Friends don't let friends snort condoms
April 3, 2018 8:58 PM   Subscribe

 
I have no idea how these teenagers got their condoms wedged into their noses, or why.
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:02 PM on April 3, 2018 [31 favorites]


And you tell me they’re uncomfortable on your dick!
posted by Grandysaur at 9:02 PM on April 3, 2018 [8 favorites]


Does not compute.
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 9:06 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


oh my god someone please just give these morons some cocaine
posted by poffin boffin at 9:08 PM on April 3, 2018 [74 favorites]


I had a friend in college who would take spaghetti, snort a strand carefully up his nose, and then gag it out his mouth, and then sit there with one end coming out his nose and one end coming out his mouth, and "floss."

He could clear a room faster than anyone I'd ever met. He did it at restaurants all the time. He ran varsity cross country so there were a lot of carbo-loading dinners at Italian restaurants for him to engage in shenanigans.

You get used to the grossness of it after a while, but I always shuddered wondering what kind of sinus infection, exactly, you get from repeatedly snorting marinara sauce into your sinus cavities.

Condoms seem positively sensible by comparison!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:08 PM on April 3, 2018 [21 favorites]


> I had a friend in college who would take spaghetti, snort a strand carefully up his nose, and then gag it out his mouth, and then sit there with one end coming out his nose and one end coming out his mouth, and "floss."

Yeah, when I was a kid the cool thing was to do this with a length of bead chain. I never tried it, only because the idea of 'flossing' with bead chain over those delicate soft tissues in the back of the nose / throat ... sounded painful.
posted by komara at 9:10 PM on April 3, 2018 [3 favorites]


So do you use lubricated or un- ? Reservoir tip or not? Latex or sheepskin? The mainstream press isn't even covering the most basic questions about this.
posted by sourcequench at 9:10 PM on April 3, 2018 [12 favorites]


> I never tried it

I have, however, done the Human Blockhead trick of nails (or more frequently, a car key) up the nose to great effect.
posted by komara at 9:11 PM on April 3, 2018


All my instincts scream that this has to be fake, like the sex bracelets or smoking banana peels to get high. And I have my doubts about the Tide pods too.

Oh crap - this is the timeline where a real-estate crook colluded with a hostile foreign power to rig a presidential election, isn't it?

Never mind, I take it all back. I was never even here.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:12 PM on April 3, 2018 [13 favorites]


That's what happens when you cut the sex-ed curriculum.
posted by cichlid ceilidh at 9:12 PM on April 3, 2018 [31 favorites]


So do you use lubricated or un- ? Reservoir tip or not? Latex or sheepskin?

Ribbed for Dis-PleasureTM
posted by Grandysaur at 9:15 PM on April 3, 2018 [3 favorites]


Libertarian works for me on this.
posted by Fupped Duck at 9:18 PM on April 3, 2018


All my instincts scream that this has to be fake, like the sex bracelets or smoking banana peels to get high. And I have my doubts about the Tide pods too.

Tide pods are a false flag to discredit millenials.

(also haven't teens been snorting condoms for decades?)
posted by dilaudid at 9:18 PM on April 3, 2018 [7 favorites]


Yep, at least 3. This was all the rage in my teen liberal church group sleepovers/lockins. Also with crust punks.
posted by kittensofthenight at 9:20 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


I do know we used to take free Planned Parenthood dental dams and suck them sharply into our mouths and then move our tongue around so it looked weird and gross and creepy.
I’m a millennial and that’s my story.
posted by Grandysaur at 9:21 PM on April 3, 2018 [4 favorites]


Shine on, you crazy diamonds.
posted by alex_skazat at 9:27 PM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]


> Shine on, you crazy diamonds.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
Blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
... and snorted prophylactics up your nose. Like you do.
posted by sourcequench at 9:30 PM on April 3, 2018 [6 favorites]


This act was invented by Metafilter's own tube. A vintage video of one of his performances.
posted by ikahime at 9:31 PM on April 3, 2018 [7 favorites]


From Vice - Matt "the Tube" Crowley. Metafilter's own!
posted by ikahime at 9:35 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


I've heard teen pregnancy is down, but STDs are up. I feel like this is related...
posted by Toddles at 9:36 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


Neti Pot eXtreme!
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:37 PM on April 3, 2018 [5 favorites]


Heh, thanks!

