Potpourri

January 17, 2018 2:04 PM

1. Shadows are difficult to retouch.
2. Every country's cuisine has its own character.
3. Dogs are excellent meme subjects.

posted by Johnny Wallflower (24 comments total)

(No, the Saint Bernard didn't really swallow a flashlight)
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:04 PM on January 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'll just stick that George Costanza retouch in here before the comments get too lengthy.
posted by JoeZydeco at 2:24 PM on January 17, 2018 [4 favorites]

As someone who is fairly proficient with Photoshop, I have no words for that first one, but I think it was worth the $250.
posted by acrasis at 2:26 PM on January 17, 2018 [4 favorites]

I often look at my photos and wonder if they're any good. After visiting the first link I can now say they definitely are.
posted by tommasz at 2:26 PM on January 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

The retouched photos are hilariously bad, but I wish the woman who shared them had cropped out the photographer's watermarks before posting.
posted by dadaclonefly at 2:33 PM on January 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

Scottish recipes: cover it in batter and fry it. Unless it's porridge, and maybe even then. Intend to serve with whisky but then drink all the whisky while you're cooking.
posted by avapoet at 2:43 PM on January 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

1) You get what you pay for (if you're lucky).

2) Heaven is a place where the English are the police, the Germans are the Engineers... Hell is a place where the English are the cooks...

3) They're good dogs, Jerry.
posted by randomkeystrike at 3:46 PM on January 17, 2018

"Then you better get a camera."
posted by rhizome at 4:13 PM on January 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

Those retouchings are from the "Ecce Homo" school of picture restoration.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:28 PM on January 17, 2018 [15 favorites]

Indonesian recipes: Cut it exactly this size and shape. No, that's too big! No, too small. You're terrible at this. Do it exactly like mine. Okay, now deep-fry each ingredient seventeen times. Spices? Oh, you know, you just put a spoon or two of this and a spoon or two of that. Don't try to write it down, there's no real recipe, you'll know when you have it right. Crush everything in a mortar and pestle and cook until it smells done. *Sigh* you got the spices wrong. Weren't you listening?
posted by embrangled at 4:32 PM on January 17, 2018 [13 favorites]

This tweet won't make sense in a month but oh god did I laugh.
posted by AFABulous at 4:33 PM on January 17, 2018 [6 favorites]

My grandfather was taught to cook by his German father-in-law. I don't know if this is typical of German cuisine, but every recipe I ever asked Grandpa for started the exact same way:

"You take half a pot of onions, and cook 'em down..."
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:41 PM on January 17, 2018

They're not wrong about Italian cooking. Real Italian cooking.
posted by Splunge at 4:47 PM on January 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

Clearly I need to check out Ukrainian food!
posted by Lexica at 5:32 PM on January 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

My two favorite sites for 'meme-humor' are Pleated-Jeans.com (whose owner creates fake signs and labels as a sideline) and the usually-inaccurately-named SadAndUseless.com which turned the 'national cuisines' twitters into image memes. Doing God's Work.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:43 PM on January 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

If you need good cat facts, Obvious Plant has you covered.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:17 PM on January 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

The photo retouch thing is hilarious, but fake. The photographer's Facebook page only has stuff as far back as five days ago — right about the time those photos started being circulated.
posted by jonathanhughes at 7:51 PM on January 17, 2018 [5 favorites]

Huh, apparently I'm Ukrainian. Just tonight the kid and I were disappointed by the garlic bread at a place that used to add obscene amounts of garlic, none of this minced crap, we smashed half a head and here you go, and now uses a merely large amount.

(They still use deep-fried pizza crust as the base though so we'll allow it)
posted by Flannery Culp at 8:42 PM on January 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

How does deep-fried pizza crust work? Do they deep fry the whole disk before putting the toppings on?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:24 PM on January 17, 2018

Vietnamese recipe: you didn't soak the broth in the bones of an animal for long enough. oh what the hell just add fish sauce or peanut sauce. here, just have this dried meat with some heineken.
posted by numaner at 11:08 PM on January 17, 2018

Stereotyping cultures is OK when it's funny!
posted by chavenet at 4:37 AM on January 18, 2018

Now I want to move to either Canada or Ukraine.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:19 AM on January 18, 2018

Am I the only one who wished there was a Nightmare Fuel warning on the first link?
posted by seyirci at 9:47 AM on January 18, 2018

Stereotyping cultures is OK when it's funny!

Eh, I understand what you mean, and mocking various cultures this way could easily be offensive and meanspirited. I think this can get a pass because it's punching up, at cultural expectations and traditional cuisine, versus down, at the way specific members of a culture act because of their heritage. On top of that, cuisine has to be one of the few ways it's appropriate to stereotype a culture; food preparation is core to human experience and is one of the key ways in which cultural identity asserts itself.

I guess it's the difference between saying "French people sure do care about what they eat and drink" versus "The region in France in which a wine or cuisine is made is crucially important to its identity." Both of those statements could be made into a joke, but one is a stereotype and one is a statement about French culture.

Of course I can't say if this defense really stands up, since I'm only a member of one of the cultures singled out. For what it's worth I found the depiction of American cuisine chillingly accurate.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 12:28 PM on January 18, 2018 [2 favorites]