Love the second time around
February 17, 2018 1:44 PM Subscribe
He woke her in the middle of the night.
"Will you marry me," he asked.
"Of course I will, darling," she replied, a bit saddened.
Truth was, Michael and Linda Joyce had been married for 34 years, but Michael is battling Alzheimer's and he'd forgotten.
Here's a Washington Post story with video.
"Will you marry me," he asked.
"Of course I will, darling," she replied, a bit saddened.
Truth was, Michael and Linda Joyce had been married for 34 years, but Michael is battling Alzheimer's and he'd forgotten.
Here's a Washington Post story with video.
The most sadistic mind would struggle to come up with a punishment worse than Alzheimer’s and it’s ilk.
posted by robotmachine at 2:53 PM on February 17, 2018 [15 favorites]
posted by robotmachine at 2:53 PM on February 17, 2018 [15 favorites]
My Great-Aunt saved her husband a seat at his funeral. And that's all I'm going to say about that, because if I type any more I will cry.
posted by Secret Sparrow at 3:13 PM on February 17, 2018 [64 favorites]
posted by Secret Sparrow at 3:13 PM on February 17, 2018 [64 favorites]
That he remembered the proposal the next day is so amazing, and so, so beautiful.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:56 PM on February 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 3:56 PM on February 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
The last conversation I had with my dementing grandmother was after her sister had suddenly passed. “She was like a sister to me,” she said, and then grimaced and said “No, that’s not quite what I meant to say, what is it I’m trying to say?”
posted by infinitewindow at 3:58 PM on February 17, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by infinitewindow at 3:58 PM on February 17, 2018 [9 favorites]
I once had a fairly lengthy conversation with my Sister in Law’s grandmother. It was very nice, although a little dull family stuff in too much detail. Later I asked my SiL “did your grandmother recently move to the state?” She said no. I said “we were chatting and it kind of sounded like she moved here about 10 years ago.” SiL looked me up and down and said “She probably thought you were my uncle and it’s 1970 or so.”
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:47 PM on February 17, 2018
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:47 PM on February 17, 2018
.
posted by mikelieman at 5:45 PM on February 17, 2018
posted by mikelieman at 5:45 PM on February 17, 2018
So sad, and yet there is still a type of joy to be had in one another.
He's loving, unlike the father of a friend of mine. She eventually had to intervene with her father who was beating the living shit out of her mother. (one of the neighbors called her, because mom wouldn't) Apparently he'd always been an alcoholic and a heavy handed father, but eventually my friend had to face him down to protect her mum and herself. She says that was the day he died to her.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:26 PM on February 17, 2018
He's loving, unlike the father of a friend of mine. She eventually had to intervene with her father who was beating the living shit out of her mother. (one of the neighbors called her, because mom wouldn't) Apparently he'd always been an alcoholic and a heavy handed father, but eventually my friend had to face him down to protect her mum and herself. She says that was the day he died to her.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:26 PM on February 17, 2018
Because we've had enough dementia, Alzheimer's, and related brain trauma in our family, I have done the research. Alzheimer's is never wonderful, but it can be surprisingly gentle.
The worst, most sadistic brain injury that I and my nurse wife can imagine in Capgras syndrome. You're not only losing your mind but you are also horribly alone in the world.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 6:52 PM on February 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
The worst, most sadistic brain injury that I and my nurse wife can imagine in Capgras syndrome. You're not only losing your mind but you are also horribly alone in the world.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 6:52 PM on February 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
My cousin Kate went to visit my grandmother in the hospital. Nanaw asked “Is Linda [my mom] seeing anyone?”
“Yeah,”Kate said. “Jim.” Who is my dad. They’ve been married 50 years.
“Oh, good,” Nanaw said. “I’m glad she found someone.”
posted by middleclasstool at 6:52 PM on February 17, 2018 [8 favorites]
“Yeah,”Kate said. “Jim.” Who is my dad. They’ve been married 50 years.
