The mancatcher may be a bit obvious though
April 5, 2018 8:15 AM   Subscribe

The Medievalist asks the important questions: how many medieval weapons can you identify by name?
posted by MartinWisse (100 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
I was perfect through the first half but ended up at 91%. Thanks Gary.
posted by meinvt at 8:20 AM on April 5, 2018 [11 favorites]


93%. Yep, D&D hath served me well.
posted by kyrademon at 8:23 AM on April 5, 2018 [26 favorites]


I'm royalty! (And also played a lot of D&D in my time)
posted by dinty_moore at 8:23 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


only 67% with a Medieval Hist degree. for shame...
posted by supermedusa at 8:24 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


87%. Thanks, Mount and Blade. And a lot of Lego and Playmobil medieval sets. Both are likely related.
posted by lmfsilva at 8:24 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


Got hung up on all of the different spears/polearms/pikes, but 76% still qualifies me as royalty.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:26 AM on April 5, 2018


Wizardly private-eye Harry Dresden's associate Thomas the vampire chops people up with a falcata sometimes, so I thought that must be the same as a falchion, but I've learned today that it's not! It's close enough for this quiz though.
posted by turkeybrain at 8:28 AM on April 5, 2018


Oh-oh here she comes
Watch out boy, she'll chew you up,
Oh-oh here she comes
She's a Mancatcher...
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:31 AM on April 5, 2018 [5 favorites]


96% but medieval weaponry is one of my lifetime favourite wikiholes; it is important to know exactly how one will die if accidentally transported back in time.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:33 AM on April 5, 2018 [8 favorites]


Smallpox?
posted by Horkus at 8:34 AM on April 5, 2018 [18 favorites]


98% because fuck all the names for polearms.
posted by restless_nomad at 8:35 AM on April 5, 2018 [16 favorites]


Dysentery.
posted by RobotHero at 8:36 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


93%. I missed a few because I couldn't quite tell the scale of some of the weapons.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:36 AM on April 5, 2018 [5 favorites]


74% which was disappointing, but not bad. There were a few where I had to guess every wrong weapon before I got the right one. Ugh.
posted by GuyZero at 8:36 AM on April 5, 2018


83% and I'm kinda mad about it.

And now to make everyone with a good score mad.
posted by griphus at 8:38 AM on April 5, 2018 [8 favorites]


AAARGH GRIPHUS
posted by restless_nomad at 8:38 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


100% but my goodness if that isn't a Grey Knights Nemesis Force Halberd from 40k filling in for a medieval glaive.
posted by ocular shenanigans at 8:40 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


Doesn’t seem to work on my phone. Blank space under the headline briefly and then it quickly cycles through 20 redirects (I counted) to some dubious ad pages, one of which tried to open the app store.

Which too bad because I still know my glaive-guisarme from a bec-de-corbin (thanks be to Gygax).
posted by rodlymight at 8:41 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


Disappointed in the lack of guisamres (let alone glaive-guisarmes). Also did not address the critical glaive vs glaive, issue.
posted by bonehead at 8:44 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


Smallpox?

lol i forgot americans don't get the vaccine. but no, i would be burned alive bc jew.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:45 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


90%, Thanks Dark Souls.
posted by RolandOfEld at 8:47 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


Got hung up on all of the different spears/polearms/pikes, but 76% still qualifies me as royalty.

Which you would have had to have been a blacksmith or military captain to appreciate anyway. I'd be surprised if most of the the prince electors or kings could name what their peasant levies carried.
posted by bonehead at 8:49 AM on April 5, 2018


I was perfect up until the damned arbalest - but I still ended up scoring in the "Royalty" range.
posted by caution live frogs at 8:50 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


I was perfect up until the damned arbalest - but I still ended up scoring in the "Royalty" range.

If I had realized that the ballista and arbalest were both on the page, I wouldn't have made the same mistake.
posted by Edgewise at 8:51 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


This would be a fun machine learning thing, generating new ones based on this input.
posted by zerolives at 8:51 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


Scale was an issue for me as well. Their claymore did not look nearly long enough, and their rapier could have just as easily been a claymore with a basket hilt (you could argue that medieval claymores didn't have basket hilts, but a rapier isn't exactly a medieval weapon, either. In fact, "claymore" is really a 17th-century term which has been applied to older Scottish broadswords).
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:56 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


This would be a fun machine learning thing, generating new ones based on this input.


