Ask an Ex-Fetish Artist!
January 24, 2018 9:17 PM   Subscribe

"I started out with more standard niche fetishes- feet, bondage, your usual shit everyone knows about. But over time, word got out that as long as I was paid accordingly, I'd draw just about anything. And so the perverts came and my rent got paid. Here's a list of stories for y'all to choose what you'd like to hear first: 1) I want a salmon in that lady's vagina; 2) Bimbo the Magical Pony; 3) Put a bee cock on that dragon; 4) Cum golems R Us"
posted by J.K. Seazer (45 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite


 
People are fascinating.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:28 PM on January 24, 2018 [8 favorites]


Thanks for making me google "honeybee penis".
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:34 PM on January 24, 2018 [12 favorites]


Also, the brony commission was as gross as it was unsurprising. Gawd they are literally the worst.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:36 PM on January 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


wait until you get to "ero guro"
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:36 PM on January 24, 2018


I had a friend who regularly hung out on Gurochan. Outwardly a total teddy bear of a guy, but gleeful in his enjoyment of that imageboard.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:39 PM on January 24, 2018


Thanks for making me google “honeybee penis”

I, too, searched for this, and am excited for the ads I’m about to receive.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:58 PM on January 24, 2018 [15 favorites]


Oh man, I just looked up gurochan. Fuck, trying to find out things never works out; ask Oedipus.
posted by jadepearl at 10:37 PM on January 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


Sometimes I search for something, and get very VERY happy I use adblock. This is one of those times.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 10:58 PM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


After reading about gurochan and then nuking my search history, I went and read the Google Doodle on Virgina Woolfe. The article is a fine read and I learned new things, such as, what are some mundane fetishes and commissioned art etiquette. I live a very vanilla life... I am OK with that...
posted by jadepearl at 11:01 PM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


So as not to get sidetracked on that image board, I have to say this was a pretty enjoyable and enlightening read. In particular the artist's observation that whether being doxxed for having a boyfriend or having male fans refer to her as "goddess", it was all in the same objectification. Just to create a whole other persona online as a matter of personal safety as an artist is pretty chilling.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 11:31 PM on January 24, 2018 [7 favorites]


"Beecock Dragon" would be a great band name.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:52 PM on January 24, 2018 [5 favorites]


Goddamn some of these people pay a lot for their fetish art.
posted by atoxyl at 11:57 PM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


Paying for several hours of skilled labor shouldn't be cheap.
posted by Zalzidrax at 12:00 AM on January 25, 2018 [18 favorites]


Paying for several hours of skilled labor shouldn't be cheap.

Oh sure - it's more a matter of being surprised the client will pay... the sort of money that will get a person to perform a physical sexual act with you or for your viewing (my impression, not from experience)? Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that it's on that level since it's a totally personalized thing.
posted by atoxyl at 12:11 AM on January 25, 2018


This may be the worst commission story I can remember:

I think the prize has to go to this one guy that I think was trying to shove all his fetishes on one OC so he only had to commission me once. It was a dragon base (because of course it was. There's the big five fursonas in the furry community- Wolves, foxes, dragons, cats, bunnies, skunks.) But it had a cock that was a hybrid of a horse (flared head, very long), a dog (knotted), and a cat's (barbed). It had lactating breasts, was partially goo, was constantly dripping precum, was rainbow colored (of course. :heh: ), was a taur, (humanoid torso, quadraped back end, like a centaur), had a prehensile tongue, hermaphroditic and part jaguar. I got paid well for it, though.

I will remember this when people ask me to write things that just can't be written. Or maybe just shouldn't be.
posted by alloneword at 1:19 AM on January 25, 2018 [14 favorites]


I'm now reminded of commissioning a piece of RPG character art and the artist being stunned that I stated the female character had "B cup breasts. and on the small side of those".

"Wait, you don't want huge ones?"
"No."

