Hot Take In The Summertime (Northern Hemisphere Edition)
May 25, 2018 1:23 PM   Subscribe

The Tastes of Summer, Ranked: Peach vs. watermelon. Kielbasa vs. hot dog. Fudgsicle vs. Chipwich. New York Times food critics and writers assess the season’s peak pleasures. [No fire wall]
posted by Room 641-A (57 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
I must object to the deep mediocrity of crinkle-cut fries being ranked above the delicious textural wonderland of waffle-cut fries.

Speaking of, are there any widespread chains other than CFA that do waffle-cut fries?
posted by inconstant at 1:28 PM on May 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


My summer tastes: grilled corn with butter and garam masala/spice-rub, watermelon with pepper, raspberries that you just eat by the carton.
posted by Fizz at 1:44 PM on May 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


While I do love some waffle cup fries, I love the tots better, even if they aren't technically fries.

And I don't know of a better fruit than a fresh strawberry.
posted by Marky at 1:44 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


YES. CHIPWICH IS KING.

for a while my local bodega's chipwich knockoff was manufactured by "Mister Cookie Face Incorporated" which I maintain is the best name for a business ever
posted by phooky at 1:46 PM on May 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


The guy who picked watermelon doesn't seem to like watermelon. He suggests doing everything with it except taking a bite of it.
posted by clawsoon at 1:49 PM on May 25, 2018


The fruits article is exactly inverted. What the actual fuck?
posted by explosion at 1:51 PM on May 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Mmm, Chipwich
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:52 PM on May 25, 2018


Fruit pie, eaten outside with your hands, while barefoot, with bees buzzing in the mint nearby

A real shandy, in a pub overlooking the ocean on the Jurassic Coast in England, while you still smell of sea spray and good hard work

A fresh tomato you just plucked from the garden - it doesn't matter if it's a small pot on your balcony or a raised beds in your backyard

Ice cream from the local ice cream place near the park that make their own

Fresh raspberries, in the woods, in the shade of some aspens, found on a hike - just a few though because you need to leave the rest for the birds and the bears

Flathead Lake Cherries brought down from Montana by Mennonites and sold by the side of the feed store

Peaches from your grandmother's tree, juice running down your arm

Real, fresh root beer at the farmer's Market

A slice of pizza and a glass of beer on the rooftop of Dornan's in Moose, WY

Watermelon on your front porch with a good book and some iced tea

Iced sun tea you made yourself with just a hint of peach and raspberry, with a sprig of mint

Blackberries as big as your thumb from the wild bramble down by the creek on your grandfather's place

Huckleberry milkshake from Annies (now defunct) in the Bighorn Basin of Wyoming, after a 12 hour day mapping rock formations in the dust, the sun, and the heat

Grilled corn with butter and salt eaten in the company of friends/family as the sun sets

And finally, sweet wild plums, often better just after the first frost, that tell you summer is leaving and you'll have a good time outside again next year, just wait, just wait, fall is here, fall is here, and other delights are awaiting you - like apples.
posted by barchan at 1:59 PM on May 25, 2018 [18 favorites]


Watermelon, kielbasa, fudgesicle.

Welcome to Cleveland, now go home.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:11 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Watermelon on your front porch with a good book and some iced tea

I like this picture and I can see it in my mind but ummm NOO. All I can think of is sticky watermelon fingers getting my book/eReader all grubby and sticky and dirty and NO NO NO NO NO. That's more about me and my fussiness when it comes to reading, but just the idea of this is making my eye twitch.
posted by Fizz at 2:12 PM on May 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


As a connoisseur of road trip snacks I have to say their list is lacking. Takis clearly need to be near the very top, compromised only by the way you'll leave radioactive-red stains on everything you touch afterwards. Also surprised by the lack of sunflower seeds. In their shells, you lazy shit.
posted by Nelson at 2:13 PM on May 25, 2018


The fruits article is exactly inverted. What the actual fuck?

