Cow Trippin'
May 17, 2018 9:01 AM   Subscribe

 
DanceSafe testing kits will now include a wine pairing chart.
posted by griphus at 9:08 AM on May 17, 2018 [24 favorites]


That is the weirdest fake-trend hook for an article I've seen since shark dick.
posted by ook at 9:10 AM on May 17, 2018 [13 favorites]


I mean, if it works for pilling your dog...
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:14 AM on May 17, 2018 [5 favorites]


Kids; this is what happens when you have promiscuous sex. You grow up having Rainbow Parties, spend your 20s dogging, and by the time you're 35 you're brieing just to feel something. At 50+ it's all just wine enemas and estim.
posted by Nelson at 9:21 AM on May 17, 2018 [16 favorites]


Sounds disgusting. Have you ever snorted MDMA? Terrible tasting drips - bitter, much worse than coke. Way to ruin a good brie. n00bs.
posted by some loser at 9:25 AM on May 17, 2018 [9 favorites]


At 50+ it's all just wine enemas and estim.

coincidentally also factors into the decline of the roman empire
posted by poffin boffin at 9:25 AM on May 17, 2018 [6 favorites]


brieing, lol. fentanyl fontina fondue parties are where it's at
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:28 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


sounds like a legal Gruyèrea
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 9:32 AM on May 17, 2018 [69 favorites]


I usually stick my Molly inside a belly bomber but you do you I guess.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:33 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


we had tried all the latest fads, food fashions, and destination dinner parties but something was missing

indeed, something appears to be.
posted by wibari at 9:33 AM on May 17, 2018 [6 favorites]


This is probably the only kind of drug party I'd actually enjoy.
posted by tobascodagama at 9:33 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


robiolatussin
grana padadderal
oaxaxycodone
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:35 AM on May 17, 2018 [14 favorites]


manchegoa trance
posted by griphus at 9:36 AM on May 17, 2018 [6 favorites]


MDMA, thanks but no thanks. I'll stick to eating shredded cheese out of a bag at 2 a.m.
posted by Fizz at 9:38 AM on May 17, 2018 [21 favorites]


Are we sure this isn't the Business Insider falling prey to a prank? It totally looks like this is an Onion article that got accidentally picked up as Real News.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:43 AM on May 17, 2018 [17 favorites]


There is no fucking way this is real. Drug users actually have more self respect than this, and anyone with a taste for both brie and MDMA would never mix the two. At least not on the same plate. Same table? Sure, whatever.

Now, if it were psychedelic mushrooms I'd believe it. I've seen weirdos put those things in/on everything from smoothies to salads to pizza. (Pro tip: Eat good dark chocolate.)
posted by loquacious at 9:49 AM on May 17, 2018 [11 favorites]


Sounds like a Havarti party.

But I don't know Jack.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:49 AM on May 17, 2018 [8 favorites]


Casomorphin [real]
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 9:51 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


Kudos on a fantastic post title. :D
posted by zarq at 9:52 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


According to The Metro...

well there's your problem right there

that said, cheese is a good source of tryptophan, which is a serotonin precursor, so it's not the literal worst idea in the world
posted by halation at 9:52 AM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


PLURvolone
posted by griphus at 9:58 AM on May 17, 2018 [19 favorites]


This post was mostly for levity, not for accuracy. Front page was a little dreary today, and who doesn't like cheese.

I do love puns and mutated cheese names though.
posted by deezil at 9:59 AM on May 17, 2018 [3 favorites]


Monterey Crack
posted by Rock Steady at 10:00 AM on May 17, 2018 [17 favorites]


All these people cheesing and choosing...did Homestar Runner teach us nothing?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:01 AM on May 17, 2018 [4 favorites]


And here I am thinking "baked brie" was just about putting some mango chutney on top and popping it in the oven.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:04 AM on May 17, 2018 [9 favorites]


On actually reading the article: Ok, I can possibly believe this. I'm sitting here with visions of brie dusted with MDMA and people serving themselves unregulated doses from the cheese plate.

But wrapping a pill or some loose crystal is exactly the kind of weird thing someone inexperienced and without access to empty gelcaps or a scale would do, and it's not exactly the worst way to go about it.

To be fair, spend one day at a good rave or Burning Man and you'll see all sorts of weird shit like people dumping 2C-B capsules into a beverage to dilute it for more accurate dose splitting. And it's rarely ever about "let's be weirdos and put drugs in all the things" but "what do we have on hand to safely accomplish some kind of dose control when we don't have a scale?"

And, please, no one tell The Metro about boofing.
posted by loquacious at 10:06 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


Anyone interested in my recipe for cream cheese and Tide pods dip?
posted by mondo dentro at 10:06 AM on May 17, 2018 [5 favorites]


But wrapping a pill or some loose crystal is exactly the kind of weird thing someone inexperienced and without access to empty gelcaps or a scale would do, and it's not exactly the worst way to go about it.

