#boilingAnalChemicals
February 13, 2018 11:08 AM Subscribe
Never try to eat a bombardier beetle. Because if the little shit feels threatened is will squirt boiling chemicals from its asshole right in your mouth to make you kindly vomit it back up you beetle eating weirdo.
As I recall, Charles Darwin famously tried to do this exact thing on one occasion. (He was trying to hold it in his mouth while insect collecting, not consume the unfortunate beetle, but I imagine it made little difference to the beetle.) In his own words:
posted by sciatrix at 11:22 AM on February 13, 2018 [114 favorites]
A Cychrus rostratus once squirted into my eye & gave me extreme pain; & I must tell you what happened to me on the banks of the Cam in my early entomological days; under a piece of bark I found two carabi (I forget which) & caught one in each hand, when lo & behold I saw a sacred Panagæus crux major; I could not bear to give up either of my Carabi, & to lose Panagæus was out of the question, so that in despair I gently seized one of the carabi between my teeth, when to my unspeakable disgust & pain the little inconsiderate beast squirted his acid down my throat & I lost both Carabi & Panagæus!God, I love my discipline's incredibly awkward dork founder.
posted by sciatrix at 11:22 AM on February 13, 2018 [114 favorites]
I am on this beetle’s side and also now have an idea for a new superhero comic I’m going to pitch.
posted by middleclasstool at 11:32 AM on February 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by middleclasstool at 11:32 AM on February 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Ow, sciatrix! I think I just sprained my favoriting finger!
posted by darkstar at 11:32 AM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by darkstar at 11:32 AM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
No, internet, these are not Tide Pods with legs. Bad internet!
posted by zamboni at 11:35 AM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 11:35 AM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Boiling Anal Chemicals is the name of my new Grindcore band.
posted by lmfsilva at 11:37 AM on February 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by lmfsilva at 11:37 AM on February 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Bombadier beetle was a concept car collaboration between a Canadian and a German company, but it didn't pass the emissions test.
posted by dazed_one at 11:41 AM on February 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by dazed_one at 11:41 AM on February 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
Heheh, epony-SSSHHHHK! OW MY EYES!!!
posted by darkstar at 11:43 AM on February 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by darkstar at 11:43 AM on February 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
*whispers* just remember, arguably the most accurate and innovative biologist of the past two hundred years was the kind of dork who stuck a bombadier beetle in his mouth by accident sometimes and wrote whining letters to his friends about how he was very poorly and stupid today and hated everyone and everything, and also joked that he would like a society formed so people could all receive nice letters and never actually have to answer them.
posted by sciatrix at 11:44 AM on February 13, 2018 [24 favorites]
posted by sciatrix at 11:44 AM on February 13, 2018 [24 favorites]
Here in New Mexico, we have vinegaroons, which must be some other language for "hellspawn stink scorpion." It looks like a scorpion, but also shoots stinky stuff out of its abdomen. Nobody tells you about vinegaroons when you move here. Luckily they're more common in the eastern side of the state.
posted by answergrape at 11:49 AM on February 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by answergrape at 11:49 AM on February 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
F O R B I D D E N S N A C K: Entomology Throwback Edition
posted by halation at 11:50 AM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by halation at 11:50 AM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
41 years ago in 1977, Dr. Duane T. Gish, a creationist and Assistant Director of the Institute of Creation Research, argued that Bombardier beetles disproved the theory of evolution because no creature on the planet could have possibly evolved a mechanism to shoot boiling hot chemicals out of its butt. (Obviously, the doctor had never had a super spicy meal.)
This article by Christopher Gregory Webster from 1980 blows up Gish's claims. He notes:
posted by zarq at 11:54 AM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
This article by Christopher Gregory Webster from 1980 blows up Gish's claims. He notes:
In the very book in which he describes the bombardier beetle (Dinosaurs: Those Terrible Lizards), he argues that old legends, Job 41:18-21, and the bombardier beetle all suggest that the unique crests on the heads of some duck-billed dinosaurs were the chemical storage tanks for their flame-throwing mechanisms. These dinosaurs were thus the fire-breathing dragons of myth and legend! Need I say more?Wired discusses the defense mechanism's evolutionary path in Absurd Creature of the Week: This Beetle Fires Boiling Chemicals Out of Its Bum
posted by zarq at 11:54 AM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Dear NatGeo: That was a shitty trick to play on that frog.
