"... the sad truth is most of the time we call her Nutface."

April 24, 2018 1:02 PM

The Evolution of Pet Names [single-link Bored Panda].
posted by chainsofreedom (117 comments total)

We have a cat named paper mill, mostly we call him pepis or vape rig
posted by Ferreous at 1:04 PM on April 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

We call our dog bug, but we often say we should introduce him to people as Dr. Irving Feinblum and tell people he is a gastroenterologist.
posted by maxsparber at 1:06 PM on April 24, 2018 [15 favorites]

“No. No! NO! ...Fine.”

She is a cat. Perhaps obviously.
posted by schadenfrau at 1:06 PM on April 24, 2018 [6 favorites]

Sometimes I also call her Glenn Close, because of the creepy staring.
posted by schadenfrau at 1:07 PM on April 24, 2018 [8 favorites]

This post was tagged in honor of Mom and Dad Freedom's dog Charlie . . . or as he is known in the Freedom household: Charles Barkley (get it?), Small Dog, Little Face, Chuckles McGee, Chuck, and Sir Sneezamus Boogeroni.
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:08 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

We have two cats. One is named Apollo. He is a big, mean, black cat who will hiss and swat at strangers, but also loves to cuddle. I usually call him Big Fuzz and, sometimes, Jerkules.

The other is named Reese's Pieces, on account of her markings (she is a calico), but usually she is called Reesie or, more frequently, CAT! GET DOWN FROM THERE. Very few people know that her full name is Reese's Pieces, Puddin' and Pie.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:09 PM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

My cat is Mister J. Also known as J the Great and Terrible (he is SO nonthreatening it isn't EVEN funny), Stinker, Stinkypants. Eventually Captain Henrich von Stinkypants. Also, "Thumbless Freak."
posted by Samizdata at 1:11 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

We had a cat called AC when I was a kid. It was short for AC/DC Back in Black, which my sister and I thought was a good name for a cat when we were toddlers. Yes, it was a black cat.
posted by Kris10_b at 1:13 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

I have a three colored cat that we found in Canada and my family wouldn't let me name her Poutine because they are terrible people.

The lady at the store where she was born called her Puce, because she was tiny, like a flea.

We named her Iris, after an optometry office in Maniwaki, Quebec. I call her Iris, but every single time I silently fume because her name should really be Poutine.
posted by bondcliff at 1:14 PM on April 24, 2018 [10 favorites]

Shelby Lynn came to us with that name from our local animal center and at 10 we felt it was unkind to try to change her name. Which I now realize was foolish because 80% of the time we call her Shelbers, Bellbers, Bellbers Dear, Lynn-dog or Misses Boofington.

We also call Dodger, Dodgeball, Snodgeball, MRBSP (Mr. Butterscotch Pony) and Dogger.

I'm not sure why we're like this but I'd glad other people have the same weird habits.
posted by Saminal at 1:14 PM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

Hannibal > Hanny > Hannybear > Hannyberms (also Sweet Bear, Sweet Boy, Sweet Baby, and Mr. Mouse)

Fergus > Ferdis > Ferdie (also STOP PUKING ON THAT YOU JACKASS! and GET OUT OF MY FUCKING COFFEE MUG ASSHOLE!)
posted by elsietheeel at 1:15 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Moxie Parker > Moxie Harriet Parker (full name said when she is being bad) >Pooper > Poopercat > Pooperina > Poops'n'Scoops > Lil Peez > Baby Peez > Baby Squeaks, etc.
posted by Kitteh at 1:17 PM on April 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

Also, if you follow me on Instagram or my personal Twitter, you have seen a bajillion pictures of our cat.
posted by Kitteh at 1:18 PM on April 24, 2018

My housemates two dogs have vigorously earned the nicknames Beavis and Butthead.

If you took them for a walk you'd understand. It's like trying to herd two drunken and mentally diminished sailors on shore leave for the first time in two years and they both have totally disgusting coprophagia fetishes.

Even with a waist leash and a big Y-leash with a handle more suited for a water skiing tow rope it's less of a walk and more like being dragged around from stinky thing to stinky thing by Cerberus with a ragingly acute case of ADHD, but with two heads and eight legs.

I've been having dreams about slightly smaller and much more clever and well behaved dogs that know how to heel or even stay.
posted by loquacious at 1:19 PM on April 24, 2018 [21 favorites]

Dr Buzzard -> Buzzard -> Buzz -> Fuzzybuzz -> Fuzzard -> Fuffer, and, inexplicably, Perkins.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:20 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our cats also have fun names.

Constance Hunter > Connie > Connie Bit > Bitty Girl > Bit Bit > BITTYBITTYBITTYBITTY ROCKIN EVERYWHERE

Aloysius Button > Al > Wicious > Buddy Guy > Buddy Cat

Al is a little too dignified to be addressed with butchered lyrics from The Booty Song.
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:22 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

In no particular order (except the official name is first)

Sunshine > Sunnygirl > Sundog > Sundaygirl > Sunshiner > Puppygirl > Sunner > Sunnershine > Doggiegirl

She understands them all, but I'm pretty sure she just listens to my tone of voice, now.
posted by Edgewise at 1:23 PM on April 24, 2018

Oh, and I didn't explain part of the progression. One of the dogs is Bursom -> B-boy / B-dawg -> Butthead.

