I picked the wrong week to give up quoting movies...
March 30, 2018 2:18 PM   Subscribe

40 comedies from the past 40 years that changed the way we talk from the WaPo.

(wondering how many are on Amazon Prime Video and if it would be a conflict of interest)

Of course, there are plenty of other worthy Comedy Movie Quotes, some from movies too old for the list...
The Graduate (1967): "Just one word. Plastics."
The Odd Couple (1968): "Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it."
Blazing Saddles (1974): "Excuse me while I whip this out."
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975): "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

or just missed:
The Naked Gun (1988): "Nothing to see here."
The Mask (1994): "Somebody stop me!"
The Blues Brothers (1980): "We're on a mission from God." "It's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses." "Illinois Nazis. I hate Illinois Nazis."

And even some quotes from the movies in the article that they missed:
The Princess Bride: "Have fun storming the castle!"

Have you any to add?
posted by oneswellfoop (124 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
 
Does WaPo have a monthly page view limit? I seem to have hit a paywall.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:23 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


Too old for the list, but there's some gems in The Producers.

"Where did I go right?"
"That's our Hitler!"
"Ooh, I fell on my keys."
(aside) "This man should be in a straight-jacket"
posted by SansPoint at 2:23 PM on March 30, 2018 [5 favorites]


While not strictly derived from a movie, I now use “d’oh!” as my go-to utterance when I (or one of my students) make a glaring mistake.

I can’t even recall what I used to say. (“Oops”? “Whoops”?) Anything other than “d’oh!” seems totally unnatural now.

Also, a smoothly delivered “Ex-cellent”, when something goes right. (Generally accompanied by quickly steepled fingers.)
posted by darkstar at 2:27 PM on March 30, 2018 [13 favorites]


Say what you will about the tenets of national socialism; at least it's an ethos.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:29 PM on March 30, 2018 [32 favorites]



Double-secret probation
I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.
You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.
These go to 11.
Don’t cross the streams.
Did I stutter?
Be sure and tell ’em Large Marge sent ya.
Inconceivable!
What is your damage?
Party on, dudes.
There’s no crying in baseball.

Ready Player One (2018)
posted by Existential Dread at 2:32 PM on March 30, 2018 [67 favorites]


I guess that the language infiltration works since I'm familiar with most of these quotes even though I've only seen about 15 of the 40 films.
posted by octothorpe at 2:38 PM on March 30, 2018 [3 favorites]


Look THAT up in your Funk and Wagnall's.
posted by Evilspork at 2:48 PM on March 30, 2018 [17 favorites]


It's not (intentionally) a comedy, but I'm always amazed at the linguistic influence Top Gun had. I hear people say "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" all the time in the tone of voice that indicates they know they're quoting A Line but don't necessarily know what it's from. Same with people mumbling about egos writing checks that bodies can't cash. And I hear more knowing quotes of "the plaque for the alternates is in the ladies room" and "I feel the need- the NEED FOR SPEED" pretty frequently, with varying levels of sincerity / irony. And I think that goddamned movie left us with a whole discourse on the concept of the wingman. It's wild.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 3:01 PM on March 30, 2018 [20 favorites]


No way, dudes!
posted by Artw at 3:04 PM on March 30, 2018 [2 favorites]


They include some that were in currency long before the movies they credit with popularizing them. My friends used bogus in the 70s. Exsqueeze me was funny when I first heard it in the 80s. I had a bad feeling about the list when I started reading it, and it left me wondering just what is their major malfunction.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:09 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


Look THAT up in your Funk and Wagnall's.
popularized by the TV show Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In during the late 1960s, along with "Sock it to me", "Verrry interesting... (with German accent)". "You bet your (sweet) bippy", "Is that a chicken joke?", "One ringy dingy (by Lily Tomlin as Ernestine)", and a host of others.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:18 PM on March 30, 2018 [5 favorites]


Princess Bride: I actually think I've heard people say "You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" a lot more often than "Mawwiage is what bwings us togethah today." "Mawwiage" is a great moment in the film, but "You keep using that word" is a LOT more applicable to your average conversation (especially when referring to someone else outside the conversation who's having trouble grokking a common concept).
posted by kristi at 3:24 PM on March 30, 2018 [24 favorites]


