others while still having some private space. But now that I'm out of college spaces where there is a bit more room for group living as a mainstream thing, when I look at the co-ops and intentional communities and co-housing set-ups near me, they all seem kind of...not very diverse? Like, it's all a certain type of personality and demographic, and just because I like the idea of living in partially shared spaces doesn't mean I want to be in community with only a very narrow slice of people.
It is a good question though: why don't/can't people just create intentional communities right where they already live? Some of it is the design aspect, for sure—things like "is there a pleasant common space to hang out and is it visible/easy to get to" really matter in shaping people's day to day choices about how to interact (or not). But also it's also a culture thing. For a lot of people, the way life works is to have your own apartment/suburban house/whatever and not really talk to your neighbors, much less share meals or child care or chores or community decisions. That's too bad and I wish connecting with your neighbors was more culturally supported.
posted by aka burlap at 1:23 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I kind of feel this way too. I'm a groups person: I like being in groups, I like thinking about groups, I even like meetings. I lived in a co-op for 5 years. I'd be really interested in a co-housing type situation now or in the future, because I'm really drawn to the idea of being able to have a community and live near others while still having some private space. But now that I'm out of college spaces where there is a bit more room for group living as a mainstream thing, when I look at the co-ops and intentional communities and co-housing set-ups near me, they all seem kind of...not very diverse? Like, it's all a certain type of personality and demographic, and just because I like the idea of living in partially shared spaces doesn't mean I want to be in community with only a very narrow slice of people.
It is a good question though: why don't/can't people just create intentional communities right where they already live? Some of it is the design aspect, for sure—things like "is there a pleasant common space to hang out and is it visible/easy to get to" really matter in shaping people's day to day choices about how to interact (or not). But also it's also a culture thing. For a lot of people, the way life works is to have your own apartment/suburban house/whatever and not really talk to your neighbors, much less share meals or child care or chores or community decisions. That's too bad and I wish connecting with your neighbors was more culturally supported.
posted by aka burlap at 1:23 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
This Commonspace thing looks like long-term hotel living for people who haven't found a gated community to live in yet. Work in a cube or office all day, watch television and browse the internet in a hotel suite all evening, and have no cleaning, other species, or unvetted neighbors to worry about. And if the average length of tenancy is just eight months, I'm guessing there isn't a lot of actual human connecting going on, unless residents are marrying and moving away together.
posted by pracowity at 1:26 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 1:26 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
Fascinating discussion.
For me this article was thought provoking, as I've often pondered about different types of societies and their effect on happiness and satisfaction of human beings. I've been exposed to the close-knit community type, especially having grown up with a lot of relatives and their families living close by, and currently living the lifestyle where I very much value independence and alone time. That said, I do wish my social life had a more close-knit dynamic like it used to have back in the day.
It seems like in practice, these lifestyles lie on extreme ends of the spectrum, with the close-knit communities/societies often coming in a package deal of constant judgment, gossip, and close-mindedness, and the more independent and individualistic mindset leading to a lack of meaningful relationships with people. The idea of intentional communities struck me as a healthy balance between the two, at least theoretically.
In a society that's deeply permeated by the use of social media, which as we all know has been a big factor in reducing our social lives to mostly impersonal and virtual interactions, I wonder how this concept of intentional communities will play out. Like some of the comments in this thread have mentioned, one can ask, "Why not cultivate such communities where we currently live?" However, the motivation to do that is greatly lacking when life and career gets in the way pretty much all the time. The idea of having an avenue for social interaction and group events always sounds appealing in theory, and the opportunity certainly exists in any living space in this day and age, but realistically, how often do we make it a priority and take advantage of it? One can provide the tools to make social interaction more accessible, but it's ultimately up to each individual to utilize the opportunity. It's hard to change that behavior when the reality is that, even when we are around people, we have a tendency to keep our faces in our screens (I try not to speak for everyone here, as a good number of people I know do have strict rules for themselves to keep their phones away when they're in a social setting, but I've met people on the other end of the spectrum as well).
I'm no exception to the rule, so all of this may sound hypocritical. I recognized my tendency to become too involved in my own life and my own space, which is why I often fantasize about the social dynamic that's often presented in TV shows like Friends or HIMYM, where friends can just hang out informally without any agenda or obligation to initiate and maintain a deep or meaningful conversation (sometimes the simple presence of people is meaningful enough, is it not?). I am not sure what is a good solution to cultivate the types of communities I want, but this article pointed out an interesting concept that seems to take a step in that direction...but I'm curious to know more about how that plays out in reality.
posted by cocoaviolet at 2:22 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
For me this article was thought provoking, as I've often pondered about different types of societies and their effect on happiness and satisfaction of human beings. I've been exposed to the close-knit community type, especially having grown up with a lot of relatives and their families living close by, and currently living the lifestyle where I very much value independence and alone time. That said, I do wish my social life had a more close-knit dynamic like it used to have back in the day.