As in when meeting other dogs, badly: "Sit. Don't be a Butthead."
posted by loquacious at 1:24 PM on April 24, 2018

I thought this was just my wife who did this. She will get annoyed when animals don't respond to one of their 8 nicknames that have no relationship to their original name.
posted by bongo_x at 1:24 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Alkemi Clear Air Turbulence > Alice >The Official Spokespuppy For Erectile Dysfunction
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:27 PM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

See cuz we sometimes called her Alice-ey Alice and it sounds like Ali Cialis...
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:28 PM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

Zachary became just Zach. But an old roommate bestowed two other nickname streams upon him:

Zachary > Zachary James Webster > Zachary James Webster Tailor III Jr. Snr. Junior. ("James Webster" was his own character name for a LARP campaign he was part of.)

Or:

Zachary > Psycho-Kitty > "Psycho Kitty, Qu'est-ce que c'est". (That last one was usually always sung.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:29 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

Sir Alfred Oudler --> Oudler --> Oodle --> Noodle

Squid --> Jackass stop that down I said DOWN
posted by little cow make small moo at 1:30 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Yoda > Oda > YoYo > Yogurt > Yodapants > Fuzzball

After some drinking one evening we decided his full name is Yoda Myroslav Rodriguez Rodriguez Kotsky.
posted by Kabanos at 1:30 PM on April 24, 2018

His AKC name is Meadowlake Truman Capote Parkway (meadowlake for the breeder, this was in his contract), street name Truman.

Things he is also called: Troom, Troomie, Truman Capote, Capotepants, Mr Parkway, Mr Business, Monkey, Stinky, Bubba, Booboo, Smooshees.

They get dumber and dumber depending on how tired I am and how much of my face he's sleeping on.
posted by phunniemee at 1:31 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Alfred/Noodle was almost named Highly Accurate Cat Simulation 5000, which is really more appropriate given how closely--but not quite convincingly--he behaves like an actual living animal.

Partner also once had a cat named Grandma Millimeter Muggins which is kind of an amazing name for a cat.
posted by little cow make small moo at 1:33 PM on April 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

Bellatrix > Bella > Belly > Bellybutton > smellybelly > tinkerbell > stinkerbell > trixiedoodle(doo)

I could go on...
posted by supermedusa at 1:37 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Our dog is Time (because "this thing all things devours"), a.k.a. "wibbly-wobbly Timey-Wimey."

Also "Stinkbutt Poopdog" because even though she is tiny, she contains a stink that could choke a city if it were ever to be fully unleashed.
posted by Scattercat at 1:37 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our small cat Harley (named for her big engine purr) carries the bulk of the nicknames in our household. She is Buttons, Bunny, Bug, Buggy, Tiny Buttons, Princess Puffypants, Stinker, and Stinkerbelle. But our big guy, Darth Noodles, is only ever just Noodles.
posted by merriment at 1:38 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

My cat:

Papapichu > Papa > Piche > Papapichu K. (short for Kittenen) McGuinty > Parparpiku > Parps > The Parps > Cutiss McGee

I love calling the vet because they struggle with her name every time. For the record it's Pa-pa-pee-shu.
posted by urbanlenny at 1:38 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Our small cat Harley (named for her big engine purr)

I forgot! We also call Connie "little rumblefish".
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:40 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

I once had a cat that eventually ended up being called "Mang", because that was the sound she made when she meowed.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:46 PM on April 24, 2018

Herbert > Berberp > berp > da love bug > thugbert > supa fupa > sausagebert
posted by supermedusa at 1:47 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

My former housemate's cat has GATITA on her tags, but no one calls her anything but Failcat, Failkitty, or just plain Cat. She is... not super good at being a cat, but we love her.
posted by nonasuch at 1:47 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

The smaller the dog, the longer the name. It is known.

Our Chihuahua has always been "Olive" in common use, but she collects middle names over time. Currently, she's Olivia Smallivia Sunbeam Snook Benson Pope.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:51 PM on April 24, 2018

Our cat is called Leonard or Lenny when she is being cute. Whenever someone meets her, they always think they know who we named he after and we always agree.

“Oh, after Leonardo DiVinci?” Yeah!
“Oh, after Leonard Bernstein?” Of Course!
“Oh, after Leonard Nimoy?” Sure!
“Oh, after Lenny Kravitz?” Yup!
“Oh, after Leni Riefenstahl?” Y- wait, what? Why would you think that?

“She’s was only female Leni I could think of.”
posted by Garm at 1:52 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

Our dog's official name: Denali > Ollie
What she gets called: Stinky > Stinker > Stinkerpants > Stupid > Dumbhead
posted by frogmanjack at 1:53 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our dog Houdini is also called Mr. Ridiculous, but never called Houdini Ridiculous, because that would be silly.
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:54 PM on April 24, 2018

I'm sorry, but who are you people that have evolving names for your pets but do not have online galleries of them to link to in the comments here? Flagging all of you as 'offensive'
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 1:57 PM on April 24, 2018 [14 favorites]

Huh. I feel boring now. We always just called our pets by their given names. Although the cats have personalised theme songs we sing for them.
posted by fimbulvetr at 1:58 PM on April 24, 2018 [6 favorites]

We have two cats, Poopy-butt and Meow-face.

