Myanmar Brought Her Own Damn Stage
November 30, 2017 3:04 PM Subscribe
Tom and Lorenzo Present the 2017 Miss Universe Pageant Costumes:
Part One: SPINAL INJURY SHOWDOWN!
“Come to Belgium, where we like our showgirls darkly ominous and unhealthily obsessed with heraldry!”
Part Two: She Came With Props!
"Honduras is not impressed. Now stand back and watch me launch the famous Honduran Volley of Sequins at you.”
Part Three: Oddballs and Headscratchers
“Please do not make any sudden movements. I am removing the bee hive from my head.”
Part Four: The Low-Effort Ladies!
“One big honkin’ flower and a banana sticker is all a girl from Guam needs. Trust.”
Part Two: She Came With Props!
"Honduras is not impressed. Now stand back and watch me launch the famous Honduran Volley of Sequins at you.”
Part Three: Oddballs and Headscratchers
“Please do not make any sudden movements. I am removing the bee hive from my head.”
Part Four: The Low-Effort Ladies!
“One big honkin’ flower and a banana sticker is all a girl from Guam needs. Trust.”
Also, to Miss Mexico - go unibrow, or go home.
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:12 PM on November 30, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:12 PM on November 30, 2017 [12 favorites]
Ethiopia is hiding a face-hugger in there. Holy cripes!
posted by blurker at 3:17 PM on November 30, 2017
posted by blurker at 3:17 PM on November 30, 2017
Are...are they in the back corridor of a run-down mall? What happened to the stage?
posted by elsietheeel at 3:17 PM on November 30, 2017 [15 favorites]
posted by elsietheeel at 3:17 PM on November 30, 2017 [15 favorites]
My glee that MISS GUAM has her I AM MISS GUAM Sticker back is unending.
posted by FritoKAL at 3:19 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by FritoKAL at 3:19 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Oh I see, Miss Myanmar took it with her.
posted by elsietheeel at 3:20 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by elsietheeel at 3:20 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
What happened to the stage?
Now you know why Myanmar brought her own.
posted by nubs at 3:21 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
Now you know why Myanmar brought her own.
posted by nubs at 3:21 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
Don't forget Part 5: the ones that didn't fit anywhere else.
posted by rewil at 3:22 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by rewil at 3:22 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
This is a recurring feature on their blog. A couple of years ago I was pretty disappointed at how much of the commentary was lazy "space hooker" "pirate space hooker" retreads and also imagining the contestants all calling each other bitches and I hadn't read the last few years' worth. I enjoyed this year a lot more.
posted by danielleh at 3:24 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by danielleh at 3:24 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Sadly, Genevieve Valentine is not doing her more interesting and in depth rundown this year either.
posted by jeather at 3:25 PM on November 30, 2017
posted by jeather at 3:25 PM on November 30, 2017
Oh for the love of Mike—I thought Miss France had phoned it in but then I saw Miss USA...also that's a classy costume choice when we've got the threat of nuclear war on our minds. Well done.
I wrote that before I saw Miss Norway...
Uff da.
posted by elsietheeel at 3:25 PM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
I wrote that before I saw Miss Norway...
Uff da.
posted by elsietheeel at 3:25 PM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
me, scrolling: wow does thailand actually think they're gonna get away with sending a pUPPET
me, stopped: wait
posted by poffin boffin at 3:26 PM on November 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
me, stopped: wait
posted by poffin boffin at 3:26 PM on November 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
am pretty sure Miss Peru is geared up to fight Space Marines. Or, possibly, alongside Space Marines, depending on the scenario.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:29 PM on November 30, 2017
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:29 PM on November 30, 2017
To be fair, Miss USA is a radiochemist in real life, so there's a reasoning there despite the poor timing.
posted by rewil at 3:31 PM on November 30, 2017 [19 favorites]
posted by rewil at 3:31 PM on November 30, 2017 [19 favorites]
Okay that's flipping awesome and I apologize to Miss USA wholeheartedly.
posted by elsietheeel at 3:35 PM on November 30, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by elsietheeel at 3:35 PM on November 30, 2017 [13 favorites]
Some of them looked like they were having fun with the ridiculous costumes, but others looked rather unhappy with the whole thing.