While they put Coming to America in their list and included "Sexual Chocolate" and "That boy good" they weren't able to call out perhaps its most consequential cultural contribution (which comes from that very scene): the mic drop.
posted by mhum at 3:25 PM on March 30, 2018 [18 favorites]


My older son and his wife got married last summer by a marriage commissioner, who dead-panned "Mawwiage is what bwings us togethah today".
posted by angiep at 3:30 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


Bill and Ted, for pretty much every use of the word "egregious" since 1989.
posted by Hogshead at 3:30 PM on March 30, 2018 [5 favorites]


Also it's an edge case, but in the only conversation I've ever had with the Attorney General of the United Kingdom, not long after he'd advised the Government that going to war with Iraq was legal, I was able to get the phrase "Never get involved in a land-war in Asia" into the conversation with a straight face, and it remains one of the greatest moments of my life.
posted by Hogshead at 3:36 PM on March 30, 2018 [84 favorites]


Bill and Ted, for pretty much every use of the word "egregious" since 1989.

Not to mention “Most excellent!” which I use every day.
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:44 PM on March 30, 2018 [5 favorites]


Oh and San Dimas is a couple towns away from me, so something strange is always afoot at the Circle K.

I was sad to find out said Circle K was in fact filmed in Arizona or some place that was decidedly NOT San Dimas.
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:48 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Is Point Break a comedy? Because I'm told that's responsible for the hideous overuse of "awesome" in the American vocabulary.
posted by Paul Slade at 3:52 PM on March 30, 2018


I know they did this chronologically but really, it's should have been in order of importance and mostly just been Big Lebowski quotes.

Because the guy who put together this list isn't wrong, Walter, he's just an asshole.
posted by GuyZero at 3:52 PM on March 30, 2018 [6 favorites]


I quote Repo Man far more than is probably a good idea it being a bit of a niche film.
posted by Artw at 3:56 PM on March 30, 2018 [10 favorites]


I agree with many of these films' placement on the list, but I tend towards different quotes. And that, as much as anything else, led to my drinking problem.
posted by Query at 4:05 PM on March 30, 2018 [3 favorites]


What's surprising is how little penetration there has been on milkshake drinking quotes.
posted by GuyZero at 4:08 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Let's go get sushi and not pay.
posted by parki at 4:09 PM on March 30, 2018 [20 favorites]




Niche film quoter's life is always intense.
posted by Babblesort at 4:21 PM on March 30, 2018 [15 favorites]


For me, the one comedy amongst my friends that has stuck out as eminently quotable is 1991's Impromptu. With Judy Davis, Bernadette Peters, Mandy Patinkin, Hugh Grant, and introducing Americans to Emma Thompson, it is, of course, packed with quotable lines.

"Oh balls! Don't be dead."
"Oh Mallefille, we had an affair…not a pitched battle."
"Stupid, stupid rain."
"The horse is a critic!"
"The Viscount has been totally obliterated."

It's just a little throwaway historical-romantic-comedy-costume piece, but every one in it absolutely shines and it only gets funnier the more you watch it. I know it goes against MeFi's normal conventions in thread such as these, but I'm not surprised, nor offended it doesn't make their cut of films. If you've not seen it though, I highly recommend it. No one is ever disappointed by that film.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 4:22 PM on March 30, 2018 [16 favorites]


I know "awesome" from the valley girl phenomenon, and certainly Fast Times.

So I got that goin' for me.
posted by rhizome at 4:22 PM on March 30, 2018 [3 favorites]


Wait. A Christmas Story came out in 1983? Why did I think that came out in the 50s or 60s? No wonder that movie isn't the same cultural touchstone for me it seems to be for so many others. I'm too old for it.
posted by willnot at 4:23 PM on March 30, 2018 [3 favorites]


It's really interesting how movie quotes go in and out of vogue.

Quoting Austin Powers, Borat, Ace Ventura or American Pie in public seems like Michael Scott-level awkwardness today. (But I can't argue they shouldn't be on the list). In another ten years they'll probably just be dorky dad jokes.

I wonder if deadpan lines have a longer quotable lifetime than goofy character lines. Everybody knows "Who's on first", "Say goodnight, Gracie" and a ton of Groucho lines but how many people drop quotes from Danny Kaye or Jerry Lewis?
posted by smelendez at 4:24 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Does WaPo have a monthly page view limit? I seem to have hit a paywall.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:23 PM on March 30 [2 favorites +] [!]