Technically they're called Bridget (Bridge-cat, Brigadier cat, Birdie, Sweetieface, any song title, film or poem containing the word "bridge.) and Eamon. More than nicknames, we sing songs to them in which we substitute cat words. All the time. All the songs
posted by stillnocturnal at 1:58 PM on April 24, 2018

Our cat has a lovely real name but we have switched to titles. For a year or so she was Captain Cat, then the Very Reverend Doktor-Professor Cat, but she's been Dr. Cat, DDS, PhD for a while now and I think it's stuck.

I also call her Tiny Lion, Catface, Fierce Beast, Tiny Dragon and "who is my furry friend then".

Mostly I just ventriloquise her a lot, like, "Oooooh, who is my best little cat friend?" "Cats are no one's friends!!!!" or "Who is my kitty cat?" "I'm my OWN kitty cat!!!"
posted by Frowner at 2:00 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

For dogs, at least, their "name" is really just the command for "look at the human". Dogs also respond to the tone of your voice more than the actual word itself. So when you don't really need them to look at you either because you already have their attention or because you're just talking to them for fun OF COURSE they should have as many nicknames as you feel like.

Her proper name is Bailey Kimonosuke S***s (sorry, her last name is private) and "Bailey" is what she responds to in terms of commands.

But we call her and talk to her using every and any nickname we feel appropriate including but not limited to:
Bailey K Monster
BKM
BK
Bailey bear
Bailey dog
Princess
The tiniest puppy in the whole world (Note: She is NOT tiny)
Poop monster/Poop machine
Doggo
Little monster
Puppers
Dumb-dumb
Kiddo
Turtle's Helper (her middle name, translated from Japanese)
Pumpkin/Pupkin
America's favorite puppy
posted by VTX at 2:02 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Shakedown sometimes gets called Sugar Plum. Sometimes Monkey Pants. Sometimes Pumpkin Brain. Sometimes Shakelton (when face is covered in icicles). Sometimes Monkey Doodle. Sometimes Pretty Lady.
posted by dobbs at 2:04 PM on April 24, 2018

VASH THE STAMPEDE
SPIKE SPIEGEL

-- they are orange & white and they are brothers. We just call them Vash & Spike, mostly because they know their names and usually come when called, so why confuse them?

And also the old queen Mauney, though everyone knows her as Cat. Who also knows her name!
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:05 PM on April 24, 2018

Sir Sneezamus Boogeroni
Bitty Bit Bit
Vicious Wicious
posted by chainsofreedom at 2:10 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Becks and Lucifer have morphed into Fat One and Dumb One respectively. Occasionally grey one and brown one.
posted by Keith Talent at 2:13 PM on April 24, 2018

We call him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage.
posted by Molten Berle at 2:15 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our dog is Raisin.

When he won't get off the couch he's Lazin.
When he's hyper at night he's Craisin.
When he steals a shoe and eats it in front of us he's Brazen.
When he's super good he's Amazin.

Given that we're a lesbian two mom family, we sure have a lot of dad jokes.
posted by latkes at 2:15 PM on April 24, 2018 [30 favorites]

My cat's name is Monkey. So she is, of course, more often Monkers, Monkster, or Monkey-pants

My dog's name is Tadpole (because evidently I have a thing for rescue animals named after other animals). We haven't had him long, but he's already often Mr. Pole, or Sadpole when he's decided he's the saddest dog in the world for reasons no one will ever know because it's a day just like every other day as far as we can tell.
posted by flaterik at 2:20 PM on April 24, 2018

My current trio consists of Allan Armadale, Ozias Midwinter, and Lydia Gwilt* (after). This thread has made me realize that they don't have nicknames per se, although I do address them as Good Cat or Silly Cat or, on occasion, Cat Please Stop Being Helpful.

*--A name that has alarmed several Victorianists of my acquaintance ("I would be really worried if my cat was named Lydia Gwilt," one remarked).
posted by thomas j wise at 2:20 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

I had a cat named Boojum (yes, I had another one named Snark. How could you not?) who was various called Boojy, da Booj, and Boojumatic.

When I was a kid we had a cat called Stanley (gorgeous orange beast). Also, Stanislaus, Stanno, Stannimal, Stannic, and then, because this was nicely close to "Stannum" (Latin for "tin") and because my dad was a chemistry major, he became "The tin kitty".
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:22 PM on April 24, 2018

Dogs are Nigel and Henry. Or were, Nigel went to the dog park in the sky a couple weeks ago.

Nigel -> Nigel the Bigel -> Nigie-Bigie -> Nice -> Dog
Henry -> Henry the Benry -> Dog

Collectively: The Fuck-os/Doggie Mens/Dogs

We also have a kitty named Frida Pawlo. She doesn't have any specific nicknames but I wake up every morning to my fiancee telling her: "You are the most beeeeaaautiful girl!"
posted by sideshow at 2:24 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our cat Morrigan is often called Peach. At some point I started calling her Peachy Keen because she's such a happy cat, and that shortened to Peach. It feels a little silly for a black cat.

She has additional nicknames that make more sense: Morrie, Momo, Moey, Mo, Little One, Little Black, Black Bean, Beanie Baby, etc., etc.

