We sleep in a well made bed
May 22, 2018 4:17 AM   Subscribe

There is no depression in New Zealand; there are no sheep on our farms, There is no depression in New Zealand; we can all keep perfectly calm. Everybody's talking about World War Three, everybody's talking about World War Three, but we're as safe as safe can be, there's no unrest in this country

We have no dole queues,
we have no drug addicts,
we have no racism,
we have no sexism, sexism, no, no

We have no SIS,
we have no secrets,
we have no rebellion;
we have no valium, valium, no, no

There is no depression in New Zealand;
there are no sheep on our farms,
There is no depression in New Zealand;
oh we can all keep perfectly calm,
perfectly calm,
perfectly calm,
perfectly calm,
perfectly calm...
posted by supercrayon (29 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite
 
for reference
posted by supercrayon at 4:35 AM on May 22, 2018 [5 favorites]


That's a really great song.
posted by octothorpe at 4:40 AM on May 22, 2018


Time zones help the eyes keep a 24/7 watch on the entire planet. Good to see a link confirm this.
posted by infini at 4:48 AM on May 22, 2018


Amazing FPP!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:07 AM on May 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


(previously related to the song itself)
posted by inflatablekiwi at 5:36 AM on May 22, 2018


What drug is 'P'? Are they referring to peyote or PCP?
posted by I-Write-Essays at 6:28 AM on May 22, 2018


P is meth.
posted by elsietheeel at 7:13 AM on May 22, 2018


The really depressing thing is that you could make a slightly modified version of this song for every country in the world.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:22 AM on May 22, 2018


I crack up when people in Singapore tell me they want to move to New Zealand because it's so peaceful. The murder rate is triple here and my siblings have had their cars broken into multiple times, houses burgled, street harassment etc. and live in 'safe' areas. I don't think twice about walking downstairs at 3am through a carpark, but my sister kept keys in her hand walking through the carpark during the day in a mall. It's a great country for many many reasons, but the crime rate is high and violent. The marketing board for NZ tourism is brilliant.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:43 AM on May 22, 2018 [3 favorites]


This is a great song. A similar vibe from the US might be X, I Must Not Think Bad Thoughts?
posted by Lawn Beaver at 7:54 AM on May 22, 2018 [3 favorites]


fascinating. I have friends here in US who fantasize about moving to NZ, and they seem to fully believe the hype...
posted by supermedusa at 10:35 AM on May 22, 2018


I'm originally from South Africa, moved to NZ in 2004 and am now a NZ citizen. Just came in to say that, although NZ may not be 100% the country its tourism board presents it as being, I feel a lot safer here than I did in SA between say, 1998 - 2004. However, the country does have a huge problem addressing its mental health issues, likely because of the seemingly non-confrontational attitude that appears to be prevalent among Kiwis.
posted by New England Cultist at 11:27 AM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]


I feel a lot safer here than I did in SA between say, 1998 - 2004

I don't mean to be a jerk, but that seems like a low bar.
posted by lumpenprole at 12:22 PM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]


I crack up when people in Singapore tell me they want to move to New Zealand because it's so peaceful.

Yeah, I think a lot of people here would say that they'd move to Singapore because Singapore was safer. You don't hear it so much now, but Singapore was long held up as a model for NZ by some of our politicians - small, high-tech, low regulation, orderly. That said, crime rates aren't that high here compared to a lot of other places - it's more that Singapore's murder rate is almost the lowest in the world.
posted by Pink Frost at 12:34 PM on May 22, 2018


Yeah, we're not as safe as Singapore, but Singapore is well, Singapore.

As for murder rates, per 100,000 per year:
Singapore 0.25
New Zealand 0.91
United Kingdom 0.92
United States 4.88
South Africa 34

What I noticed the most, moving to NZ from the UK, was the much lower rates of casual drunken street violence. I've never felt unsafe wandering around an NZ town of a night.

(Admittedly, yes, the problems with depression, mental health, youth suicide, methamphetamine, and a racist penal system, and homelessness are all true.)
posted by happyinmotion at 12:46 PM on May 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


New England Cultist: the racial skew in suicide and mental health figures (example) suggests to me that colonisation's impact on Māori and continued discrimination are an important factor.

The non-confrontational nature of NZ culture is true, but we mostly get that from our UK antecedents, yet our suicide rate is highly divergent.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:27 PM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]


I think that the constant barrage from Tourism NZ about how we are such a perfect little country is a big contributor to the suicide rate - when people are unhappy they may feel their problems are all about themselves (where pretty much all problems are systemic) - I say this with no corroboration whatsoever but I do study and design social space and much of (especially urban) NZ is very much like Once Were Warriors.