Just saying.
posted by The Bellman at 11:59 AM on February 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Just saying.
posted by The Bellman at 11:59 AM on February 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
I was considering adding this video to the thread about the Korgis, but it seems more appropriate here: "Something About the Beatles"
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:03 PM on February 13, 2018
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:03 PM on February 13, 2018
The above-the-fold gets my vote for best above-the-fold ever.
posted by bendy at 1:11 PM on February 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by bendy at 1:11 PM on February 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
41 years ago in 1977, Dr. Duane T. Gish, a creationist and Assistant Director of the Institute of Creation Research, argued that Bombardier beetles disproved the theory of evolution because no creature on the planet could have possibly evolved a mechanism to shoot boiling hot chemicals out of its butt.
I see. So, Dr. Gish, is it your position that God did that on purpose?
posted by Naberius at 1:34 PM on February 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I see. So, Dr. Gish, is it your position that God did that on purpose?
posted by Naberius at 1:34 PM on February 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Is it only me that feels bad for the poor frog?
*Maybe I just like frogs, they are really pretty fascinating and cool.
posted by annsunny at 1:50 PM on February 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
*Maybe I just like frogs, they are really pretty fascinating and cool.
posted by annsunny at 1:50 PM on February 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Wow, what an incredibly shitty and cruel experiment to run. You can really tell that National Geographic is owned by Murdoch/Fox these days.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:30 PM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:30 PM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
sciatrix: As I recall, Charles Darwin famously tried to do this exact thing on one occasion.
And then Thomas Eisner, the father of Ecological Chemistry, had a similar experience for the similar reason (he needed to hold another insect but was out of hands), without knowing about Darwin's experience [previously]. Etymology dorks are the best dorks!
posted by filthy light thief at 3:09 PM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
And then Thomas Eisner, the father of Ecological Chemistry, had a similar experience for the similar reason (he needed to hold another insect but was out of hands), without knowing about Darwin's experience [previously]. Etymology dorks are the best dorks!
posted by filthy light thief at 3:09 PM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I was a little disappointed that the beetle didn't just blaze a hole in the side of the frog and emerge from the smoking remains.
posted by doctor_negative at 3:37 PM on February 13, 2018
posted by doctor_negative at 3:37 PM on February 13, 2018
I've read that there are many beetles with foul tasting chemicals.
From experience; Many years ago, riding my bike on a busy city street, a big green beetle flew straight down my throat. Besides dealing with the choking and feel of all those legs trying to climb out of my throat while hurling through traffic, it had the most awful burning bitter taste that made my eyes water so much I couldn't see. It was so far down it took what seemed like minutes to finally cough up, and the taste didn't go away for hours.
Not recommended. Choose your beetle snacks wisely.
posted by bongo_x at 3:55 PM on February 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
From experience; Many years ago, riding my bike on a busy city street, a big green beetle flew straight down my throat. Besides dealing with the choking and feel of all those legs trying to climb out of my throat while hurling through traffic, it had the most awful burning bitter taste that made my eyes water so much I couldn't see. It was so far down it took what seemed like minutes to finally cough up, and the taste didn't go away for hours.
Not recommended. Choose your beetle snacks wisely.
posted by bongo_x at 3:55 PM on February 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
answergrape: Here in New Mexico, we have vinegaroons, which must be some other language for "hellspawn stink scorpion." It looks like a scorpion, but also shoots stinky stuff out of its abdomen. Nobody tells you about vinegaroons when you move here. Luckily they're more common in the eastern side of the state.
My girlfriend owns one of these, it sits in a cage in our room. When I found out it shot acid out of its tail I became skeptical, but it's just acetic acid, it's like getting vinegar on you (and NOT like a scene out of the Alien movies, as I imagined at first). Hers is fairly docile, I've picked it up before, and unless you do anything to mess with it I don't think it attacks fairly often.
posted by gucci mane at 4:02 PM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
My girlfriend owns one of these, it sits in a cage in our room. When I found out it shot acid out of its tail I became skeptical, but it's just acetic acid, it's like getting vinegar on you (and NOT like a scene out of the Alien movies, as I imagined at first). Hers is fairly docile, I've picked it up before, and unless you do anything to mess with it I don't think it attacks fairly often.
posted by gucci mane at 4:02 PM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I don't think it attacks fairly often.
