no longer possible to have friendly chat w/ NPCs while dragging a corpse
April 13, 2018 8:48 AM   Subscribe

The Strange Log: "Documenting the strange poetry of changelogs and patch notes. All tweets are unedited and selected verbatim."
posted by Eyebrows McGee (37 comments total) 30 users marked this as a favorite
 
I love The Strange Log. Especially when it makes me wonder "do they mean 'players' or 'characters'? as in, "Players can no longer shove their face through the fridge to eat food."
posted by The otter lady at 8:57 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]


I always assume every entry in this log is about Dwarf Fortress.
posted by Space Coyote at 9:09 AM on April 13 [10 favorites]


God I love this thing.

I get a yearning now and the to program a game that's really heavily systems-based and honestly half of the appeal is getting an excuse to write up some really weird patch notes.
posted by cortex at 9:14 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]


An errant mention of “Christmas” is now the proper “Crimbo”
I'm going to say that's West of Loathing.
posted by dannyboybell at 9:18 AM on April 13


Level select no longer mocks you

It is only the voices in my head, then?
posted by nubs at 9:19 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]


You can now perform surgery on guests.

Oh, hi, RimWorld!
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:23 AM on April 13 [3 favorites]


OMG - we should tell all games developers to subscribe, that's certain to make all release notes a bit more surreal
posted by DreamerFi at 9:24 AM on April 13


AskMefi: Stopped cats from dying of alcohol poisoning after walking over damp tavern floors and cleaning themselves
posted by not_the_water at 9:26 AM on April 13 [11 favorites]




"Screaming at tentacles is forbidden"

Well, there go my Friday night plans.
posted by praemunire at 9:39 AM on April 13 [11 favorites]


The most recent one from Slack is amazing.
We got so excited about your emoji we kept requesting them, particularly at the moment you switched channels. This caused all manner of slowness. We've since bottled our enthusiasm, and now request emoji exactly one (1) time.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:40 AM on April 13 [3 favorites]


I'm curious what percentage of this are from Dwarf Fortress and what the theoretical maximum limit of that might be.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:40 AM on April 13 [3 favorites]


Dwarf Fortress gets itself into trouble because Tarn wants to ultimately simulate and track almost everything in the game universe. In most games if a character is missing a tooth the game will just track that they're missing a tooth. In Dwarf Fortress it is known that the tooth once belonged to Urist who lost it on 2nd Obsidian when the kobold Prublakis threw a yakcheese wheel at his face. Urist knows he's missing a tooth, how it happened, and is sad that he lost a tooth. If Urist is a particularly notable dwarf other characters in the game universe will decorate objects with images Urist's battle with Prublakis where Urist lost his tooth. (These objects will, of course, menace with spikes of kea leather.) If the battle happened in the past there's a chance that Urist's missing tooth will be turned into jewelry.
posted by nathan_teske at 9:42 AM on April 13 [14 favorites]


Bigfoot can no longer be asked to go on Group Outing.


Bigfoot knows what Bigfoot did.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:45 AM on April 13 [31 favorites]


Petting a fully-happy animal no longer wraps happiness around to 0.


This patch has still not been applied to my cats.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:47 AM on April 13 [34 favorites]


Here's one I saw recently:
Alligator interiors are now no longer bouncy to prevent an issue that embedded players into the alligator-ceiling.
posted by inconstant at 10:02 AM on April 13 [7 favorites]


I used to sneak Strange Log items into actual release notes for the codebase I maintain at work.
posted by Merus at 10:13 AM on April 13 [5 favorites]


I love this! I've many times in my life spent time reading patch notes for games I've never even played. Don't know why, but good to know someone else out there appreciates the oddities of patch notes.
posted by GoblinHoney at 10:21 AM on April 13 [1 favorite]


A couple others from games I know of or have played:
Fixed Man-eating Plant eating doodads other than crates/barrels
made doors disappear if they're orphaned
The voice of the Lorn-Fluke will increase your terror.
And one that we all wish were more broadly true:
Made trolls more predictable and fair
posted by inconstant at 10:32 AM on April 13 [8 favorites]


"Dwarf Fortress gets itself into trouble because Tarn wants to ultimately simulate and track almost everything in the game universe. In most games if a character is missing a tooth the game will just track that they're missing a tooth. In Dwarf Fortress it is known that the tooth once belonged to Urist who lost it on 2nd Obsidian when the kobold Prublakis threw a yakcheese wheel at his face. Urist knows he's missing a tooth, how it happened, and is sad that he lost a tooth. If Urist is a particularly notable dwarf other characters in the game universe will decorate objects with images Urist's battle with Prublakis where Urist lost his tooth. (These objects will, of course, menace with spikes of kea leather.) If the battle happened in the past there's a chance that Urist's missing tooth will be turned into jewelry."

