On the way in I collect my eleventh cup of tea of the morning

January 19, 2018 3:29 AM

What is a day in Britain like?

A day in the life of an average American (visualised)

Everyday life around the world on Instagram

posted by Stark (84 comments total)

Seems legit. Although it was crumpets for breakfast this morning in our house.
posted by pharm at 3:32 AM on January 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

I awoke to the sound of people arguing about the NHS on BBC Radio and had a crumpet and a cup of tea. Boris Johnson was on TV talking about building a giant bridge to France.

I then spent an hour or so wrapping up some books and magazines about the London Underground and putting thank you cards in them. I then had an argument with someone on the internet about some cunning spy stuff Britain did in WW1. We disagreed on lots of things, but it was very polite. I've just ordered his book from my local bookshop and he's promised to send me some suggestions for changes to my thing over the weekend.

I then went to the Post Office to send my packages and had a chat with Patel, behind the counter, while he processed them. We both agreed that white toast is better than brown toast.

After that, I realised that I was quite hungry, so I popped into the cafe next door and had a Full English Breakfast. The black pudding was good. The toast, however, was brown.

This is a true and accurate account of my morning
posted by garius at 3:51 AM on January 19, 2018 [73 favorites]

My Friday plans in London:
- Tube/Overground
- Pret a Manger (breakfast)
- Tea
- Itsu (owned by Pret a Manger) (lunch)
- Tea with a biscuit
- Pub
- Tube
- Pub
- Curry takeaway
posted by like_neon at 3:57 AM on January 19, 2018 [17 favorites]

I mean there's some work done sporadically in there but I'm a bit hungover. Which is also commonly part of a normal day in Britain.
posted by like_neon at 4:01 AM on January 19, 2018 [16 favorites]

On bad days we get sharks blown in from the North Sea snapping at the racing pigeons and scaring the whippets.

I've lived there, and I can confirm that this is the literal truth.
posted by pipeski at 4:09 AM on January 19, 2018 [12 favorites]

yes yes all very droll but the important thing is is the department of lovely cakes hiring

asking for a friend
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:21 AM on January 19, 2018 [11 favorites]

I’m afraid the Department of Lovely Cakes was merged with the Department of Generally Disapproving of Bakery Products as part of central government cost-saving measures.
posted by Catseye at 4:29 AM on January 19, 2018 [12 favorites]

No Teasmade? Boo.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:42 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

Now we need a Scottish one. Something something Irn-Bru, Fried Snickers, Neeps, Tatties, Grey, Golf, Haggis, Tartan, Flinty, Loudly correcting tourist for mistakenly saying ‘England.’ All written in Scots.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:47 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

Department of Lovely Cakes was merged with the Department of Generally Disapproving of Bakery Products

I miss Sue and Mel, Mary and to a somewhat lesser extent Paul, too.
posted by Diablevert at 5:00 AM on January 19, 2018 [11 favorites]

I pause to say “Gawd bless her Majesty” a few times and salute my coronation plate before putting on my headscarf and sunglasses for the drive to work.

wait wait wait. I was led to believe that no one in Britain owns sunglasses. Is is possible that at some point certain...items...may have been exaggerated?
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:06 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

Well sometimes the clouds are really bright
posted by EndsOfInvention at 5:20 AM on January 19, 2018 [30 favorites]

I am not British nor do I live in Britain, however I have spent a few weeks there working with colleagues, and this seems to be the daily agenda:

- Tea
- Complaining ("whingeing", as they like to say)
- Extended lunch at the pub
- Slacking off
- More tea, possibly with mediocre food
- Drinking until forced by law to give up and go home
posted by briank at 5:32 AM on January 19, 2018 [15 favorites]

I am beginning to suspect that the weather in the UK is a subject of great consternation.
posted by vorpal bunny at 5:40 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I was led to believe that no one in Britain owns sunglasses.

I've seen sunglasses in London, worn on top of the head by yuppie-hipster dads in Hackney/Stoke Newington. Presumably at the time, styling oneself like an Australian tradesman was fashionable.
posted by acb at 5:46 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Briank: were those few weeks spent in Britain this millennium?
posted by biffa at 5:55 AM on January 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

Yeah, I long for the return of the pub lunch days.

THAT SAID...

At my office a LOT of meetings at 4pm on a Friday are booked to take place in Room KA101

Which is The King's Arms pub just round the corner.
posted by garius at 5:59 AM on January 19, 2018 [19 favorites]

I thought that a typical British day was rambling around the countryside enjoying cake from various churches and/or pagan gatherings.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 5:59 AM on January 19, 2018 [16 favorites]

Briank: were those few weeks spent in Britain this millennium?