Our other cat, Kali, came to us with the name Tabitha, which struck me as slightly ridiculous because she is a calico and not a tabby. I didn't, however, want to go with the standard "Callie" for a calico, because that's too trite--unfortunately, my spouse and stepson seemed unable to call her anything else. I capitulated if she could have a full name that would be nicknamed; we went with Kaleidoscope, because she had mixed-up colors and kaleidoscope eyes. We find that Kali (as in Hindu destroyer) isn't a bad name for this cat at all (and we used that parallel to name Morrigan, another dark goddess). She also has a long string of other names that derive backwards from Kali/Callie: Kali Belle, Calla-Lily, Callaloo, Kalanchoe, etc.
posted by dlugoczaj at 2:25 PM on April 24, 2018

Lucy > Lucifer > Lucyface > Ms. Lucyface > Ms. Face > Ms. Butt > Little Lucy Lu > Little Lucy Love > Little Lucy Love Butt. Also: Luce, Chicken, Pigeon, Lucy Underfoot.
posted by Elly Vortex at 2:26 PM on April 24, 2018

I thought everyone did this!

The Ruppies
Sammy -> Samminator -> Sam -> Sammy Pants -> Tammy -> TamTam -> The Time Travelling Assassin Chihuahua (long story, but suffice to say - buddy boy has teeth that he likes to remind you about)
Cookie (RIP) - She really kicked off the trend -> Cookie -> Cookster -> Wookie -> Wookster -> Cookie Monster -> Wookie Monster -> Wookie Jesus

The "Bluppies"
Pippy -> Pip pip -> Whippy -> Whipster -> Piggy Bear
Hugo -> Huge Money -> Gorilla Butt -> Monkey Butt -> Monkey

The "Weirdo"
Betty Boop -> Betty -> Betty Spaghetti -> Spaghetti -> Bettina -> Bets

The Cats
Isis -> Icy Queen -> Icy -> Cheesy -> Cheesewhiz
Osiris (no photos because he hides) -> Oswald -> Ozzy -> Bandit (he's racoon masked)
posted by drewbage1847 at 2:28 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

sometimes I call Bellatrix and Herbert "French Fry and Baked Potato" (you have to sing it) because Herbert is...big boned...
posted by supermedusa at 2:33 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

When my old dog died, I wrote something about her listing the things we called her. (Required pic at the link.)
posted by LizardBreath at 2:42 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

We had a cat called Clotilde, which turned to Til, which turned to Mo because I was always saying stuff like "Stop clawing the couch, you Miserable Object."

Our two now are Yojimbo and Sanjuro, although they're usually Jimmy and Sandy, aka the Twins or the Brats, and Jimmy is frequently just addressed as "Jerkface."
posted by holborne at 2:50 PM on April 24, 2018

My Chihuahua/Shi-tzu is Abbey to Abigail to Abigail Adams to Snifferdoodle.
posted by BeeDo at 2:53 PM on April 24, 2018

My cat's names are:

Thingbot > Thingboat > Boaty-butt > Bad bad boaty butt > Buttface > Thingbot, boaty butt > Boot butt beat bat > Incoherent babbling
posted by fnerg at 2:55 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

People should be more experimental with pet names. Like, you could name your cat, Angry, or Loneliness, or Pass the Ketchup, or just like, a crunching sound. The sky is the limit with pet names! Why do we restrict ourselves?
posted by latkes at 2:56 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Mildred Butterclaws* > Mili > Mills > Lil' Meek Mill** > Mil

*she was a senior rescue so I wanted do dignified old lady first name + silly last name
**I have the same birthday as Meek (& he's free as of today)
posted by mcmile at 3:02 PM on April 24, 2018

Cat, catcat, catdog, catbird, puss, pusspuss, busbus, smoosh, smooshface, dogcat, doggo.

She is a cat, most days.
posted by drunkonthemoon at 3:04 PM on April 24, 2018

Who am I to refrain from discussing our Buster Kitten, aka Busterboy, Busterman, Buster Brown (he isn't), El Boostero, Cutie Pants, and of course Dorkelton P. Simmons.
posted by Occula at 3:05 PM on April 24, 2018

When I saw the post, at first I thought it was going to be about people's pet names for their kids. Which, I have a bunch of those. Not as many for our cats: my daughters promptly named them Anna and Elsa the moment they were adopted (they are both neutered male cats; Elsa's shelter name was Sir Elton John, which I find amusing) and those names have stuck pretty well. Except that I mostly call them various cuss words because they are lousy cats.

My younger daughter is named Elizabeth, which became Lizabeth > Lizaberry > Chuckleberry. She prefers Betsy to Elizabeth, though, so I also call her Bets, Betso, Betsy-bear, and Little Bear. I like Chuckleberry and Little Bear the best, and I especially like that I'm the only one who gets to use those names for her. Being a dad has some nice perks.
posted by nickmark at 3:11 PM on April 24, 2018

Kenda -> Bean (no idea why or how) - > Dancing Queen (usually with partial Abba singalong)

Maeby -> Maybelline (she wears a lot of eyeliner)
posted by workerant at 3:28 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

My cats have different names depending on who is talking to them.

Marshmallow, Marsh, Mush, Mushroom, Moonshine (by mistake, that's a previous cat)

Apollo, Apollo-wollo, Wollo, Pollo, Fat Boy

Tom, Thomas, Tommy, Little Buddy, Short Round
posted by Miss Cellania at 3:38 PM on April 24, 2018

Years ago, I saw a book of "dogs and their women" - women who owned one or more dogs photographed with the dog(s) on one page, and on the facing page, some text written by the woman. My very favorite was just a page full of variations on the dog's name showing how it had evolved over the years, like a weird game of telephone.