I actually had it toned down twice. So used to "bigger than the head" breasts that small was comfusing. I finally had to dig up photo references (and finding not-porn ones was difficult). Sometimes I think some artists get into 'fetish' territory out of habit.
posted by mephron at 3:41 AM on January 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


> Sometimes I think some artists get into 'fetish' territory out of habit.

And out of the assumption that when a client says "normal-sized breasts", their sensibility of "normal", since the onset of puberty, has been defined by the 2D women they've found more sexually attractive than living women.
posted by ardgedee at 4:35 AM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Hey everyone, come look at how weird these people's private shit is!!!!!!!
posted by Drexen at 4:48 AM on January 25, 2018 [9 favorites]


Got to agree with Drexen here - I remember seeing this thread when it was happening on Something Awful and thinking it was in bad taste. I'm a furry, I've commissioned art, and I'd like to believe that maybe the artists had enough respect for me not to go around talking about how weird I am.

There's a lot of variety out there, and if it's not hurting anyone (and especially if you're making money from it), why not just live and let live?
posted by Kortney at 4:59 AM on January 25, 2018 [9 favorites]


I'd start a meta thread, but I'm at work...
posted by Drexen at 5:02 AM on January 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Maybe it's because I'm generally fetish-friendly already, but I don't see a lot of "haha these fetishes" in that article. There are a few people asking "what was the most fucked up?" and the answers are generally pretty cool and respectful.

The general gist of it is "the fetish people were/are no better or worse than the general population" with a side of "the real problem is misogyny and general disrespect for artists."

Aside from a few hard lines they wrote for themselves (no guro), the artist doesn't appear to be saying, "haha, how fucked up this was!" The artist is saying, "I'd probably still do this if people were more respectful of me, because some of the clients were very nice."
posted by explosion at 5:19 AM on January 25, 2018 [17 favorites]


I agree that there are insights about how fetish artists are treated, etc. It's still an excercise in voyeurism, overall. That's about all the depth I can get into right now.
posted by Drexen at 5:26 AM on January 25, 2018


"Look at how weird these people's private shit is."

I don't know what the history of art and literature would be like if we weren't interested in other people's private shit, but I do know it would be an extremely dull and repressed world.

Respect privacy? God yes. I long ago learned that "people do WHAT?" is extremely different from "my neighbour does WHAT?". The latter I don't know and I don't want to know.

You might find voyeurism in bad taste, and who could argue. De gustibus, etc. Yet the libraries and cinemas and art galleries are full of what's inside people's heads, and that's just how people are. I don't like the idea that sexuality is somehow separate from that, somehow off-limits for consideration.

Bring on the precum-drenched rainbow dragons, I say.
posted by Devonian at 5:54 AM on January 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


i started a fetish-art website called fetafilter, but most of the posts ended up being about cheese...sorry.
posted by j_curiouser at 5:56 AM on January 25, 2018 [16 favorites]


Yeah, I also am not getting a shame vibe. In fact, the artist is aggravatedly clear that one of the things that bothered them most was the presence of clients that would try to pressure them into shaming the clients, because the dudes got off on that. They're very clear that the kink isn't the problem, too; the problem is the lack of boundaries and any form of consent.

Which: duh.

Look, for all the tee heeing about what people would rather not have known or whatever, the only things the author describes that would have me noping completely out are the things that really are basically "wow, there are some really misogynistic dudes out there." Like, the bimboification thing? It doesn't so much squick me as make me feel utterly sick inside. There's a difference.

And for my money, absolutely the worst commission and details mentioned is that horrifyingly specific leopard/tiger thing with the neon rainbow gradients. God, that must have been a pain and a half.
posted by sciatrix at 6:23 AM on January 25, 2018 [9 favorites]


All right, thanks for indulging my concerns.
posted by Kortney at 6:33 AM on January 25, 2018


Okay, that's a fun article.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:57 AM on January 25, 2018


I am in fact very impressed at how respectful the artist is, overall. The objection is to misogyny and to harassment, not to any of the fetishes, and even the artistic complaints are about the persnickety nature of some clients re: the image they had in their head and not, say, beecocks.
posted by lydhre at 6:59 AM on January 25, 2018 [7 favorites]


I had one dude that wanted me to just draw a lady in a business suit, fully clothed, just sitting in a desk chair and looking vaguely annoyed.