Yes, but if you access it in Private or Incognito mode it'll bypass it.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:24 PM on March 30, 2018 [2 favorites]


Not NEARLY enough Caddyshack.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:56 PM on March 30, 2018 [12 favorites]


willnot: "Wait. A Christmas Story came out in 1983? Why did I think that came out in the 50s or 60s?"

Well, it's set in the early 40s. And the Jean Shepherd book it was based on was published in 1966.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:03 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


His mama name him Clay, then I'm gonna call him Clay.
posted by klausman at 5:07 PM on March 30, 2018


Give me a ping, Vassily. One ping only, please.
posted by NemesisVex at 5:12 PM on March 30, 2018 [20 favorites]


Seems like we’ve got Clueless covered, but not Clue.

There’s not a time someone says “To make a long story short...” that I don’t say (albeit, sometimes in my head) “Too late.”

Angry with someone? “I hated her.... so.... much. Flames, on the side of my face...”

Often times when I knock on a door, I’ll say “Let is in, let us in!” And if I’m very lucky, the occupant will reply “Let is out, let us out!”

When counting anything: “One plus two plus two plus one.”

A common response to “There’s one thing I don’t understand.” is “One thing??”

Possibly I’m just a collection of Clue quotes masquerading as a person.
posted by greermahoney at 5:26 PM on March 30, 2018 [30 favorites]


No Raising Arizona? OK then... I’m done
posted by azpenguin at 5:26 PM on March 30, 2018 [8 favorites]


I quote Repo Man far more than is probably a good idea it being a bit of a niche film.
posted by Artw at 6:56 PM on March 30

Let's go get sushi and not pay.
posted by parki at 7:09 PM on March 30

Niche film quoter's life is always intense.
posted by Babblesort at 7:21 PM on March 30



I actually opened this FPP planning to name-drop Repo Man as 100% quotable.

But then I decided only an asshole gets killed over a movie.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:40 PM on March 30, 2018 [18 favorites]


I can't believe the only mention of Fast Times at Ridgemont High was in the description of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. For shame!

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine. "
"Who ordered the double cheese and sausage?"
"Hey bud, let's party!"
"No shirt, no shoes, no dice."

And that's just off the top of my head.
posted by montbrarian at 5:40 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Give me a ping, Vassily. One ping only, please.

That, along with christening various roads around town “Red Route One” or “Red Route Two” while we motored through listening to the cassette soundtrack on full blast, singing (phoneticallyish) along with the Russian choir. Early 90s bliss!
posted by Celsius1414 at 5:41 PM on March 30, 2018 [2 favorites]


When I first saw Office Space I found the experience diminished by how heavily quoted it had been around the corners of the internet which I then haunted. I guess that's how a lot of people experience The Big Lebowski or maybe even Mean Girls these days.

As with the great Top Gun comment above it's really interesting to nail down expressions which are used without awareness that they originated as quotations. For me the phrase "I just threw up in my mouth" is one which seems now to repeat in popular discourse entirely separate from winking at any origin.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 5:44 PM on March 30, 2018 [2 favorites]


A little.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 5:44 PM on March 30, 2018 [2 favorites]


I have to second the viewing of Impromptu if you havent seen it. It is a delightful, funny and occasionally savage movie. I cannot see a raindrop fall without hearing Emma Thompson in my head saying "Stupid, stupid rain". And I live in Portland.
posted by vverse23 at 5:53 PM on March 30, 2018


'We're out of ketchup. F U'

"It took me two hours to figure out that ' F U' meant Felix Unger!"
posted by vignettist at 6:06 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


No entry for 1979? No wonder nobody knows shit from Shinola anymore...
posted by Iris Gambol at 6:20 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


Surprised Better Off Dead isn't on the list.

"Do they have Christmas in France? CHRIS-MAS"
"It's got raisins in it. You like raisins."
"And to drink, Peru!"
"I want my two dollars!"
"Go down. Very fast. Something gets in your way, turn."
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 6:27 PM on March 30, 2018 [11 favorites]


how many people drop quotes from Danny Kaye

“And now, we drink!”

“I’d like to withdraw the question.”

“Candidate passes”
posted by corb at 6:36 PM on March 30, 2018


"Lane, I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy."
posted by Chrysostom at 6:37 PM on March 30, 2018 [9 favorites]


Niche film quoter's life is always intense.

