"I guess that made an impression on some people. It wasn't very smooth."
April 3, 2018 9:55 AM Subscribe
Seagulls, Tourists, Pepperoni and eventually, Redemption. A Dartmouth, Nova Scotia man gets his ban from the Fairmont Empress Hotel in Victoria lifted after 17 years. Story by Anjuli Patil.
the East Coast seagulls aren't that brazen. They'd never come into a room or do that sort of thing
This is clearly a lie.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 10:16 AM on April 3, 2018 [9 favorites]
This is clearly a lie.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 10:16 AM on April 3, 2018 [9 favorites]
"A Nova Scotia man says he was young and immature and generally unaware of the aggressive nature of West Coast seagulls when he left a suitcase of pepperoni near an open hotel window." That might be one of the best ever sentences in English.
posted by kmz at 10:16 AM on April 3, 2018 [21 favorites]
posted by kmz at 10:16 AM on April 3, 2018 [21 favorites]
> '"I just apologized. I was forgiven. I left them a present of about a pound of Brothers TNT Pepperoni as a peace offering."'
And it could serve as revenge if his apology was not accepted.
posted by ardgedee at 10:38 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
And it could serve as revenge if his apology was not accepted.
posted by ardgedee at 10:38 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
I read this on the air yesterday morning and I couldn't stop laughing. Just the logic of "yes, I do not want this to spoil so I will put this suitcase of meat near an open window by the seaside. Nothing can possibly go wrong."
posted by Kitteh at 10:48 AM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Kitteh at 10:48 AM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
From the article:
posted by mhum at 10:59 AM on April 3, 2018 [17 favorites]
"One was just bouncing around on the windowsill and I was kind of losing my temper at this point, so I took off one of my shoes and I threw it in the direction of the seagull, and both the seagull and the shoe went out the window," he said.[chef kissing fingers motion] This couldn't have been choreographed better if Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and the Three Stooges had brainstormed this scene together.
posted by mhum at 10:59 AM on April 3, 2018 [17 favorites]
oh god that poor housekeeping staff
posted by halation at 10:59 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by halation at 10:59 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
The Vancouver Sun story with a bit more detail.
posted by Naberius at 10:59 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Naberius at 10:59 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
[crosses fingers, hoping this spawns an entire genre of YouTube seagull-and-salami based jackassery]
posted by ryanshepard at 11:28 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by ryanshepard at 11:28 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
This couldn't have been choreographed better if Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and the Three Stooges had brainstormed this scene together.
With some Fawlty Towers thrown in!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:37 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
With some Fawlty Towers thrown in!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:37 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Pepperoni will last about five weeks without refrigeration. In Italian stores you will often see it hanging in the open, perfuming the air.
posted by Splunge at 11:39 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Splunge at 11:39 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
How wonderful, another seagull poop story this week! A much cleaner and less revolting subject than US politics.
posted by mermayd at 11:45 AM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by mermayd at 11:45 AM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
The whole thing really does read like a excerpt from a screwball comedy. Here is the original Facebook post that went viral.
posted by fings at 11:48 AM on April 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by fings at 11:48 AM on April 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
After just finishing my taxes, I needed something to make me laugh and this definitely was it.
the East Coast seagulls aren't that brazen. They'd never come into a room or do that sort of thing
This is clearly a lie.
The story on this island in Maine goes that a gull at Sand Beach swooped down and stole food out of a tourist's hand, and she demanded that a nearby Acadia National Park ranger “do something about it.” He wasn't sure just what, but after some thought he called the woman up a half hour later, and told her, "Ma'am, we've got eight seagulls lined up down here on the beach. We’d like you to come back and identify the thief.”
posted by LeLiLo at 11:55 AM on April 3, 2018 [13 favorites]
the East Coast seagulls aren't that brazen. They'd never come into a room or do that sort of thing
This is clearly a lie.
The story on this island in Maine goes that a gull at Sand Beach swooped down and stole food out of a tourist's hand, and she demanded that a nearby Acadia National Park ranger “do something about it.” He wasn't sure just what, but after some thought he called the woman up a half hour later, and told her, "Ma'am, we've got eight seagulls lined up down here on the beach. We’d like you to come back and identify the thief.”
posted by LeLiLo at 11:55 AM on April 3, 2018 [13 favorites]
I once watched a seagull steal an entire foil-wrapped hero from a picnic table while a woman had her back turned. I couldn't have done anything to stop it, but when she turned back around and her lunch was missing, I helpfully pointed out the culprit, who hadn't been able to fly very far with the heavy sandwich.