It's probably the same every year, but I was surprised how many of the costumes were basically centered around that the woman wearing sparkly underwear plus a huge explosion of color and shapes attached to her head and upper body.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:39 PM on November 30, 2017
It's probably the same every year, but I was surprised how many of the costumes were basically centered around that the woman wearing sparkly underwear plus a huge explosion of color and shapes attached to her head and upper body.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:39 PM on November 30, 2017
Those are amazing and fun, and well, awesome, and I have zero interest in reactionary colonialist-infused beauty pageants. These boys wouldn't know fabulous if it bit them on their snarky asses. It's stupid zany nation-state cosplay, and I liked it far more than I probably should.
What's with all the spinal damage jokes too? I get where it's coming from, but I kept looking back at the photos thinking, 'well I wouldn't want to wear it all day, but it's hardly gonna damage them.' Too literal-minded for my own good, I suppose. The Miss France and Iceland commentaries did make me laugh out loud though, I'll give them that.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 3:39 PM on November 30, 2017 [6 favorites]
What's with all the spinal damage jokes too? I get where it's coming from, but I kept looking back at the photos thinking, 'well I wouldn't want to wear it all day, but it's hardly gonna damage them.' Too literal-minded for my own good, I suppose. The Miss France and Iceland commentaries did make me laugh out loud though, I'll give them that.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 3:39 PM on November 30, 2017 [6 favorites]
Miss France is wearing the Olympic Flag as a train and in terms of things going on here it isn't even worth mentioning.
I would expect Miss Norway of all people to know that Viking helmets did not actually have horns.
They also seem to have overlooked the important aspect of Miss Japan's costume.
posted by ckape at 3:41 PM on November 30, 2017 [35 favorites]
I would expect Miss Norway of all people to know that Viking helmets did not actually have horns.
They also seem to have overlooked the important aspect of Miss Japan's costume.
posted by ckape at 3:41 PM on November 30, 2017 [35 favorites]
Just look at l'il Miss USA. She's embarrassed by her President and her country's withdrawal from the Kyoto Accord. So she's fighting back by raiding the props from the local high school Science Fair and wearing the atom on her head. Take that, climate denialists!
posted by Nelson at 3:44 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Nelson at 3:44 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
I was a bit sad at Iceland, Romania, and Norway. If you wanted to look like international heroes from some 1980s Marvel cross-over, why show up at all?
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:44 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:44 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Oh, how I look forward to this every year! And I had no idea how much I needed a pair of gold Peruvian crazyboots.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:54 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:54 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
They also seem to have overlooked the important aspect of Miss Japan's costume.
I couldn't believe they skipped right over that! They must have just looked at still pictures.
posted by Elly Vortex at 3:55 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I couldn't believe they skipped right over that! They must have just looked at still pictures.
posted by Elly Vortex at 3:55 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
It's nice that Miss Canada wasn't doing anything in terms of cultural appropriation this year at least, so at least she's got that.
Miss USA is a silver-age comic book hero. And she's amazing at it.
posted by GuyZero at 3:57 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
Miss USA is a silver-age comic book hero. And she's amazing at it.
posted by GuyZero at 3:57 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
OH IT IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SNARKIEST GAYEST TIME OF THE YEAR.
posted by rmd1023 at 3:59 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by rmd1023 at 3:59 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Honduras brought FACE!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:01 PM on November 30, 2017
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:01 PM on November 30, 2017
When drag queens dress like this, it is fierce.
When women do it the LOLs just don't quit.
posted by munchingzombie at 4:02 PM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
When women do it the LOLs just don't quit.
posted by munchingzombie at 4:02 PM on November 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
I'd say it's high time that beauty pageant women stop appropriating drag queen culture and costume.
posted by Nelson at 4:09 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Nelson at 4:09 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
Miss Slovak Republic is wearing a Rapunzel costume from the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:11 PM on November 30, 2017
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:11 PM on November 30, 2017
The video of the costume presentation is kind of impressive in its own right, with a little poem for each contestant -- "This costume's bodice was inspired by a goddess!", for example.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:13 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Dip Flash at 4:13 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Does Miss Zambia have a copper funnel cake on her head?
posted by GuyZero at 4:15 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by GuyZero at 4:15 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
i know i say this every year but every year i remain disappointed by the paucity of woc contestants coming out of south and central america.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:15 PM on November 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 4:15 PM on November 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
Spain looks distractingly similar to the results of Hannibal Lecter testing Will Graham for encephalitis.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:17 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:17 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Miss Romania...there is a BAT across her stomach. A BAT!
posted by supermedusa at 5:43 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 5:43 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Go Fug Yourself coverage - with fewer ableist slurs: Part 1 Part 2
posted by Squeak Attack at 5:44 PM on November 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by Squeak Attack at 5:44 PM on November 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
Miss Romania...there is a BAT across her stomach. A BAT!