It helps if you dress like a detective. Detectives dress kinda square.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:12 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


What's weird is I was just thinking about quotable movies, and then out of nowhere this FPP shows up. It's like coincidence is a vine trained on a two-dimensional structure with regular openings, isn't it?
posted by maxwelton at 7:27 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


What's weird is I was just thinking about quotable movies, and then out of nowhere this FPP shows up. It's like coincidence is a vine trained on a two-dimensional structure with regular openings, isn't it?

"A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness."
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 7:42 PM on March 30, 2018 [16 favorites]


Maybe it's just the people I hang out with, but I know a lot of people whose conversations consist largely of Monty Python and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quotes.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 7:42 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


I blame society.
posted by RobotHero at 7:44 PM on March 30, 2018 [10 favorites]


No mention of flux capacitors? Huh.
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:44 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Technically cheating, because it's 41 years old (how? how has time sped so fast?), but lines from my all time favourite comedy movie, The Muppet Movie:
Miss Piggy: Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

Kermit: Uh... motorcycle cop.

Miss Piggy: "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?

Kermit: A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

***
Gersh gurndy morn-dee burn-dee, burn-dee, flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip.

***

If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.

****

Yeah, just be cool and eat another seat cushion.

****

Oh, I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself. Well, then you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?
posted by daybeforetheday at 7:55 PM on March 30, 2018 [9 favorites]


I submit that any Bill Murray comedy has at least six keepers or more. "I'm the crying on the inside kind of clown."
posted by Ber at 7:56 PM on March 30, 2018 [4 favorites]


I voted for yours truly.
posted by mogget at 8:20 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Does WaPo have a monthly page view limit? I seem to have hit a paywall.

It used to be something like ten articles (or unlimited if you had it on incognito mode, or if you were accessing it from a school or the military), but sometime in the last few months(?) I started hitting the paywall after reading a mere 1 or 2 articles, regardless of what computer I was using, my location, start of the month, or using incognito mode or anything. I've tried looking and there doesn't seem to be any announcements about it. So...yeah.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:48 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Lines I get a lot of mileage out of:
"There's nothing in the rules that says [a dog] can't [play basketball]." (and permutations thereof)
"Chug-a-lug, Donna." (basically anytime I'm around someone holding a beverage)
"It's a perfectly good typewriter!"
"It's POD PEOPLE! I saw the movie!" "*I* was at the *premiere!*"
"I'm not locked in here with you! You're locked in here with me!" (they made a movie, it counts, right?)
"You should quit. You should quit traumatizing women with sexual intercourse. I should know. I am a medical doctor. I own a mansion and a yacht."
"Fucking dog has fucking papers."
"It's a hell of a day at sea, sir!"
"Stop staring at me! Eat your checkers!"
"[Peter Falk voice] He does not [get eaten by the sharks] at this time."
posted by taquito sunrise at 9:56 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Could be worse. Could be raining.
posted by pernoctalian at 9:58 PM on March 30, 2018 [3 favorites]


Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.
- Travis Kalanick

Look at those assholes over there. Ordinary fucken people, I hate em.
- Mark Zuckerberg

It's still good! It's still good!
- Donald Trump
posted by flabdablet at 10:20 PM on March 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


They got about 35%

"Personal choice, man..."
posted by Windopaene at 10:26 PM on March 30, 2018


Thank you for the Better Off Dead quotes. I had forgotten that I’m actually a collection of Clue AND Better Off Dead quotes masquerading as a person.
“I want my two dollars.” has definitely lived on. But I do adore “Tenticles. NT.” I just can’t work it into enough conversations.
posted by greermahoney at 11:48 PM on March 30, 2018 [3 favorites]


Sio42, I can’t either! I said those words tonight, for crying out loud!
posted by greermahoney at 11:49 PM on March 30, 2018 [2 favorites]


I have to second the viewing of Impromptu if you havent seen it. It is a delightful, funny and occasionally savage movie.

And that savagery is just delicious. I can't believe I forgot to include my single favorite quote. Any movie that can have Mandy Patinkin's character say of his former lover:

"It's true, she's a cannibal. She would drink the blood of her children from the skull of her lover, and not feel so much as a stomach-ache."

