Insert glitterbomb joke here...
April 4, 2018 11:12 AM   Subscribe

Sparkly pizza, bagels and gravy - Nothing is safe from edible glitter’s reach: First things first: There is a difference between “edible” and “nontoxic” glitter. This is an important distinction you will need to remember if you want to participate in what is shaping up to be one of 2018’s biggest and most controversial trends: decorating everything from cookies to pizza with a sprinkling of shiny sparkles. And no, it’s not the kind you buy in the craft aisle. Glitter pizza. Glitter bagels. Glitter beer.

(Non-paywalled links to wire versions of the WaPo piece here and here)
posted by mandolin conspiracy (47 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
*crosses fingers in a warding-away motion and hisses*
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:13 AM on April 4, 2018 [24 favorites]


damnit instagram WERE THE RAINBOWS NOT ENOUGH
THE CHARCOAL
STOP RUINING ALL THE EDIBLE THINGS
posted by halation at 11:15 AM on April 4, 2018 [4 favorites]


To no one's surprise, the glitter beer has been immediately gendered and added to the list of bullshit we women working in craft beer have to deal with. I'm indifferent to the trend (?) but I'm not indifferent to male craft beer drinkers and brewers being complete arseholes about it. I've been having words.
posted by Kitteh at 11:17 AM on April 4, 2018 [27 favorites]


Glitter beer, you say?

You won’t have to worry about sparkly piss, either, as the glitter dust is broken down by your digestive system, apparently

Never mind.
posted by InfidelZombie at 11:17 AM on April 4, 2018 [18 favorites]


I'm totally in favor of this, at least in theory, and I want some glitter cookies right now.
posted by Foosnark at 11:18 AM on April 4, 2018 [3 favorites]


I would have figured that edible glitter would not be as indestructibly invasive as the craft sort, considering that it's made to be, well, edible. As InfidelZombie highlights, the stuff is meant to be broken down -- albeit by hydrochloric acid!
posted by inconstant at 11:23 AM on April 4, 2018


Alternate FPP title that popped into my head seconds too late so I'll just leave it here:

"Shiny happy pizzas."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:25 AM on April 4, 2018 [36 favorites]


Even if the stuff is meant to be broken down I'm sure a ton of it will pass through the body and make the eater's bowel movements nice and glittery, much like how drinking a Shamrock Shake will colour it a disconcerting green (well, disconcerting until you remember you drank a Shamrock Shake).
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 11:27 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


How eye-safe is edible glitter? The world of sparkly cosmetics has already produced increasing alarm over the environmental effects of glitter and the dangers of using craft glitter on your face instead of safer cosmetic glitters: an Imgur user posted excruciating photos of a corneal scratch caused by craft glitter that ended in the surgical removal of the eye.
posted by nicebookrack at 11:40 AM on April 4, 2018 [7 favorites]


Now I (almost) want to eat glitter beets, just to see that result!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:41 AM on April 4, 2018 [3 favorites]


I mean, you wouldn't go round throwing salt, dried oregano, rainbow sprinkles, or hot chocolate powder in your eyes, so it seems good sense not to put edible glitter there either.
posted by inconstant at 11:42 AM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


I am kind of hoping that edible glitter trickles into the mainstream so I can buy it cheaply to use in place of plastic glitter. Plastic glitter is very bad for the environment-- much like microbeads-- to the extent that we don't do glittery crafts at the library to avoid being part of the problem.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:44 AM on April 4, 2018 [9 favorites]


Four-year-old lilozzy's current go-to dessert is "brownies with sprinkles." This doesn't mean a tasteful smattering of jimmies strewn across the surface. It means, at least in the case of the brownies she made for her own birthday, three small jars of multi-colored sprinkles completely covering the surface of the batter and turning the final product into an impressionist kaleidoscope.

She is going to lose her mind when she sees edible glitter.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:45 AM on April 4, 2018 [7 favorites]


I mean, you wouldn't go round throwing salt, dried oregano, rainbow sprinkles, or hot chocolate powder in your eyes, so it seems good sense not to put edible glitter there either.

Obligatory KITH:

Never Put Salt In Your Eyes
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:46 AM on April 4, 2018 [13 favorites]


enough already how many more things do we need to remind us per day that this is indeed the darkest timeline
posted by seyirci at 11:55 AM on April 4, 2018


uncleozzy, I hear that sprinkles are that popular in the Netherlands. Perhaps a visit might be in the cards if the stars align...
posted by inconstant at 11:56 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


I mean, you wouldn't go round throwing salt, dried oregano, rainbow sprinkles, or hot chocolate powder in your eyes, so it seems good sense not to put edible glitter there either.

When I was in junior high I sniffed some black pepper to see if it would make me sneeze like in the cartoons. It did. People do stupid things. Also, you might not be throwing them in your eyes but if you're perhaps eating a glitter donut and then wipe your eyes you could end up with edible glitter in them.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 11:58 AM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


uncleozzy, I hear that sprinkles are that popular in the Netherlands

Oh yeah, my wife's grandmother is Dutch, as a matter of fact, so we definitely eat hagelslag on the regular.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:02 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


Simply Nailogical (holosexual) did a deep dive into the Holo Glitter Cappuccino with strict warnings about supposed "edibility" and their claims that it was made from sugar (??). And a followup on "edible" cake glitters.

Glitter on things is so crazy. There's a person I online that has been putting glitter in their drinks.... I will likely have to say something if I see it again.