To be fair, spend one day at a good rave or Burning Man and you'll see all sorts of weird shit like people dumping 2C-B capsules into a beverage to dilute it for more accurate dose splitting. And it's rarely ever about "let's be weirdos and put drugs in all the things" but "what do we have on hand to safely accomplish some kind of dose control when we don't have a scale?"


I mean, sure.. but if you can afford a half ball of uncut MDMA, maybe spend another $25 on a milligram accurate scale and parachute the doses? It's not rocket surgery. There's also this thing called PLANNING and i hear it works great.
posted by some loser at 10:22 AM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


While this may not be a real trend, if I got invited to a cheese-and-MDMA* party, I'd write a low-effort article to brag about it too.

*the kids call it Moolly.
posted by The Gaffer at 10:30 AM on May 17, 2018 [46 favorites]


Camethbert.
Phenobarbitaleggio.
posted by emelenjr at 10:31 AM on May 17, 2018 [4 favorites]


Dining while white
posted by standardasparagus at 10:33 AM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


*the kids call it Moolly.

OH MY GOD GET OUT
posted by loquacious at 10:34 AM on May 17, 2018 [17 favorites]


Camembarbituate.
Chile con Quaaludes.
Parmescaline.
Ketamine. (oh wait, what were we doing?)
posted by kaibutsu at 10:38 AM on May 17, 2018 [5 favorites]


There's also this thing called PLANNING and i hear it works great.

And "normal" people get super weird and puritanical about drugs and might think that buying a scale and caps is too hardcore, or might have no idea where to get them. Or that you even need a good milligram scale in the first place, because they don't understand LD50 rates or threshhold doses or that, yes, you can overdose on MDMA and have problems.

So to them the idea of buying a scale and gelcaps might be too much like planning and habituation rather than some spontaneous experimentation.

Hell, I've seen life long cannabis smokers get weird about buying a nicer new pipe to replace some piece of crap metal thing they got at a headshop in high school, because spending 60 bucks on some nice clean art glass is "too serious" or whatever.
posted by loquacious at 10:40 AM on May 17, 2018 [8 favorites]


Ketamine. (oh wait, what were we doing?)

Fetamine, surely?
posted by loquacious at 10:40 AM on May 17, 2018 [38 favorites]


I mean...
This is probably a dumb fake trend piece.
But...
MDMA is pretty damn nice. I enjoyed every experience with it in my 20s. Now that I'm in my 40s, if I had a verified safe and clean source and Grandma would take the kids overnight, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It's another example of a drug wherein the primary dangers come from it being illegal -- impure, cut with dangerous shit, not a consistent dose, possibly another drug entirely. Legalize that shit and let me get my group therapy on.
posted by skullhead at 10:42 AM on May 17, 2018 [23 favorites]


Why are these people not being arrested along with the journalist...oh. Right.
posted by Samizdata at 10:52 AM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


I don't eat dairy but I'd make an exception. Sadly, I am a geezer and all of my friends and I have no contacts for getting MDMA. This is why old people are so cranky; we have limited access to fun. not entirely kidding
posted by theora55 at 11:00 AM on May 17, 2018 [3 favorites]


Brie Here Now. (Stolen from a friend.)
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 11:16 AM on May 17, 2018 [12 favorites]


The part about how she’ll never do it again because she was still sad on Tuesday is yes, obviously A VERY TRUE FEELING but makes this whole article over the top.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 11:17 AM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


Two thoughts sprang to mind while reading about this:

Shouldn’t teenagers be doing this and the journalists describing it as “EVERY PARENT’S WORST NIGHTMARE”?

Wrapping drugs in food is how we trick our pets into taking them. Surely grown humans can think of something a little classier.

But the thought of pairing drugs and cheese is interesting. What would go better with a nice American cheese: oxycodone or crystal meth?
posted by TedW at 11:21 AM on May 17, 2018


fentanyl fontina

Well, there's my new drag name.
posted by mykescipark at 11:40 AM on May 17, 2018 [22 favorites]


Behold the power of cheese.

(I would not pair MDMA with brie. I would pair it with a crisp cider, really sharp cheddar, and some tart Granny Smith apples.)
posted by octobersurprise at 11:42 AM on May 17, 2018 [3 favorites]


Shouldn’t teenagers be doing this and the journalists describing it as “EVERY PARENT’S WORST NIGHTMARE”?

Nah, that narrative is on the way out. Drugs are socially acceptable for grownups now. As long as you're respectably middle class (or -- per the URL of the main link -- "posh") enough to be a consumer of brie.