When I was an electrician, I got to see people and their pets in their natural habitats. One couple explained their dog was named Beckett, after the playwright. Later in the day, they explained that, actually, when no one was around, they called him MUFFINHEAD.
posted by rmd1023 at 3:55 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

I do this with my kids and my spouse.

Cordelia -> Delia -> Deya -> Didi.

Jenny Beth -> Benny & the Jeth -> Bene Jeserith

There are also many alternate simultaneous name derivations, like "Jeb" and "Bay".
posted by leotrotsky at 3:56 PM on April 24, 2018

Stinky Number 4 (one of 4 stinky kittens) -> Sha (name given when I adopted her and that I put on forms) -> Stinky Puss -> Stinks -> Stinky Schtigliz (after watching Inglorious Basterds) -> Stinkins.

She doesn't stink. She didn't really stink as a kitten. Name just stuck. Stinks.
posted by snwod at 4:10 PM on April 24, 2018

My childhood cat was adopted by my parents from their backyard in Brooklyn. They asked a local small child if he was a real stray or someone’s pet, and were assured that “He’s not a pet, that’s Handsome Freddy.”

That got lengthened into Fred Frederick Froderick J. Catenstein [lastname]. Later in life he developed a habit of sitting in a Del Monte peaches box, and we called him the Count Del Monte, known as Peaches to his friends on the Riviera. Then we named a boat Peaches after him.
posted by LizardBreath at 4:16 PM on April 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

I have friends who adopted littermate kitties and named them Duran and Duran. Best cat names ever.
posted by Cocodrillo at 4:35 PM on April 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

In college a friend named his two goldfish Zeus and Jesús.
posted by nickmark at 4:44 PM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

Fuzzy Jerk #1 (the cat, Lyra)
Fuzzy Jerk #2 (the dog, Nora)
Fuzzy Jerk #3 (the rabbit, Stella)

the cat is also sometimes "you suck" or "go outside and never come back" (she is actually a very nice cat, we are just not really cat people)
the dog is sometimes "dog of very little brain"
we don't really have another name for the rabbit, but a local toddler calls her "the pretty biter"
posted by rabbitrabbit at 4:45 PM on April 24, 2018

Caecilius through several obscure steps became Camel Anus, or mostly just The Anus. He and his sister are collectively The Anuses.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 4:47 PM on April 24, 2018

Oh! When I was in college one of my roommates had a big fish tank with two large fish in it, one black fish and one white fish, and when he moved in we asked him what their names were and he said he never gave them names (WHO DOES THAT) so my other roommate christened them Sick and Dead (why yes she was a goth how did you know).

Sick got sick and Dead died.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 4:53 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our dog was named Peppi by my stepfather, after his childhood pet. She also gets called Pepita, Peppers, Puppers, Funny Face, just to name a few.

Childhood cat was Princess Katherine of the North, Protector of the Realm, Guardian of the Faith, and Keeper of the Royal Seal. She was, of course, mostly called Princey.

Between Peppi and Princess was Joey, whose full name was Joseph Meatloaf Buttafucco. Joey was a girl. She liked spaghetti.
posted by misslucyjane at 4:53 PM on April 24, 2018

I'm feeding a couple of feral cats, whom I have named Spot and Zhuchka ("Little Bug").
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:55 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have two black cats with yellow eyes. They are littermates, one sleek and one fluffy. They are 17 now, so their names have had many iterations.

Cat 1:
Shekel > Shekelina > Skinny Tina > Tina Maria > Tina Maria Belinda Louisa Veronica Wilhelmina Bernardina
Also at times has been known as Orphelina, Tina Coffee Bean-a, Skinny Maria, Beautifulina, Skinny Katrina, Anxietina, Vocabulina, Pretty Belinda, Pretty Marie, Skinny Maria Dink -a- Dink

Cat 2:
Jonah > Jonas > Jonas MacGillicutty Haystack Calhoun
Also known as Fluffer, Lover, Flufferlover, Fluffernutter

They are my Very Good Friends.
posted by fancyoats at 4:58 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Spork doesn’t need a nickname, because her name is already wonderful. (When she was a tiny stray, the vets couldn’t decide if she was a boy or a girl, so she became Spork, because we didn’t know if she was a spoon or a fork.)

Peanut is just Peanut, because if you dared to call her anything else, she’d scratch your eyes out.

Henri > Flufffy Butt > PANTALOOOOONS!

Fast Eddie > Eddie > CuddleBunny > JesusWouldYouShutUp!

Niblet > Nibby > Nibs > Nibster > Teeny Tiny Kitty (she’s literally half the size of her litter mate, Eddie.)

Frankie Blue Eyes > Frankie > Fatt Butt

Sergei > Dammit Sergei Stop Picking on Him!

And my daughter had a cat named Bailey, who became Buddha, and then he came to live with me, at which point it went Bailey > Buddha > Buddha Boy > Bill Bailey > Big Bad Bill > Bailey 3000, and, at Christmas time, Good King Wenceslas.
posted by MexicanYenta at 5:22 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

I lost my best friend of 17 years, Squish, two weeks ago. I was with him from the day he was born. I immediately started calling him Hamburger. A few days later, Taco. Another week on, I started calling him Squish, and that's the one that stuck, and become the most consistent.