This would be a good fetish to have. Get an ordinary office job and you’ll be in ecstasy all day every day.
posted by ejs at 7:27 AM on January 25, 2018 [25 favorites]


She's hilarious. Also I'm mad now because is there anything toxic masculinity can't ruin? At least she turned it into a good line: "M'lady, truly you are the best at drawing dragon cock".

I had not heard of Sparkledogs before. What a harmless and creative little meme. Sure does lead to color vomit though.
posted by Nelson at 7:39 AM on January 25, 2018


MetaFilter: Bring on the precum-drenched rainbow dragons

Now pardon me while I scrub my search history JFC
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:44 AM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Now pardon me while I scrub my search history JFC

Don't bother; it is now on your permanent record.
posted by thelonius at 7:56 AM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]



i started a fetish-art website called fetafilter, but most of the posts ended up being about cheese...sorry.


fetish forum foiled ; fermented food fixation faulted?
posted by lalochezia at 7:59 AM on January 25, 2018 [6 favorites]


Yeah, no problem--christ knows I'm part of enough communities that have attracted point-and-gawkers that I get the impulse to be suspicious right off the bat. I get it--people are dicks to and about furries and about people who commission art all the time. Which is a shame, if you want my opinion, because I have the furry community to thank for the career of Metafilter favorite Ursula Vernon and plenty of other artists' careers besides. It's a community with good sides, and one of its community's best is the generosity of that community when it comes to paying artists for work. Which is not to say it doesn't have assholes, but--what place doesn't?

I am gnawing on my cheeks a bit here, because like I said, I get the impulse to want to keep hidden. On the other hand, I also feel like pieces like this act to humanize the communities they're spotlighting, and the voyeuristic impulse that can encourage people to click on them--well, people are curious, right? And inevitably the best of these pieces just show off that--look, these communities are human too, there's reasonable people here and there's jerks, same as anyone else.

Insofar as there's genuinely kill-it-with-fire stuff in the space (I'm going to side eye the hell out of anyone who asks me to play the Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay game with bimboification), I think that the community as a whole benefits from distinguishing the stuff that is ultimately harmless, like the fishvag shit, from the toxic, nasty stuff. And I think that pieces like this do that--instead of closely identifying the bimbofication folks with furries, it does a good job of distinguishing what is actually toxic and what isn't within fetish commission pieces. Once you've achieved that, it makes it easier to actually identify toxic behavior and challenge it without getting the waters further muddied by people who are afraid that those challenges target their own ultimately harmless kinks.
posted by sciatrix at 8:13 AM on January 25, 2018 [5 favorites]


This sort of respectfulness matches other people I know who are in the smut trade. (mostly publishing text rather than visual art.) Snark isn't for the fetishes but instead for things like 'inability to follow directions for submitting manuscripts'.
posted by rmd1023 at 8:16 AM on January 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


I think I see the humor here a little bit like how doctors and nurses trade darkly humorous stories about their patients. "Did you see the size of that fish we pulled out of that guy's rectum?" It's possible, maybe even necessary, to be able to joke about the kind of oddities of human behavior you encounter while doing a job. While still being respectful of your fish rectum / fishvag client.
posted by Nelson at 8:24 AM on January 25, 2018


I’ve done this. I’ve got more than a few friends who’ve done this. Some for a brief spate of time - I decided I was done after about a year or two - some for something like a decade. You attract new clients based on what you post, so you learn to maybe not post some things on your galleries - sure, you’ll do pictures of lady foxes with twelve tits and twenty legs for this one particular client who pays well and promptly, but you don’t want to attract this other person who is well known for being into that and for being a cheapskate who is a nightmare to work with.

The peak of my career as a pornmonger was when I got asked to do something inspired by a particular stretch of the “Pink Elephants” scene in Dumbo. The client was very diffident about how WEIRD it was, and I was all, holy crap this is the best thing I have ever been asked to draw, this is great, and they got extra effort put into the piece because it was FUN.