Yes, but to be fair, pre-Brexit. There's probably less time for pub lunch now, made up for by extra complaining.
posted by briank at 6:22 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

My favourite part of the visualisation of the average Americans' day is that if you set it to medium or fast, you get to trap increasing numbers of people at work when they should be doing housework or something fun, or even sleep.

A metaphor for life.
posted by Merus at 6:25 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

I was led to believe that no one in Britain owns sunglasses.

I once got a sunburn, in Scotland, in March. We live in wondrous times!
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:47 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

ATTENTION:

How the hell do I make a graph/chart like the moving chart inthe daily life of an American?! I'm dead serious, not asking for a friend.

THAT CHART.

If I was not already married to Mr.Fish I would marry that chart.

Plz. MeMail.
posted by floweredfish at 6:47 AM on January 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

I am pretty sure Timmy's day is typical in the US.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:49 AM on January 19, 2018

I enjoyed the Welsh version of this that I saw on Youtube. The five part harmony of the choir echoed magnificently off the walls of the coal mine.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:53 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

lol leeds
did you know to get leeds, you need lsd and a couple of es?
posted by lalochezia at 6:55 AM on January 19, 2018 [9 favorites]

No mention of the cardinal rule of NO EYE CONTACT WITH STRANGERS and apologising even when other people walk into you because they were NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT
posted by Molesome at 6:56 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

How the hell do I make a graph/chart like the moving chart inthe daily life of an American?! I'm dead serious, not asking for a friend.

Looks like it's done in D3.js. If you're keen, FlowingData has a tutorial available for members.
posted by zamboni at 6:59 AM on January 19, 2018

Does no one live in quaint country villages full of cute stone cottages, taciturn locals, and regular wicker man ceremonies anymore?
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:59 AM on January 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

I sped up the Average Day of American and it was unsettling. It reminded me of sperm departing the egg in the morning.
posted by Kitteh at 6:59 AM on January 19, 2018

I once got a sunburn, in Scotland, in March. We live in wondrous times!
Well look if you don't pay attention to the timer on the tanning bed what do you expect
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:20 AM on January 19, 2018 [8 favorites]

Reminded me a bit of the man who, a couple of years ago, made a list of differences between England and the US.
posted by myotahapea at 7:30 AM on January 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

Does no one live in quaint country villages full of cute stone cottages, taciturn locals, and regular wicker man ceremonies anymore?

Wordshore does, but he’s too engrossed with the excitement of cricket season to post to Metafilter these days.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:33 AM on January 19, 2018 [7 favorites]

Wordshore does, but he’s too engrossed with the excitement of cricket season to post to Metafilter these days.

That and solving the near-daily murders that we all know plague English village life. Last time I heard from him the vicar had been killed at the annual Christmas fete. Poisoned during the cake competition.
posted by garius at 7:45 AM on January 19, 2018 [14 favorites]

Hold on, no mention of appearing on witty panel quiz shows?
posted by synecdoche at 8:10 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

I am beginning to suspect that the weather in the UK is a subject of great consternation.

Complaining about the weather here is practically a competitive event, which is good because they are bad at other ones like Eurovision OH SNAP.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:20 AM on January 19, 2018

we're actually surprisingly good at Roller Derby
posted by garius at 8:44 AM on January 19, 2018

Complaining about the weather here is practically a competitive event, which is good because they are bad at other ones like Eurovision OH SNAP.

hey, HEY, we're not BAD at it, everyone just hates us
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:53 AM on January 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

scottish edition: went to work - spent all day talking or looking at the news about the weather as it has snowed a tiny bit. came home early because of bombastic travel warnings. tried to go for a walk to stretch my legs. ok fine, it is freezing cold and dark and raining a bit more than usual.
5pm - literally in bed with electric blanket on drinking earl grey and eating a scone.

perhaps I will venture out for something deep fried for dinner...
posted by sedimentary_deer at 9:04 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

"and apologising even when other people walk into you"

Oh yes... and don't forget the other British use of 'sorry', as described in this post the other day: "...a similar function to "sorry" in English British English, i.e., as a placeholder for a mutually understood level of disapproval that can be inferred from tone and context"
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 9:05 AM on January 19, 2018

I miss Sue and Mel

You're trolling, right? This is kind of like saying Dec and Ant or Pace and Hale or Clive and Derek or Ball and Cannon or… [voice in earpiece: "if they don't know that shibboleth, then they're hardly going to recognise any of those middle of the road dull male duos, are they?"]