He was also known to the world as Squishy, Squishtato, Squish-a-wish, Squishy Fish, Fish Biscuit, Biscuity Fish, Squishtopher, Squiddy, Snooch, Squishalumpf, , Hamburger Helper, Monster and Squishward H. Brown. Among others.

Most of his names have songs associated with them, sung sweetly and often to a very annoyed little cat. I miss my Squishy Monster.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 5:34 PM on April 24, 2018 [9 favorites]

How did this thread go 80+ comments without someone linking to XKCD?
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:58 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

Our cat Bowser->Fat Bowser->The Fat One->Fatty Fat Fat->Chubs->Chubby-Wubby->Chubbo->Chubbaroonie->Hey Skinny
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:02 PM on April 24, 2018

My first childhood cat was named Baby Jesus, which was too good to abbreviate. I am told that I am the one who named him (I was 5) because he came into our family around Christmas. My mother would call him from the back door: "Baby Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus! Baby Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus! Come home!" He died of wounds sustained in a rather vicious fight.
posted by pleasant_confusion at 6:18 PM on April 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

Winston->Winstonian->Winston-Salem Churchill J.->Stinkypupper->ScooperPooper->Blooglebort->Cuddlebug
posted by sara is disenchanted at 6:21 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

For the dog, it's Sasha -> Sashers -> Schnarfles -> Schnarflupagus -> Bear. Because she looks like a polar bear. (Bear seen here in her natural environment.)

For the kitty, named with the assistance of Ask Mefi, his full name is: The Right Honourable Basil Sebastian Edward Cattington, Esq. of the Boston Cattingtons aka Basil aka Baz aka Bazzie aka Basilton.

(Full photo album for Sasha and Basil here.)

Basil as in Basil Rathbone or the character from Picture of Dorian Gray, not like the herb.
posted by litera scripta manet at 6:42 PM on April 24, 2018

the aforementioned Official Spokespuppy recently (bonus sexy footwear). And pretty much the same roadkill pose when she was about a month old.

Alkemi Alpina > Morticia > Tish > Fish > Squish > Tishie > Fishie > Squishie > All Syrup Super Squishie > Tot > Totula > Totzilla > Hottentot > on this occasion Gomer Vallhund (vallhundius derpius)
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:45 PM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Harper -> Harpotato -> Potato pancake/Tater tot/Tato plant
posted by capricorn at 7:47 PM on April 24, 2018

The older of our two cats is named Coco. That's the name she had at the shelter but she's so glamorous we had to keep it. Her full name is "Coco Furrocious", because she is very furry. Of course Coco is short for Gabrielle. Some people hear her name and think it is Cocoa and are puzzled because she is white and gray and not brown. Sometimes she is "Coco Perspicacious" or "Coco Salacious" or pretty much anything that rhymes with that.

The younger of our cats is named Masha. It's short for Maple Syrup, which is also the name she had at the shelter. But that's too much name for such a little cat, and my love likes Russian things, so she is Masha. They found her mother pregnant behind a Waffle House (yes, we live in Atlanta), so her mother's name was Waffles and the whole litter had breakfast-themed names. We actually went to the shelter to see her brother Blueberry, but Masha picked us. Also she has a little M-shaped marking on her forehead.

Because bears and bunnies are cute, they can be "Coco-bear" or "Coco-bunny" and "Masha-bear" or "Masha-bunny" as well.

My father-in-law also had a cat up until a couple months ago. His name is Gus but he went by Turd. He was really sad when Turd died, and my mother-in-law is scheming to adopt Coco if she doesn't get along with our impending human baby. That human baby's just going to have to cope.
posted by madcaptenor at 7:55 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our cat is named Kevlar. Lately she has been Kev-Lars Ulrich of the cat band Catallica.
posted by slogger at 9:42 PM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

Hm, my enormous stuffed Koala named Koala is called Koala.

My boyfriend's name has evolved quite a bit more but I think he'd kill me if I made it public.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:41 PM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

My 8 year old Van cat (all white with tabby ears and a ridiculous short black tabby tail) came from the pound with the appellation Atticus, which lasted approx 5 minutes.

Soon renamed Baby Goat for his vertical takeoffs and landings with real gamboling action. Baby Goat evolved into Baby G and during the Olympics was known as Super G.

Also called Lakatnik (a Bulgarian trainstop) or Oh Leg! when sitting with one leg stretched waaaay out in front. Not to mention the assorted Babykins, The Baby, Tumkins, Cootness, etc.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:18 PM on April 24, 2018

Ooh, I forgot one! Sometimes I call her Das Poopëncattën.
posted by Kitteh at 3:14 AM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]

Bonus Cat > Bons Cat > Bon Cats > Bonge Catch > Bone Cate > Bonus C > Smidgeo > Smidgebeef > J.P. McSmidgeo > Corn Fed > Black and White Cheeto > Worst Cat

Dr. Wily > Bopter Wily > Wily Cyrus > Dr. Oily > Dot Wily > Dot > Cat Dot Net > SmallCat Labs > Bad Breath McJones > Caitlin > Caitlin McJones Wily, M.D. > Worst Cat
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:57 AM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]

Zoe -> zobot -> bot -> botroid -> (botroid Russell or (troid -> troidwich or troidbert))

Coco -> oodabooda -> ooda
posted by condour75 at 5:14 AM on April 25, 2018

I'm so glad everyone does this because we thought we were nuts.
posted by condour75 at 5:14 AM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

The current pair are Digit (who is polydactyl) and Norm (who got that name because his feet were normal, but the rest of him is anything but normal).