you are 100% correct about this and i would assert that Peter Wells, progenitor of this take, is either intentionally trolling here or is just plain wrong in his soul about the nature and form of The Good (for further proof of this please recollect his dessert opinions from previously.)
posted by halation at 2:13 PM on May 25, 2018


like watermelon is hands-down the most overrated part of the summer, please @ me on this all you want cos i will fite u

it's sticky, it's messy, it's pointless. like, dip a block of styrofoam packing material into ice water, freeze it for a bit, and you can entirely recreate the experience of watermelon

it hasn't even got the pure simplicity of a raspberry or a stone fruit to recommend it! you don't have to thump them and heft them and chill them and wrestle them and hack into them with a machete and maul them into sliced submission, and you don't have to soak them in liquor for a day to make them remotely interesting (though certainly you can if you like). you can just bite into them and revel in their easy honest glory. that is what summer is.
posted by halation at 2:19 PM on May 25, 2018 [9 favorites]


Ice-cold gin for hot weather, good añejo or rum otherwise. Scotch all year 'round.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:20 PM on May 25, 2018


Also, mangoes. Sucking on the mango seed is the best part of eating a mango and I have it firmly associated with summer in my brain.
posted by Fizz at 2:23 PM on May 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


The happy memory this FPP evoked for me was of boiled peanuts in a little brown bag purchased by the side of the road.
posted by Wobbuffet at 2:24 PM on May 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Obviously peaches. OBVIOUSLY.
posted by lydhre at 2:29 PM on May 25, 2018 [7 favorites]


I don't like watermelon so I'm with halation and am willing to fight.

Peaches though...when you can get peaches straight from the orchard there is absolutely nothing better.

Also yay Room! I missed you!
posted by elsietheeel at 2:37 PM on May 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


The happy memory this FPP evoked for me was of boiled peanuts in a little brown bag purchased by the side of the road.

For me it's roasted peanuts on the side of the road in India on our way to "hill stations".
posted by Fizz at 2:40 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


summer is about devouring the sloppiest messiest peaches you can find and then your subsequent hilarious flight from many bees
posted by poffin boffin at 3:09 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


and the whole purpose of watermelon is to freeze it in bite size chunks and crunch it up when you're too hot and grumpy for real food
posted by poffin boffin at 3:10 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


NOO. All I can think of is sticky watermelon fingers getting my book/eReader all grubby and sticky and dirty

A civilized person cuts the watermelon into bite-sized chunks, places them in a bowl, washes one's hands and reads on the porch whilst eating with a fucking fork, eh.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:16 PM on May 25, 2018 [10 favorites]


Yeah but you have to cut up a watermelon and eat it with a fork to make it enjoyable but a perfectly ripe peach is something for which you're willing to get sticky...and fend off bees.
posted by elsietheeel at 3:19 PM on May 25, 2018


so many bees
posted by poffin boffin at 3:22 PM on May 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


That article infuriated me. Watermelon, hot dogs and fries? Why are you wasting our time? Tell us a new fruit (paw paw), a new sausage (mortadella), a new fry (Sweet potato). Expand our horizons.
posted by acrasis at 3:24 PM on May 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


but you can just put raspberries in the freezer and then take them out and eat them and that way you don't have to cut them up OR run from bees

also you can put a raspberry on every one of your fingertips and pretend you have a fancy berry manicure and then eat them off one by one
posted by halation at 3:25 PM on May 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


also if you're gonna cut up anything and put it in the freezer because you're grumpy and it's hot and there are no good ways to get enough calories into your overheated self when it is eleventy-billion degrees, cut up a mango. even better, cut up an avocado alongside, and put both in a bowl and freeze, and eat with a fork, it's so good

as Fizz points out, you can even gnaw on the mango seed while waiting for your wonderful frozen fruit to freeze
posted by halation at 3:27 PM on May 25, 2018


i love raspberries but as they have the highest amount of fiber of any fruit, raspberries do not love me
posted by poffin boffin at 3:28 PM on May 25, 2018


Speaking of, are there any widespread chains other than CFA that do waffle-cut fries?

