My abortion wasn’t like Ben Folds said it would be
April 25, 2018 12:53 PM Subscribe
"Abortion does feel sad for some women, and that’s OK. But 'Brick' isn’t about the experience of some women, or even one woman. Pay no attention to the piano gimmick and all that remains of “Brick” is a man imagining a woman drowning both herself and those around her with the weightiness of her #FemaleProblems ..."
"... Ultimately, 'Brick' is a song about how abortion made Ben Folds feel about Ben Folds, which, if for some reason you need to know, is 'numb' and 'alone,' despite his girlfriend being the one actually having the experience.
My adult self wonders how Ben’s girlfriend would have painted her story differently. Would she really think to include the detail of her boyfriend selling back his Christmas gifts on the same day as her abortion? Would she tell us what she ate afterward? (I ate a cheesesteak and I want to know.) Which TV shows would she recommend binge-watching to ignore all the bleeding? If she imagined herself a brick, would she instead be the kind thrown up against a windowpane?"
I don't think the song intends to be about anything more than the guy's feelings and his experiences. It's explicitly told from the guy's point of view - written and sung by a guy. I honestly don't think it's trying to universally define abortion for everyone.
posted by spudsilo at 1:10 PM on April 25, 2018 [53 favorites]
posted by spudsilo at 1:10 PM on April 25, 2018 [53 favorites]
It was used by an educational institution (the author's school) to define abortion. And, in perhaps an act of metatextual sleight-of-hand, despite its title this piece isn't really about the guy.
posted by inconstant at 1:18 PM on April 25, 2018 [29 favorites]
posted by inconstant at 1:18 PM on April 25, 2018 [29 favorites]
Me too, gilrain.
"And though she looks so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her when she smiles."
Oh, so you only like her when she's putting on a dishonest happy face? Cool cool.
posted by Lexica at 1:22 PM on April 25, 2018 [39 favorites]
"And though she looks so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her when she smiles."
Oh, so you only like her when she's putting on a dishonest happy face? Cool cool.
posted by Lexica at 1:22 PM on April 25, 2018 [39 favorites]
I've always hated this song for its blatant sentimentality in the Kundera vein: “We cry one tear for the children playing on the grass, and then we cry another tear for our ability to cry at the children playing on the grass!” The whole song is the dude doing the second thing, with the added grossness that he's congratulating himself for imagining his sympathy with her imagined pain.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 1:27 PM on April 25, 2018 [18 favorites]
posted by Kitty Stardust at 1:27 PM on April 25, 2018 [18 favorites]
I don't think the song intends to be about anything more than the guy's feelings and his experiences. It's explicitly told from the guy's point of view - written and sung by a guy.
That stupid Ben Folds song has always enraged me, and if someone is crass enough to write a song about how abortion affects him and only him (she's a brick and I'm drowning slowly -- good god how much of a solipsistic asshole do you have to be to write that lyric, much less sing it with a straight face), people are going to rightfully going to slag him off for it no matter how hard he or anyone else protests that it doesn't mean what we all think it means. Boo fucking hoo.
posted by holborne at 1:28 PM on April 25, 2018 [57 favorites]
That stupid Ben Folds song has always enraged me, and if someone is crass enough to write a song about how abortion affects him and only him (she's a brick and I'm drowning slowly -- good god how much of a solipsistic asshole do you have to be to write that lyric, much less sing it with a straight face), people are going to rightfully going to slag him off for it no matter how hard he or anyone else protests that it doesn't mean what we all think it means. Boo fucking hoo.
posted by holborne at 1:28 PM on April 25, 2018 [57 favorites]
I loved this essay so much. Thank you, OP!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:31 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 1:31 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Even back in the day, this song struck me as an exhibition of indie-rock gaucherie above and beyond the call of duty. Not one of their better moments. OTOH, Dave Matthews would've made it worse.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:36 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 1:36 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
Did he ever get that t-shirt back, though?
posted by Space Coyote at 1:50 PM on April 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by Space Coyote at 1:50 PM on April 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
I don't know this song and do not particularly want to, but if you want, as a palate cleanser, to listen to a song about abortion from the woman's point of view, you could not do better than PJ Harvey's When Under Ether.
Something's inside me, unborn and unblessed/disappears in the ether, this world to the next. Human kindness.
posted by jokeefe at 1:52 PM on April 25, 2018 [13 favorites]
Something's inside me, unborn and unblessed/disappears in the ether, this world to the next. Human kindness.
posted by jokeefe at 1:52 PM on April 25, 2018 [13 favorites]
Perhaps I've totally got it wrong... I always interpreted the lyric about the girl being a brick, as meaning that she was solid and firm - an emotional rock, and had total control over herself and the situation; situation was challenging, but she was stoic. She didn't share her feelings, whatever they were, with him.
He, on the other hand, was a total mess, and was floundering around emotionally.
She's wasn't "drowning" him, and pulling him down - it was the opposite situation, from my reading. Him recognizing his uselessness in the face of a situation that he helped to create, and admiring her handling of the situation.
posted by NorthernAutumn at 1:54 PM on April 25, 2018 [10 favorites]
He, on the other hand, was a total mess, and was floundering around emotionally.
She's wasn't "drowning" him, and pulling him down - it was the opposite situation, from my reading. Him recognizing his uselessness in the face of a situation that he helped to create, and admiring her handling of the situation.
posted by NorthernAutumn at 1:54 PM on April 25, 2018 [10 favorites]
Me too NorthernAutumn. I always heard it as respectful awe of her ability to make decisions and move forward in contrast to his uselessness. But, I tend to see the best in people and take a charitable interpretation of their intent - sometimes to a fault.
posted by meinvt at 1:57 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by meinvt at 1:57 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
She's wasn't "drowning" him, and pulling him down - it was the opposite situation, from my reading.
That may be but it's still a terrible songwriting because when someone hears 'brick' they don't think of something that's floating or even something that is strong and sitting next to the sea but rather something that's sinking and perhaps dragging someone else down. "Life preserver" would be more an apt metaphor. Or maybe a jetty.
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:00 PM on April 25, 2018 [14 favorites]
That may be but it's still a terrible songwriting because when someone hears 'brick' they don't think of something that's floating or even something that is strong and sitting next to the sea but rather something that's sinking and perhaps dragging someone else down. "Life preserver" would be more an apt metaphor. Or maybe a jetty.
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:00 PM on April 25, 2018 [14 favorites]
I don't think the song intends to be about anything more than the guy's feelings and his experiences. It's explicitly told from the guy's point of view - written and sung by a guy. I honestly don't think it's trying to universally define abortion for everyone.