Norm: Norman (mostly), Normie, Nor-MONE, Fucknozzle (mainly by my wife), and Brown Furry Moochbag
Digit: Didgie, DiDi, Senor Dedos, Mr. Deedles, Deedles, Jabba The Cat, and Stealth Mooch.

Other than the feet, they are nearly identical brown tabbies, which makes it hard to tell them apart on quick glance, so they both often get called Mr. Cat until a more solid identification can be made.
posted by briank at 5:40 AM on April 25, 2018

My dog is named Mystery -- we call her Myst, Missy, Stinky, Stinkybottom, Stinkypooper, Poopers, Poopy, Poops, Poop Dumper, Dumpy, Poopy Doops and Truck (as in Dump Truck).
posted by OrangeDisk at 6:37 AM on April 25, 2018

> makes it hard to tell them apart on quick glance,

It took us a long time to discern the difference between Spike and Vash if they're not looking at us.

If you can see the face, it's easy, because Vash has a little slash of white under his left eye, like he got in a sword fight. Which goes along with his abnormal pupils. (They're not slits, they're kind of uneven diamond shapes. Vash also has a splotch of orange on his right haunch which is mostly white, while Spike's haunch is all orange, so that helps with discrimination if one sees one of the "creamsicle cats" from the right side.

Seeing them together, Spike's fur is ever so slightly more "orange" than Vash's. And Spike's fur is ever so slightly more silky than Vash's. Also Vash is heavier and more deliberate moving, while Spike is lithe and somewhat bouncy. Spike seems to treat being a cat as kind of a lark, while to Vash, being a cat is srs bzns.

OH I just remembered Spike does have one nickname, Tonka. For use when he starts fountaining the litter out of the box. I have never seen a more enthusiastic digger.

I am so delighted to read about all of your critters. Thank you.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:42 AM on April 25, 2018

Chloe > Chloebbers > Chloebear > Big Gilr > Chloe Chloe Choo Choo Train

Remy > Remmers > Remmery > Little Chef (because his name comes from Ratatouille the movie and he watches me cook)

Finley > Finners > Finneybutt > Finnbiscuits > Finnybicks > Finnypants > Finnypops

Emery > Emmers > Emmerdogs >Buddy Boy > Doggo McDoggo > Pupperman > Puppyboy. His "real" name is Lieutenant Colonel Emery Baxter Puppington, the Third.

And we have a garage cat* who is named Mr. Wiggles > Wigglebutts > Wiggle McGiggles > Wiggle Man

*he officially belongs to the neighbors across the street but he ended up in our garage a few winters ago and never went back. Mostly because my husband fed him and set up a cozy little house with a heating pad for him. They know he's there, they don't seem to care. He can't live inside because I'm super allergic to him for some reason. But he doesn't really want to live inside anyway; he comes in every night for about 10 minutes of scritches and then he's all "I'M OUTTA HERE!!"
posted by cooker girl at 6:43 AM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

Me, noticing that our two youngest cats had names starting with M: Hey, we should keep that streak going!

Me to me, several years later: Who came up with the terrible idea of naming all the cats M-names so that no one can keep them straight and they all come whenever we call any of them?

Murphy: Murph, Flurf, Flurp, Mark (my wife once accidentally called him Mark and it stuck)

Marceline: The Vampire Queen, Marcy, Moosie, Moose, Nubs (she had her tail amputated as a kitten in the shelter), Potato, Potate

Marshall: Marshall Mathers, Marsh, Moosh, NO (he is the worst one, and also the best)

Mika: Michael, Mikey, Meeks
posted by Rock Steady at 7:12 AM on April 25, 2018

We also had The Shabu Shabu National Cat, or Shabu for short. She also went by Shabs and ShabNat. Unfortunately the name was much better than the cat itself, but she has since moved on.
posted by slogger at 7:49 AM on April 25, 2018

Fang: Fangaroo, Fanger Doodle Doo, Victor Von Fangenstein, Fangtonio Banderas, That's Not A Sandbox
Jupiter: Joop, Joopadoo, Joopiter Poopiter, The Gas Giant
Dusty: Dustina, Dusty Doodle (or just Doodle), the Dustinator, Dustbuster
posted by davelog at 8:01 AM on April 25, 2018

Dog: Emily (but spelled MLE)>Emerson>Dogalot>M
Cats:
Spot (RIP): Spotticus, Spotticus Catticus, Booger, Buddy, Buddy-cat (default name for any cat)
KD (RIP): KD-cat, Little Miss, Littlest Miss
Buster (RIP): Buster, Buddy
Rodeo: Fuzzybutt, Captain Fuzzybutt, GET DOWN!, "your cat"
Rocket: Rocket-kitty, Little Man, Rocketa-Pocketa
posted by dbmcd at 8:11 AM on April 25, 2018

I call Sylwester the Sylwestron 3000 if he's giving me that uncanny look or Mr Horrible if he's just all slobbery. Tom is Mr Fartypants these days, but he was Mr Rotten in his youth, when he would bite like a tiger.
posted by pracowity at 9:03 AM on April 25, 2018

Nefer gets lengthened to Neferkitty or Neferwefer, also known as Lady and Miss Daintypaws.

