Introducing the Millennial #Avocard
March 13, 2018 3:20 PM   Subscribe

Here's everything you need to know: With the #avocard, you’ll get all the perks of the 26-30 railcard. Simply present an avocado in place of the railcard at any Virgin Trains West Coast station to get a 1/3 off our fares . Genuine offer. Actual avocado needed.

Background: A new millennial railcard has sold out despite strong demand crashing the website on the first day of sales. The National Railcards website apologised for the problems and said "we will consider carefully" the high demand when more cards are issued. The railcard for 26 to 30-year-olds cost £30 and offers a third off most fares in England, Wales and Scotland.
posted by ambrosen (33 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
Are you the man with the lime?
posted by fizban at 3:39 PM on March 13 [14 favorites]


Well I wasn't planning on spending my UK vacation time walking up and down train carriages with a mortar and pestle, lime juice, salt, onion, and the rest of the fixings, but it seems like it could be a lucrative market.
posted by zachlipton at 4:05 PM on March 13 [17 favorites]


I was born before the production release of Star Wars. I'm not eligible for the "millennial card". Yet the site makes it seem that I am now eligible for the discount if I show up with a particular fruit?
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:08 PM on March 13


Oh, I finally found the dropdown that says I need separate photo ID as proof of age.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:09 PM on March 13 [1 favorite]


Well OK, but aren't avocados like £40 apiece in the UK?

Also, do the Millenium Cards come with the user's choice of meme printed on it?
posted by rhizome at 4:12 PM on March 13


I used to judge things by, “Could I explain this new thing to my parents?” Now I find myself wondering, “Can anyone explain this to me?”
posted by greermahoney at 4:13 PM on March 13 [21 favorites]


Do they supply their own toast?
posted by edselford at 4:17 PM on March 13 [3 favorites]


Avocado is terrible on fried slice.
posted by rhizome at 4:19 PM on March 13 [1 favorite]


Well OK, but aren't avocados like £40 apiece in the UK?

Yeah, if you read the tabloids it turns out that the reason millennials don't have houses is because they spent all their money on avocados instead. Silly millennials!
posted by Ned G at 4:28 PM on March 13 [1 favorite]


ok but why aren’t they calling it “avocardo”
posted by some_kind_of_toaster at 4:34 PM on March 13 [38 favorites]


'Cadoed!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:35 PM on March 13


It’s Branson, feeling his “supercool rock’n’roll capitalist” brand in decline after woke millennials saw through his companies suing to extract money from the NHS, hamfistedly trying to dad-joke his way back into their favour. As you were.

(As opposed to the Milennial Railcard itself, which is what would be known across the Atlantic as a “hail-Mary pass”, by the Tories desperately trying to give someone under 50 a pretext to possibly think about voting Conservative at the next general election. I’m surprised the minister didn’t woodenly paraphrase some Taylor Swift lyrics in the official announcement or something.)
posted by acb at 4:46 PM on March 13 [12 favorites]


You know, I can just see him sitting and fuming that Elon Musk is so much more it right now. "But I started a rocket company first! We won the X prize!"
posted by traveler_ at 4:52 PM on March 13


Avocados are the new Bitcoin
posted by Hermione Granger at 5:24 PM on March 13 [1 favorite]


Pitcoin.
posted by skymt at 5:28 PM on March 13 [22 favorites]


I think the concept of “Sorry we were unprepared for high demand but HERE IS A WORKAROUND” is an amazing concept that should be applauded. Hopefully the avocados they collect won’t go in the trash. But I mean it’s be even better if they just sent people a QR code to their phone.
posted by bleep at 6:06 PM on March 13 [7 favorites]


🥑
posted by device55 at 6:28 PM on March 13


I assume you get to keep your avocado; "present in place of the railcard", and they don't take away your railcard when you use it.

(And yeah, deflecting dad-joke. "I'm busily fucking up both your railways and your NHS, but hey, ha-ha, millennials love avocados, amirite?")
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 6:36 PM on March 13 [5 favorites]


*checks calendar*

This can’t be right - it’s only 13 March.

It’s not a joke?