I mean, I think if there had been like 25 pop hit songs about women's experiences with abortion, this song would stick out less. But as it is, I believe this is the only really popular song there's ever been about the experience of getting an abortion, so it's going to hold that position of being "the song about abortion" to a certain extent. So it sucks that it's from a (whiny, self-absorbed) male perspective.
And it's not Ben Fold's fault that his song is the only really popular song about abortion, but it is his fault that he made it all about himself and doesn't seem really concerned with the girlfriend's interior life beyond how it gives him a hook for his song (and I say that as someone who likes a lot of the other stuff he's done and thinks he seems like a decent dude).
That said, this essay is about more than the song "Brick" and I probably should not have framed this post as being just about the song. I just thought what she wrote about the song was so well-put, and she did such a good job of expressing the things that have vaguely irritated me about this song for so long.
posted by lunasol at 2:02 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
I mean, I think if there had been like 25 pop hit songs about women's experiences with abortion, this song would stick out less. But as it is, I believe this is the only really popular song there's ever been about the experience of getting an abortion, so it's going to hold that position of being "the song about abortion" to a certain extent. So it sucks that it's from a (whiny, self-absorbed) male perspective.
And it's not Ben Fold's fault that his song is the only really popular song about abortion, but it is his fault that he made it all about himself and doesn't seem really concerned with the girlfriend's interior life beyond how it gives him a hook for his song (and I say that as someone who likes a lot of the other stuff he's done and thinks he seems like a decent dude).
That said, this essay is about more than the song "Brick" and I probably should not have framed this post as being just about the song. I just thought what she wrote about the song was so well-put, and she did such a good job of expressing the things that have vaguely irritated me about this song for so long.
posted by lunasol at 2:02 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
I want to believe this, but "rock" would have conveyed that so much more clearly. Brick and drowning really evokes the old mafia cinderblock.
posted by CaseyB at 2:05 PM on April 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by CaseyB at 2:05 PM on April 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
I think the essay really deals with the divide between what women experience and what men imagine women experience, especially when that male imagination is aestheticizing a woman's pain.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 2:06 PM on April 25, 2018 [42 favorites]
posted by Kitty Stardust at 2:06 PM on April 25, 2018 [42 favorites]
And it's not Ben Fold's fault that his song is the only really popular song about abortion, but it is his fault that he made it all about himself and doesn't seem really concerned with the girlfriend's interior life beyond how it gives him a hook for his song (and I say that as someone who likes a lot of the other stuff he's done and thinks he seems like a decent dude).
I also think that it's worth noting that Folds produced, played on and appeared in the video to Amanda Palmer's Oasis, which tells a female centred, non-melodramatic story about abortion that actually seems like something of a rejoinder to Folds's own song. So he might have realised the problems with his song a long time ago.
posted by howfar at 2:11 PM on April 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
I also think that it's worth noting that Folds produced, played on and appeared in the video to Amanda Palmer's Oasis, which tells a female centred, non-melodramatic story about abortion that actually seems like something of a rejoinder to Folds's own song. So he might have realised the problems with his song a long time ago.
posted by howfar at 2:11 PM on April 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
I mean he's literally clutching a bunch of flowers and trembling with mock self-righteous intensity in the video. I think he probably understands that Brick is kinda fucked up.
posted by howfar at 2:14 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by howfar at 2:14 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
FWIW Ben Folds did explain what it was about.
"People ask me what this song's about... I was asked about it a lot, and I didn't really wanna make a big hairy deal out of it, because I just wanted the song to speak for itself. But the song is about when I was in high school, me and my girlfriend had to get an abortion, and it was a very sad thing. And, I didn't really want to write this song from any kind of political standpoint, or make a statement. I just wanted to reflect what it feels like. So, anyone who's gone through that before, then you'll know what the song's about."posted by saysthis at 2:14 PM on April 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
Folds has also said that neither teen wanted their parents to know, so Ben ended up taking most of the presents he received that Christmas and selling them at a pawn shop so he and his girlfriend could afford the abortion.
it is his fault that he made it all about himself and doesn't seem really concerned with the girlfriend's interior life
I can't think of a universe where a guy writing about how a woman feels getting an abortion would go over well.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:19 PM on April 25, 2018 [24 favorites]
I can't think of a universe where a guy writing about how a woman feels getting an abortion would go over well.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:19 PM on April 25, 2018 [24 favorites]
Oh thank god. I really hate this song and am glad to find out after all these years that I'm not alone.
"I just wanted to reflect what it feels like. So, anyone who's gone through that before, then you'll know what the song's about."
Well, what it felt like to him. And sure, I'm sure it was sad. But I really hate the way he characterizes her as something dragging him down, as if she became such a bummer when she got pregnant and sad. A total bummer and now everyone is alone. Why can't women stay fun and not get sad? She's a brick, and somehow none of this is any of my doing. She's just doing it to me.
posted by Miko at 2:21 PM on April 25, 2018 [25 favorites]
"I just wanted to reflect what it feels like. So, anyone who's gone through that before, then you'll know what the song's about."
Well, what it felt like to him. And sure, I'm sure it was sad. But I really hate the way he characterizes her as something dragging him down, as if she became such a bummer when she got pregnant and sad. A total bummer and now everyone is alone. Why can't women stay fun and not get sad? She's a brick, and somehow none of this is any of my doing. She's just doing it to me.
posted by Miko at 2:21 PM on April 25, 2018 [25 favorites]
Everyone is entitled to like or dislike "Brick" or any other work of art. But a critique telling an artist it is his or her "fault" that he or she made it all about him or herself and didn't reflect the experience of others is a fundamental misunderstanding of art and artists and human creativity. No artist has a responsibility to make his or her works of art about anything other than what he or she needs or wants to say.
posted by PhineasGage at 2:33 PM on April 25, 2018 [40 favorites]
posted by PhineasGage at 2:33 PM on April 25, 2018 [40 favorites]
Upon reading the article, this -
When my Northern California Catholic school needed a hip way to talk to freshmen about the consequences of abortion, they played us “Brick” by Ben Folds Five. It was 2002
Whatever you or I might think the song means, this whole argument is tainted by the fact that a Catholic school, a school, where educators have a sacred duty to teach children the objective truth, a place where parents put their children to come out functional, healthy adults, misappropriated a pop song to push radically misogynistic viewpoint on a captive audience of teenagers.
Ben Folds Five was used as a brainwashing tool. Those fucking assholes.
Not all abortions are tragic — sometimes, like periods and the other ways we bleed, they’re just a thing that happens. is the article byline. Yes. This. This this this this this this.
It's 2018 and we can all make and stream whole abortion playlists now, which is how a responsible educational institution would use songs as teaching tools thank you.