She didn't get it back.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:30 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
She didn't get it back.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:30 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
I remember, my ex-wife used to give me a hard time about how much I hated (US) West Coast seagulls (because, pooping when I lived in California), because they were neat and beautiful and all that. We finally got a chance to get her to California for the first time. While we were in San Diego, we stopped by SeaWorld. They have a display where you can, on a carefully timed schedule, feed dolphins and potentially put them. They have a limited number of fish trays you can purchase. She begs me for a chance, so we get two fish trays. She starts happily walking towards the tank and a gull buzzes her, coming quite close to getting tangled in her hair, and flies off with one of the trays. She stops, and once she calms down a little, looks at me and says "Now I see why you hate them." followed by some florid obscenities about said birds. I agreed to sacrifice my share of dolphin feeding fish to her.
posted by Samizdata at 12:38 PM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Samizdata at 12:38 PM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
So I'm sitting here pondering how much YouTube money I could get if I did something ridiculous like making a video walking around my seagull-infested town wearing something like a ghillie suit made out of pepperoni sticks and meat, and exactly how much of a fine I'd get for harassing protected wildlife by intentionally feeding them and pulling a dumb stunt like that.
I'd also probably want a helmet and some riot armor because the seagulls around here are large, tough and share the local skies with bald eagles, ravens, crows, hawks and other tough birds. (Is that bear suit still in a pawn shop somewhere?)
The resulting video would be ridiculous though.
I've only seen a few tourists around here dumb enough to try to actually feed the seagulls and it takes like fifteen seconds for it to go from one seagull to hundreds and "Oh shit this was a horrible mistake, run for your lives!"
It doesn't happen very often because if there's anyone local with a lick of sense and kindness will try to stop someone from trying to feed the seagulls, if only for their own comfort and sense of self preservation and not wanting to get shat on multiple times.
posted by loquacious at 1:35 PM on April 3, 2018 [7 favorites]
I'd also probably want a helmet and some riot armor because the seagulls around here are large, tough and share the local skies with bald eagles, ravens, crows, hawks and other tough birds. (Is that bear suit still in a pawn shop somewhere?)
The resulting video would be ridiculous though.
I've only seen a few tourists around here dumb enough to try to actually feed the seagulls and it takes like fifteen seconds for it to go from one seagull to hundreds and "Oh shit this was a horrible mistake, run for your lives!"
It doesn't happen very often because if there's anyone local with a lick of sense and kindness will try to stop someone from trying to feed the seagulls, if only for their own comfort and sense of self preservation and not wanting to get shat on multiple times.
posted by loquacious at 1:35 PM on April 3, 2018 [7 favorites]
Just the logic of "yes, I do not want this to spoil so I will put this suitcase of meat near an open window by the seaside. Nothing can possibly go wrong."Great minds think alike.
posted by kickingtheground at 2:21 PM on April 3, 2018
Aha, it is the evilness of West Coast seagulls. Many years of going to the Jersey shore where there are many gulls and I never once got pooped upon. But walking at Venice Beach, a low-flying gull got me right on the head and shirt. I ran into a bathroom and washed off what I could, then grabbed and bought the first tee shirt I saw and ran back to the bathroom to change. Ruined my day. Nasty birds.
posted by mermayd at 2:23 PM on April 3, 2018
posted by mermayd at 2:23 PM on April 3, 2018
In the hotel industry, you see a lot of things.”
Indeed.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:51 PM on April 3, 2018
Indeed.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:51 PM on April 3, 2018
To be honest, one of the things that surprises me most about this story is the existence of a building that has openable windows without screens. Don't they have mosquitos in Halifax?
posted by ardgedee at 1:52 AM on April 4, 2018
posted by ardgedee at 1:52 AM on April 4, 2018
ardgedee: this hotel is in Victoria BC, which has very few mosquitos (and those few are not nearly as aggressive as mosquitos in other places). It's not common to have window screens around here.
posted by borsboom at 6:19 AM on April 4, 2018
posted by borsboom at 6:19 AM on April 4, 2018
Important documentary footage from near the time of this incident.
posted by Navelgazer at 6:39 AM on April 5, 2018
posted by Navelgazer at 6:39 AM on April 5, 2018
Police ask for public's help after Grolsch beer, dried beef, pepperoni taken away in 3 trucks in Boucherville:
Thieves stole 20,000 cases of beer, dried beef and Jack Link's brand pepperoni in an overnight heist last month, and police want any merchants noticing anything unusual to report it.
The goods stolen March 12 from a warehouse in Boucherville on Montreal's South Shore are worth some $500,000.
"We know it's several suspects. We just don't have a number," said Cmdr. Jean-Pierre Voutsinos.
*put hand on chin, thinks*
HAVE YOU CHECKED THE SHORE ITSELF BECAUSE GULLS.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:55 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
Thieves stole 20,000 cases of beer, dried beef and Jack Link's brand pepperoni in an overnight heist last month, and police want any merchants noticing anything unusual to report it.
The goods stolen March 12 from a warehouse in Boucherville on Montreal's South Shore are worth some $500,000.
"We know it's several suspects. We just don't have a number," said Cmdr. Jean-Pierre Voutsinos.
*put hand on chin, thinks*
HAVE YOU CHECKED THE SHORE ITSELF BECAUSE GULLS.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:55 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
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