Conversely we have a very high suicide rate among farmers - I have a client who believes that as farming jobs become hyper-specialised, and as farms become green deserts with not tee, that this drives people insane.
posted by unearthed at 1:38 PM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]


Sent that track to a friend a few months ago when it was reference in another mefi thread. He thought it was a new song instead of a track from '81. Not sure if that put B3 ahead of curve or the propensity of current music tread to mine 80's sounds for their synth crude and searing lick ore
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 1:48 PM on May 22, 2018


Foreigners' unrealistically rosy views of life in NZ are probably, oh, 90% Peter Jackson's fault.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:00 PM on May 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


What? Dead/Alive scared me off completely.
posted by whuppy at 2:07 PM on May 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


New Zealanders rate themselves as more happy with their lives than the OECD average.

I don't have the stats at my fingertips or the time to look, but if you look at the work of people like Max Rashbrooke, basically the top half of NZ economically is doing well and has done since the mid 80s, but the bottom quartile or quintile is really very substantially worse off than it used to be. Some have gained or held positions at the expense of a minority who suffer disproportionately from the social ills that come with poverty.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:13 PM on May 22, 2018


Suicide is illegal to report in NZ (unless you're the official coroner), which keeps it sort of on the down-low. The goal is preventing suicide contagion but it also keeps it weirdly ignorable. 'No suspicious circumstances' is one of the code phrases.

Also, all the above noted, overall crime rate in 2014 was a little more than half what it was in 1994.
posted by Sebmojo at 2:22 PM on May 22, 2018


Whoa. Fantastic post.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:49 PM on May 22, 2018


Let's not forget forget Metiria Turei's maiden speech in parliament when she dang "There is no depression in New Zealand" in Te Reo
posted by mbo at 2:58 PM on May 22, 2018 [3 favorites]


Unfortunately I can't think about Metiria Turei without becoming blinded by white hot rage about how she was treated.
posted by supercrayon at 3:41 PM on May 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


TBF I suspect Bill English would still be PM if that hadn't happened.

If you like that song check out the extremely magnificent Front Lawn and Muttonbirds which are two of Don McGlashan's post Blamblamblam projects.
posted by Sebmojo at 5:42 PM on May 22, 2018


Your post has touched on a bunch of FPP's I had under construction. I also wanted to de-exoticise New Zealand for people who have less of an idea of the problems we have down here.

In regards to suicide and mental health for Māori/Pacific Islanders - I'll add a few more links:


Trauma layered upon trauma: the fight to turn the tide in Māori youth suicide (Jess McAllen, The Spinoff)
Māori youth suicide rates are among the highest in the world. Some of the most affected rangatahi (youth) and their families talk to Jessica McAllen, while those at the grassroots striving to tackle the problem explain what they’re up to, and the obstacles they confront.

In narrative therapy, Māori creation stories are being used to heal (Michelle Duff, Stuff)
Mahi a Atua is a form of narrative therapy that focuses on recovery from the trauma of colonisation. Māori creation stories are used as a form of healing, connecting alienated Māori to their whakapapa.
Here's a quick (but perhaps inadequate) Māori Glossary for words used in the articles:

Also worth mentioning that the new Government is currently conducting a wide-ranging ministerial inquiry into mental health and addiction in New Zealand.
posted by Start with Dessert at 8:08 PM on May 22, 2018 [9 favorites]


Not sure if that put B3 ahead of curve or the propensity of current music tread to mine 80's sounds for their synth crude and searing lick ore

I say ahead timeless instead of ahead of the curve or that '00s music apes. The track that follows, "Don't Fight it Marsha", sounds even more modern, except for the fact that the name in the title is "Marsha". The lack of '70s signifiers (ripping off Led Zepplin), '80s signifiers like heavy chorus on the guitars, and lack of '90s signifiers (ripping off Zep & Pearl Jam) make it sound timeless - definitely indie rock, but timeless.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:15 AM on May 23, 2018


The post title is particularly ironic given New Zealand's staggering rate of homelessness and housing insecurity:

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/94983470/new-zealand-has-worst-level-of-homelessness-in-the-world-labour-say
https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2016/08/zealand-homeless-living-cars-garages-160811062112936.html
posted by tumbling at 5:45 PM on May 24, 2018


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