/wanders off to find another cloud to yell at
posted by saysthis at 2:34 PM on April 25, 2018 [30 favorites]
When my Northern California Catholic school needed a hip way to talk to freshmen about the consequences of abortion, they played us “Brick” by Ben Folds Five. It was 2002
Whatever you or I might think the song means, this whole argument is tainted by the fact that a Catholic school, a school, where educators have a sacred duty to teach children the objective truth, a place where parents put their children to come out functional, healthy adults, misappropriated a pop song to push radically misogynistic viewpoint on a captive audience of teenagers.
Ben Folds Five was used as a brainwashing tool. Those fucking assholes.
Not all abortions are tragic — sometimes, like periods and the other ways we bleed, they’re just a thing that happens. is the article byline. Yes. This. This this this this this this.
It's 2018 and we can all make and stream whole abortion playlists now, which is how a responsible educational institution would use songs as teaching tools thank you.
/wanders off to find another cloud to yell at
posted by saysthis at 2:34 PM on April 25, 2018 [30 favorites]
The most complete statement of authorial intent re: Brick that I know of is a ~2005 iTunes Originals commentary. In it, he talks about the narrative power of writing a song from the first-person "I", and how he tried many different times to capture the way these specific events in his life felt, to him, as a teenager, before getting to the song that became Brick. He doesn't claim to speak for his girlfriend, but notes that the reality was even worse -- including for his girlfriend, who was suicidal -- than what's in the song. As others in the thread have noted, Folds has also explicitly said -- repeatedly -- he wasn't trying to speak broadly or as a political act, but as autobiography. For whatever the faults are with that approach, he has owned it.
Also, oddly, Folds only wrote the verses. The "she's a brick" chorus came from the band's then-drummer, Darren Jessee (who's also responsible for the lyrics to Song For The Dumped -- a song for which my feelings have dimmed with each passing year after turning , oh, 13). But Folds liked it, and in it went. I'm not aware of him ever putting a direct gloss on what it means, only saying "it's just abstract enough" (another iTunes commentary) to make the song work.
To this day, I still can't fathom how the song became a radio hit.
posted by theoddball at 2:39 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
Also, oddly, Folds only wrote the verses. The "she's a brick" chorus came from the band's then-drummer, Darren Jessee (who's also responsible for the lyrics to Song For The Dumped -- a song for which my feelings have dimmed with each passing year after turning , oh, 13). But Folds liked it, and in it went. I'm not aware of him ever putting a direct gloss on what it means, only saying "it's just abstract enough" (another iTunes commentary) to make the song work.
To this day, I still can't fathom how the song became a radio hit.
posted by theoddball at 2:39 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
When my Northern California Catholic school needed a hip way to talk to freshmen about the consequences of abortion, they played us “Brick” by Ben Folds Five. It was 2002
My high school youth group used "Father Figure" by George Michael as a religious tool, which, in retrospect, is hilarious.
posted by drezdn at 2:41 PM on April 25, 2018 [43 favorites]
My high school youth group used "Father Figure" by George Michael as a religious tool, which, in retrospect, is hilarious.
posted by drezdn at 2:41 PM on April 25, 2018 [43 favorites]
No artist has a responsibility to make his or her works of art about anything other than what he or she needs or wants to say.
Straw man (and pretty condescending). We, as the audience, are perfectly free not only to like or dislike a work of art, but also to state whether we think the art is insensitive or destructive, as people are doing here. That's not the same as saying the artist has the "responsibility" to do anything, or that anyone here is "misunderstanding art," FFS.
posted by holborne at 2:44 PM on April 25, 2018 [15 favorites]
Straw man (and pretty condescending). We, as the audience, are perfectly free not only to like or dislike a work of art, but also to state whether we think the art is insensitive or destructive, as people are doing here. That's not the same as saying the artist has the "responsibility" to do anything, or that anyone here is "misunderstanding art," FFS.
posted by holborne at 2:44 PM on April 25, 2018 [15 favorites]
My high school youth group used "Father Figure" by George Michael as a religious tool, which, in retrospect, is hilarious.
It's about a DD/lg scene, right?
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:49 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
It's about a DD/lg scene, right?
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:49 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
good god how much of a solipsistic asshole do you have to be to write that lyric, much less sing it with a straight face
This song started to make a lot more sense to me on realizing here that it was about a thing that happened to him as a teenager and that the same sort of immaturity that is normal in teenagers is ghastly in adults. I definitely do not like this song, even so, even though I like other music of his. Basically, I think he doesn't sound like he was a great boyfriend at that age, and I'm perfectly willing to accept that he could have grown up to be a much more decent human being than that because I feel like I was also pretty awful as a teenager. I don't want to listen to him sing about it now that he's past fifty, though.
posted by Sequence at 2:50 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
This song started to make a lot more sense to me on realizing here that it was about a thing that happened to him as a teenager and that the same sort of immaturity that is normal in teenagers is ghastly in adults. I definitely do not like this song, even so, even though I like other music of his. Basically, I think he doesn't sound like he was a great boyfriend at that age, and I'm perfectly willing to accept that he could have grown up to be a much more decent human being than that because I feel like I was also pretty awful as a teenager. I don't want to listen to him sing about it now that he's past fifty, though.
posted by Sequence at 2:50 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
I think Ben Folds is on wife #4 or 5 now.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:51 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:51 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
But a critique telling an artist it is his or her "fault" that he or she made it all about him or herself and didn't reflect the experience of others is a fundamental misunderstanding of art and artists and human creativity.
Wow, this is breathtaking in its dismissiveness. You are aware that it's possible to disagree with someone's critique without telling them they lack all understanding of art and creativity, right? You are allowed to just say "I disagree and this is why."
And people can disagree without about art without there being a "misunderstanding." Different people have different opinions about art. For instance: I am of the opinion that we've had plenty of art by men that ignores women's emotions and/or makes said emotions about the male protagonist. This is not a "misunderstanding" - it's a conclusion I have come to after a lifetime of engaging with and analyzing art.
posted by lunasol at 2:52 PM on April 25, 2018 [23 favorites]
Wow, this is breathtaking in its dismissiveness. You are aware that it's possible to disagree with someone's critique without telling them they lack all understanding of art and creativity, right? You are allowed to just say "I disagree and this is why."
