Wyatt Ingraham Koch

December 22, 2017 3:38 PM

An heir to the Koch fortune goes into the schmatte trade. As the 99.9% contemplate what the Koch family has wrought on Capitol Hill, scion Wyatt has launched an eponymous line of shirts down in Palm Beach. "Be bold" is his motto.

In his spare time, Wyatt told Palm Beach public relations firm Altima he likes to "play tennis at Mar-a-Lago, shop on Worth Avenue, grab lunch at Nick & Johnnie’s, Café Sapori, or Bice, or just relax at the beach." He also enjoys shopping at Neiman Marcus and playing paintball, racing dune buggies, and skeet-shooting on his 450-acre ranch, Wonderland, in Okeechobee.

Earlier this year, after his fiancée ended their engagement, Wyatt sued her to get the $250,000 ring back.

Deadspin's David Roth considers the man and his moment.

(Koch family previously 1 , 2, 3, 4, and many more)

posted by GrammarMoses (49 comments total)

How to spot the more plump, well-fed rich folk from far away when you're feeling that special kind of hunger.
posted by Space Coyote at 3:41 PM on December 22, 2017 [8 favorites]

Look, I want to live in a politically correct world where I don't make fun of how he looks... BUT IT'S FUCKING HARD TO DO! ALL I WANT TO DO IS MAKE FUN OF HOW HE LOOKS!
posted by smallerdemon at 3:46 PM on December 22, 2017 [31 favorites]

I'd have though he'd prefer Hugo Boss.
posted by Artw at 3:50 PM on December 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

How about making fun of the way he draws?
posted by paper chromatographologist at 3:51 PM on December 22, 2017 [17 favorites]

How about making fun of the way he draws?

Jesus Christ you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried
posted by schadenfrau at 3:53 PM on December 22, 2017 [28 favorites]

In almost any other alternative timeline he would be flipping burgers. And not well...
posted by jim in austin at 3:53 PM on December 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

On one hand, part of me wants to go easy on him, because the world would be a better place if the Kochs all made ugly shirts instead of paying Senators to slash the safety net. But on the other hand, this is a guy who's suing his ex-wife to try and get back a $180,000 wedding ring he bought for her, by saying it was a "conditional gift." Even the "good" Kochs are still shit. He's a rich, entitled asshole, and he looks like he's one cocaine bender away from turning into Harry Knowles.
posted by Green Winnebago at 3:53 PM on December 22, 2017 [15 favorites]

I bet he doesn't even hunt humans for sport well.
posted by Artw at 3:54 PM on December 22, 2017 [23 favorites]

guy who's suing his ex-wife

Ex-fiancée
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 3:55 PM on December 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

Wyatt Ingraham's® Lead Designer is the very talented Sofia Name. Sofia recently moved to the US from Venezuela and brings with her a vibrant South American flair.

Hm, so I can't make fun of the ugly shirts? I mean, I know I can, but it's not as fun if he's not designing them.
posted by AFABulous at 3:59 PM on December 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

"Wyatt believes that no matter what looks are hot on the runway, there is one thing that's always in style: giving back."

I bet. I think that whole page has to go into the file of "ungainly 'about' statements that were clearly written by someone grasping at some pretty well-worn straws". Yuck.
posted by aesop at 3:59 PM on December 22, 2017

Money does not always correlate with decency and integrity and talent, no matter how much people with money would like us to believe that it does.
posted by davejay at 4:00 PM on December 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

A friend of mine sent this yesterday and I still think it's satire.
posted by cmfletcher at 4:05 PM on December 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

There may be few large adult sons who have large adult sonned as much as this large adult son.
posted by mhum at 4:07 PM on December 22, 2017 [30 favorites]

“thrice-divorced golf creatures” won that article for me.
posted by scruss at 4:07 PM on December 22, 2017 [9 favorites]

My number one takeaway from this is that if you’re overweight don’t design a line of shirts where the button seam is a different pattern than the front piece because it emphasizes that your belly barely fits in your clothes.
posted by cyphill at 4:20 PM on December 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

American child of the 2030s, in a French museum: Wow, look how narrow their guillotines were!
posted by condour75 at 4:25 PM on December 22, 2017 [58 favorites]

I don't want to seem supportive of any Koch for any reason but I do quite like how his glasses seem to always match his hair in each of the photos.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:45 PM on December 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

You know the saying... Riches to rags in three generations? This is the middle step.
posted by drezdn at 4:49 PM on December 22, 2017 [13 favorites]

The 8.24-carat ring was purchased this March for $180K but "recently appraised" for $250K, according to his lawyers. He's also seeking $15K in damages.