Yeah, that's how we wind up with a giant horse-drawn bagpipes that shoots crossbow bolts and Greek fire.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:58 AM on April 5, 2018 [8 favorites]


Called a "Luxembourg Basilisk" or something.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:00 AM on April 5, 2018 [11 favorites]


100% and back I go to the basement to debate 4E vs 5E.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 9:01 AM on April 5, 2018 [7 favorites]


89%. Really got hung up on the Bardiche.
posted by adamrice at 9:02 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


yes i too was angered by the claymore.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:03 AM on April 5, 2018


100% and back I go to the basement to debate 4E vs 5E.

I like 4E better, the whole wireless Matrix thing in 5E kind of takes away from the cyberpunk feel imo
posted by majuju at 9:04 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


i'm just a lousy knight at 63%

*throws holy hand grenade of antioch so they shalt snuff it*
posted by pyramid termite at 9:05 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


2E you THAC0-profaning barbarians
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:08 AM on April 5, 2018 [13 favorites]


2E you THAC0-profaning barbarians

1st ed DM screen tables or GTFO you apostate.
posted by GuyZero at 9:09 AM on April 5, 2018 [6 favorites]


The Japanese police still use mancatchers, BTW
posted by ocschwar at 9:10 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


This quiz reeks of the ahistorical classification fetish brought to us by the Victorian-Gygax complex, let alone the clearly post-medieval nature of some of these.

But, while we're here, I have one and only one good piece of pole-arm trivia: General Wallenstein was assassinated with a partisan dipped in holy water because obviously he contracted with the devil for immunity from swords and bullets. That's what you get when you upgrade from medieval history to early modern.
posted by The Gaffer at 9:10 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


81% and I'm royalty? Oh yeah, it's 2018. Nevermind.
posted by Splunge at 9:13 AM on April 5, 2018


I am royalty, which fits because i succeeded through luck and brute force.
posted by condour75 at 9:13 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


My paltry 85% is entirely the result of there being too many weird pikes to remember. Gygax would not be proud of me.
posted by Artw at 9:15 AM on April 5, 2018


I am royalty, which fits because I succeeded through a convoluted series of dynastic marriages, and treachery.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:18 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


Dark Souls has taught me well. But not about Ranseurs, which apparently are yet another form of pole-arm.
posted by codacorolla at 9:20 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


91%. I am crabby about this because my favourite Dark Souls weapon is the in-game Scythe (as opposed to the Great Scythe which [elided navel-gazing descent into bleed damage vs. moveset]), which in this test is called a bardiche (the correct name). neep neep neep
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:21 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


48%, Knight of Nobility

I'm pleasantly surprised by this. The closest I've gotten to consuming medieval culture was reading The Canterbury Tales in 10th grade.
posted by like_neon at 9:21 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


My paltry 85% is entirely the result of there being too many weird pikes to remember. Gygax would not be proud of me.

FFS, there was a whole appendix devoted to the nomenclature of polearms!
posted by nubs at 9:21 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


2E you THAC0-profaning barbarians

1st ed DM screen tables or GTFO you apostate.


Listen if you're not playing Chainmail it may as well be Monopoly.
posted by griphus at 9:23 AM on April 5, 2018 [5 favorites]


80%... a faltered on those not in the PHB
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:28 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


I came in here to wave my 70% in all of your faces and... wow, y'all. I thought a childhood of Final Fantasy did right by me but it turns out I was neglecting my weapon studies.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 9:31 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


Seconding bonehead; the Glaive is all wrong. 80s kids know what a real Glaive looks like

Previously on Metafilter: The Curious Case of the Weapon That Didn't Exist about the improbable looking ball-chain-stick weapons you see in museums.
posted by Nelson at 9:36 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


98% because falchions are hard. (But how is 98% a possible score on a quiz with 20 questions? Are they weighted? Or is it a percentile?)
posted by The Tensor at 9:38 AM on April 5, 2018


2E you THAC0-profaning barbarians
1st ed DM screen tables or GTFO you apostate.
Listen if you're not playing Chainmail it may as well be Monopoly.