Maybe she's Batman.
posted by nubs at 5:57 PM on November 30, 2017
Maybe she's Batman.
posted by nubs at 5:57 PM on November 30, 2017
Miss Laos appears to be wearing marshmallows and looking for a campfire.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:15 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:15 PM on November 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Is Miss Australia wearing Sydney Opera House??
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:16 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:16 PM on November 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
I will say several of those made me out loud laugh. Luckily I have relocated my keyboard so no new keyboard is needed.
posted by Samizdata at 7:18 PM on November 30, 2017
posted by Samizdata at 7:18 PM on November 30, 2017
I aspire to be more like Miss Dominican Republic in all ways.
posted by MrVisible at 7:22 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by MrVisible at 7:22 PM on November 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Well, thank Itzamna that Miss Guatemala finally revealed what the new form of the Mayan calendar will be.
Maybe now we can start getting shit in order again.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:30 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
Maybe now we can start getting shit in order again.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:30 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
Ugh, I dunno, I read TLo's fashion stuff occasionally*, but making fun of these women, some from fucked-up, war-torn or desperately poor countries, creeps me out. It's not like they're all celebrities who have contracts with design firms or stylists or money and can choose their hideous gown. It's just some extra mean spirit about people who have to wear a crappy costume not of their choice or design.
* maybe it's just me, but I quit for a long while because their fashion commentary often seemed misogynistic, at the same time they'd be discussing feminism on television shows. Sometimes they'd be awful to their commenters as well. They seem less awful these days, but I always find these particular posts depressing.
posted by oneirodynia at 8:41 PM on November 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
* maybe it's just me, but I quit for a long while because their fashion commentary often seemed misogynistic, at the same time they'd be discussing feminism on television shows. Sometimes they'd be awful to their commenters as well. They seem less awful these days, but I always find these particular posts depressing.
posted by oneirodynia at 8:41 PM on November 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
I love seeing the pictures, but by Set 3, I was deeply uncomfortable with the written narrative. By set 5, it just seemed petty and vicious for no reason.
Edit to add: The GoFugYourself linked above was a nice palate cleanser. Bigger pictures, with more details about the costumes themselves.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 9:06 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
Edit to add: The GoFugYourself linked above was a nice palate cleanser. Bigger pictures, with more details about the costumes themselves.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 9:06 PM on November 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
maybe it's just me, but I quit for a long while because their fashion commentary often seemed misogynistic, at the same time they'd be discussing feminism on television shows. Sometimes they'd be awful to their commenters as well. They seem less awful these days, but I always find these particular posts depressing.
Yeah, I’ve only ever commented a handful of times, but once I remarked (mildly, I thought) that a particular interpretation of theirs could be read as sexist, and got slammed for it, by both Tom and Lorenzo as well as a horde of their fans.
It left a nasty taste in my mouth. But I always love these costumes!
posted by Superplin at 12:21 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yeah, I’ve only ever commented a handful of times, but once I remarked (mildly, I thought) that a particular interpretation of theirs could be read as sexist, and got slammed for it, by both Tom and Lorenzo as well as a horde of their fans.
It left a nasty taste in my mouth. But I always love these costumes!
posted by Superplin at 12:21 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
...is Romania wearing black contacts?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:53 AM on December 1, 2017
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:53 AM on December 1, 2017
Happy that Great Britain have ditched the usual boring 'sexy beefeater' thing and have gone full panto
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:35 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:35 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
For information, Miss Malaysia, the one with an egg on her hip, is dressed as the national dish, nasi lemak.
posted by tavegyl at 2:53 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by tavegyl at 2:53 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Am I crazy or isn't the egg at her waist, not her hip?
Here are all the national costumes in an imgur gallery, with explanations for most (including Miss Malaysia's egg dish, with close-up detail). Austria's was interesting: "This national costume is an homage to Baroness Bertha von Suttner, the first woman to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and the writer of one of the most influential books of the 19th Century, the anti-war novel "Lay Down Your Arms" (1889). The dress was designed by Aviad Arik Herman." Wikipedia on Bertha von Suttner.
I really liked Spain's costume. That seems like a difficult concept to pull off (while still looking beeyootiful), but I got it right away!
posted by taz at 3:56 AM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
Here are all the national costumes in an imgur gallery, with explanations for most (including Miss Malaysia's egg dish, with close-up detail). Austria's was interesting: "This national costume is an homage to Baroness Bertha von Suttner, the first woman to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and the writer of one of the most influential books of the 19th Century, the anti-war novel "Lay Down Your Arms" (1889). The dress was designed by Aviad Arik Herman." Wikipedia on Bertha von Suttner.