It seems like in practice, these lifestyles lie on extreme ends of the spectrum, with the close-knit communities/societies often coming in a package deal of constant judgment, gossip, and close-mindedness, and the more independent and individualistic mindset leading to a lack of meaningful relationships with people. The idea of intentional communities struck me as a healthy balance between the two, at least theoretically.
In a society that's deeply permeated by the use of social media, which as we all know has been a big factor in reducing our social lives to mostly impersonal and virtual interactions, I wonder how this concept of intentional communities will play out. Like some of the comments in this thread have mentioned, one can ask, "Why not cultivate such communities where we currently live?" However, the motivation to do that is greatly lacking when life and career gets in the way pretty much all the time. The idea of having an avenue for social interaction and group events always sounds appealing in theory, and the opportunity certainly exists in any living space in this day and age, but realistically, how often do we make it a priority and take advantage of it? One can provide the tools to make social interaction more accessible, but it's ultimately up to each individual to utilize the opportunity. It's hard to change that behavior when the reality is that, even when we are around people, we have a tendency to keep our faces in our screens (I try not to speak for everyone here, as a good number of people I know do have strict rules for themselves to keep their phones away when they're in a social setting, but I've met people on the other end of the spectrum as well).
I'm no exception to the rule, so all of this may sound hypocritical. I recognized my tendency to become too involved in my own life and my own space, which is why I often fantasize about the social dynamic that's often presented in TV shows like Friends or HIMYM, where friends can just hang out informally without any agenda or obligation to initiate and maintain a deep or meaningful conversation (sometimes the simple presence of people is meaningful enough, is it not?). I am not sure what is a good solution to cultivate the types of communities I want, but this article pointed out an interesting concept that seems to take a step in that direction...but I'm curious to know more about how that plays out in reality.
posted by cocoaviolet at 2:22 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
So many of my friends and I have discussed buying all the units in a condo and doing something like this when we are older. In our case it isn't loneliness, but the need to have a better support system since our larger community (ie the state and the country governments) aren't doing much to help us feel secure in our old ages. Thanks for posting this.
posted by davejay at 4:23 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by davejay at 4:23 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I live in a co-housing community in England. It's brilliant, I love it. I had no idea co-housing was a thing until we stumbled upon this place. But the mix of having your own private fully functioning house/flat as well as shared communal spaces works really well for us. Everyone has their own lives and jobs etc but we also work together on things, mostly outdoorsy stuff like maintenance or growing food. And that working together is really important because then when we meet up (on Saturday night) for a shared meal we actually have shared experience to talk about. If we just lived our own lives and met up for a meal once a week it would be a bit disjointed I think. So the working together bit is very important. The work is emphasised to people who are interested in moving in. People are very flexible about it but you do have to try and engage with the many tasks that need doing in good faith. Consequently most of the people living here are very industrious, and far from the stoned hippy stereotype some might imagine when they hear the word 'community'.
There are a lot of meetings but they are much better run than any meetings I've encountered in business. It takes patience to get lots of people to agree on things but it can be done if you take the meetings seriously.
There's a constant stream of interested visitors who ask lots of questions so we frequently have opportunities to reflect on how the community works. Living like this feels exciting and experimental but also (somehow) very natural. The other community members here feel like more than neighbours, but not necessarily friends, its something between friends and colleagues. Really, I suspect 'community member' is a slightly different type of relationship that's different to both friend and neighbour that we have all forgotten about but probably used to be a lot more common.
So its great here but there's not much sense that 'everyone should be doing this'. It feels like we're doing something that works for us but really appeals to a small niche. Enough of a niche that when someone wants to move out, someone else wants to move in. But not a huge niche. Hence it feels a bit strange to me how that Time article frames it as a health issue. Whatever the health benefits, I don't think a huge proportion of the population could live like this in the 21st century. You need to have a reasonable grasp of social skills to handle frequent contact with this many people. And a fairly thick skin, and an ability to speak up for what you want but also not hold grudges.
What prevents you from ending up in an intentional community full of assholes you can't stand?
Theres a process for people who want to join - they have to visit a certain number of times, spend time with everyone, attend meetings. Then in theory we vote on whether they can join but in practice its nearly always self selecting. Although everyone can see the attraction, its a niche thing, like I said. Moving here is a bit of a leap and only the really keen people have energy for that leap. To me it feels like a bigger leap than, say, moving to a different country and learning a new language.
posted by memebake at 4:32 PM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
There are a lot of meetings but they are much better run than any meetings I've encountered in business. It takes patience to get lots of people to agree on things but it can be done if you take the meetings seriously.