Truly creative gamers renounce the corporate monopoly; non-sheeple play Spawn of Fashan.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 9:39 AM on April 5, 2018


Estoc? Bardiche? Ranseur? You people are joking – those aren’t real words... says the disgruntled non-medievalist who scored 63%. (I thought a claymore was a mine.)
posted by LeLiLo at 9:40 AM on April 5, 2018


I’m going on the record as thinking the partisan/ranseur divide is bullshit. Also they should just call a pole axe a pole axe.
posted by Artw at 9:41 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


98% because falchions are hard.

Someone never played Dungeon Master on Amiga.
posted by Artw at 9:41 AM on April 5, 2018


"A pole axe is a pole axe is a pole axe" - Guisarme Stein
posted by griphus at 9:43 AM on April 5, 2018 [5 favorites]


91%. Estoc and ranseur were new to me.

the partisan/ranseur divide

I see what you did there.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:46 AM on April 5, 2018


How can I take a game seriously that has fourteen kinds of polearm but only one kind of beer?
posted by Mogur at 9:48 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


67 %, not bad for a grandma! I could defend my hovel against invading knights.
posted by mermayd at 9:48 AM on April 5, 2018


63%, much of this is because of my love for this period of history and my playing lots of video games like Civilization, Age of Empires, etc.
posted by Fizz at 9:57 AM on April 5, 2018


89%. Stupid polearms.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:00 AM on April 5, 2018


Estoc

Questionably medieval! that;s yer fancy ass 16th century and on style of sword.
posted by Artw at 10:00 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


93% well dang, all that Diablo finally paid off

LOOK AT ME NOW MOM
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 10:02 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


GuyZero: "1st ed DM screen tables or GTFO you apostate."

I would like to re-up my edition joke from a few years back.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:16 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


Every time I rediscover that a claymore is just a sword. . . I'm a bit disappointed. Not that I'm a fan of mines. But, somehow I keep expecting it to be at least a little bit similar: a grapeshot cannon or a mace with little pointy bits or a multiple-arrow-shooting-device.

I failed this test absolutely. I can very happily live with that, while respecting those who've spent time learning such things.
posted by eotvos at 10:17 AM on April 5, 2018


(Just to be clear, I've almost certainly spent far more time learning far less useful things. Didn't mean that as an insult. Just a statement that my very particular geek domains don't happen to overlap with this one.)
posted by eotvos at 10:18 AM on April 5, 2018


It's more "time spent industriously avoiding work" than "time spent deliberately learning a thing".
posted by poffin boffin at 10:19 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


I was surprised by how many of those I knew. I think it's all that Total Warfare I've played
posted by zzazazz at 10:20 AM on April 5, 2018


4E vs 5E?? Pffft... I was playing back when it was Dungeons and Dragonlings.
posted by Grither at 10:21 AM on April 5, 2018


94% and I feel bad about it

my favourite Dark Souls weapon is the in-game Scythe

MY BROTHER

there's a video of me on youtube smacking around some katana punk with a scythe set to Caravan Palace music and whoever writes my obituary had better include the fucking link
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:23 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


100% thanks to Mount & Blade, D&D, historical fencing, and... oh, man, what have I done with my life...
posted by Grimp0teuthis at 10:39 AM on April 5, 2018


100%, I'm not royalty, just a fucking pedant.

I even zoomed my screen in on the rapier to make sure they hadn't accidentally put a picture of a saber or a modern style fencing rapier. Because this matters to me, for some reason.

Also, I'm pretty sure I learned all of these while illustrating people's d&d characters. Goddamnit Gary Gygax, you were suppose to lead me down the path to satan worship, not give me all this useless knowledge.
posted by InkDrinker at 10:43 AM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


Sabre*, dangit.
posted by InkDrinker at 10:54 AM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


81%, also got screwed by scale, but I'm glad all those years of Final Fantasy and Squaresoft games (namely Vagrant Story) paid off. I was surprised my brain knew what a bardiche was instantly. Ranseur though was something I couldn't recall.
posted by numaner at 11:15 AM on April 5, 2018


Finally I can put my esoteric knowledge of NetHack weaponry to use!
posted by jim in austin at 11:35 AM on April 5, 2018


93% bc their glaive has some funky design and I couldn't tell estoc from ranseur if it poked me in the gut. Grumble.
posted by hat_eater at 11:42 AM on April 5, 2018


Estoc? Bardiche? Ranseur? You people are joking – those aren’t real words...

