Statham vs Shark
April 10, 2018 3:14 AM   Subscribe

The Meg.... based on the novel about a giant prehistoric shark. The Statham loving Den of Geek having been waiting for this for a long long time.
posted by fearfulsymmetry (41 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
The shark has a buddy, a super giant octopus!
posted by sammyo at 4:12 AM on April 10


Does Jason Statham throat punch the Shark?
Because Statham throat punching the baddie is my favourite part of all Statham movies.
posted by Faintdreams at 4:25 AM on April 10 [5 favorites]


Does Jason Statham throat punch the Shark?
Because Statham throat punching the baddie is my favourite part of all Statham movies.


Given Meg's size, that might be less than effective, even for Statham. It reminds me of a bit from the "Unearthly" episode of MST3k:

Palooka: (Referring to Tor Johnson) "I'd like to break his neck."
Crow: "But I'd need a forklift."
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 4:56 AM on April 10


They finally made this? I remember reading about it coming soon almost twenty years ago.
posted by octothorpe at 5:05 AM on April 10 [3 favorites]


He's gonna have to kick its facking head off.

Which you better believe I will pay to see.
posted by biffa at 5:30 AM on April 10 [1 favorite]


I read the book this was based on. Actually, no, to be more accurate, I listened to it as a book on tape during a road trip. During the trip, I realized that the pack of tapes was missing an entire cassette from the middle of the book. This did not detract substantially from the book. Also, this was the book on tape where I discovered that while good writing benefits from being read aloud, bad writing does not and in fact you're trapped because it's hard to just skim ahead.

That bit of criticism said, I have great faith that Hollywood can turn this into an exciting big summer fun movie that - if nothing else - will be air conditioned from start to finish on a hot day at the movies where there's popcorn and Statham will be Statham-tastic.

Also, I'm not sure if I'm inventing the scene, but there may be a sequence in the book where someone cuts their way out of a giant shark, so, really, this is quite promising for solid quality Statham-wreaking-havok content.
posted by rmd1023 at 5:37 AM on April 10 [7 favorites]


Okay, I just finished watching the trailer. This looks like big fun. (I remember the book took itself a bit too seriously. The film evidently does not.)
posted by rmd1023 at 5:41 AM on April 10 [2 favorites]


I've not read the book and I was going to make a joke about The Stath punching a shark from the inside and now I see that might actually happen I'm beyond excited.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:01 AM on April 10 [2 favorites]


> (I remember the book took itself a bit too seriously. The film evidently does not.)

I was unsure whether the film was aware of the absurdity and worried that the dialogue was just bad but then Frank started singing and everything was revealed to be good and ridiculous and entirely free of pretension.
posted by giraffeneckbattle at 6:02 AM on April 10


I also read the book this is based on in the late 90s/early 00s and it is gloriously terrible. Also it has at least one character who is what aliens would create if they were only told about women by MRAs so it's fun to hateread those parts. And it led to the cleverly titled Meg 2: The Trench in which Dirk Squarejaw clashes with a Bond villain about kronosaurs at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. The best part is that it brushes off what you would think is an obvious objection -- it is difficult to be an air-breathing critter at the bottom of the sea -- with a simple, breezy "They adapted."

I am looking forward to this crap. Statham is good casting and if they let him be funny like in that Melissa McCarthy movie this escalates to genius.

I really hope they make a movie out of Extinct, the *other* late-90s megalodon book in which megalodonses infest the bayous of Mississippi and weeble for their mommies when not eating people.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:25 AM on April 10 [4 favorites]


If we are really lucky, the shark's size will be obviously inconsistent from scene to scene, always remaining exactly the size the plot demands at that moment.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:29 AM on April 10 [15 favorites]


I see Jason Statham and the first thing that pops into my mind is "Well, we know who's going to play Avenatti in the Stormy Daniels movie."
posted by bgribble at 6:37 AM on April 10 [1 favorite]


I've not read the book and I was going to make a joke about The Stath punching a shark from the inside and now I see that might actually happen

I was wondering about the punching straight off, and considered how if he wasn't in the water swimming and swinging he might have at the gaffer or key grip. This punching from the bowels is surely good reading, but film shots from this gizzard POV is sure to be good cinema.
posted by uraniumwilly at 6:39 AM on April 10


if that dog gets et I ain’t going
posted by Countess Elena at 6:44 AM on April 10 [3 favorites]


I think the dog should et the Megalodon. Then they all switch to figuring out how to kill the dog. MEGALODOG!!
posted by Sing Or Swim at 6:56 AM on April 10 [3 favorites]


YES PLEASE VERY MUCH THANK YOU
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:07 AM on April 10 [2 favorites]


It's being directed by the same guy who did National Treasure, so I expect no scenery to remain un-chewed, both actual and metaphorical.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:34 AM on April 10 [5 favorites]


I saw the trailer this morning. I don't know who Jason Statham is, this movie is completely not my speed, and I cannot understand why I really really want to see it.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:59 AM on April 10 [4 favorites]


May I hope that, at the film's climax, Statham charges down the shark's mouth in a sports car?
posted by SPrintF at 8:06 AM on April 10 [3 favorites]


That is very shark, and very Statham.

Fun fact: an acquaintance of mine is apparently Statham's favorite wardrobe assistant, and in recent months he got her flown specially out from Australia to a shoot overseas, because he's very particular about such things and likes the way she helps him put on sweaters and jackets and such. She may have dressed him for shark punching, I'm not sure.