And people can disagree without about art without there being a "misunderstanding." Different people have different opinions about art. For instance: I am of the opinion that we've had plenty of art by men that ignores women's emotions and/or makes said emotions about the male protagonist. This is not a "misunderstanding" - it's a conclusion I have come to after a lifetime of engaging with and analyzing art.
posted by lunasol at 2:52 PM on April 25, 2018 [23 favorites]
Not a strawman - a reply quoting specific language in an earlier comment and in response to several quite clear comments in this thread.
posted by PhineasGage at 2:52 PM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by PhineasGage at 2:52 PM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
I really wanted to defend Ben Folds here, given that this album featured heavily in the soundtrack of my own adolescence, but I went back and checked the lyrics.
“Can’t you see/it’s not me you’re dying for”
Uh uh. Nope. That’s fucked up, Ben. This wasn’t a situation in which you needed to apportion blame.
However, since I came here to defend, in the song, despite the fact that he seemingly disagrees, the narrator supports his girlfriend’s decision to get an abortion. He raises the funds to pay for it, he takes her to the clinic, he tries to support her emotionally. So that’s something. The song is very manfeels, but I don’t think that’s unreasonable. It was an experience he had, he can have feels about it. Folds never claimed to be writing the definitive abortion experience.
But I think that all of that is really irrelevant. This isn’t really about a song in which a young songwriter relates his (self centered) feelings of an emotional time in his teenage years. This is about the insane decision of a school to use a pop song about a guy’s teen manfeels to teach kids about abortion. That is, frankly, abusive.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:59 PM on April 25, 2018 [27 favorites]
“Can’t you see/it’s not me you’re dying for”
Uh uh. Nope. That’s fucked up, Ben. This wasn’t a situation in which you needed to apportion blame.
However, since I came here to defend, in the song, despite the fact that he seemingly disagrees, the narrator supports his girlfriend’s decision to get an abortion. He raises the funds to pay for it, he takes her to the clinic, he tries to support her emotionally. So that’s something. The song is very manfeels, but I don’t think that’s unreasonable. It was an experience he had, he can have feels about it. Folds never claimed to be writing the definitive abortion experience.
But I think that all of that is really irrelevant. This isn’t really about a song in which a young songwriter relates his (self centered) feelings of an emotional time in his teenage years. This is about the insane decision of a school to use a pop song about a guy’s teen manfeels to teach kids about abortion. That is, frankly, abusive.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:59 PM on April 25, 2018 [27 favorites]
I really thought everybody already hated Ben Folds...he literally made the piano less cool...
however...great article
posted by Dillionaire at 2:59 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
however...great article
posted by Dillionaire at 2:59 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Isn't Ben Folds the same dude that once bragged in a song about how his ex-wives all despised him literally one album after "Brick"? He's definitely the guy I go to for trenchant commentary about the experience of being a woman.
Or on preview:
I think Ben Folds is on wife #4 or 5 now.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 5:51 PM on April 25 [+] [!]
posted by thivaia at 3:06 PM on April 25, 2018
Or on preview:
I think Ben Folds is on wife #4 or 5 now.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 5:51 PM on April 25 [+] [!]
posted by thivaia at 3:06 PM on April 25, 2018
He was a high school boy during the events of the song, and a few of the lines hint that he is young, immature, in over his head, and unable to face up to his own culpability and actions in the situation, and unable to properly support, care for, or even understand a teenage girl who had become depressed and suicidal.
There's a decent Genius annotation (so rare!) for a section of the song that gets at this:
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before
In the only direct address of the song, Folds sings a denial of responsibility: he’s not why the fetus is being aborted. It is unique in the song, which tells its story by switching between first person (the singer) and everyone else (the girlfriend, family). This technique heightens the distance – the singer is alienated and alone – and highlights the direct connection he feels to the developing child. But by refuting his responsibility, he’s also pushing away from his role, denying blame. This is either because the abortion is not something he wants, or because, at this moment in the narrative, he’s simply not ready to face his culpability yet.
From this angle, yes, it's a song about a boy dealing with his girlfriend's abortion and the aftermath of it and the consequences on their relationship. But to be more specific, it's about the emotional immaturity of a boy trying, and failing, to deal with those things. In the chorus he decides that she's a brick and he's drowning by being with her, but the meaning and weight of that chorus shifts as the song goes on and we start to understand that he's invested in placing culpability on her for their breakup and not on himself. With the final lines, "She's alone / I'm alone / Now I know it", do we see the possibility of the narrator starting to understand his own role and responsibility, and the now-adult Ben Folds feeling regret and remorse over how he handled the situation? Maybe, maybe not. It's unclear whether there's any growth or epiphany at the end. It's effective storytelling.
I think there's a lot to criticize about the song that people imagine "Brick" to be, but I'm not sure that's the song "Brick" actually is. And I don't see a problem with a man singing about something that affected him deeply and trying to work through the issues and feelings around it and trying to reconcile his own personal failings.
posted by naju at 3:14 PM on April 25, 2018 [17 favorites]
There's a decent Genius annotation (so rare!) for a section of the song that gets at this:
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before
In the only direct address of the song, Folds sings a denial of responsibility: he’s not why the fetus is being aborted. It is unique in the song, which tells its story by switching between first person (the singer) and everyone else (the girlfriend, family). This technique heightens the distance – the singer is alienated and alone – and highlights the direct connection he feels to the developing child. But by refuting his responsibility, he’s also pushing away from his role, denying blame. This is either because the abortion is not something he wants, or because, at this moment in the narrative, he’s simply not ready to face his culpability yet.
From this angle, yes, it's a song about a boy dealing with his girlfriend's abortion and the aftermath of it and the consequences on their relationship. But to be more specific, it's about the emotional immaturity of a boy trying, and failing, to deal with those things. In the chorus he decides that she's a brick and he's drowning by being with her, but the meaning and weight of that chorus shifts as the song goes on and we start to understand that he's invested in placing culpability on her for their breakup and not on himself. With the final lines, "She's alone / I'm alone / Now I know it", do we see the possibility of the narrator starting to understand his own role and responsibility, and the now-adult Ben Folds feeling regret and remorse over how he handled the situation? Maybe, maybe not. It's unclear whether there's any growth or epiphany at the end. It's effective storytelling.
I think there's a lot to criticize about the song that people imagine "Brick" to be, but I'm not sure that's the song "Brick" actually is. And I don't see a problem with a man singing about something that affected him deeply and trying to work through the issues and feelings around it and trying to reconcile his own personal failings.
posted by naju at 3:14 PM on April 25, 2018 [17 favorites]
In any case, Joanna Newsom's "Baby Birch" is my personal pick for an amazing female-centric song that appears to allude to an abortion.
