Love Crime? Is it time for some sweet chocolate Justice?
February 16, 2018 1:41 PM   Subscribe

Since 1976, someone has decorated Portland, Maine, with hearts. Red hearts printed on white copy paper on businesses, cars, and the occasional heart banner on the museum, library or other building. Hearts have spread to other towns. Now, one guy is in a snit.

Sen. Angus King, I, Maine, commented on facebook "Once again, Portland has been papered by red hearts courtesy of the Valentine's Day Bandit. This has gone on long enough – as your Senator, I’m pledging that we will catch this vigilante and bring him or her to justice. (Kidding – Happy Valentine’s Day to all!)"
posted by theora55 (34 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Oh boy.

“The tape wouldn’t come off because it was cold enough at night. It was just staying there,” Brian LaVoie said.

Get a hobby, bro!
posted by sucre at 2:01 PM on February 16, 2018 [4 favorites]


I could vaguely see his irritation if they were taping things to the car finish, there's at least some theoretical potential for damage there, or if someone covered the whole car with stuff, but it was a single heart taped to a window! Get a fucking life, dude.
posted by tavella at 2:08 PM on February 16, 2018 [4 favorites]


I have to admit that I have started to find this vaguely irritating, as the scale of the modern effort has made it clear it's being done by the city or chamber of commerce as a stunt. But that is just a sign of my black, cold heart.
posted by selfnoise at 2:15 PM on February 16, 2018 [3 favorites]


Valid, but there's 'vague irritating' and then there's 'I demand that these people be charged with a crime for taping a heart to my car window!'
posted by tavella at 2:18 PM on February 16, 2018 [9 favorites]


I have to admit that I have started to find this vaguely irritating, as the scale of the modern effort has made it clear it's being done by the city or chamber of commerce as a stunt. But that is just a sign of my black, cold heart.

Friend, you and I should talk about my theories surrounding the Gävle goat.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 2:43 PM on February 16, 2018 [6 favorites]


Mr. LaVoie if you happen to be reading this. I just want you to know that the journalists who helped you publicize your complaint did not have your best interests in mind.
posted by rdr at 2:45 PM on February 16, 2018 [23 favorites]


My sympathies are with Mr. LaVoie. There are far too many people out there making the world a more difficult place to live in the name of festivity and frivolity, and they need to be discouraged.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:09 PM on February 16, 2018 [2 favorites]


Brian LaVoie Is a bad man who should feel bad and be sentenced to write”I am a bad man who hates hearts, and I am bad” on his car 100 times and legally change his name to Brian “I am a bad man” LaVoie.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:22 PM on February 16, 2018 [6 favorites]


I sort of pine for the days when this would have been a local news story about a cranky dude, and not an opportunity for thousands of anonymous people around the country and the world to be like "yeah, fuck that guy, what a jerk!"
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 3:28 PM on February 16, 2018 [13 favorites]


When would that have been? From occasional acquaintance with old timey American newspapers via the Google News Archive and the Library of Congress's Chronicling America project, this seems like exactly the sort of story that always would have been repeated across the country once it was reported in the local news. People doing stupid things in the course of committing criminal acts has also historically been a popular theme, for example; stories about the cravenness of others have always sold advertising space.
posted by XMLicious at 3:45 PM on February 16, 2018 [2 favorites]


Yeah, fuck that guy, what a jerk!
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 3:46 PM on February 16, 2018 [16 favorites]


Did I do it right?
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 3:46 PM on February 16, 2018 [5 favorites]


People doing stupid things in the course of committing criminal acts has also historically been a popular theme, for example; stories about the cravenness of others have always sold advertising space.

Sometimes a good ol' righteous snit feels like just the thing but then ends in tragic consequences.
posted by mudpuppie at 3:57 PM on February 16, 2018 [1 favorite]


this seems like exactly the sort of story that always would have been repeated across the country once it was reported in the local news

You've got a point there. There was definitely some bullshit back in the day (and by that I mean, 100+ years ago). I guess what really bothers me is the ability for many, many thousands of people to comment on this story pretty much instantly. Maybe it's not any worse now than in the past, but it's certainly faster and bigger, which is alarming. So You've Been Publicly Shamed comes to mind.

Gee, now I want to know more about how people were publicly, nationally shamed/embarrassed/celebrated throughout history.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 4:15 PM on February 16, 2018


an opportunity for thousands of anonymous people around the country and the world to be like "yeah, fuck that guy, what a jerk!"

I have not and will not read Reddit’s reaction to this, but I suspect it’s a lot more like “your rights end where my property starts, I would have shot those car-vandalizing commies.”
posted by uncleozzy at 4:18 PM on February 16, 2018 [3 favorites]


Actually, Reddit is pretty much solidly on the "fuck that asshole" front.

My personal take is that people have lots of perfectly valid reasons to opt out of any given "festive" holiday and maybe we should avoid coercing people to join in "festivities" by doing shit to their personal property.
posted by tobascodagama at 4:57 PM on February 16, 2018 [4 favorites]


I have not and will not read Reddit’s reaction to this, but I suspect it’s a lot more like “your rights end where my property starts, I would have shot those car-vandalizing commies.”