Also, obligatory dancing Statham.
posted by threecheesetrees at 8:26 AM on April 10 [2 favorites]


I hate to try to add facts to something like this, but what is the smallest viable population size of something like the hero of the flick (ok, the not Statham hero of the flick...ok, the not toy dog hero of the flick)?
posted by maxwelton at 9:34 AM on April 10


I don't know who Jason Statham is,...

He's this action-hero actor who was good in one movie, and has also appeared in a bunch of other movies.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:40 AM on April 10


Name a Statham movie, and it’s the good one.
posted by malthusan at 9:50 AM on April 10 [7 favorites]


I hope this movie becomes a yuge hit with yuge ratings and sharks and shark things become incredibly popular and Trump finds his media SATURATED with the sharks that he hates.
posted by The otter lady at 10:28 AM on April 10 [1 favorite]


Apparently they're also remaking/making a sequel to Deep Blue Sea, which is a perfect movie and thus a heinous crime.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:33 AM on April 10 [1 favorite]


He's this action-hero actor who was good in one movie, and has also appeared in a bunch of other movies.

This doesn't even make sense. There were two Crank movies.
posted by maxsparber at 11:09 AM on April 10 [6 favorites]


You made it through the second Crank movie? You have a stouter constitution than me.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 11:11 AM on April 10 [1 favorite]


You had me at Ruby Rose.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:25 AM on April 10 [1 favorite]


The premise of this and multiple other "extinct thing survived" movies is that a thing that we thought was extinct is not, and it is eating peoples, and thus we must make it extinct.

It's great fun and all and I will prolly watch the silly movie BUT. I have a quibble. In real life, wouldn't the not-extinct animal (megalodon in this case) IMMEDIATELY be placed on the Endangered Species list and thus be rendered legally un-botherable? Stath's dogged pursuit of said not-extinct megalodon would be hindered by a Sea Shepherd boat trying to block him at every step. Scientists would be freaking out and ordering research vessels to intervene. It would be nuts. Right????

(Yes, I'm the guy who ruins animal-based thriller movies with zoology facts. You're welcome.)
posted by caution live frogs at 11:46 AM on April 10 [10 favorites]


I've not read the book and I was going to make a joke about The Stath punching a shark from the inside and now I see that might actually happen I'm beyond excited.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:01 AM on April 10 [+] [!]


Outside of a shark, a dog is man's best friend.
Inside of a shark, it's too dark to play fetch with your dog.
posted by "mad dan" eccles at 12:54 PM on April 10 [6 favorites]


He's this action-hero actor who was good in one movie

You mean Spy, right?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:06 PM on April 10


You made it through the second Crank movie?

The director's commentary in the second Crank movie was worthwhile. They talked about some of the at that time groundbreaking techniques they used, such as using prosumer digital SLRs for tricky shots. They also used some colorful language to describe Bai Ling. As for Transporter, I'll watch almost anything with Statham, and almost anything featuring Shu Qi. Unfortunately the sum was not as great as the individual parts but I still enjoyed it.
posted by xigxag at 4:20 PM on April 10


Am I the only one who thought that they need to put up a bunch of curtains in that sea base right this minute?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 5:08 PM on April 10


Delighted that this film features Ólafur Darri Ólafsson, who plays Scott, Maria's bear of a boyfriend on Lady Dynamite.

Also, Ruby Rose's character is named Jaxx Herd.
posted by misterbee at 6:54 PM on April 10


How have I never heard of this book? It sounds terrible and I can't wait to read it
posted by nicodine at 8:26 PM on April 10 [3 favorites]


I'm in it for Rainn Wilson, and assume that he's playing Dwight Schrute who will subdue the shark with his Amish shark-punching technique. Amish shark-punching technique, you say? Since when do the Amish punch sharks, given that they tend to live in the interior of North America? Well, that's where they moved after they punched all the megalodons into oblivion... or so they thought.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:21 PM on April 10 [1 favorite]


I'm going to be grumpy: Chinese demand for shark fins is killing an awful lot of sharks, with many species now endangered. This movie (which has Chinese funding, interestingly) won't exactly present a sympathetic view of sharks, which is what they need right now - they're not evil, thoughtless killing machines. This movie will probably help cause a few extinctions and a lot more cruelty.
posted by BinaryApe at 1:14 AM on April 11 [2 favorites]


After watching the trailer, all I want is a meglodon-sized ancient mermaid using the iguanamouth body horror mermaid creation: http://iguanamouth.tumblr.com/post/171706286537/did-you-know-red-snapper-can-live-for-over-50
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 7:55 AM on April 11


Random thoughts:

1. No Inception BWAAAM, but there was that subtle subwoofer drop at ~0:38 and 1:49 seconds that all these trailers love to use.
2. This had a very Lake Placid humor/thriller/giant monster feel overall.
3. Statham's a perfect slot-in to the Bruce Willis-sized hole in today's action movies. Quite the transformation from the scrawny London screw-up that gave him his start in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.
posted by Existential Dread at 8:50 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]


> Also, obligatory dancing Statham yt .

Holy shit! I don't want to see Statham punch the shark, I want to see him mesmerize the beast with his sweet dance moves. Maybe the sequel will be a song and dance film.
posted by homunculus at 11:29 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]


Some friends and I, on behalf of one among us named Meg, plan to steal a bus shelter poster of this here weirdness.
posted by goofyfoot at 11:33 PM on April 11 [1 favorite]


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