We take a walk along the dirty lake
Hear the goose cussing at me over her eggs
You poor little cousin, I don't want your dregs
A little baby fussing over my legs
There is a blacksmith and there is a shepherd and there is a butcher boy
And there is a barber who's cutting and cutting away at my only joy
I saw a rabbit as slick as a knife and as pale as a candlestick
And I had thought it'd be harder to do but I caught her and skinned her quick, held her there
Kicking and mewling upended unspooling unsung and blue
Told her wherever you go little runaway bunny I will find you
And then she ran
As they're liable to do
Be at peace baby, and be gone
posted by naju at 3:19 PM on April 25, 2018 [17 favorites]
We take a walk along the dirty lake
Hear the goose cussing at me over her eggs
You poor little cousin, I don't want your dregs
A little baby fussing over my legs
There is a blacksmith and there is a shepherd and there is a butcher boy
And there is a barber who's cutting and cutting away at my only joy
I saw a rabbit as slick as a knife and as pale as a candlestick
And I had thought it'd be harder to do but I caught her and skinned her quick, held her there
Kicking and mewling upended unspooling unsung and blue
Told her wherever you go little runaway bunny I will find you
And then she ran
As they're liable to do
Be at peace baby, and be gone
posted by naju at 3:19 PM on April 25, 2018 [17 favorites]
I think Ben Folds is on wife #4 or 5 now.
Well, yeah. I sure understand why a wife or four would leave a turtlenecked prat with a perverse compulsion to try for low notes he can't quite hit plus write mournful lowing story songs that have radical switches in verb tense for no goddamned reason at all.
posted by Don Pepino at 3:56 PM on April 25, 2018 [10 favorites]
Well, yeah. I sure understand why a wife or four would leave a turtlenecked prat with a perverse compulsion to try for low notes he can't quite hit plus write mournful lowing story songs that have radical switches in verb tense for no goddamned reason at all.
posted by Don Pepino at 3:56 PM on April 25, 2018 [10 favorites]
Yr favourite band sux
("Army", the ex-wives song, is written from the POV of a sketched character rather than Folds himself, iirc and if we're scoring pedant points)
posted by ominous_paws at 4:05 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
("Army", the ex-wives song, is written from the POV of a sketched character rather than Folds himself, iirc and if we're scoring pedant points)
posted by ominous_paws at 4:05 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
I still can't fathom how the song became a radio hit.
Oh I dunno, maybe ummmm people like songs that complain about women? I mean, the chorus is serviceable for both generalized misogyny and/or individual heartbreak. feel like this was the bro breakup song to lie in your bed all day to during my early 20s.
posted by Miko at 4:53 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
Oh I dunno, maybe ummmm people like songs that complain about women? I mean, the chorus is serviceable for both generalized misogyny and/or individual heartbreak. feel like this was the bro breakup song to lie in your bed all day to during my early 20s.
posted by Miko at 4:53 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
Looking at the song from a 2018 perspective, I think all the critiques expressed here are extremely valid and well thought out. The reality is there really weren't many radio-played even remotely positive songs about abortion - and that isn't saying that Brick is positive and that it doesn't have issues. But... the reality was that abortion songs like "Baby's Gone" by Heaven's to Betsy were the closest things to what was written: The girl feels screwed and alone having to tell her parents and the guy is nowhere and all she has is some music to sing about how much a dick he is. I'm not saying the guy in Brick is stellar - but he is at least there. Brick was *huge* in the Bible belt and it stirred a pot of shit and made them have the opportunity to smell it.
Before Brick, guys in songs were either absent, thought abortion was bad and the woman's fault, or were so misogynistic that they thought that having a girl get an abortion was equally something that they had the right to control as well as a legitimate reason to dump the girl. The music was a shitshow.
Yes, occasionally you'd hear something like Birthday IOU but that suffered from the same problems Brick did, but alienated a huge audience. Likewise, Digable Planets La Femme Fetal dealt with the concepts of abortion rights, and what the sociopolitical motivations of the Pro-Life movement really was. Keep in mind, that fell on one side of the 'Rapper/Scholar' genre that was big where Arrested Development wrote Warm Sentiments about abortion from almost a MRA perspective... And then you'd have non-radio played songs like Everclear's Pensylvania Is... which overts the concept of being present by focusing on the outrage.
So yeah, is Brick perfect? No. But Brick was groundbreaking from a 90's perspective.
*On Edit*
feel like this was the bro breakup song to lie in your bed all day to during my early 20s.
posted by Miko at 7:53 PM on April 25
Holy shit... assholes broke up with girls to Brick? Wow.. now that is a new level of asshole that I really am ashamed that I couldn't/didn't see... that's just a ... wow... I mean... really? Brick? At best you didn't have an abortion with the girl you are breaking up with, but that's the song you think reflects your relationship the best? Oh shit... that's just problematic wow...
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:55 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Before Brick, guys in songs were either absent, thought abortion was bad and the woman's fault, or were so misogynistic that they thought that having a girl get an abortion was equally something that they had the right to control as well as a legitimate reason to dump the girl. The music was a shitshow.
Yes, occasionally you'd hear something like Birthday IOU but that suffered from the same problems Brick did, but alienated a huge audience. Likewise, Digable Planets La Femme Fetal dealt with the concepts of abortion rights, and what the sociopolitical motivations of the Pro-Life movement really was. Keep in mind, that fell on one side of the 'Rapper/Scholar' genre that was big where Arrested Development wrote Warm Sentiments about abortion from almost a MRA perspective... And then you'd have non-radio played songs like Everclear's Pensylvania Is... which overts the concept of being present by focusing on the outrage.
So yeah, is Brick perfect? No. But Brick was groundbreaking from a 90's perspective.
*On Edit*
feel like this was the bro breakup song to lie in your bed all day to during my early 20s.
posted by Miko at 7:53 PM on April 25
Holy shit... assholes broke up with girls to Brick? Wow.. now that is a new level of asshole that I really am ashamed that I couldn't/didn't see... that's just a ... wow... I mean... really? Brick? At best you didn't have an abortion with the girl you are breaking up with, but that's the song you think reflects your relationship the best? Oh shit... that's just problematic wow...
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:55 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
This is one guy's reaction/story.
I'm on the side that abortion is 100% the decision of the woman, no questions, ultrasounds, anything. As long as the doctor is cool that conditions are medically safe, 100% for any reason, any day any time, no government involved. But this is just a reaction, abortion (which I again emphasize I support completely!) affects different people different ways. My wife had an abortion prior to meeting me, and I love her and support the decision she made then 100%... this song is a single person's reaction to a big event.