The danger this doesn’t mention: you can pick up kinks. See, part of the job, as I see it, is to figure out where the exact point of arousal is, and to make damn sure you’re hitting that. But to do this you sort of have to risk going “huh, I never thought of it this way, this IS kinda hot”. And then there you are with a crazy new fantasy thing you can now be kinda turned on by.
posted by egypturnash at 9:04 AM on January 25, 2018 [21 favorites]


I will also note that most of the people I know who buy bimbofication commissions tend to be people buying art of their fursona being bimbofied; I can see “being someone who doesn’t have to think about much of anything except sex” as a very welcome release from a stressful job that requires all too much thinking. YMMV, obviously.

Also I stopped doing porn commissions before MLP:FIM but I am pretty sure I’d avoid brony commissions if I started again. There are exceptions, but their collective reputation as clients ain’t good.
posted by egypturnash at 9:11 AM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Pink Elephants in Dumbo (SFW, it's Disney, but holy shit it doesn't take much of a perverted imagination.)
posted by Nelson at 9:24 AM on January 25, 2018


I will also note that most of the people I know who buy bimbofication commissions tend to be people buying art of their fursona being bimbofied; I can see “being someone who doesn’t have to think about much of anything except sex” as a very welcome release from a stressful job that requires all too much thinking. YMMV, obviously.

Yeah I mean the core reason I am generally skeptical of attempts to judge (or even interpret) the subtext of kinks is that in my experience with stuff I do personally know about people who try to do that get it wrong, a lot.

It sounds like in this case the guy had an overtly shitty attitude about it, though, plus obviously an artist is free to decline whatever.
posted by atoxyl at 11:02 AM on January 25, 2018


I remember an old episode of the Savage Lovecast where Dan Savage brought up how one person enjoyed being spanked because, they said, they hadn't been spanked enough as a child, while another explained that they liked it because they had been spanked too much. Not a novel example, surely, but one that sticks. We have such complicated rationales for our higher actions - why not also for our baser urges?
posted by Going To Maine at 1:10 PM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Also along the lines of what egypturnash said it's just my experience that the overlap between people who get off on seeing [extreme thing] done to other people and people who get off on doing [extreme thing] to themselves is not insignificant, and that makes the implications feel different, to me, than one might assume otherwise.

But again, doesn't really affect my perception of interviewee's exact example that much.
posted by atoxyl at 1:34 PM on January 25, 2018


There's the big five fursonas in the furry community- Wolves, foxes, dragons, cats, bunnies, skunks.

🤔
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 1:36 PM on January 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Without getting into specifics of subject matter, I just feel like I should point out that back when I was trying to make a go of it at freelancing, every furry I worked with was hella nice, paid upfront, and was surprisingly flexible about timetables and specifics of design. I think for some of them, seeing my specific take on their characters and their, y'know, proclivities made them feel seen, in a way? I've heard stories about furry dust-ups and majorly bad apples, but I never met any.

I also worked for local bands and music promoters fairly regularly, which is more traditionally "cool" and I'm more prone to refer to that when I mention that time in my life in mixed company. They were a nightmare, by and large. Flakey, capricious, didn't know what they wanted, dithered on decisions until they needed it tomorrow, thought they could pay in beer and show tickets.

I got rid of most of that old furry art. I went through bouts of being kind of ashamed of it, thinking the more traditional illustration was my future if I could just work past doing bullshit show flyers for amateurs. With the benefit of hindsight, that was the wrong impulse, and I regret being ashamed of the clients that obviously treated me better. I lack whatever it is that makes furriness a part of a person's identity, but if I were to go back to drawing for spending cash, I would hang with the furries without thinking twice.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 2:18 PM on January 25, 2018 [9 favorites]


I'm a damn cheapskate myself, but can't help finding something cool inherent in the concept of asking someone to create you something along specific lines that would never have existed otherwise and paying them an agreed fair price for their efforts.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 5:58 PM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


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