If Tarn is left to code forever (at his pace, probably a couple forevers), eventually he will have recreated a simulation of Dwarves so complex Dwarves in-game will procedurally start programming their own simulations of humans so deep they're indistinguishable from the natural universe. Maybe that's what our existence is already, would certainly explain some of the bugs we've been dealing with IRL.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:01 AM on April 13 [8 favorites]


I used to sneak Strange Log items into actual release notes for the codebase I maintain at work.

I'm just learning how to use a codebase, and I'm gonna have to work some of these into my notes.
posted by Gorgik at 11:04 AM on April 13


Handsome and lustful men now also populate the cabins in the wild for the pleasures of people who find them attractive

I admit to a certain curiosity.
posted by nubs at 11:06 AM on April 13 [7 favorites]


When targeting an enemy and using the roar, the enemy will be forced to poop. There will be a cooldown on both the Rex and people who have recently pooped, so you can't pooplock them with 10 Rexes.

somebody knows their users well.
posted by Dr. Twist at 11:25 AM on April 13 [13 favorites]


Who amongst us hasn’t been pooplocked on occasion?
posted by blue_beetle at 11:37 AM on April 13 [10 favorites]


Camels are no longer classified as ships.

In a WisCon Guest of Honor speech in 2009, Geoff Ryman argued that nearly all science fiction stories could, like Joanna Russ's short story about Whileaway, be titled "When It Changed". Some of the joy I get from these evocative commit messages is the joy of seeing not just one snapshot of an alien world, but imagining the bug's/features effects rippling throughout gameplay.

A character can no longer be slandered with bastardry rumors if they already a known bastard.

Added new fun activity: go for a walk.

And then some of these are just mimetic-type life tips, descriptively and prescriptively.
posted by brainwane at 11:44 AM on April 13 [8 favorites]


Drinking tea at home creates a new, slightly depressing memory

Okay, where are the cameras they've planted in my house?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:04 PM on April 13 [8 favorites]


A character can no longer be slandered with bastardry rumors if they already a known bastard.

Let me give you some advice, bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.
posted by Emily's Fist at 12:44 PM on April 13 [16 favorites]


Wizard casts magic using his Wizard Stick (sometimes it says Wizzle Stick instead, this is a bug)

One man's bug is another man's feature, I guess.
posted by The Bellman at 1:23 PM on April 13 [4 favorites]


If you manage to seduce your spouse it will no longer be considered a scandalous act of incest

Oh good.

Stopped cats from dying of alcohol poisoning after walking over damp tavern floors and cleaning themselves

... how much booze did it take to make a tavern floor "damp?"

Bears and Wolves can no longer mate.

What happens to the existing wolbear pups? Are they stuck with incestuous futures?
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 3:49 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]


It is now considerably harder to form Germany.

I...want to play this game.
posted by JohnFromGR at 3:51 PM on April 13 [6 favorites]


Yeah, I love The Strange Log, but it has this tendency to make me deeply want to play the game(s) being described, which frequently turn out to be much less interesting than the log makes them out to be.

(Isn’t this a dupe? I never find anything except through Metafilter and occasionally a podcast, and I’ve followed The Strange Log for a while.)
posted by Caduceus at 3:55 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]


It's been mentioned a couple times in comments over the years, but never posted, and I giggled until I cried so I thought it was FPP-worthy. :D
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:52 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]


fixed: you have no friends
posted by Archelaus at 10:23 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]


haven't we had this a few times before?
posted by Sebmojo at 10:35 PM on April 13


Ha. Yes we have.
posted by Sebmojo at 10:37 PM on April 13 [1 favorite]


> ... how much booze did it take to make a tavern floor "damp?"

Definitely dwarf fortress.
posted by lkc at 7:53 PM on April 14 [1 favorite]


I love the cats and alcohol bug, because there's so many pieces that need to be in place for that to happen, and the way it happened as a natural consequence of all those pieces interacting, without it ever being planned that way.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:20 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


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