My wife has told me she wasn't destroyed emotionally from the procedure and decision, but it was still a big deal in that it's a not-good thing to go through, unpleasant and no ne would choose to do it. But it was her decision, and it all worked out.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 5:12 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
I'm on the side that abortion is 100% the decision of the woman, no questions, ultrasounds, anything. As long as the doctor is cool that conditions are medically safe, 100% for any reason, any day any time, no government involved. But this is just a reaction, abortion (which I again emphasize I support completely!) affects different people different ways. My wife had an abortion prior to meeting me, and I love her and support the decision she made then 100%... this song is a single person's reaction to a big event.
My wife has told me she wasn't destroyed emotionally from the procedure and decision, but it was still a big deal in that it's a not-good thing to go through, unpleasant and no ne would choose to do it. But it was her decision, and it all worked out.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 5:12 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Oh yes, the grand 1997 girlfriend-gets-abortion combo of Brick and The Freshmen. Both songs made my skin crawl, then and now.
posted by 41swans at 5:25 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by 41swans at 5:25 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
Thing is, the abortion my wife had was sort of a deal-breaker for a relationship she was in at the time. I know this all in retrospect, from pieces of info I've heard for over two decades.
She was in love with the guy who got her pregnant. He was (and still is... I still know the guy and see him from time to time!) a good and decent person, a solid dude who has married a very awesome women since and has a couple kids. It just wasn't right at the time for her, and most likely for him. There was no abuse or other horrible adjuncts to the situation.
My guess is that most abortion stories are unheard and people think of the worst case scenario automatically once an abortion is mentioned. Sometimes, probably a lot of times, it's a complicated situation. But I'll state again, none of this is my decision or judgement.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 5:29 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
She was in love with the guy who got her pregnant. He was (and still is... I still know the guy and see him from time to time!) a good and decent person, a solid dude who has married a very awesome women since and has a couple kids. It just wasn't right at the time for her, and most likely for him. There was no abuse or other horrible adjuncts to the situation.
My guess is that most abortion stories are unheard and people think of the worst case scenario automatically once an abortion is mentioned. Sometimes, probably a lot of times, it's a complicated situation. But I'll state again, none of this is my decision or judgement.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 5:29 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Ben Folds Fight.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 5:33 PM on April 25, 2018
posted by fluttering hellfire at 5:33 PM on April 25, 2018
The article was way better than this argument about Ben Folds. He's not even IN the article, and the article certainly isn't about him in any meaningful way.
posted by Scattercat at 5:34 PM on April 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by Scattercat at 5:34 PM on April 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
I've had an abortion. For the record, I had lobster for dinner after. It was a celebratory dinner because accidentally getting pregnant saved my life by getting me out of an abusive relationship (he wanted nothing to do with me once I got pregnant YAY!) and getting an abortion saved my life by not having to carry my abuser's child. But anyway. I used to hate the song until I learned the backstory. I mean, it really is an enormous weight for any teenager to be in a relationship with a depressed and suicidal partner. Shitheel though he may be in other ways, Ben Folds did a lot of things right here. Selling the Christmas gifts to help pay for it, bringing her to the clinic, keeping the secret when she asked him to, and not keeping the secret when it was clear she needed help. That's pretty damn decent for a teenage boy. And if there's going to be an abortion song from the male perspective, I'd rather it be from someone trying to do the right thing than not. And while abortion is something only a person with a uterus can physically experience, I can appreciate that the other party involved also has feelings. Not that I think there needs to be a bunch of hot takes on how men feel about abortion, because we've got the Republican Party for that.
posted by Ruki at 5:43 PM on April 25, 2018 [53 favorites]
posted by Ruki at 5:43 PM on April 25, 2018 [53 favorites]
OK, one more post. Like I keep saying, I'm 100% pro-legal abortion. But it does bother me that the debate is framed always as an either-or... "will you be forced to bear the child of your rapist?" kind of thing.
Which is certainly valid! But abortion and al other kinds of family planning happen in a spectrum of reality. Many women in a sexual relationship with a man get pregnant unwillingly for 1000 different reasons, scenarios and 1000 more that neither you nor I can imagine. In many cases these people were in loving relationships, or young people who thought they were in loving relationships, or 1000 other variants of that premise.
As a pro-legal abortion person, I think it's bad in general to dismiss "abortion rights" to "I got raped" and other (perhaps true, but) politically easy simplicities.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 5:44 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Which is certainly valid! But abortion and al other kinds of family planning happen in a spectrum of reality. Many women in a sexual relationship with a man get pregnant unwillingly for 1000 different reasons, scenarios and 1000 more that neither you nor I can imagine. In many cases these people were in loving relationships, or young people who thought they were in loving relationships, or 1000 other variants of that premise.
As a pro-legal abortion person, I think it's bad in general to dismiss "abortion rights" to "I got raped" and other (perhaps true, but) politically easy simplicities.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 5:44 PM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
One more: My core issue with this is that in 2018, a person cannot say "I had an abortion" without an immediate reaction from most people of :"OMG you poor soul, how badly were you mistreated, I cannot imagine your pain, Oh I am crying for you, I can get you help, This wasn't your fault, you can still be a normal person, that rapist will pay for what he did, you can still be a mother,"
.... or even worse from the other side: "You whore, etc."
I have no uterus, but this issue really affects me.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 6:01 PM on April 25, 2018
.... or even worse from the other side: "You whore, etc."
I have no uterus, but this issue really affects me.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 6:01 PM on April 25, 2018
I'm on the side that abortion is 100% the decision of the woman, no questions, ultrasounds, anything. As long as the doctor is cool that conditions are medically safe,
It's impossible to have a situation that makes abortion medically unsafe, but leaves carrying a baby to term and giving birth an option. Birth is always more physically damaging than abortion, it's always the more dangerous option.
posted by Dynex at 6:03 PM on April 25, 2018 [15 favorites]
It's impossible to have a situation that makes abortion medically unsafe, but leaves carrying a baby to term and giving birth an option. Birth is always more physically damaging than abortion, it's always the more dangerous option.
posted by Dynex at 6:03 PM on April 25, 2018 [15 favorites]
Dynex: You are correct. I meant safe as in "this is a sterile environment staffed by competent trained people" sort of way., but your point stands.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 6:05 PM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by jeff-o-matic at 6:05 PM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
It's impossible to have a situation that makes abortion medically unsafe, but leaves carrying a baby to term and giving birth an option.
Impossible as long as long as abortion is legal, you mean...
posted by Ruki at 6:07 PM on April 25, 2018
Impossible as long as long as abortion is legal, you mean...
posted by Ruki at 6:07 PM on April 25, 2018
I had pasta with butter and then took care of my then 5 month old daughter while my husband stress-mowed the lawn. Then I bled for six weeks straight, which sucked, but still sucked less than the alternative.
I cried when the test said positive: I hadn't even gotten my period back, it was our first time having sex since the baby AND I took Plan B after the condom broke. C'est la vie, right?