Nope. Reddit certainly has parts which are festering shitty messes, and and the misogyny often leaks all over, but many bits are much better than some people here seem to assume. Almost all of the commenters talked about how the guy who complained to the police was overreacting, two people suggested that the bandit escalate with more hearts, and two people talked about how they'd be pissed if it happened to their cars (but thought pressing charges was overkill). Nobody suggested violence or murder would be at all appropriate, supported pressing charges, or bashed leftists. While reddit does have plenty of issues, your strawman version of it is… not entirely accurate.
posted by JiBB at 5:00 PM on February 16, 2018 [6 favorites]


We all need more hearts for those we love.
posted by TrishaU at 5:00 PM on February 16, 2018


Okay, I'll be the bad guy and say I'd be annoyed by the stunt too, not to the point of wanting the people incarcerated, but finding it no more wanted than the Christian Evangelists spreading flyers about Jesus in my town and hassling me.

If this happened at my work, I would have to go out and confront them as part of my job. I can understand someone becoming stressed by seeing people messing with their car, finding a heart on it instead of damage doesn't make that then "right" depending on what the sight spurred. Leave personal property alone, messing with it can be dangerous for those who do it and stressful for those against whom it is committed.
posted by gusottertrout at 5:08 PM on February 16, 2018 [4 favorites]


While reddit does have plenty of issues, your strawman version of it is… not entirely accurate.

I read Reddit every day. Genuinely surprised.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:17 PM on February 16, 2018


There's always somebody.
posted by davejay at 6:13 PM on February 16, 2018


This sounds like a movie plot, except that the one putting out the hearts would be lonely and the person who gets angry would prosecute and they'd end up madly in love with each other. Fingers crossed for that ending, because why not?
posted by Slinga at 6:52 PM on February 16, 2018 [5 favorites]


one guy is in a snit

Well that's definitely newsworthy. Tell me more about that guy's feelings, Bangor Daily News. I'm sure he's not volunteering his opinion, at length and full volume, to anybody who slows down long enough to resolve in his vision.
posted by penduluum at 8:12 PM on February 16, 2018 [1 favorite]


So, my ex-wife and I did something wrong by sneaking out (in snowing weather) early Christmas morning to decorate a tree in the middle of the local roundabout in little red felt bows?

Talk about black hearts. Mr. "No Joy" LaVoie's got some to spare. Anyone want to bet he's single, with that attitude?
posted by Samizdata at 10:09 PM on February 16, 2018 [4 favorites]


What about the well intentioned heart tied to a tree in front of my apartment that read "Green Lives Matter?"
posted by kittensofthenight at 12:01 AM on February 17, 2018 [4 favorites]


> kittensofthenight:
"What about the well intentioned heart tied to a tree in front of my apartment that read "Green Lives Matter?""

But that's not YOUR TREE! YOUR OWN PERSONAL PROPERTY TREE! HEY! YOU BIRDS! FUCK RIGHT OFF!
posted by Samizdata at 1:58 AM on February 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


The way the article keeps returning to the word "touch" is a nice... touch.

Lighten up, Francis!
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 4:24 AM on February 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


This just made my WEEK:

“If anyone has any information that would assist us in our investigation, please let us know, as we would like to thank them for making Valentine’s Day a little brighter for Portlanders.”
posted by flyingsquirrel at 7:00 AM on February 17, 2018 [4 favorites]


How inspirational! Next February 2nd, I plan to tape photocopies of Punxsutawney Phil on as many cars, shops, stores, gas stations, shoppes, office buildings, consulates, and clinics as I can in Denver.

By the way, if you're not familiar with Casco Bay, that heart on Ft. Gorges was pretty impressive. The fort isn't hard to get into, but hanging the banner took a little planning. More than a visit to Kinko's and a roll of cellophane tape, anyway.
posted by kozad at 8:00 AM on February 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


Anyone want to bet he's single, with that attitude?

Isn't this getting kind of mean?
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 11:26 AM on February 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


one guy is in a snit

Well that's definitely newsworthy. Tell me more about that guy's feelings, Bangor Daily News. I'm sure he's not volunteering his opinion, at length and full volume, to anybody who slows down long enough to resolve in his vision.


It's just a hook for the story so there can be a point of view the readership can rally against for being too uptight. With the emphasis on "charged with a crime" it undermines his perspective as extreme, making it even easier for people to mock Mr Lavoie for being a jerk, and having no heart, so to speak, and rightly isolated. It works to weaken his point about seeing unknown people messing with his car and concern over that, even as he expressed a sympathy with the desire to spread love and joy, as he had it, to the end of celebrating a kind of real world version of the inspirational ephemera more commonly found on Facebook where it is exceptionally popular.

This isn't quite the equivalent of the NYT giving space to Nazis for "balance", it's more using an individual opinion as stalking horse for furthering consensus support.
posted by gusottertrout at 12:33 PM on February 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


> shapes that haunt the dusk:
"Anyone want to bet he's single, with that attitude?

Isn't this getting kind of mean?"


I didn't think so. He just strikes me as the cranky type that wouldn't share well with anyone (which is kind of the point of a relationship). Plus the complaints about ONE heart.
posted by Samizdata at 1:01 PM on February 17, 2018


> the scale of the modern effort has made it clear it's being done by the city or chamber of commerce as a stunt

I'm certain that neither the city nor the Chamber of Commerce is involved. Some years ago, I knew some people involved, and I believe similar individuals are carrying it on. Somebody at the Library or Museum or fire station is unlocking the door, but wink, wink, nudge, nudge, sure, let me hold your coffee is the only official support.

Most Portlanders who get a heart value it. When I had a business in Portland, I'd have felt left out if I hadn't gotten a heart on the window. LaVoie will simmer down, and if anybody is ever charged or even arrested, the defense fund would be massive.
posted by theora55 at 1:16 PM on February 17, 2018 [1 favorite]




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