… and make you laugh in maniacal glee as he says it is just magnficent.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 12:12 AM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


Maybe it's just the people I hang out with, but I know a lot of people whose conversations consist largely of Monty Python and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quotes.

Yes, I had the same friends once upon a time, emphasis on the had. They were the people who ruined Monty Python for me forever. On the other hand, I’m constantly commending this and that as being strongly vaginal, so what do I know?
posted by adamgreenfield at 2:06 AM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


Can't believe I'm the first here to say I'm not even supposed to be here today!
posted by sio42 at 3:46 PM on March 31 [3 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]

Sio42, I can’t either! I said those words tonight, for crying out loud!
posted by greermahoney at 3:49 PM on March 31 [1 favorite −] Favorite added! [!]


Salsa shark

A roofer listens to this, not his wallet
posted by saysthis at 2:47 AM on March 31, 2018


For me, the gold standard of movie quotables has got to be Airplane! I can either bore poor Mrs. TheBeardStays to tears (who's Airplane! watch count is sadly way less than mine) or me and a mate can go off on quoting rampages...guaranteeing weird stares and multiple eye rollings from anyone around. A few favs...

"Can make a brooch, a hat, a little pterodactyl..."
"I don't think I'll ever be over Macho Grande..."
"First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil....
and of course...
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit "

Ah the Zucker bros ... I like having them as a filter to view the world through...

posted by Thebeardstays at 2:56 AM on March 31, 2018 [10 favorites]


"Thirty seven?!"

"Go away or I shall taunt you a second time."

"A plan so cunning you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel."

"I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give... phenomenally good."
posted by But tomorrow is another day... at 2:57 AM on March 31, 2018 [4 favorites]


We're tiresomely fun-loving childless "adults" who watch films constantly and quote them a lot, so I got stupidly serious about this and whipped up my own list of 40 before even reading the article's. They only named 9 of mine! I won't go through the whole thing, but some very quotable comedies that were missed were: Hot Fuzz, Wet Hot American Summer (and several other David Wain films), A Fish Called Wanda, This is the End, Groundhog Day, Top Secret, Plains Trains & Automobiles, Hudson Hawk, Hot Rod, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, Hell Baby, Beerfest, Walk Hard, name a Shane Black movie, etc.
posted by heatvision at 3:44 AM on March 31, 2018 [2 favorites]


Yes, I had the same friends once upon a time, emphasis on the had. They were the people who ruined Monty Python for me forever. On the other hand, I’m constantly commending this and that as being strongly vaginal, so what do I know?

How, uh, yonic.
posted by ambrosen at 5:17 AM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


I recently rewatched A League of Their Own for roughly the 10,000th time, with my fellow, who'd seen it once after it came out. I can more or less quote the movie (where is my Ready Batter One), which he found extremely surprising. He also came to learn how much of my everyday speech is drawn from that movie, and my lifelong crush on Lori Petty, too.

Quotes that I use far more often than 'there's no crying':
-Has anyone seen my new red hat?
-Oh, piss on your hat!

-WHY HAVE WE STOPPED?!
-Lou quit.
-WHO'S LOU?!
-The driver.

-In all my years of medical practice, I've never seen a woman throw up that much.

-you're gonna looooooooooose

-Did anyone ever tell you you look like a penis with that little hat on?

-WHAT A HITTER!

-...give the wife a little pickle-tickle...

-Right over left; a lady reveals nothing.

-Sip, down. Don't slurp.
And apparently Abbi Jacobson is making a TV version of A League of Their Own so I expect to add to my bank.
posted by palindromic at 6:05 AM on March 31, 2018 [2 favorites]


The “You must chill” that follows “Give me my firebird keys!” In “Say Anything” is way up there for me. Ditto most of Lili Taylor’s dialogue (spoken and, er, sung) in that same movie.
posted by thivaia at 6:15 AM on March 31, 2018 [2 favorites]


I just saw a poster for a movie called GAME OVER, MAN
posted by grobstein at 7:15 AM on March 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


Speaking of non-comedies. Did anyone ever mistake YOU for a man? The TERMINATORs are good too.
posted by grobstein at 7:16 AM on March 31, 2018


I quote a lot from The Muppets' Christmas Carol in my everyday life:

"Awww, isn't that swell."

"Thank you for making me a part of this."

"Hoity-Toity Mr. God-Like Smarty Pants." (I often add an incorrect "omnipotent" between Mr. and God-like.)