A++ would have one again if I wanted one.
posted by lydhre at 6:13 PM on April 25, 2018 [28 favorites]
I cried when the test said positive: I hadn't even gotten my period back, it was our first time having sex since the baby AND I took Plan B after the condom broke. C'est la vie, right?
A++ would have one again if I wanted one.
posted by lydhre at 6:13 PM on April 25, 2018 [28 favorites]
No artist has a responsibility to make his or her works of art about anything other than what he or she needs or wants to say.
posted by PhineasGage at 14:33 on April 25 [14 favorites +] [!]
True. But then, the public doesn’t have to take artists intentions into account when evaluating a piece of artwork. The piece stands on its own merits, within the context the public experiences it.
And a lot of people come away with “Fuck this self-centered bullshit”
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:21 PM on April 25, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by PhineasGage at 14:33 on April 25 [14 favorites +] [!]
True. But then, the public doesn’t have to take artists intentions into account when evaluating a piece of artwork. The piece stands on its own merits, within the context the public experiences it.
And a lot of people come away with “Fuck this self-centered bullshit”
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:21 PM on April 25, 2018 [7 favorites]
One more: My core issue with this is that in 2018, a person cannot say "I had an abortion" without an immediate reaction from most people of :"OMG you poor soul, how badly were you mistreated, I cannot imagine your pain, Oh I am crying for you, I can get you help, This wasn't your fault, you can still be a normal person, that rapist will pay for what he did, you can still be a mother,"
I just have no idea how that can be anyone's core issue with the political topic of abortion in 2018, or where you get your information about how most people react to having someone tell them they had an abortion.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 6:22 PM on April 25, 2018 [14 favorites]
I just have no idea how that can be anyone's core issue with the political topic of abortion in 2018, or where you get your information about how most people react to having someone tell them they had an abortion.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 6:22 PM on April 25, 2018 [14 favorites]
oh my god folds is his last name not a verb
posted by poffin boffin at 6:27 PM on April 25, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 6:27 PM on April 25, 2018 [9 favorites]
If there's anyone more self-centered than an adolescent male musician, I sure haven't met them.
posted by Daily Alice at 6:28 PM on April 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Daily Alice at 6:28 PM on April 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
If there's anyone more self-centered than an adolescent male musician, I sure haven't met them.
I’ve met a few middle-aged male musicians that might fit the bill.
posted by thivaia at 6:38 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
I’ve met a few middle-aged male musicians that might fit the bill.
posted by thivaia at 6:38 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
But it does bother me that the debate is framed always as an either-or... "will you be forced to bear the child of your rapist?" kind of thing.
it isn't. the alternative you suggest is fine and good but also has been the normal boring pro-choice point of view for decades and decades. I tried to think about whether all the many casual conversations I have about it have been between women only so there could be a huge divide between what I've heard and what a pro-choice man hears, but I really don't think so. feminist women talking to each other, expecting to be overheard by both men and by hostile anti-abortion people, just don't censor their arguments and anecdotes the way you claim. birth control failure and finances/youth and not wanting to parent with a particular partner are the three big cliche hypotheticals. cliches because, like rape, they're entirely realistic and common circumstances. if there's a hole in the discourse it's maybe not enough stress on how many older women, married women, and mothers get abortions.
more women I know have had abortions than not. I never would or do ask, but people talk about it. and the immediate normal-person reaction I am familiar with, and that I try to imitate, is the reaction to someone announcing a breakup. you say oh, yeah? with respectful interest, and keep your face neutral until you can tell whether they want a commiseration drink or a congratulations hug. assuming rape or trauma without being told about it is absolutely not socially correct any more than it's politically correct. not expected.
rape isn't the only thing people talk about, it's just the bottom line. we bring it up sometimes in formal debates because if an anti-choice person can be induced to admit they think the patient's private backstory changes the morality of a medical procedure, you've already won the argument. that's all. and that's valid.
posted by queenofbithynia at 6:46 PM on April 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
I fucking hate Ben Folds. Jesus Christ
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:50 PM on April 25, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:50 PM on April 25, 2018 [7 favorites]
This discussion is so much better than the annotations at Genius.
posted by craniac at 6:56 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by craniac at 6:56 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
I never listened to Ben Folds and I don't think I'm about to start. Just wanted to give some love to the first song I realised was about abortion, Tori Amos's Silent All These Years. It's also about other things.
posted by Athanassiel at 7:11 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by Athanassiel at 7:11 PM on April 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
Mine was Tiptoe by Ani DiFranco. It's pretty blatant, though. I listened to it before I left for the clinic because it felt right.
posted by Ruki at 7:37 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Ruki at 7:37 PM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Came here to post another Ani treasure: Lost Woman Song.
posted by greermahoney at 7:58 PM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by greermahoney at 7:58 PM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Space Coyote: Did he ever get that t-shirt back, though?
Many historians believe that this was the event that ignited the Battle of Who Could Care Less.
posted by dr_dank at 8:04 PM on April 25, 2018 [13 favorites]
Many historians believe that this was the event that ignited the Battle of Who Could Care Less.
posted by dr_dank at 8:04 PM on April 25, 2018 [13 favorites]
Max was an LA kind of crush, which is to say he seemed imaginary, the kind of crush meant to distract from a dying relationship.
Damn, that's a good line.
posted by limeonaire at 8:06 PM on April 25, 2018
Damn, that's a good line.
posted by limeonaire at 8:06 PM on April 25, 2018
If there's anyone more self-centered than an adolescent male musician, I sure haven't met them
Again, I desperately want to defend this album, but Ben Folds was born in 1966.
Whatever and Ever Amen was released in 1997.
He was 31.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:12 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
Again, I desperately want to defend this album, but Ben Folds was born in 1966.
Whatever and Ever Amen was released in 1997.
He was 31.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:12 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
A Girl in Trouble is a Temporary Thing, by Romeo Void, is probably my favorite abortion song.
posted by gingerbeer at 8:55 PM on April 25, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by gingerbeer at 8:55 PM on April 25, 2018 [9 favorites]
I had McDonald’s chicken nuggets and felt like 100% totally fine which was I was honestly kinda bummed about because I was looking forward to making my two best friends pity me and sit on the couch watching Netflix and providing me with indulgent snacks all day but instead it was like I guess I’ll just do my laundry?
posted by Grandysaur at 8:56 PM on April 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Grandysaur at 8:56 PM on April 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
Wait, “The Freshman” is about a girlfriend getting an abortion? All these years I thought the girlfriend died by suicide. Yeek.
posted by holborne at 8:57 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by holborne at 8:57 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
Wait, “The Freshman” is about a girlfriend getting an abortion? All these years I thought the girlfriend died by suicide. Yeek.