I really liked Spain's costume. That seems like a difficult concept to pull off (while still looking beeyootiful), but I got it right away!
posted by taz at 3:56 AM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
I rather like Miss Ethiopia. I'm guessing she's honoring the Queen of Sheba?
posted by filthy_prescriptivist at 4:45 AM on December 1, 2017
posted by filthy_prescriptivist at 4:45 AM on December 1, 2017
Is it just me, or does it look like Miss Ukraine has a graphic representation of the starship Enterprise on her crotch?
posted by rmd1023 at 5:00 AM on December 1, 2017
posted by rmd1023 at 5:00 AM on December 1, 2017
Yeah, that is a puzzler. It looks like it wasn't a part of the original design.
posted by taz at 6:23 AM on December 1, 2017
posted by taz at 6:23 AM on December 1, 2017
So, clearly, this pageant is stupid and shouldn't happen this way.
But, are TLo punching down? seems like they are punching down.
posted by allthinky at 6:26 AM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
But, are TLo punching down? seems like they are punching down.
posted by allthinky at 6:26 AM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
Honduras has got terrible archery form.
posted by capricorn at 7:00 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by capricorn at 7:00 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Snarky one-liner aside, yeah I agree that the commentary is a little on the nasty side. I LOVE the national costumes to a kind of obsessive level. They are the best.
posted by capricorn at 7:01 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by capricorn at 7:01 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Honduras has got terrible archery form.
Yes, thank you for mentioning that! In fact all the weapons-bearing women needed to work on their form. If you're going to wield a battle-axe, spear or shield, glittery or not, do it right, people.
You know, it would be entirely appropriate to turn every one of these costumes (well maybe not the stupid Germany Snow White one) into video game characters and send them on quests.
Or some of them could be the bosses. Either way.
posted by emjaybee at 7:35 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yes, thank you for mentioning that! In fact all the weapons-bearing women needed to work on their form. If you're going to wield a battle-axe, spear or shield, glittery or not, do it right, people.
You know, it would be entirely appropriate to turn every one of these costumes (well maybe not the stupid Germany Snow White one) into video game characters and send them on quests.
Or some of them could be the bosses. Either way.
posted by emjaybee at 7:35 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
No. Make a fighting game with them as the characters.
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:31 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:31 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh shit am I embarassed. I made fun of Miss USA's atom costume but that imgur gallery explains it: "This physical scientist at the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, came as an ode to science." Turns out Kára McCullough works reviewing nuclear power emergency plans. So the atom she is wearing is hard-won and personal and now I feel like an asshole for assuming otherwise. Apparently her politics are her own too.
posted by Nelson at 9:18 AM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Nelson at 9:18 AM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
ckape: They also seem to have overlooked the important aspect of Miss Japan's costume.
The kimono has a Sharaku print of a kabuki actor. Kabuki does have a history of this kind of instant costume changes, you can see in this representation of Sagi Musume ("Heron Maiden") how the actor changes from a girlish pink kimono to a red kimono to a white feathered ensemble.
Re: Spain's costume, I don't see the Dali at all. It looks like sparkly Zatanna, and they could have done a supergroup with Israel as knockoff Wonder Woman and Romania as Vampirella.
posted by sukeban at 10:21 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
The kimono has a Sharaku print of a kabuki actor. Kabuki does have a history of this kind of instant costume changes, you can see in this representation of Sagi Musume ("Heron Maiden") how the actor changes from a girlish pink kimono to a red kimono to a white feathered ensemble.
Re: Spain's costume, I don't see the Dali at all. It looks like sparkly Zatanna, and they could have done a supergroup with Israel as knockoff Wonder Woman and Romania as Vampirella.
posted by sukeban at 10:21 AM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
"Is it just me, or does it look like Miss Ukraine has a graphic representation of the starship Enterprise on her crotch?"
OMG I think it might be a bacteriophage, I'm going to go ask my Ukranian colleagues and see if either of them had anything to do with this.
posted by Blasdelb at 11:15 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
OMG I think it might be a bacteriophage, I'm going to go ask my Ukranian colleagues and see if either of them had anything to do with this.
posted by Blasdelb at 11:15 AM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
« Older Let's Talk About Colin Kaepernick | End of the LA Weekly Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:09 PM on November 30, 2017 [8 favorites]