There's a constant stream of interested visitors who ask lots of questions so we frequently have opportunities to reflect on how the community works. Living like this feels exciting and experimental but also (somehow) very natural. The other community members here feel like more than neighbours, but not necessarily friends, its something between friends and colleagues. Really, I suspect 'community member' is a slightly different type of relationship that's different to both friend and neighbour that we have all forgotten about but probably used to be a lot more common.
So its great here but there's not much sense that 'everyone should be doing this'. It feels like we're doing something that works for us but really appeals to a small niche. Enough of a niche that when someone wants to move out, someone else wants to move in. But not a huge niche. Hence it feels a bit strange to me how that Time article frames it as a health issue. Whatever the health benefits, I don't think a huge proportion of the population could live like this in the 21st century. You need to have a reasonable grasp of social skills to handle frequent contact with this many people. And a fairly thick skin, and an ability to speak up for what you want but also not hold grudges.
What prevents you from ending up in an intentional community full of assholes you can't stand?
Theres a process for people who want to join - they have to visit a certain number of times, spend time with everyone, attend meetings. Then in theory we vote on whether they can join but in practice its nearly always self selecting. Although everyone can see the attraction, its a niche thing, like I said. Moving here is a bit of a leap and only the really keen people have energy for that leap. To me it feels like a bigger leap than, say, moving to a different country and learning a new language.
posted by memebake at 4:32 PM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
"That said, I still think it’s a better way to live, despite the drawbacks. It kind of feels like living in semi-private college housing, community for better or worse."
OMG my college dorm was based on the Rule of St. Benedict and I would join a Rule of St. Benedict co-housing community in a hot second. They've been working out the kinks for 15 centuries, it works pretty well.
"What prevents you from ending up in an intentional community full of assholes you can't stand? It seems like the only requirement to move in is being able to afford the cost."
In a Rule of St. Benedict community, nothing, except that they commit to the community and its rules. They put in their good-faith labor, you good-faith try to put up with them.
(Chapter 61: If a monk who is a stranger, arrives from a distant place and desires to live in the monastery as a guest, and is satisfied with the customs he findes there, and does not trouble the monastery with superfluous wants, but is satisfied with what he finds, let him be received for as long a time as he desires. Still, if he should reasonably, with humility and charity, censure or point out anything, let the Abbot consider discreetly whether the Lord did not perhaps send him for that very purpose. If later on he desires to declare his stability [i.e., join the community], let his wish not be denied, and especially since his life could be known during his stay as a guest. But if during the time that he was a guest he was found to be troublesome and disorderly, he must not only not associate with the monastic body but should even be politely requested to leave, that others may not be infected by his evil life. But if he has not been such as deserves to be cast forth, he should not only be admitted to join the brotherhood, if he apply, but he should even be urged to remain, that others may be taught by his example, because we serve one Lord and fight under one King everywhere.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:11 PM on November 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
OMG my college dorm was based on the Rule of St. Benedict and I would join a Rule of St. Benedict co-housing community in a hot second. They've been working out the kinks for 15 centuries, it works pretty well.
"What prevents you from ending up in an intentional community full of assholes you can't stand? It seems like the only requirement to move in is being able to afford the cost."
In a Rule of St. Benedict community, nothing, except that they commit to the community and its rules. They put in their good-faith labor, you good-faith try to put up with them.
(Chapter 61: If a monk who is a stranger, arrives from a distant place and desires to live in the monastery as a guest, and is satisfied with the customs he findes there, and does not trouble the monastery with superfluous wants, but is satisfied with what he finds, let him be received for as long a time as he desires. Still, if he should reasonably, with humility and charity, censure or point out anything, let the Abbot consider discreetly whether the Lord did not perhaps send him for that very purpose. If later on he desires to declare his stability [i.e., join the community], let his wish not be denied, and especially since his life could be known during his stay as a guest. But if during the time that he was a guest he was found to be troublesome and disorderly, he must not only not associate with the monastic body but should even be politely requested to leave, that others may not be infected by his evil life. But if he has not been such as deserves to be cast forth, he should not only be admitted to join the brotherhood, if he apply, but he should even be urged to remain, that others may be taught by his example, because we serve one Lord and fight under one King everywhere.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:11 PM on November 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
That’s a hipster spin on the village life that people have known for centuries all over the world. You know everyone, you run into people you know on market day, you see them at Church on Sundays, they bring you food when you’re grieving a loved one, and you all take part in communal events.
posted by Kwadeng at 10:36 PM on November 30, 2017
posted by Kwadeng at 10:36 PM on November 30, 2017
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:28 AM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]