Anyway, it's definitely, incontrovertibly Mel and Sue.
posted by ambrosen at 9:07 AM on January 19, 2018 [8 favorites]

It never ceases to amaze me just how much tea the Brits consume. WTF?
posted by Kwadeng at 9:08 AM on January 19, 2018

Anyway, it's definitely, incontrovertibly Mel and Sue.

I ain't their booking agent, mang. I listed them in order of personal preference. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by Diablevert at 9:11 AM on January 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

It never ceases to amaze me just how much tea the Brits consume. WTF?

I really need to do a post, or just a Medium article or something, on Tea (and our love of it) at some point.

In the Second World War, for example, at the height of the U-Boat blockade, tea had a higher shipping priority than munitions.
posted by garius at 9:13 AM on January 19, 2018 [10 favorites]

Speaking of: I've just finished my pot of tea and it's past 5pm, so I'm now going to hop on a bright red London bus and go for a pint at the Dog & Duck pub.
posted by garius at 9:15 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I miss Sue and Mel, Mary and to a somewhat lesser extent Paul, too.

I liked Paul better after one of my kids and I watched Master Class, because that show reveals that Paul is just impossibly fond of Mary.
posted by Orlop at 9:22 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I really need to do a post, or just a Medium article or something, on Tea

Please do this I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS
posted by halation at 9:25 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Kwadeng - the tea consumption can be staggering. I used to have a colleague who would have four large mugs of tea before setting off for work. I asked him how this was even possible given the time required to let it cool to a drinkable temperature, and the basic answer was "make the second while waiting for the first to cool" and so on.
posted by YoungStencil at 9:38 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

We both agreed that white toast is better than brown toast.

Oh, you crazy madcap Brits!
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:50 AM on January 19, 2018

I would drink that amount of tea if it weren't for the fact that the tea I brew is a) very strong (I use Indian dust tea) , b) very sweet and c) very milky. It's got significant calories and caffeine so I really can't get away with drinking more than one travel mug worth a day. (I have traveled in several of the most ancient tea-drinking parts of the world and have sampled many fine, high quality, artfully-brewed teas. They were fine. I still prefer the tea equivalent of cowboy coffee first thing in the morning. Fight me.)

If my preferred brew was lightly steeped Earl Grey with a splash of milk, I'd be drinking that all day long, you betcha.

(Also? The British have nothing on the Chinese when it comes to tea drinking.)
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:51 AM on January 19, 2018

Woke up, fell out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
And looking up I noticed I was late.
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
Somebody spoke and I went into a dream.
posted by 41swans at 9:59 AM on January 19, 2018 [7 favorites]

I see your tea and double-decker bus and offer in return:

Woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that didn't hurt
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert.
The I fumbled in my closet through my clothes and found my cleanest dirty shirt
Then I washed my face and combed my hair and stumbled down the stairs to greet the day
posted by Orlop at 10:07 AM on January 19, 2018 [4 favorites]

The thing I've always loved about that Kris Kristofferson song is he accurately conveys just how powerful the desire for fried chicken is when you're hungover.
posted by garius at 10:15 AM on January 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

Just to add to the Britishness, I'm now in the Dog & Duck. On the table next to me is a dad clearly getting a sneaky pint in before he takes his son to cub scouts (the kid is in uniform, trying - and so far failing - to tie a Sheepshank)
posted by garius at 10:20 AM on January 19, 2018 [7 favorites]

10:22 AM
SIXTH CUP OF TY-PHOO
BLADDER STILL FUNCTIONING
WILL UPDATE AS CONDITIONS WARRANT
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:24 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

The thing I've always loved about that Kris Kristofferson song is he accurately conveys just how powerful the desire for fried chicken is when you're hungover.

I think that generalises to all kinds of greasy food, something the British appetite for cannot be overestimated. From fried chicken from shops named after random US states, to the traditional 3am dirty kebab, to the heart-attack-on-a-plate full-English the following morning, and of course the classic fish and chips. Perhaps that's a symptom of living in a society in which interpersonal contact is typically facilitated by alcohol, and thus going through life with a permanent hangover that needs to be palliated.
posted by acb at 10:28 AM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'm a Brit that just doesn't understand the tea thing. I honestly think if most people were to do a blind taste test they couldn't tell the difference between a cup of tea and a cup of hot water with a bit of milk in it. Coffee FTW.
posted by penguin pie at 10:32 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

If my preferred brew was lightly steeped Earl Grey with a splash of milk, I'd be drinking that all day long, you betcha.