“Oh, good,” Nanaw said. “I’m glad she found someone.”
posted by middleclasstool at 6:52 PM on February 17, 2018 [8 favorites]
I'm not crying... you're crying.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:34 PM on February 17, 2018
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:34 PM on February 17, 2018
I have a close family member on the first fringes of something akin to this and it feels like the threat of something too much to bear. Dipping my toe into the subject and hearing snippets of other people's experiences helps a bit, so thanks for sharing everyone. There's no way I'm clicking on those links right now though.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 8:06 PM on February 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 8:06 PM on February 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
Last time I visited my mom she asked me where my dad was. He’s been dead for 30 years.
Shortly after my grandmother moved into a retirement home (of her own volition – she realized she was forgetting things and didn’t want to go out grocery shopping one day and leave something on the stove), I was visiting her. It was a day or two after Mothers’ Day and she had a beautiful bouquet of flowers atop her television set. “Those are lovely; who brought you those?” I asked.
“Oh, Earl did,” referring to my grandfather who had been ten years dead by then.
A few years later, when her mental state was getting foggier, I was again visiting and I noticed it was the birthday of one of her kids. “Today is Dave’s birthday, you know,” I mentioned.
“Really? How old is he this year?”
I replied with whatever the figure was – “Fifty-eight” or the like.
“Good lord,” she said, “he’s older than I am!”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:20 PM on February 18, 2018 [5 favorites]
Shortly after my grandmother moved into a retirement home (of her own volition – she realized she was forgetting things and didn’t want to go out grocery shopping one day and leave something on the stove), I was visiting her. It was a day or two after Mothers’ Day and she had a beautiful bouquet of flowers atop her television set. “Those are lovely; who brought you those?” I asked.
“Oh, Earl did,” referring to my grandfather who had been ten years dead by then.
A few years later, when her mental state was getting foggier, I was again visiting and I noticed it was the birthday of one of her kids. “Today is Dave’s birthday, you know,” I mentioned.
“Really? How old is he this year?”
I replied with whatever the figure was – “Fifty-eight” or the like.
“Good lord,” she said, “he’s older than I am!”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:20 PM on February 18, 2018 [5 favorites]
When my grandfather was deep in the grasp of the Alzheimer's that eventually took his life, but before he lost the ability to communicate, I would visit him, and somehow discovered that asking him about his beloved nursery would touch some unaltered nerve cluster in his brain, and we could talk for hours on the breeding, taxonomy, and coloring of his favorite flower, Hemerocallis, the common daylily. One particularly lucid day, we had discussed the flowers for an hour or so, much to the surprise of his caretaker. As I was getting up to leave, he, being the Southern Gentleman to the end, took my sleeve and said, "That was a wonderful conversation, what was your name again?" (I have a very uncommon last name, one he shared, but I'll use the alias "Rose" here..) "Ben Rose," I replied. This stopped him for a second... "My name is Rose too... do you think me might be related?"
"It seems entirely likely," I answered, "how many Roses can there be who know all about daylilies?" He laughed at this, and said, "I'm still amazed at all the coincidences and miracles I see every day."
Those were the last words he ever spoke to me. I'd like to think they had a meaning, but then again, I too am amazed at how many coincidences I see every day.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 4:49 PM on February 18, 2018 [34 favorites]
"It seems entirely likely," I answered, "how many Roses can there be who know all about daylilies?" He laughed at this, and said, "I'm still amazed at all the coincidences and miracles I see every day."
Those were the last words he ever spoke to me. I'd like to think they had a meaning, but then again, I too am amazed at how many coincidences I see every day.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 4:49 PM on February 18, 2018 [34 favorites]
My grandmother is - lord willing and the creek don’t rise - turning 100 this year. Her oldest son died last year and at his memorial she was talking about him as if he were her husband who’s been dead for over twenty years.
“We met when I was at Duke,” which would probably have been around 1940, “he was so sweet and so kind.”
posted by bendy at 10:39 PM on February 18, 2018 [1 favorite]
“We met when I was at Duke,” which would probably have been around 1940, “he was so sweet and so kind.”
posted by bendy at 10:39 PM on February 18, 2018 [1 favorite]
Oh 1f2frfbf that story made me cry. I am keeping that quote about being amazed by coincidences and miracles. What a lovely thing to have heard from your grandfather.
posted by narancia at 6:58 AM on February 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by narancia at 6:58 AM on February 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
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