Wrap that molly in velveeta and they'll still throw you in jail.
posted by ook at 11:52 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


Hell, I've seen life long cannabis smokers get weird about buying a nicer new pipe to replace some piece of crap metal thing they got at a headshop in high school, because spending 60 bucks on some nice clean art glass is "too serious" or whatever.

If you started smoking weed in the 70's or 80's, the only time you saw glass it was literally a crack-pipe.

And if you want to talk 'serious', there's nothing more utilitarian than an old-school proto-pipe. You can field-strip the thing.

Ok, and glass sucks for klutzes.
posted by mikelieman at 11:53 AM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


maybe spend another $25 on a milligram accurate scale and parachute the doses?

perhaps an overstatement, but it's true we're not talking about something where the dosing is that delicate
posted by atoxyl at 11:54 AM on May 17, 2018


(I would not pair MDMA with brie. I would pair it with a crisp cider, really sharp cheddar, and some tart Granny Smith apples.)

Heh, you kid, buuuut...

So I've talked a bit about the desert raves of the 1990s here on MeFi, so this is your background. It's the next morning, getting on towards brunch. You're hot, dusty and you have sand everywhere from dancing all night and (theoretically) thizzing your face off.

And you're actually starting to get hungry. It feels weird, but, you're remembering that food is a thing.

A friend of mine developed this... sandwich just for this particular moment. It's designed to be able to be assembled standing up in the middle of the sun-blasted desert with nothing more than a pocket knife and no cutting board or table. It's also designed to be made out of readily available ingredients from nearly any grocery store.

You take one small, average American dinner roll or mini sandwich roll, about the size of a slider. You apply a spicy and/or brown mustard, preferably Beaver Honey Mustard or Brown. You stuff in one or more slices of each of the following: A sharp cheddar, a very crisp/tart apple, and a coarse slice of sweet onion.

That's it. Eat it. It's fucking amazing. Wash it down with a chilled mimosa or brass monkey and a lot of water. Feel human and restored.

My friend would go around with a bag of rolls, an apple, an onion, a block of cheese and a bottle of mustard and make these little mini sandwiches for people wherever he found them. They were usually - rightfully - extremely dubious and leery of these sandwiches. Until they had a bite, and then it would start a mini riot of people wanting sandwiches.

I still occasionally make them today for a treat after a hot day, hikes or campouts. The combination of cold, crisp cheese, apple and onion in a dab of tart mustard is a winner.
posted by loquacious at 12:04 PM on May 17, 2018 [26 favorites]


Loquacious - not surprising, since that's basically the exact ingredients in a ploughman's lunch.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:08 PM on May 17, 2018 [8 favorites]


And if you want to talk 'serious', there's nothing more utilitarian than an old-school proto-pipe. You can field-strip the thing.

Ok, and glass sucks for klutzes.


Right, but you really shouldn't smoke out of metal. Not even a brass protopipe. Especially not chromium plated crap metal for the kind of traditional metal head shop pipe. FFS, those things use cheap industrial threaded pipe for a pipe stem inside that pretty plastic ring, not to mention the chrome plated pot metal bowl pieces. (Heh, pot metal. That wasn't intentional.)

You can get a glass spoon for five bucks these days. You can get good glass spoons for 20 and if they're good glass they'll bounce off of concrete.

I like glass single-hitters or chillums made by local art glass folks. They cost like 5-8 bucks. I break one about every three months or so.
posted by loquacious at 12:10 PM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


Shouldn’t teenagers be doing this and the journalists describing it as “EVERY PARENT’S WORST NIGHTMARE”?

Fuckin' millennials, man. Even worse than teens these days.
posted by graventy at 12:26 PM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]


Oh Americans. This is what happens when you're not allowed unpasteurized Brie. We over here in Europe get to have the mind-altering bacteria that naturally occur in our several hundred types of cheeses.

I'm totally going to tell all my colleagues tomorrow that outside of my home state known for its overproduction of pot, my home country has also begun putting ecstasy into Brie.

No need to put coke on baguettes by the way, you can just eat a baguette and then make allusions about the white flour on your nose while behaving with silliness.
posted by fraula at 12:45 PM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


I just don't think brie and beans go very well together...
posted by scose at 1:52 PM on May 17, 2018


Right, but you really shouldn't smoke out of metal. Not even a brass protopipe.

"I'll give you my proto-pipe when you pry it from my cold, dead hands", ( and then I have one that I plan to be buried with)
posted by mikelieman at 2:05 PM on May 17, 2018


Chile con Quaaludes.

Chile con k-hole?
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:06 PM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


I just had to look up what a proto-pipe was it and it turns out I used to sell these. Or at least we kept them in stock; no one ever really wanted to buy them because they were so fiddly but I spent a lot of time taking them apart and putting them back together while bored.