I think the amount of Earl Grey we drink is greatly overestimated, especially by Americans. Most people I know consider it a rather girly drink - proper tea is Typhoo, Co-op 99 or any other of the dark brown blends, brewed strong enough to trot a mouse across it, and I'm on my twelfth cup of the day (I've not been well, so my consumption is a bit down today).
posted by Fuchsoid at 10:51 AM on January 19, 2018 [4 favorites]

I think the amount of Earl Grey we drink is greatly overestimated, especially by Americans.

Mostly because of Captain Picard, I think.

Although that replicator was clearly designed by fucking Americans. How many times must Picard have logged IT help desk requests asking them to change the default setting on Earl Grey to 'hot'.

You'd think they'd have him in their VIP list.
posted by garius at 11:10 AM on January 19, 2018 [10 favorites]

i don't understand how you sleep after all that tea tbh. if i have more than 3 cups of caffeinated tea in one 24h period i usually just perish immediately and then shuffle around my house twitching and hissing like an overstimulated zombie for the next 2 days
posted by poffin boffin at 11:32 AM on January 19, 2018

I think the amount of Earl Grey we drink is greatly overestimated, especially by Americans.

Oh, I wasn't implying British people drink weak Earl Grey with raised pinkies or anything (I have lived in and visited England and Scotland many times). Just saying that if that was my preferred drink, I'd drink way more tea because I fucking love tea. Or, if I didn't care about sleeping or calories. Alas and alack, though, both are an issue with me and my builder's tea so I have to cut myself off. I envy people with more favorable metabolisms and/or caffeine tolerances.
posted by soren_lorensen at 11:37 AM on January 19, 2018

I'm technically a brit, but was transplanted to the US quite early, so must have missed the lesson about Indian dust tea. Any brits (&/or soren_lorenson) willing to educate?
posted by Vatnesine at 11:45 AM on January 19, 2018

Although that replicator was clearly designed by fucking Americans. How many times must Picard have logged IT help desk requests asking them to change the default setting on Earl Grey to 'hot'.

"Hot" water dispensers are the bane of my existence. Black tea demands water just off the boil, whereas whatever bloody water those faucets give you is too cool even for white.
posted by tobascodagama at 11:54 AM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Not to abuse the edit window, where I was going with that is the suggestion that things are still the same in the future, and that's why Picard has to keep telling the replicator that hot means hot, damn it.
posted by tobascodagama at 11:54 AM on January 19, 2018

whatever bloody water those faucets give you is too cool even for white.

Plus, after a laughably minimal amount of use, as little as a few months, the water coming out of those godforsaken things smells and tastes of hot pond.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:57 AM on January 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

We both agreed that white toast is better than brown toast.

Oh, you crazy madcap Brits!
posted by Greg_Ace

You say that, but I was in England not one month ago (Yay, Christmas!), and let me tell you: I went to a National Trust house and had lunch there (chutney and cheese sandwich, big cup of tea - PG Tips, natch), and that white bread was the best I've ever had in my life. It was dense, yet fluffy. The chutney didn't seep through like it would on an American bread. I savored that sandwich. I'm still not sure whether the bread was baked in-house or came from an outside bakery. I'm going to write the house because I want the recipe, wherever it came from.

My (married) friends who'd invited me to have Chrimbo with them and their families still live in NYC, but not for much longer. Once we had our sandwiches, one of them took a bite and said, "Mmmmmm. This, [droplet]. This is why we're moving back."
posted by droplet at 11:58 AM on January 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

Alas and alack, though, both are an issue with me and my builder's tea so I have to cut myself off.

This is the part I never understand about Brits and their tea: how do so many people have such universally high caffeine tolerances? I'm no piker, I average ~ 5 cups of fairly strong drip coffee a day with no issues, but if I switch it out for mugs of proper builder's tea I'm done after two mugs tops. I get actual caffeine shakes.
posted by halation at 12:16 PM on January 19, 2018

Real water boilers are fine, if in need of awfully frequent servicing. Dual-function watercoolers are the worst.
posted by ambrosen at 12:16 PM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Dust tea is more of an Indian thing rather than a British thing. It's just crap tea--floor sweepings, basically. It's cheap and strong and looks like little pellets (it's also what you find in cheap teabags if you open them up, but I buy it loose). I get a box bigger than my head for $7 at the Indian grocer. I make my own masala chai blend with it by adding whole spices (cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, fennel, black peppercorns). It brews up strong and spicy (and then I add hella sugar and milk) and when I travel I take my own tea with me because I must have it in the morning to wake up sufficiently.