"You can fit through those bars?"
"Yeah."
"You are such an idiot."

"Nah. It's all right. This is culture."

"I knew you weren't suited for literature."

I'll even quote from the out takes on the DVD, where they have a scene between Gonzo and Rizzo, where Rizzo asks a question, and Gonzo responds, "You keep asking me that question and I don't have an answer for you because it's not in the script!"
posted by JustKeepSwimming at 7:32 AM on March 31, 2018 [4 favorites]


We tried for years to make fetch happen.
posted by cirhosis at 8:34 AM on March 31, 2018 [4 favorites]


I find myself quoting Wayne's World a surprising amount -
"Live in the now!"
"If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset."
psycho hose-beast
"If you're gonna spew, spew into this."
"It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine."
posted by skycrashesdown at 8:50 AM on March 31, 2018


I quote Real Genius at *least* once a week.

This is under H for toy.
Rue the day? Who talks like that?
Would you qualify that as a launch problem or a design problem?
Did you wanna borrow my pajamas?
I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"
posted by DigDoug at 9:07 AM on March 31, 2018 [10 favorites]


Oh yes, Real Genius. "You have to get even with Kent. It's a moral imperative." (Except replace "get even with Kent" with whatever I need to do that day.)
posted by skycrashesdown at 9:12 AM on March 31, 2018 [4 favorites]


For some reason, Return of the Living Dead will always be with me...
"MORE BRAINS"
"You mean the movie lied?"
"I like it. It's a statement."
"You think this is a fuckin' costume? This is a way of life!"
"Send more cops"
etc
posted by JulesER at 9:27 AM on March 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, Metafilter, they got the most quotable line from “Heathers” wrong.
posted by The Gooch at 9:39 AM on March 31, 2018 [4 favorites]


^^It's not a bad question, Bert.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 9:48 AM on March 31, 2018 [2 favorites]


I'll be baack

Gotta getta bigger boat
posted by mule98J at 10:19 AM on March 31, 2018


That's "You're gonna need a bigger boat."
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:29 AM on March 31, 2018


The Wayne's World quote that pops into my head regularly is " I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack."

No idea how to transcribe DeVito's pronunciation, but the "two youths" scene from My Cousin Vinny gets quoted a lot around my house.

No National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?


I quote Hellraiser II all the time, but can't argue that it's made its way into the popular consciousness, and isn't considered a comedy (wrongly, that movie's hi-larious).

Also technically not a comedy, I guess:
Wild at Heart
"Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?"

I suppose Schwarzenegger quotes also didn't make the cut because they aren't technically from comedies. Definitely quoted in conversation.
"Stick around."
"You're one ugly motherfucker."
"I'll be back."
"I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle."
posted by aspersioncast at 11:33 AM on March 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, Metafilter, they got the most quotable line from “Heathers” wrong.

Right turn, Clyde.
posted by flabdablet at 11:54 AM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


But Schwarzenegger has made a few comedies in which he's recycled catchphrases from his non-comedies. So he'll always "be back".
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:30 PM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


There's a dorky dad joke blackout period. You get to use the phrases for about a year before you... should stop. Then about 20 years later, you can start again.

This did not apply to Pablo Picasso Repo Man.
posted by ctmf at 12:59 PM on March 31, 2018 [5 favorites]


For some reason, Return of the Living Dead will always be with me...

"Leak? Hell no. These things were made by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. [thump], [hissss]"

"Like this job!?"

"It's not a bad question, Burt!"

And basically anything the punks say.
posted by atoxyl at 1:48 PM on March 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


Thank you, Mogget.

"We THOUGHT you was a TOAD!!"
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 2:59 PM on March 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


Quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail that occasionally come out of my mouth.
"What is your quest?!" (Sometimes I use this as a security question with a string of random characters for an answer.)

"Tis but a flesh wound." (Not actual quote but a combination of "Tis but a scratch" and "It's just a flesh wound.")

"Run away! Run away!"
As long as we're quoting films that are not comedies, from Brian de Palma's Scarface there's
"Say hello to my little friend." (I know, bad look given current events. Still a memorable quote.)
posted by mistersquid at 3:08 PM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


OK, so I totally get there's a coolness quotient for many of the quotes above which seems right and good.

But if I'm going to be honest I have to admit
"Life is like a box of chocolates" (munged from original)
deserves some kind of mention.