Hopefully only when you've brought home fish and chips.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:07 PM on February 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
Hopefully only when you've brought home fish and chips.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:07 PM on February 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
Reasons I love metafilter include my learning about the existence of "hellspawn stink scorpion" and getting to someone saying "my girlfriend has one as a pet" in the course of an afternoon
posted by flaterik at 6:05 PM on February 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by flaterik at 6:05 PM on February 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
This post needs to make its way into a "Writing excellent FPPs 101" coursebook, pronto.
posted by duffell at 7:10 PM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by duffell at 7:10 PM on February 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Just remember Internet Rule 34...
posted by Merlin The Happy Pig at 9:26 PM on February 13, 2018
posted by Merlin The Happy Pig at 9:26 PM on February 13, 2018
41 years ago in 1977, Dr. Duane T. Gish, a creationist and Assistant Director of the Institute of Creation Research, argued that Bombardier beetles disproved the theory of evolution because no creature on the planet could have possibly evolved a mechanism to shoot boiling hot chemicals out of its butt. (Obviously, the doctor had never had a super spicy meal.)
Meanwhile God, designing man in Her own image, has a fuzzy moment and leaves the testicles on the outside in some sort of dangley pouch, vulnerable to leopards, Egyptian cobras, puff adders, rock pythons, caracals, wild dogs, hawks, owls, and bollards.
The elephants, dugongs, and hyraxes argue that their internal testes prove the theory of intelligent design, and that God is probably of the clade Paenungulata.
The squids excitedly thrash around in their tank. A sperm whale translates her lunch's arrhythmic flashes: "God must be a squid, because anyone in in Their right mind designs the eyeball so that the optic nerve mounts on the back outside of the eyeball, and not the back inside so that you have to make a hole in the eyeball with a blind spot and so on."
The Bombardier beetles clean the frog goo off and quietly get on with their day.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:22 PM on February 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
Meanwhile God, designing man in Her own image, has a fuzzy moment and leaves the testicles on the outside in some sort of dangley pouch, vulnerable to leopards, Egyptian cobras, puff adders, rock pythons, caracals, wild dogs, hawks, owls, and bollards.
The elephants, dugongs, and hyraxes argue that their internal testes prove the theory of intelligent design, and that God is probably of the clade Paenungulata.
The squids excitedly thrash around in their tank. A sperm whale translates her lunch's arrhythmic flashes: "God must be a squid, because anyone in in Their right mind designs the eyeball so that the optic nerve mounts on the back outside of the eyeball, and not the back inside so that you have to make a hole in the eyeball with a blind spot and so on."
The Bombardier beetles clean the frog goo off and quietly get on with their day.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:22 PM on February 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
[I]n 1977, Dr. Duane T. Gish [...] argued that Bombardier beetles disproved the theory of evolution because no creature on the planet could have possibly evolved a mechanism to shoot boiling hot chemicals out of its butt.
This is especially ironic considering that genus Bombardier provides one of the best-studied examples of rapid speciation yet observed, yielding direct evidence for evolution in real time. Following the 1942 discovery of the arctic beetle B. skidogesis (more commonly known as B. skidoo due to an unfortunate misprint in the original journal article), biologists were able to directly observe the emergence of B. crj100, which itself rapidly speicated, giving rise to crj200, crj440, crj700, crj900, and crj1000, and most recently B. cseries, all of which, incidentally, also shoot flaming chemicals out of their butts. Part of genus Bombardier's success lies in these beetles' ability to thrive at the margins of human settlements, as well as the genus's unusual tendency to "acquire" the genomes of other distantly-related beetles such as members of the Canadair and Learjet genuses. As recently as last fall, cross-breeding between Bombardier and members of the Airbus genus has been observed, and scientists are watching carefully to see if this leads to additional speciation among these fascinating creatures.
posted by heatherlogan at 5:28 AM on February 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
This is especially ironic considering that genus Bombardier provides one of the best-studied examples of rapid speciation yet observed, yielding direct evidence for evolution in real time. Following the 1942 discovery of the arctic beetle B. skidogesis (more commonly known as B. skidoo due to an unfortunate misprint in the original journal article), biologists were able to directly observe the emergence of B. crj100, which itself rapidly speicated, giving rise to crj200, crj440, crj700, crj900, and crj1000, and most recently B. cseries, all of which, incidentally, also shoot flaming chemicals out of their butts. Part of genus Bombardier's success lies in these beetles' ability to thrive at the margins of human settlements, as well as the genus's unusual tendency to "acquire" the genomes of other distantly-related beetles such as members of the Canadair and Learjet genuses. As recently as last fall, cross-breeding between Bombardier and members of the Airbus genus has been observed, and scientists are watching carefully to see if this leads to additional speciation among these fascinating creatures.
posted by heatherlogan at 5:28 AM on February 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
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posted by Carmody'sPrize at 11:20 AM on February 13, 2018 [3 favorites]