Sora becomes Sorabora, also Senor Poopypaws after an incident when he was a kitten.

The cats we had when I was growing up were Dakota and Vermont, which ended up as Deacon and Varmint, which sounds like a great buddy western.
posted by telophase at 9:28 AM on April 25, 2018

Our cat is "Old Man Chickenbone" (He's named after our internal nickname for the elderly man who lives down the street who tried to feed our dog a cooked chicken drumstick with bone inside) -- however, our cat learned to meow late in life, when he was young the only sounds he could make were chirpy little "mip" noises, so we pretty much just call him "Mip-mip"^†.

Our dogs have always been called by their first names; Oliver's full name is something along the lines of Admiral Oliver T Puddington, although the honorary at the beginning changes depending on mood (admiral/senator/president/prime minister/etc.) The middle initial "T", of course, stands for "Trouble".

^† funny vet story about his full name: Old Man Chickenbone had giardia when we got him, and we had an older cat at that time. Took Old Man Chickenbone to the vet, got him cleaned right up. A few months later, the older cat starts to have poop issues, so my wife calls in, describes to the vet assistant that the older cat was having bad poops like the new cat was, and makes an appointment for older cat. When she arrives at the appointment, the vet is amused and relieved because the vet could not figure out what the vet assistant had typed in the comment section of the vet appointment: "bowel movements look like old man chickenbones".
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:44 AM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our dog's name is Foxy Brown. When he's being particularly vocal he's Honksy Bark. When he puts on a little extra weight he's Chubsy Bulk. I also just call him Booger like half the time.
posted by zeusianfog at 9:53 AM on April 25, 2018

My cat's actual name is Luna, but mostly I just call her Weirdo. Though I'm pretty sure SHE thinks her name is Move, Cat!, because I say it to her 400 times each and every day.

From the time she was young I have sung her actual name to the tune of the Luna Carpet commercial so that every time it comes on she would think the TV was talking to her. But she's never given me the satisfaction of acting like she noticed. Very disappointing.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:17 AM on April 25, 2018

So many cat names. So many. (So many cats, really.)

Flops: Froops, Froopynoopers, giant disgusting bug, skeleton in a cat suit, cake (half-cat-half-snake 'cause he's crazy long and skinny), alien baby, creepy baby, good lich.

Pete: Petey Pie, Peterson pie-man, Pete R. Pie, Petey Petey piss-the-floor (he ... thinks outside the box sometimes), Prince Paininmyass I of Orange and Batshitsberg, Fattyman, Fatterson Catterson.

Godfrey: Globfrey, Blobfrey, Blobbers, Blobberoo, fucko, trash garbage cat, garbage beast, Garbaggio, garbaroo, garbito, garbanzo bean, Greta Garbage (he's really loud and foulmouthed, okay? Also he once ran away and turned up four months later in Baltimore so I can call him any rude names I want.)
posted by speedlime at 10:23 AM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our cat is Porchy, also Sir Porchester of Orange (Esq.), also Itty Bitty Kitty Committee because he is a runt.
posted by emjaybee at 6:01 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

Most of my pet names for our cats are more like descriptors:

Sebastian --> Little Sebastian; my little guy

Camino --> my mournful soldier-poet; my sultry plush beauty
posted by The Outsider at 2:56 PM on April 26, 2018 [1 favorite]

The first cat in my life was Boopsie, an orange tiger, who was gone before I turned 3.

My only memory of him or her is sitting on the back steps and getting tagged with a light touch of claws out for crossing a line.

I never thought of this until after joining here when I had a Well Du-u-uh moment and realized it was probably my name for him or her.

My long term cats all came with names -- Gabby nee Gabe from Eric Pence in 1969, Nevada, from Twice Sold Tales in 2000, and Grace, who came to me in 2010 from my "Your mom's a Goth !" bestie, who I have known for half her life.

Grace was the sweetest cat with whom I have lived. She died in my arms three years ago and I am still bereft.

Friend request me on Facebook if you can't see the picture. I can always use more friends there, here and irl. But who can't ?
posted by y2karl at 6:03 AM on May 3, 2018

Camino --> my mournful soldier-poet; my sultry plush beauty

I have stepped up my cat-nickname game after reading this.
posted by Frowner at 7:02 AM on May 3, 2018

Our cat is Loaf but mostly we call him He (as in “What is this he? does this he crave the paste?”) or Mr. Goodboy, Yell Man, Our Boy Is An Awesome Boy (sung to the tune) — also Teeny Man, Our Precious Underachieving Child, and, when he indicates displeasure by urinating where she shoudlnt, Piss Man Idiot or Mr. Peebody.
posted by nixon's meatloaf at 10:39 AM on May 5, 2018

however, our cat learned to meow late in life, when he was young the only sounds he could make were chirpy little "mip" noises, so we pretty much just call him "Mip-mip"

Ha ha, we call our girl cat "Mert" for the same reason sometimes. She can meow, but she generally just runs up to you and goes, you guessed it, "Mert!"
posted by holborne at 9:46 AM on May 8, 2018 [1 favorite]