I learned there was a Wikipedia page on "Condom Challenge" some years ago. I was vaguely aggrieved it did not mention me. This latest viral round of attention prompted me to grouch about it on my Facebook page, whereupon an edit was made. Vice appears to be the first site that recognizes where the stunt actually came from, though they perpetrate the error from the newspaper account that my name is "Jim."
posted by Tube at 9:39 PM on April 3, 2018 [28 favorites]


Invented by Mefi’s own Tube.
posted by Artw at 9:45 PM on April 3, 2018


Ah, never mind. :-)
posted by Artw at 9:45 PM on April 3, 2018


I keep thinking this was a Pauly Shore gag.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:04 PM on April 3, 2018


I keep waiting for someone who has ER stats to find 'condom asphyxiation' and post what those numbers are.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 10:08 PM on April 3, 2018 [2 favorites]


The Sawbones podcast recently did an episode on dumb, dangerous things that teens do for fun and this makes an appearance, the whole thing is worth a listen
posted by OverlappingElvis at 10:09 PM on April 3, 2018 [4 favorites]


Jesus Christ someone stop the planet I wanna get off.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 10:23 PM on April 3, 2018 [4 favorites]


Wait, weren't we just talking about American Injuries?
posted by twoplussix at 10:29 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


This will not help if he gets it in your eye.
posted by anothermug at 10:29 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


I am all for whatever people want to do, but isn't this how marine animals die in those sad protect our oceans advertisements? A six pack ring around the snout, a condom in the nose and a stomach full of bic lighters.
posted by Literaryhero at 10:35 PM on April 3, 2018 [5 favorites]


This was a party trick when I was young.

And the breathless reporting is kinda funny (from a foreign perspective): If you have a teenager, listen up. There's a new viral challenge that some are calling, a parent's worst nightmare.

Really? I've got a teenager, and my worst nightmare is pretty far beyond her getting a sinus infection from a stupid party trick.
posted by Harald74 at 11:01 PM on April 3, 2018 [11 favorites]


lots of talk lately of how cool just isn't what it used to be, that kids today just don't think it's that cool anymore to be cool, which, call me an old, is precisely the kind of bullshit that leads to condom snorting or huffing, or whatever.
posted by philip-random at 11:08 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


Yep, at least 3. This was all the rage in my teen liberal church group sleepovers/lockins. Also with crust punks.

I just love that there is a venn diagram of church group sleepovers and crust punks, that the overlap is this is just icing on the cake.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 11:14 PM on April 3, 2018 [23 favorites]


Every now and then, amid the growing paunch, the sagging facial skin, the hair loss, the diminished vision, the myriad aches and the flagging energy of growing older, there comes along a story that reminds me again, even so, of just how glad I am not to be a teenager anymore.

So thank you.
posted by darkstar at 11:15 PM on April 3, 2018 [9 favorites]


A six pack ring around the snout, a condom in the nose and a stomach full of bic lighters.

Sounds like a typical night out for John Belushi.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:32 PM on April 3, 2018 [6 favorites]


We used plastic earthworms when I was in the Boy Scouts 40 odd years ago. The "winner" was the kid with a deviated septum, who could "floss" both nostrils at once.
posted by Marky at 11:47 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


Really? I've got a teenager, and my worst nightmare is pretty far beyond her getting a sinus infection from a stupid party trick.

The nightmare isn’t teens maybe getting hurt, the nightmare is that TEENAGERS know what CONDOMS are. Although they apparently still don’t know how to use them so we’re okay.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:50 PM on April 3, 2018


Yeah, when I was a kid the cool thing was to do this with a length of bead chain. I never tried it, only because the idea of 'flossing' with bead chain over those delicate soft tissues in the back of the nose / throat ... sounded painful.

Can confirm.
Source: I was dumb kid.
posted by chillmost at 1:42 AM on April 4, 2018 [3 favorites]


The nightmare isn’t teens maybe getting hurt, the nightmare is that TEENAGERS know what CONDOMS are. Although they apparently still don’t know how to use them so we’re okay.

Apparently they do not, judging by the teenage pregnancy statistics that puts the US at almost trice the level of Norway.
posted by Harald74 at 2:00 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


This act was invented by Metafilter's own tube. A vintage video of one of his performances.
posted by ikahime at 9:31 PM


Heh, thanks!
posted by Tube at 9:39 PM


Wait, what? How am I learning this just now?

Dude, I'm pretty sure I've had some variety of your fluids on me from the Jim Rose show. It was memorably unpleasant because I was thizzing my face off on Robotussin.