The single piece glass pipe that looked like a little elephant and had a carb for a butthole sold like hotcakes tho.
posted by griphus at 2:10 PM on May 17, 2018


And here I thought that the "if you legalize marijuana, we will have to kill puppies" was the wackest drug story in the news this week, but I think this one takes the, well, cheese.
posted by gingerbeer at 2:16 PM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]



And here I thought that the "if you legalize marijuana, we will have to kill puppies" was the wackest drug story in the news this week, but I think this one takes the, well, cheese.


Uh what?

Also- congrats drug people, you have found a way for cheese to make me even sicker than it already does, was not sure that was possible.

Also also- would the saltiness of the cheese be a good thing because it would remind the trippers to drink more water so the MDMA doesn’t make them super dehydrated.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:48 PM on May 17, 2018


What kind of cheese is AMDM backward?
posted by chavenet at 2:51 PM on May 17, 2018


Edam, if you squint real hard
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:59 PM on May 17, 2018 [10 favorites]


Uh what?

The Illinois state patrol claimed that if weed becomes legal all of their drug-sniffing dogs will be bored and they'll have no choice put to put them all down. It shows their lack of imagination because obviously the solution is to keep using the dogs to sniff out cannabis but outfit them with little kegs around their necks like a Saint Bernard in the Alps but instead of brandy they'll deliver bags of doritos and hot pockets.
posted by stet at 3:30 PM on May 17, 2018 [11 favorites]


PLURvolone

Alternatively, provalerone

Also:
2,3-Methzerella
Queso frex-en
GHB de Lille
Marichego
Black Tarentaise
posted by infinitewindow at 4:01 PM on May 17, 2018 [3 favorites]




This is fun!

Raclecstasy
Mimollyette
Brillat-Savahéroin
Dextraciatellamethorphan
Pharmiggiano
Gorgonzoloft
Chedderall
Fontina
posted by STFUDonnie at 5:45 PM on May 17, 2018 [11 favorites]


This is brie.
This is your brain on brie.
Any questions?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 5:45 PM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]


Oh! One more:

Vigneron Head Cleaner
posted by infinitewindow at 6:30 PM on May 17, 2018


MDMA tastes absolutely horrible. It's got a foul, unnatural chemical taste you just immediately must get out of your mouth. There is absolutely no way anybody who ever tasted it would want to just plain ruin a good cheese or even a bad one by mixing it in or sprinkling it on. Plus it makes dosage control nearly impossible. 200 mg is a strong dose; 400 is irresponsible. Sorry, just didn't happen. Still, funny story & I like all the joke names.
posted by scalefree at 7:02 PM on May 17, 2018


perhaps an overstatement, but it's true we're not talking about something where the dosing is that delicate

When you're embedding in or sprinkling it on something you intend to eat? One large pinch is a good dose. 3 could be fatal. How well distributed is your Molly? Does your piece have a half, 1, 2 or 3 pinches in it?
posted by scalefree at 7:10 PM on May 17, 2018


One large pinch is a good dose. 3 could be fatal.

QFT. This is one of the more dismaying things about prohibition and club/dance culture after about 1996 or so. Before that most of the MDMA use I witnessed was very carefully dosed and controlled. Even pre-pressed pills had relatively uniform and known doses, as opposed to pure powders measured and capped.

After that people started eating quantities of pills with unknown doses, and then even treating MDMA like coke or other stim drugs. Then "molly" aka "molecule" appeared, which mainly seems to be MDMA analogs often mixed with plain old meth, but if/when it was pure MDMA all "molly" is is a marketing name for pure MDMA as opposed to the dodgy pills available.

But I was incredibly alarmed the first time I saw someone lick their finger and stick it in a bag of "molly" to re-dose and treat it like a bag of coke. "What the hell are you doing!?" No bueno, amigo.

Anyway, what it sounds like they're doing in the article is just "parachuting" a given single dose of MDMA in some cheese, not snacking on it willy-nilly.

FYI for safety if anyone ever needs it: You shouldn't do more than about 150-200 mg of MDMA in 24 hours or a single dose - and you should wait at least 2-4 weeks between use to avoid serotonin depletion and serotonin syndrome. If not much, much longer.

100 mg is usually more than sufficient for a therapeutic but threshold dose. If you do MDMA or plan on doing MDMA, you should also have a testing kit which you can now get right from Amazon. And hit up erowid.org or dancesafe.org for more safety information.
posted by loquacious at 9:56 AM on May 18, 2018 [2 favorites]


Oh, and where does one obtain, say, a good scale and gelcaps? Health food stores. Online. But, yeah, just about any brick and mortar health food store that has a supplements section has bulk gelcaps and good scales.
posted by loquacious at 10:00 AM on May 18, 2018 [1 favorite]


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