In the hands of my husband, it's a weapon of mass destruction. He's incapable of using a sane amount to brew, doesn't use my spiced blend but rather straight form the box, and he doesn't take lotsa milk in his tea like I do. If he forgets about it and steeps it too long it will straight up make you vomit. Use with caution.
posted by soren_lorensen at 12:44 PM on January 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

fried chicken from shops named after random US states

Is this just an oblique KFC reference or can I find, like, "Connecticut Fried Chicken" somewhere?
posted by Navelgazer at 12:44 PM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

there's kansas and i think one other that i'm blanking on in NYC
posted by poffin boffin at 12:53 PM on January 19, 2018

Yep, [$State] Fried Chicken is a thing in the UK, especially Oldham. Arguably an FPP-worthy thing, if it's not already been done.
posted by ambrosen at 12:55 PM on January 19, 2018 [4 favorites]

Is this just an oblique KFC reference or can I find, like, "Connecticut Fried Chicken" somewhere?

Both, kinda? An outfit called Kansas Fried Chicken was a link in the grand chain that is the Kennedy Fried Chicken empire saga which eventually spun into an effort to trademark the name (which was itself, at least initially, a means of getting around the 'Kentucky' trademark, until it acquired its own cachet).

It's curious that in the US, independent fried chicken joints have tended toward KFC-inspired names that resemble the original by sound ('Kennedy' and 'Crown' being two popular examples), whereas in the UK they try the same but by plugging in the name of a different state.

Admittedly there are plenty of 'New York Fried Chicken' places up and down the US east coast, but paradoxically those are usually inspired by the KFC-inspired Crown/Kennedy type places, hence the reference to 'New York.'
posted by halation at 1:13 PM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I still don't know what Connecticut Muffin is all about, though.
posted by halation at 1:14 PM on January 19, 2018

The interesting thing about dust-grade tea is that it's in a lot of ways the most similar to what export tea traditionally would have looked like. The leaves would be pressed into hard bricks for transport and you'd chip pieces off to put in the pot.

Me, I like super duper broad leaf teas, but that's largely because I like to refill the same pot throughout the day, so I need a tea that won't become lethally strong if I let it oversteep.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:50 PM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

The weird state name thing for fried chicken shops is true, especially in London and Manchester, according to this exhaustive account. I'm pretty sure I've seen a New Jersey fried chicken place, but they come and go pretty rapidly around here, and the next time I looked it had gone, so perhaps I imagined it.
posted by Fuchsoid at 2:14 PM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

I think I've seen a Delaware Fried Chicken and a Carolina Fried Chicken (not specifying which Carolina); there's also a “Texa Fried Chicken”.

The one that over-egged the pudding the most was one whose signage promising that their chicken was fried to an authentic cowboy recipe from the Rio (something). Most of them just hire a graphic designer (or, if they can't afford it, a cousin/nephew who can sort of draw) to draw a cartoon of a chicken in a cowboy hat for their logo, but these took that whole juxtaposition and ran with it.
posted by acb at 2:29 PM on January 19, 2018

They don't just hire a graphic designer, they hire Morris Casanova, aka Mr Chicken, who claims to have made 25% of the UK's chicken restaurant signs.
posted by ambrosen at 2:40 PM on January 19, 2018 [9 favorites]

Maryland is especially well known for its chicken.
posted by pipeski at 2:50 PM on January 19, 2018

London's Chicken Shops: The Pecking Order
posted by doiheartwentyone at 3:00 PM on January 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

No Rhode Island Fried Chicken?

THE STATE BIRD IS A G*DD*MNED CHICKEN, PEOPLE!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:28 PM on January 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

There is Kings Cross establishment called "Chicken Rooster", whose slogan is "A Real Taste of Food". You get the feeling that they are trying not to promise too much...

(street view)
posted by tss at 6:30 PM on January 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

One's butler found the article linked in this post to be a most amusing read.
posted by Wordshore at 4:56 AM on January 20, 2018 [6 favorites]

My butler only reads Spinoza.
posted by Diablevert at 8:04 AM on January 20, 2018

Wait, we're talking about chicken shops in Britain and no one has linked to The Chicken Connoisseur (who introduced me to the delightful phrase "The pengest munch")?
posted by like_neon at 2:40 AM on January 22, 2018