Dad Bill has had some weirder lawsuits -- for instance, in 2012 he was accused of kidnapping and imprisoning a former employee, allegedly holding him for hours and interrogating him "at Bear Ranch, a replica of an old wild west town that Koch... built outside of Aspen, Colo." The suit was eventually dismissed.
posted by Iris Gambol at 4:56 PM on December 22, 2017 [7 favorites]

Discoteca.
posted by retrograde at 5:02 PM on December 22, 2017 [11 favorites]

Festive little guillotines would actually work pretty well as a motif on one of his shirts.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 5:10 PM on December 22, 2017 [12 favorites]

Festive little guillotines

This is a style that is absolutely geared up to happen. Now.

Not joking, riches and hipster fame await the first person to jump on this proto-trend.
posted by aramaic at 5:15 PM on December 22, 2017 [10 favorites]

A friend of mine sent this yesterday and I still think it's satire.

I can't even tell any more because we're living in a simulation of an old comedy bit.
posted by bongo_x at 5:16 PM on December 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

Money does not always correlate with decency and integrity and talent,
I believe you can prove that there's an INVERSE correlation... or at least that there's a contraindication.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:37 PM on December 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

It is worth watching the promotional video, or at least the start of it, to see the hideous lime-green and yellow shirt that literally has little bags of money on it. You could not make this up.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:40 PM on December 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

Ironically, the place where he lives will soon be underwater because of his family's efforts to influence energy policy.


It will mostly be an inconvenience to him, but still...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:42 PM on December 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

"YTMND meets Nordstrom"
posted by oceanjesse at 5:46 PM on December 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

Now Emily Post says that "in the unfortunate event of a broken engagement, the ring and all other gifts of value must be returned to the former fiance", but -- without knowing this pair's story -- I'm thinking two things. First, that this woman likely went through a lot to get that ring, and second, that 'fiance' may be not be as accurate a term as 'business partner'.

Keep it, lady. More power to you.
posted by Capt. Renault at 5:53 PM on December 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

That’s how you spell "schmatte"?!
posted by Going To Maine at 6:34 PM on December 22, 2017

The soon unemployed or inexplicably, utterly ruined, David Roth, the David Roth that fell off the beltway, and no one knew how he got there, David Roth.

See, economic terrorism works. You can bet every person who gets a paycheck says Mr. Koch, sir, yes sir. I, however, would go with Ginger Coke. That is a product everyone is waiting for.
posted by Oyéah at 7:06 PM on December 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

I love those shirts. Seriously. The fabrics are so much fun. Too bad they’re made by a Koch.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 7:45 PM on December 22, 2017

I came to make fun of the fat billionaire kid who sells expensive clown costumes and draws in crayon.

But... Ingraham. INGRA-HAM. I think his publicist is trying to make him look ridiculous.
posted by miyabo at 8:04 PM on December 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

eat the rich... guillotines... festive product...

you guys, wot if we could have all the bloodshed and hardship of a revolution but not abolish the social relations of capitalism? generalized commodity production, wage labor, surplus value, we gotta keep ‘em. this guy is ridiculous but the system that creates hundreds of thousands of him by its very nature is not.
posted by indubitable at 9:12 PM on December 22, 2017

Wyatt Koch is a young man with a taste for bold, authentic new looks. He noticed a void in the menswear industry and set out to fill that void

Dude didn't look hard enough.

