an allegedly phallic tree
May 16, 2002 5:38 PM   Subscribe

an allegedly phallic tree Would you agree to dismemberment for neighborhood peace?
posted by onegoodmove (24 comments total)

I feel so...inadequate.
posted by LinusMines at 5:47 PM on May 16, 2002

Hey dude, dude, you know what that looks like dude? That looks like a cock dude! Of course, you know, yours would be closer to a shrub! Dude I'm just kiddin' you!
posted by geoff. at 5:50 PM on May 16, 2002

heh. heh. that tree looks like a cock. heh. heh. i said 'cock'. heh. heh.
posted by quonsar at 5:55 PM on May 16, 2002

NFW...I'd protest if they cut it down.

"...we have older folks around here."

If I were one of those older folk I would be tremendously offended by that statement.
posted by oh posey at 5:59 PM on May 16, 2002

Boy, Georgia O'Keefe is probably having a really good laugh over this somewhere out there.

So am I, but I bet it's funnier to her.
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:06 PM on May 16, 2002

Dude, I totally know the unnamed neighbor! I was at her house a few weeks ago! (Although, alas, no one thought to point out the "infamous" foliage.)

I'm, like, famous. I am in possession of tangential, local newspaper fame. Whew, and I thought I wouldn't have any good stories-of-yore for my future grandchildren...
posted by poeks at 6:10 PM on May 16, 2002

What has become of this country? Reading this makes me just want to scream. Your neighbor doing something you find offensive? Call the cops! Don't bother to discuss with your neighbor who had the offensive tree for 15 years.

It's annoying to hear children laugh? Dear lord. I mean should people in my neighborhood call the cops on the offices of Dick Tittsworth because we used to laugh our asses off about that?

When it become expected that things that are "annoying" be taken care of by the cops. Atleast, the cops didn't do anything. This and the finger-gun story have seriously depressed me this evening.
posted by betaray at 6:11 PM on May 16, 2002

They look more like giant towers of poo made by a giant who had to take a poo. Twice.
posted by bunktone at 6:14 PM on May 16, 2002

What the hell was the point of that "performs best" bit around the middle.
Other than letting the newspaper make a cheap joke.
posted by Su at 6:18 PM on May 16, 2002

They look more like floppy rabbit-ears to me...oh, wait, that might offend some PETA loonies.
posted by davidmsc at 6:24 PM on May 16, 2002

That was probably the only point, Su. Us journalist types will take any excuse we can get to be cornballs in print.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 6:25 PM on May 16, 2002

It's the Santa Cruz Sentinel. Believe me, it's probably the most fun the newsroom had all week.
posted by dhartung at 6:27 PM on May 16, 2002

It's a slightly different situation, but I'm reminded of the controversy surrounding a statue of Venus giving birth that was placed in a community garden in Seattle. Some people were offended by the display of fertility. In the end though the statue got to stay.

Does this kind of stuff happen only in the U.S.?
posted by gluechunk at 6:38 PM on May 16, 2002

Is it just me or do the two bushes below the cock tree look kinda like lopsided boobs?

Freud would have a field day with this shrubbery and the neighbors reaction. Not to mention ours.
posted by jonmc at 6:39 PM on May 16, 2002

"She added the eugenia was 'not trimmed for any particular purpose.'"

Well, maybe not, but it clearly was trimmed on purpose.

And in poor taste, too. Not because of what it resembles, but because if it isn't supposed to resemble anything, it just looks silly.
posted by theRegent at 6:45 PM on May 16, 2002

That tree looks like it was trimmed by R. Crumb.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:55 PM on May 16, 2002

why dont you just sit down aaaand play with your cock and balls. Give a little tug at em why dont ya?

I'm sorry...
posted by plemeljr at 7:26 PM on May 16, 2002

Perhaps Ashcroft would be willing to loan his drapes on days he doesn't speak.
posted by onegoodmove at 7:26 PM on May 16, 2002

Hell. That doesn't look like a cock. It looks like Calista Flockhart with a boob job.
posted by Sallyfur at 7:44 PM on May 16, 2002

This may be beside the point, but Bunktone's post was inspirational. I think "Towers of Poo" would be a killer name for a band.

Oh, and I wish my neighbor would do something cool like spend some time working on a cock-bush instead of just parking his car in the front yard.
posted by apollo at 8:41 PM on May 16, 2002

If they looked truly phallic, they'd be great -- the lady likes big dicks and she's not afraid to advertise it, and the guy across the road is trimming his bushes like a great big twat, and spring is in the air -- but these things are just very crass, of the pink flamingos and concrete Mary and plywood cutouts variety, as if Edward Scissorhands had a cousin named, like, Jennifer, and like, Jennifer was totally into art and nature and stuff (and dreams of big dicks, but with more of Dr Seuss than of Dr Freud about them).
posted by pracowity at 1:48 AM on May 17, 2002

A rose by any other name would, uh, smell as sweet.
posted by Taken Outtacontext at 6:21 AM on May 17, 2002

The articles referred to "bosoms" instead of "breasts." That's the funniest part of the whole thing.
posted by elgoose at 7:16 AM on May 17, 2002

> The articles referred to "bosoms" instead of "breasts."

They must have edited out the "manroot" line.
posted by pracowity at 7:39 AM on May 17, 2002

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