Also, can we include music video? If so then I'm gonna add
"I don't feel tardy."
A useful rejoinder if ever there was one.
posted by mistersquid at 3:27 PM on March 31, 2018


STOP TRYING TO MAKE FETCH HAPPEN. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:42 PM on March 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


My name is Rod, and I like to party.
posted by Sweet Dee Kat at 4:16 PM on March 31, 2018


Otto?
posted by mubba at 7:45 PM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


DigDoug: “Would you qualify that as a launch problem or a design problem?”
Coming? It's not even breathing hard.
posted by ob1quixote at 7:50 PM on March 31, 2018


DigDoug: "I quote Real Genius at *least* once a week. "

You know you can't park that on campus, Kent.

"Do you still run?" Only when chased.

Having some work done on the old place, Jer? Fraud is a felony!
posted by Chrysostom at 8:40 PM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


The Wayne's World quote that pops into my head regularly is " I don't even own a gun

Came here to say this too. I will shoehorn a version of this into most rack-related conversations. (this year so far: spice, shoe)
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:50 PM on March 31, 2018


Careful, man, there’s a beverage here!
posted by simra at 9:09 PM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


Too late...you already are...
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:32 PM on March 31, 2018


I can't believe the only mention of Fast Times at Ridgemont High was in the description of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. For shame!

“That was my skull! I’m so wasted!!!”
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:01 PM on March 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' movie quotes. Suddenly someone'll say, like, movie, or quotes, or movie quotes out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:24 AM on April 1, 2018


Well if we are ranging outside of movies, then I have a theory (that it’s a demon).

I also tend to have lots of plans within plans. And sometimes I return a bit to comedy by putting that box in another box (usually I don’t smash it with a hammer though).

And outside of comedy— I would have liked to have seen [Montana]. Don’t tell me, Andre, you’ve lost another [submarine]?
You heard it hit the hull, and I was never here.

And if we feel like leaving behind both comedy and movies, then clearly There are four lights.

Enough. Sit down, John.
posted by nat at 2:08 AM on April 1, 2018


"I'm happy that you're happy, but the place where you're supposed to have the toilet paper, you've got this little shelf with three seashells on it."

And other variants on seashells instead of the expected apparatus.
posted by aspersioncast at 6:20 AM on April 1, 2018


Reading this article and this thread, I'm stunned at how many of these comedy lines are just mystifying non-sequiturs when taken out of context.
posted by qntm at 8:29 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]


"It's only a model..."
"Help, help, i'm being repressed!"

and anytime I have to count out loud to three: "One, Two, Five!" To which i've only been rewarded with "Three, sir! Three!" response once.

As a pilot, aviation-themed movies figure prominently as well...

"I feel the need... The need for speed"
"Negative ghostrider, the pattern is full"

"Guess who's still alive?... Me!"
posted by Snowflake at 10:10 AM on April 1, 2018


I suppose Schwarzenegger quotes also didn't make the cut because they aren't technically from comedies.

“It’s NOT a tumor!”
posted by praiseb at 12:51 PM on April 1, 2018 [2 favorites]


Well if we are ranging outside of movies, then I have a theory (that it’s a demon).
It must be bunnies (especially today).
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:43 PM on April 1, 2018


Thirty-seven?!
posted by Cookiebastard at 4:45 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]


Beetlejuice is also sorely underrepresented.

"Nice fuckin' model!"

"Is this what happens when you die?"
"This is what happens when you die. That is what happens when he dies. That is what happens when they die."

"I've seen the Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times, and it keeps getting funnier, EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT!"
posted by aspersioncast at 5:30 PM on April 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you

I'm sure that line predates Top Gun by many years, but I don't know the original source.
posted by she's not there at 6:34 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]


I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you
That turned out to be easily googlable, with Quora reporting that the earliest known use was in Sherlock Holmes' "Hound of the Baskervilles" (the book). Also among the top results was this video "supercut" of the line appearing in over 20 movies (a third of which was followed by a laugh) plus one Barack Obama interview.

And I have been reminded of one of my favorite TV/non-comedy re-quotables: "Let's be careful out there"; the end-of-cold-open words of Sgt. Esterhaus in Hill Street Blues... because I've just heard that HSB creator/producer Stephen Bochco has died...
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:39 PM on April 1, 2018 [2 favorites]


I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you
That turned out to be easily googlable, with Quora reporting that the earliest known use was in Sherlock Holmes' "Hound of the Baskervilles" (the book).


