Hiding in the bathroom at work?

May 25, 2002 12:22 PM

Hiding in the bathroom at work? Well, surprisingly, it looks like you're in the minority.
posted by kingmissile (17 comments total)

My dilemma was sitting in one stall while the guy in the next stall spoke to his girlfriend on his cell phone. When I was finished I didn't know if I should flush and expose him to his girl or leave behind a dirty bowl.
posted by treywhit at 3:06 PM on May 25, 2002

What did you do, treywhit? I would have flushed. There's nothing worse than going into the bathroom at work after someone's just dropped a major league stink-a-roonie the size of a Louisville Slugger, and you've just come in to do a quick tinkle. You can only hold your breath for so long, and then your breath comes bursting, gaspingly out, and the next inhale is enough to knock you off your feet. Then the poor innocent gump who's dropped the deuce comes walking out of the stall looking all innocent, meanwhile the air is purple...
posted by Faze at 3:37 PM on May 25, 2002

Faze...I couldn't do it to him...I waited...didn't want to flush his relationship either...
posted by treywhit at 3:44 PM on May 25, 2002

My biggest restroom quandary was just this last week, when the guy in the stall next to me was apparently eating his lunch on the toilet. I did not feel bad about stinking up the place, as there are few other places where you can take a dump, and plenty of better places to eat a sandwich.
posted by Hildago at 3:47 PM on May 25, 2002

This guy at my last job, lets call him Jerry, would spend an inordinate amount of time in the restroom. - like hours at a time. All of us knew this, but [of course] the management had no clue. None of us knew what he was doing in there. One day I had to go drop the kids off, and I entered the bathroom. My mind was on work and so I went to my favorite stall [the one by the wall] and pushed the door open. Well...lo and behold there was my co-worker Jerry stripped naked, with women's underwear on his head masturbating. Yeah, re-read that last sentence. Needless to say I started laughing while he hit the deck. Within about 5 minutes, all of the lower employees knew what Jerry was doing in the bathroom - it was just too good to keep to myself.

Jerry left his position at Company X about a few weeks later - after one of the bosses found out...much the same way I did.
posted by plemeljr at 4:26 PM on May 25, 2002

I can't stand all of the goddamned conversation that goes on. The bafroom is not a conference room, dammit! I slid into a stall the other day to be greeted by work-related papers on the floor, a pen, and a highlighter. It skeeves me out that someone was working on something that they were going to give to someone else while dropping their buddies off at the pool.
posted by adampsyche at 5:04 PM on May 25, 2002

I can't stand all of the goddamned conversation that goes on.

Say it brotha! I had a professor that will talk endlessly when we were at the urinal. The worst part was that he is a 6'-7" [I'm 5'-6"] German who loves to laugh...especially at the urinal. He did it to everyone, to such a point that many of the women complained that we talked too much about him talking to us. They just didn't understand.
posted by plemeljr at 5:36 PM on May 25, 2002

Which is more probable; almost no-one hides in the bathroom stall? Or most people lie about it?
posted by norm29 at 5:39 PM on May 25, 2002

I can remember hiding in the bathroom when I was in highschool, but it's never occurred to me at work. Work just isn't as scary as highschool.
posted by Badmichelle at 6:19 PM on May 25, 2002

Why on earth do people use mobile phones in public toilets? I don't get it. I always wonder about the people they're talking to. I've also flushed toilets on purpose when people are using mobiles--when I've just gone in there to get a tissue.

Speaking of professors talking to students in the bathroom, that also happened to me. I didn't (and still don't) understand why women need to talk in the bathroom--especially strange women who didn't know me personally, but knew I was one of the few female econ majors and knew what class I was taking. Irritating!
posted by Electric Elf at 7:09 PM on May 25, 2002

"...said heated toilet seats would make bathrooms cozier.

Am I the only person who finds this disconcerting? The last (okay, second- or third-to-last) thing I want on the seat when I show up is warmth. I get weirded out enough when encountering naturally occurring butt-warmth. Artificially creating it? *shudder*

"...office grunts wouldn't mind a back rub in the lav..."

Amidst stink and noises? Um... set that up in a conference room somewhere, okay?
posted by majick at 8:03 PM on May 25, 2002

I work at home, and occasionally you have clients that tend to, well, let face it, prattle. This is how I learned what the mute button on my cordless phone was for. I've since found it amazing how many customers are capable of talking away while I press mute before entering that tiled echo chamber, piss, flush, wash up, exit, stroll down the hall, de-mute, insert a reassuring "uh-huh", and life goes on.

It was a guilty pleasure when I first had the nerve to attempt it and got away with it 10 years ago. Since then I've learned how long it is before a customer expects you to provide input into what is allegedly a conversation.

When I first saw that mute button I thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen in my life, and two years ago when I bought a new phone I eliminated a lot of phones in a hurry with the "must have mute" criterion.

The rest of the time I'm forced to listen to customer discourses I sit by my pond, engaging in the zen exercise of imagining them in their cubicle. Helps me maintain my mad cheery phone skillz. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy self-employment lately?
posted by dglynn at 11:22 PM on May 25, 2002

I've worked joe-factory jobs, and one or two 10-15 minute bathroom trips on company time was the norm during 12 hour shifts. No guilt, as long as your work got finished and nothing fucked up while you were gone - last time I worked there I was monitoring equipment and water flow, so it wasn't too big of a deal as long as I wasn't slacking otherwise.
posted by AdamJ at 2:20 AM on May 26, 2002

We don't have stalls at work, we have true water closets, each a tiny room sealed (except for the ventilator fan) from floor to ceiling. You close the door and don't see, hear, or smell anyone else. An employer that gives you anything less is treating you like the barn animal the word "stall" implies.
posted by pracowity at 5:47 AM on May 26, 2002

We don't have stalls at work, we have true water closets, each a tiny room sealed (except for the ventilator fan) from floor to ceiling.

I've never seen or heard of anything like that.

An employer that gives you anything less is treating you like the barn animal the word "stall" implies.

Hey, at least the stalls generally have doors. That's a step up from school days.
posted by kindall at 12:26 PM on May 26, 2002

> I've never seen or heard of anything like that.

Well now you know what to ask for. And simple walls don't cost more than the stupid stall installations. They don't give you walls just because they're afraid of what you might do if you had one ounce of actual physical privacy during the day. You might, say, start thinking that the company doesn't own you right down to your last bowel movement.
posted by pracowity at 10:25 PM on May 26, 2002

At my last job, there was a lady who always tried to sell me Mary Kay cosmetics in the bathroom. Even if she were the last Mary Kay consultant on earth, I wouldn't have bought a tube of lipstick from her just because she always pitched her product at me when I was washing my hands or taking a leak.

I definitely hide in the bathroom. Not for long periods of time, but I usually end up lingering a few minutes longer than necessary. I can explain myself. (self link)
posted by jennyb at 11:01 AM on May 27, 2002