Gah.

And, yeah, this stunt isn't new. The first time I saw it, it was a crusty punk with a bowl of instant ramen noodles. Except he'd do it backwards. Instead of snorting, he'd partially swallow a tangle of noodles and cough the ends in his throat back out his nose.

Out of both nostrils. Which he would then slurp back into his mouth, forming a sort of... loop.

It was fucking horrible. It was like watching Cthulhu eating its own face tentacles.
posted by loquacious at 2:45 AM on April 4, 2018 [14 favorites]


My sister told me of seeing a drunken Marquette University rugby player do it in like 1991, using the gold chain around his neck...as a ghastly come on at a party, no less. *shudder*
posted by wenestvedt at 3:18 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


...as a ghastly come on at a party, no less.

And they say romance is dead.
posted by Vesihiisi at 3:31 AM on April 4, 2018 [8 favorites]


Yeah, I've been confused at the breathless reporting about this all of a sudden. Kids were doing this when I was in high school in the early 90s, they just didn't have a "catchy" challenge name and a youtube channel to memorialize the act.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 3:39 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


It's about 40 years since I was a teenager but the main effect of these well-meaning public health admonitions on me is often to leave me thinking "I wonder if I could do that?"
posted by Neil Hunt at 4:00 AM on April 4, 2018 [5 favorites]


Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:17 AM on April 4, 2018 [8 favorites]


Those teens really do not understand the correct consumption of vodka!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 4:45 AM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]




using condoms to insert vodka into their anuses

That is not how you make a martini.
posted by Segundus at 5:54 AM on April 4, 2018 [13 favorites]


That is not how you make a martini.

It might taste better, though.

I've seen people do this with spaghetti (decades ago), but never with a condom. My main reaction is that condoms smell nasty even at arm's length, so why would you want one up your nose? You'd be smelling/tasting it for the next day, ugh.

Stick to spaghetti, which you can digest if you accidentally swallow it.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:03 AM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


That is not how you make a martini.

True but they probably let shouldn’t waste good gin on doing that either.
posted by Artw at 6:12 AM on April 4, 2018 [3 favorites]


TAKE THAT, HOWIE MANDEL
posted by entropicamericana at 6:28 AM on April 4, 2018 [3 favorites]


No, they're not.

I mean, sure, some teens are. Like, a couple dumbasses are doing it on YouTube, sure. But this is not something we need to sit down and talk to our teens about.
posted by bondcliff at 6:43 AM on April 4, 2018


I'm just glad they're being safe with their viral challenges.
posted by srboisvert at 6:46 AM on April 4, 2018 [5 favorites]


I am 100 per cent convinced that a statistically significant number of teens are actually doing this and this is in no way clickbait by way of generating a moral panic in parents. {/}
posted by Karmakaze at 7:36 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


My friend and former roommate used to do this exact trick. He's dead now. The two things are not related as far as I know.
posted by runcibleshaw at 7:51 AM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


I mean, sure, some teens are. Like, a couple dumbasses are doing it on YouTube, sure. But this is not something we need to sit down and talk to our teens about.

If you don’t talk to your teens, how can you bet them they can’t do it?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:21 AM on April 4, 2018 [8 favorites]


using condoms to insert vodka into their anuses

That is not how you make a martini.


Shaken...not stirred.
posted by Fizz at 9:39 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


Perturbed...not probed.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:39 AM on April 4, 2018 [3 favorites]


please just give these morons some cocaine
It's probably cheaper too
posted by Namlit at 10:55 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


Pretty good argument for sex ed classes.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:08 AM on April 4, 2018


They can have my condoms when they pry them from my cold, dead nostrils.
posted by davelog at 1:41 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


The NRA is going to dramatic lengths to discredit the Parkland kids and I won't have it.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:58 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


When I was in college there was “jello snarfing.” Inhale jello into the nose and swallow it. I feel like I’m suffocating just writing that sentence.
posted by bendy at 12:06 AM on April 5, 2018


First time I saw this trick, it was a coworkers gal pal who worked at Market Street Cinema. Everyone I've known to do this was a professional - the full trick was to snort it up your nose an then put it on someone with your mouth.

Kids these days just have no dang idea what they're doing. You're supposed to snort it rolled fer crissakes!
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 10:35 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


Many people enjoy the Jackass movies, but most disregard the disclaimer
not all social evolution is forward
posted by Redhush at 11:06 AM on April 6, 2018


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