Saw this and got curious; I've read Baskervilles a bunch of times and don't remember that line at all. The text is available on Gutenberg and a quick search confirms that there's nothing like it anywhere in there (the word "kill" appears 4 times, none of which are even close to that exchange). I've always thought Quora was reasonably solid, but that particular responder is either full of shit or intentionally fucking with people.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 7:16 AM on April 2, 2018


I've always thought Quora was reasonably solid
I spent a semester with Quora for a grad school project, and can assure you it's largely full of shit.
posted by aspersioncast at 7:23 AM on April 2, 2018 [5 favorites]


"I'd rather light a candle than curse your darkness."

"Son, you got a panty on yor head."
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 7:23 AM on April 2, 2018 [1 favorite]


I can't hand out papers without saying, "Take one and pass it back," but usually manage to say the, "Just like your IQ was normal," part only in my head.

I have blurted out "You're laborers. You're supposed to be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education," in front of a general audience and the reception was... not good.

"Put simply, in deference to you [insert name here]..."

"That's a wonderful story. I notice you've stopped stuttering," is one I only use on my husband.
posted by BrashTech at 10:01 AM on April 2, 2018 [3 favorites]


I've read Baskervilles a bunch of times and don't remember that line at all.

Perhaps it was used in a movie adaptation?

(I'm also curious about this?)
posted by she's not there at 1:02 PM on April 2, 2018


"Forget it. He's rolling."
posted by JohnFromGR at 1:11 PM on April 2, 2018 [1 favorite]


Thank you, daybeforetheday, I'm glad I'm not the only one. Others that spring to mind:

"Dom Delouise: I have to catch a plane.
Kermit: With that tongue? No way!"

"It's a myth! A myth!
Girl with lisp: Yeth?"

"You think the crowd is ugly, you should see the dancing girls."

"Ah, a bear in his natural habitat: A Studebaker."

"If a frog couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwinn!"

I could go on. The cool thing is that I've manage to infect my kids, the oldest of whom is not yet 30. Anyone lost is always asked "have you tried Hare Krishna?"
posted by phrits at 2:58 PM on April 2, 2018 [2 favorites]


Okay, here's the Quora answer that was the #1 google result for "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you". It was 15th on Duck Duck Go, but the top 2 results there were a Reddit thread and a TV Tropes page that referred back to Sherlock Holmes. But other sources specifically mentioned the episode "The HoundS of Baskerville" in the Sherlock TV series, circa 2011, or well after Top Gun and a lot of the other times it was used. Where's Snopes when we REALLY need it?
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:03 PM on April 2, 2018 [1 favorite]


I'm certain that I heard the "but I'd have to kill you" line on M*A*S*H. Probably said by or near Colonel Flagg.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:03 AM on April 3, 2018


No idea how to transcribe DeVito's pronunciation, but the "two youths" scene from My Cousin Vinny gets quoted a lot around my house.
Pesci, not DeVito, but I always spell it "Two Yoots".

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?
Why is the floor all wet, Todd?
I don't know, Margo!

Planes, Trains and Automobiles is great, but for quotable John Candy, I go to The Great Outdoors, because then you get Bening and Ackroyd, too:
"C'mon Roman, it's got ears!" and "It attacked me"
"You got kind of a neo-skunk thing going on there?"
"You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky and landed on your face and started to wiggle!"
"Oh, bite the big one, Uncle Roman! "
posted by soelo at 1:03 PM on April 5, 2018


Pesci, not DeVito, but I always spell it "Two Yoots".

*hangs head in shame*

Also a blatant lack of John Waters's Crybaby

"First thing us crybaby girls learn is our bazooms are our weapons."

"There's nothing wrong with my face; I got character."

"Caught me in my birthday suit. Buck naked!"

"I give, Cry-baby. I give bare second on the first date."

"Sometimes shook up old ladies get cut."
Wanda's mother: What's "fuck" mean, Hector?

Wanda's Father: Oh, Maggie, it's just a teen nonsense word Wanda uses to make herself feel all grown-up.

Wanda's mother: Your Honor, could we take Wanda the fuck home?
posted by aspersioncast at 12:55 PM on April 6, 2018


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