But American-made at least.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 9:26 PM on December 22, 2017

I'm getting an open secret/invisible closet feeling from this figure
posted by clockzero at 9:45 PM on December 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

“fameball defectives” ftw
posted by gottabefunky at 12:06 AM on December 23, 2017

You can’t help but wonder, with perhaps the faintest trace of pity, what tiny truth cried out deep in his heart when his fiancée (briefly) said “yes.”
posted by gottabefunky at 12:08 AM on December 23, 2017

He's definitely an enormous asshole, but gifts given in contemplation of marriage are usually conditional gifts, and if the person receiving it breaks off the engagement, the giver should legally get it back. She'd have to prove it was an absolute gift, not conditional on marriage, to keep it. He's totally a jerk, but he's legally entitled to his ring back.
posted by ceejaytee at 7:53 AM on December 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

The part I like most about this is that Wyatt Koch is living proof that the Koch libertarian "wealth is the result of intelligence and talent and hard work and being an uberbusinessmensch and society is stronger when you let rich people keep it" philosophy is a load of bullshit. Dudes, how do you look at your nephew/son and NOT think that maybe a brutal estate tax would go a long way towards building your ideal society where only the Randian heroes rise to the top?

The Roth piece mentions this "Wild PANTS Party". The photos are EXTREMELY disappointing. How the fuck do you have a party with "wild pants" and nobody is wearing crazy pants? Or if they are and the photos are deceptively normal, why would you not show them off?
posted by Anonymous at 8:25 AM on December 23, 2017

The part I like most about this is that Wyatt Koch is living proof that the Koch libertarian "wealth is the result of intelligence and talent and hard work and being an uberbusinessmensch and society is stronger when you let rich people keep it" philosophy is a load of bullshit. Dudes, how do you look at your nephew/son and NOT think that maybe a brutal estate tax would go a long way towards building your ideal society where only the Randian heroes rise to the top?

YES. I would favorite this a million times if I could. How is the existence of Wyatt Ingraham an example of "survival of the fittest" capitalism?

I would also point out that the dad/uncles may see young Wyatt as himself a Randian hero.
posted by GrammarMoses at 8:44 AM on December 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

you guys, wot if we could have all the bloodshed and hardship of a revolution but not abolish the social relations of capitalism?

It's a purge planet, Morty.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:35 AM on December 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Billionaire Bill Koch’s son Wyatt is no longer engaged

I stopped reading right there. LADIEEEZ, HE'S FREE AND AVAILABLE!
posted by filthy_prescriptivist at 10:13 AM on December 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

That’s how you spell "schmatte"?!

Yiddish is properly written using the hebrew alphabet, not the latin one, so transliterations into english can vary. In this case the yiddish word itself שמאַטע does not contain the semitic "ch" sound (the first syllable in l'chaim or challah; a voiceless fricative iirc) made by the letter ח (hēt), only the "sh" sound made by ש (shin) followed directly by מ (mēm), so the ch in the english spelling mildly vexes me in an extremely nerdy way.

tl;dr i would personally spell it "shmatte" or "shmatta"
posted by poffin boffin at 12:51 PM on December 23, 2017 [8 favorites]

I’m fine with it being used for this goof, because he makes rags, but I fell like shmatte is an example of a word that was self-depreciating when used by Jews that became genuinely depreciating when used by non-Jews.

Jews weren’t actually in the rag trade. They were the tailors of Europe, and much of what we think of as excellence in the garment trade was invented by them, as well as a lot of iconic clothes of specific movements.

They did not make shmattes, rags. They were shnayders, tailors.
posted by maxsparber at 3:09 PM on December 23, 2017 [4 favorites]

Festive Little Guillotines is the name of my new break out punk band! And it’s pronounced ‘gillōtteens’!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:41 PM on December 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

I fell like shmatte is an example of a word that was self-depreciating when used by Jews that became genuinely depreciating when used by non-Jews.

Middle-aged Jewess here, granddaughter of a man whose factory made bindings and pads for mass-produced off-the-rack clothing. I come by the word schmatte honestly, and assert that it can be used with wry affection to puncture the self-regard of uptown types who think they're artists.
posted by GrammarMoses at 6:29 PM on December 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

The Roth piece mentions this "Wild PANTS Party". The photos are EXTREMELY disappointing. How the fuck do you have a party with "wild pants" and nobody is wearing crazy pants? Or if they are and the photos are deceptively normal, why would you not show them off?

The wild part is that none of them have pants on. You can't print those shots in a family paper.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:45 AM on December 24, 2017

I appreciated this from Current Affairs on how the perversities of massive inequality and free rein given to billionaires work to create people like Wyatt Koch and the Trumps.
posted by Copronymus at 10:01 AM on December 28, 2017 [2 favorites]