Also on the same vein, DON'T use craft glitter on your face. There is specific cosmetic grade glitter that is rounded for eye-safety. And not all cosmetic glitters are deemed eye safe due to pigments and shape.
posted by Crystalinne at 12:34 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


Here's a better (IMO obviously) article on glitter beer.
posted by exogenous at 12:38 PM on April 4, 2018 [6 favorites]


Glitter pizza

Aw hell no.
posted by Splunge at 12:43 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


In veterinary circles, a tricky problem can be identifying which cat in a multi-cat household has diarrhea (or other fecal issues). The recommendation used to be to take empty gelatin capsules, fill them with different colors of craft glitter and feed one to each cat. Now that we know how harmful craft glitter can be to the digestive system, the recommendation is crayon shavings.

I really like the glittery foods. It's fun!
posted by Rock Steady at 12:47 PM on April 4, 2018 [15 favorites]


Here's a better (IMO obviously) article on glitter beer.

Holy crow, that beer is gorgeous. I wonder if adding a pinch to a glass before an aggressive pour would work, rather than fouling up the tap.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:48 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


exogenous, thank you so much for posting a great link about glitter beer featuring some really cool ladies working in the industry. I appreciate it so much.
posted by Kitteh at 12:52 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


I am kind of hoping that edible glitter trickles into the mainstream so I can buy it cheaply to use in place of plastic glitter.

Yes, yes, yes! I am tired of telling my daughter we can't buy this or that thing (I'm looking at YOU, Dollar Store) because the glitter is bad for the environment. But, I worry this trend might only increase the popularity of glitter.
posted by kitcat at 12:53 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


Well, on the bright side, guys can now lie a bit more convincingly about not being at the strip club.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:02 PM on April 4, 2018


All I can say is that NYE2K, we could have used edible glitter.
posted by mikelieman at 1:33 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


Those little silver sugar-balls that have been on cookies since forever, clearly state on the packaging that they are not to be consumed. (So why not make them out of clay instead of sugar?) Never stopped us kids, we ate them right from the bottle.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:04 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


The twin wood-fired ovens are behind glass at one end of the dining room. While the impression at times is that of an exhibit at the zoo, it seemed to me to actually encourage gawkers (in a good way) more than a true open kitchen concept. Without that window pane, it's easy to feel like you're intruding on the pizzaioli at work and more than a little in the way of the foodrunners. But the glass makes it clear that what's happening on the other side is a show that's meant to be watched and observed, from the hand-stretching of the dough to the saucing (there are two sauceless varieties) to the baking, which seemed to hover around the three-minute mark for the pies I watched.

The lingering ghost of my former pizza maker self just let loose a terrible howl, like that of a trapped and panicked animal. I'd chew through my leg, or maybe choke down handfuls of glitter, to avoid this fate.
posted by nwwn at 2:05 PM on April 4, 2018


The little silver balls are called dragées and they are made with actual silver. Since California recognizes silver as toxic, they are illegal in California and anyone who still produces them has to put a warning on them just in case someone carries them across state lines. You can't even buy them online and ship to California-- you would have to know someone in another state.

It's one of those casualties of what is essentially a good law (keeping metals and poison out of prepared food) but which is practically dumb (you would have to swallow several bottles of dragées in order to poison yourself.) And yet, somehow that actually dangerous colloidal silver nonsense is still legal.
posted by blnkfrnk at 2:11 PM on April 4, 2018 [5 favorites]


dibs on 'glittery gravy' as a band name
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:13 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: surgical removal of the eye.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 2:18 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


Don't miss the video of that "glitter gravy," it's fascinating.
posted by JDHarper at 2:26 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


I want to drink the glitter beer to spite the broey dismissals.
posted by ikea_femme at 2:28 PM on April 4, 2018 [6 favorites]


I realize that's quality marketing, to create something to be dismissed by gendered reasons.
posted by ikea_femme at 2:30 PM on April 4, 2018


Don't miss the video of that "glitter gravy," it's fascinating.

Add that to the list of sins of British cuisine.
posted by NoxAeternum at 2:59 PM on April 4, 2018


Truly we are in the end times.
That glittery bagel looks revolting and not even faintly edible.
posted by Fuchsoid at 5:11 PM on April 4, 2018


A lava lamp for your gut... oh, yeah....
Cue the red dye controversy, but... dang....
And I defy you to try eating a quarter-teaspoon of cake decorating sprinkles and liking them. Yee-uck. The chocolate ones are... not chocolate-flavored.
posted by TrishaU at 5:19 PM on April 4, 2018


I find this really annoying, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm entering geezerdom. I can understand sprinkles on cake, so glitter on cake 🎂 or cupcakes, sure, I guess, especially if you're 6. Glitter in gravy looks weird and like you maybe spilled some glitter and tried to make it look intentional.

Maybe it would liven up a colonoscopy.
posted by theora55 at 5:52 PM on April 4, 2018


Maybe it would liven up a colonoscopy.

"Doctor, what's wrong?"

"There's...a...disco in there."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:39 PM on April 4, 2018 [7 favorites]


All other things being equal, glitter beer sounds like the greatest product since ... well ... beer.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:47 PM on April 4, 2018


Maybe it would liven up a colonoscopy.

Glitter Golytely
posted by fluttering hellfire at 7:10 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]


if you're perhaps eating a glitter donut and then wipe your eyes you could end up with edible glitter in them.

Don't ever eat anything with hot peppers in it then. Trust me.
posted by some loser at 7:49 PM on April 4, 2018


Glitter Golytely

The main character in the porno film Breakfast On Tiffany.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:07 PM on April 4, 2018 [6 favorites]


Glitter me to death
posted by mmmbacon at 10:05 AM on April 5, 2018


Just wanted to give another hat tip to the article exogenous linked to above. Very interesting perspective on how gender informs the reaction to glittery foods. I think.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:31 AM on April 6, 2018


The chocolate ones are... not chocolate-flavored.

If you think this, you must not have discovered the right chocolate sprinkles.
posted by mosst at 7:53 AM on April 6, 2018


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