Sure they are. eStoc is what you use to disrupt soup, bardiche is a cream used by chronic lute-players, and a ranseur is a monsieur who is also a raconteur. It’s like you’ve never read the dictionary.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:43 AM on April 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


I was all set to have a crack, see if I could tell my trebuchets from my catapults, but instead I ended up playing NoScript whac-a-mole with ever-increasing swarms of advertising and tracking servers and decided to withdraw from the field before this giant wooden rabbit of a quiz actually managed to get past the gates of the keep.
posted by flabdablet at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


96%. Thanks, D&D and all those console RPGs. (Clearly, MetaFilter is the right place for me.)
posted by xenization at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


I mean, I can't believe we've gotten this far without mentioning the Bohemian Ear Spoon or the Polearm Emporium.
posted by lumpenprole at 12:39 PM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


Also, 96%. It's hard to tell a Bardiche from a Glaive by sight.
posted by lumpenprole at 12:44 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


This would be a fun machine learning thing, generating new ones based on this input.

I futzed around with Markov chains a bit and got some fun results. I give you Glasthorpe's Manual of European Polearms!
posted by Iridic at 1:01 PM on April 5, 2018 [6 favorites]


7
posted by Carillon at 1:12 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]




100%. Thank you Monster Hunter for making it easier for me to distinguish the glaive (which in turn narrowed down options for some of the other similar-looking polearm weapons).
posted by thefoxgod at 2:39 PM on April 5, 2018


69%. Which is nice, but not great.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:45 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


And just like in Monster Hunter, in real life you use the glaive to catapault yourself high in the air before bouncing off large animals with your chained attacks.
posted by Nelson at 2:53 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


can i give my palico a tiny morningstar
posted by poffin boffin at 3:02 PM on April 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


96%, and another vote for 'screw the innumerable variations of polearm.'
posted by mordax at 3:10 PM on April 5, 2018


The legacy of Gary Gygax lives on, in us all.
posted by The Nutmeg of Consolation at 4:00 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


Also, no fan of Critical Role missed the falchion.
posted by The Nutmeg of Consolation at 4:02 PM on April 5, 2018


Came for the Krull reference, was not disappointed!
posted by ninazer0 at 5:12 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


93%, and I credit that to having shaken Gary Gygax’s hand 35 years ago. Also –

MetaFilter: It's hard to tell a Bardiche from a Glaive by sight.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:38 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]




100% - Bardiche from Ultima Online, Glaive from Dakkon in Planescape Torment, Falchion from Neverwinter Nights 2, Partisan from Final Fantasy Tactics, Estoc from Dark Souls 3, Arbalest from Medieval: Total War.

Ranseur by process of elimination.
posted by Ryvar at 9:08 PM on April 5, 2018


Yeah, bardiche wasn't in the 2E Arms and Armor Guide that I had, so that one fucked me up. Also ranseur. But 83% anyway. Had they not had the process of elimination factor it could have been a damn sight harder. I'd love a nothing but polearms quiz, so we can really get pedantic about voulge vs poleaxe vs halberd vs bardiche; glaive vs fauchard; ranseur vs partisan vs spontoon; and bec de corbin vs lucerne hammer.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:37 PM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


Further to griphus' comment above, I'll add another Simpsons faux pas courtesy of Metroid Baby.
posted by Existential Dread at 2:24 PM on April 6, 2018 [1 favorite]




Having attempted to move my collection in less than half a dozen trips, I can confirm. Totally unrealistic.
posted by restless_nomad at 4:27 PM on April 6, 2018 [2 favorites]


Glaive from Dakkon in Planescape Torment

... but he's using a karach blade, which is depicted as sword-y in the game art.

Ranseur by process of elimination.

Ever the fate of the ranseur.
posted by mordax at 5:49 PM on April 6, 2018 [1 favorite]


98%, because of the partisan/ranseur bit. Not gonna feel bad about it. I much prefer a glaive-glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive.
posted by Archelaus at 5:56 PM on April 6, 2018 [3 favorites]


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