OMG, gross. That's what I had always thought, too. A man singing about abortion where the chorus is "I can't be held responsible" is just... UGH. That song is canceled.
posted by Ruki at 9:17 PM on April 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
OMG, gross. That's what I had always thought, too. A man singing about abortion where the chorus is "I can't be held responsible" is just... UGH. That song is canceled.
posted by Ruki at 9:17 PM on April 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
I had three kids (12, 7, and 3 at the time) when I had my abortion. I didn't even tell anyone I was pregnant except my sweetie. I felt great after The Procedure, and I had a sitter for the day because I didn't know how long it would take or how I'd feel, so I joined a group of friends for brunch afterward. I had the best frozen mango smoothie in the world at that brunch and I've been trying to re-create it (the smoothie) ever since. It was just green tea, frozen mango, lime zest and juice, and honey.
posted by S'Tella Fabula at 9:34 PM on April 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by S'Tella Fabula at 9:34 PM on April 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
oh my god folds is his last name not a verb
...which means "Ben Folds Five" isn't a reference to folding a hand in poker, metaphorically describing Ben as a mopey emo kind of guy. It's actually Ben naming his band the equivalent of "Me, and these four jerks I guess." When I realized that as a teen I started seeing the cluelessly self-absorbed aspects of Ben Fold's lyrics and aesthetic, which innoculated me to Guster and OAR a few years later.
posted by 3urypteris at 11:20 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
...which means "Ben Folds Five" isn't a reference to folding a hand in poker, metaphorically describing Ben as a mopey emo kind of guy. It's actually Ben naming his band the equivalent of "Me, and these four jerks I guess." When I realized that as a teen I started seeing the cluelessly self-absorbed aspects of Ben Fold's lyrics and aesthetic, which innoculated me to Guster and OAR a few years later.
posted by 3urypteris at 11:20 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
I was ready to forgive “using willingness to entertain a weird lie about how you met your friend as a litmus test for friendship” as an emotionally insecure teenage caltrop but the author is apparently thirty-ish, and it is past time for them to grow into engaging with people in a vulnerable way.
Nevertheless I enjoyed the article-the author has distinctive, busy, heavy, galloping prose and I look forward to reading more of their work.
I love the music of Ben Folds and it is a disappointment that the mediocrity of “Brick” is his enduring legacy.
posted by Kwine at 11:21 PM on April 25, 2018
Nevertheless I enjoyed the article-the author has distinctive, busy, heavy, galloping prose and I look forward to reading more of their work.
I love the music of Ben Folds and it is a disappointment that the mediocrity of “Brick” is his enduring legacy.
posted by Kwine at 11:21 PM on April 25, 2018
It's actually Ben naming his band the equivalent of "Me, and these four jerks I guess.
The band is/was a three piece, so...
posted by Kwine at 11:23 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
The band is/was a three piece, so...
posted by Kwine at 11:23 PM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
Regardless of opinion, this is remarkably stupid nonetheless:
posted by MartinWisse at 11:38 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
"And, I didn't really want to write this song from any kind of political standpoint, or make a statement. I just wanted to reflect what it feels like. So, anyone who's gone through that before, then you'll know what the song's about."As if a song about the Serious and Earnest Fee-Fees of a man whose girlfriend had an abortion could ever be non-political.
posted by MartinWisse at 11:38 PM on April 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
I think it's bad in general to dismiss "abortion rights" to "I got raped"
This is not actually that common. It's just that you have to use edge cases in reasoning to test premises. Asking about situations of rape gets at testing people's motivations for opposing abortions.
The article mentions this, but a well-known Guttmacher study showed that by age 45, 24% of American women have had at least one abortion. Obviously if it were a deeply psychologically damaging thing for an otherwise range-of-normal person, one in four American women would be deeply psychologically damaged. And that's not the case. Look around you in your next big meeting or train ride or concert. One in four women have had, or will have at least one abortion. The vast majority of us came through okay and I doubt they functioned as "bricks" to anyone else.
posted by Miko at 9:21 AM on April 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
This is not actually that common. It's just that you have to use edge cases in reasoning to test premises. Asking about situations of rape gets at testing people's motivations for opposing abortions.
The article mentions this, but a well-known Guttmacher study showed that by age 45, 24% of American women have had at least one abortion. Obviously if it were a deeply psychologically damaging thing for an otherwise range-of-normal person, one in four American women would be deeply psychologically damaged. And that's not the case. Look around you in your next big meeting or train ride or concert. One in four women have had, or will have at least one abortion. The vast majority of us came through okay and I doubt they functioned as "bricks" to anyone else.
posted by Miko at 9:21 AM on April 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'm only here to post:
1. 7up (the morphine made me vomit all over the car being driven home)
2. cheesburger
3. pancakes
I pawned stuff for the second two. Paid for all three myself. The guy (involved in all 3 pregnancies) came with me and was supportive. I was on 2 kinds of birth control. My third one had to happen at a clinic 150 miles away because the doctor who did the first two had a stroke and retired. There were people out front with some kind of literature, but I snapped at them "Get away from me", and to my delight they actually did.
The first one was emotionally difficult and made me suicidal. The worst part was the way my mom censored my mentioning it to other family. "It would break your grandma's heart." What about mine?
They were all the best decisions I could have made.
posted by Warmdarksky at 10:57 AM on April 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
1. 7up (the morphine made me vomit all over the car being driven home)
2. cheesburger
3. pancakes
I pawned stuff for the second two. Paid for all three myself. The guy (involved in all 3 pregnancies) came with me and was supportive. I was on 2 kinds of birth control. My third one had to happen at a clinic 150 miles away because the doctor who did the first two had a stroke and retired. There were people out front with some kind of literature, but I snapped at them "Get away from me", and to my delight they actually did.
The first one was emotionally difficult and made me suicidal. The worst part was the way my mom censored my mentioning it to other family. "It would break your grandma's heart." What about mine?
They were all the best decisions I could have made.
posted by Warmdarksky at 10:57 AM on April 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
He's a prick and I'm frowning slowly
posted by kirkaracha at 5:24 PM on April 26, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by kirkaracha at 5:24 PM on April 26, 2018 [12 favorites]
Other than really liking the son "Landed," I always felt like Ben Folds never lived up to his potential as a musician. He just always struck me as the sarcastic guy at the party who tries way too hard to be funny or cool.
posted by 4ster at 8:00 PM on April 26, 2018
posted by 4ster at 8:00 PM on April 26, 2018
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posted by Secretariat at 1:08 PM on April 25, 2018