*rereads article*

I really thought I’d still be relevant at 40.
posted by ovenmitt at 6:38 PM on March 13 [3 favorites]


Well I wasn't planning on spending my UK vacation time walking up and down train carriages with a mortar and pestle, lime juice, salt, onion, and the rest of the fixings, but it seems like it could be a lucrative market.
It's like the no-pants subway ride or the formal dinner on a subway stunts. But so much tastier. I'm not sure how much you can charge for a BYOO guac. On the other hand, it almost certainly beats dining car sandwiches and can't possibly cost more. I'd ask for a cut of the final product rather than a fee.

I don't know anything about Virgin Trains or the broader context, but I'm a sucker for this sort of thing. Every so often someone in marketing does something that makes me reconsider my deeply help belief that everyone in marketing should be driven into the sea. (Sadly, it seems other mefites claim this is being used in the service of evil. . . and I can only assume they're probably right.)
posted by eotvos at 6:41 PM on March 13


Meanwhile the scuttlebutt has it that in New Zealand, growing your own avocados is illegal and there is an shortage fueled avocado crime wave and black market.
posted by joeyh at 6:50 PM on March 13 [3 favorites]


"You must always carry and be able to show your #Avocard while on your journey and when asked by rail staff" ... does the avo skin count as a valid ticket stub if the toast required a sacrifice during the trip?
posted by joeyh at 6:53 PM on March 13 [1 favorite]


a mortar and pestle, lime juice, salt, onion, and the rest of the fixings

The professor and Mary Ann?
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:13 PM on March 13 [3 favorites]


I approve of this whimsy on general principle.

I'm also so old that I routinely indirectly reference films from back when avocado-bearing millennials were in nappies. Or Napster. Whatevs.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 8:18 PM on March 13


Yay.. wooo... Millenials get cheap train travel if you bring an avacado... haha hahaha good one Branson. Yay virgin trains.....

Or alternatively, could we have the 3.3 billion pounds you were supposed to pay the fucking treasury!
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:26 AM on March 14 [12 favorites]


Yeah, if you read the tabloids it turns out that the reason millennials don't have houses is because they spent all their money on avocados instead. Silly millennials!

To be fair, I bought one last week and it was £1.85. I only need to avoid buying avocados 16,000 more times and I can finally get a 10% deposit on a flat in zone 4! Unfortunately, I don't think I eat avocados often enough for that to work, what with the rising value of property prices in London. If only I drank lattes, I could give those up too.
posted by mippy at 5:48 AM on March 14 [1 favorite]


Genuinely hard for me to work out which I despise more- avocados or Richard Branson.

Oh wait, it's the one who used to charge me £40 a week for his pissy trains and sued the NHS.
posted by threetwentytwo at 6:19 AM on March 14 [1 favorite]


The notion of traveling with an avocado makes me a little anxious. I mean, I suppose if you get out there at the hard-as-rock stage, you have time. But as soon as it goes, you’ve got to eat that thing.
posted by amanda at 6:52 AM on March 14


...what with the rising value of property prices in London.

Great news! now you only need to not buy 13600 avocados to get a 10% deposit on a tiny flat.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:12 AM on March 14


to get a 10% deposit on a tiny flat.

Look, this couple who had a small six figure inheritance from their parents, who they were also able to live with indefinitely without paying rent, were able to do so, so why can't you?
posted by threetwentytwo at 7:56 AM on March 14 [3 favorites]


Anyway, previous generations slag us off for the avocado thing, but they all installed avocado bathroom suites, which is exponentially worse.
posted by threetwentytwo at 8:00 AM on March 14 [5 favorites]


Anyway, previous generations slag us off for the avocado thing, but they all installed avocado bathroom suites, which is exponentially worse.

Yeah, my great aunt had an avocado green bathroom and it was always super confusing to me. It suggested that avocado was commonplace enough to inspire decor in the 70s, but Americans just...decided not to eat it for another 40 years?
posted by grandiloquiet at 10:55 AM on March 14 [2 favorites]


Shavocado!
posted by bendy at 1:07 PM on March 14


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