Carl's Jr and Pizza Hut
posted by bodaciousllama at 3:36 PM on May 25, 2018


Orange creamsicles. Fried chicken. Corn on the cob. Homemade ice cream. Iced tea. That's summer.
posted by emjaybee at 4:25 PM on May 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


I got mad at the rankings for ice cream treats, so I went to twitter to yell at Tejal Rao for forgetting the It's-its"!

Turns out, she didn't forget, she just lives in an It's-Its desert.
posted by vespabelle at 4:35 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


a perfect, flawless, turgid nectarine, grown from a tree planted by my ancestors, frozen solid, eaten while squatting naked on a fire ant hill
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:42 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Wait... fries are summer food? I must be doing something wrong then. I'm inclined to agree with inconstant above, waffle fries are dreamy though oddly a rare find. Crinkle cut fries have largely one purpose and that is to be eaten with a hot turkey or chicken sandwich (yes you have to eat it with the peas).

King of summer food for me is yellow watermelon.
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:52 PM on May 25, 2018


Am I missing something? Each of the individual food articles is paywalled for me.
posted by Night_owl at 5:23 PM on May 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


A Dodger Dog at Dodger Stadium, followed by a bacon-wrapped hot dog outside the stadium.

Corn on the cob, either with butter and salt or an elote.

A large, hand-squeezed lemonade from Hot Dog On A Stick.

Lime popsicles or paletas.

Everything al fresco.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:52 PM on May 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


turgid nectarine

Incidentally, Turgid Nectarine is the name of my new band. We play covers of Tangerine Dream, Moby Grape, The Electric Prunes, The Cranberries, Bananarama, Wild Cherry, Blind Melon, Fiona Apple, the Lemonheads, Strawberry Alarm Clock, and The Raspberries.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:00 PM on May 25, 2018 [7 favorites]


Obviously not a Bay Area list since there are no blackberries, apricots, or It's-Its.

I gotta say though, grilling a hot dog is often the worst thing to do to it. Not enough fat to keep the average griller from ruining them.
posted by oneirodynia at 6:05 PM on May 25, 2018


Charcoal grilling, that is...
posted by oneirodynia at 6:07 PM on May 25, 2018


Peach > watermelon. But finding good ripe peaches is orders of magnitude harder than finding good watermelon.

And Chipwich > It’s It. Sorry Yay Area.
posted by gnutron at 6:13 PM on May 25, 2018


My very favorite summertime food is fresh home-made salsa, using tomatoes picked from the garden. Chop up a big juicy fragrant heirloom tomato and mix with a little lime juice, onion, garlic, serrano pepper and cilantro and scoop it up with whatever tortilla or chip product happens to be in reach. Heaven.
posted by nirblegee at 7:08 PM on May 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


Summer is going to the garden and picking ears of corn, only minutes from slathering them in butter and Crazy Jane's salt. The endless baskets to tomatoes and peppers for salsa. Drying hundreds of heads of garlic in the barn, and roasting a few because I can't wait any longer. It's eating as many raspberries as I pick and the heavenly smell of jam-making.It's hot sauce so hot--habaneros and Reapers and Scorpion peppers--that I can no longer smell it as I make it. Strawberries that don't smell as strongly as the Bonne Bell lip gloss of decades ago but taste like something real. Mint tea. Thai pickle from cucumbers. All of the kitchen smells as I put up what I can...but the best, best, best taste of summer is the home-canned jar of thick red spaghetti sauce that I open for a meal in December. Summer just comes rushing back and I forget all of the work.
posted by MonkeyToes at 8:07 PM on May 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Summer for me is shave ice.

Here's an article that Eater recently posted about shave ice desserts found across the world.
posted by FJT at 9:32 PM on May 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Step 1. Cut up a mango
Step 2. Squeeze lime juice on the mango
Step 3. Dust with chili powder

It is known that lime juice + mango is the best taste in the world

Bonus recipe

Step 1. Cut avocado in half and remove the pit
Step 2. Fill the crater with honey
Step 3. Eat the avocado with a spoon directly out of the skin, mixing with the honey
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9:50 PM on May 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


Alas, it looks like the local Pizza Hut doesn't carry waffle-cut, only straight-cut. It must be a regional thing -- there's no Carls Jrses roundabouts here either. Damn you, questionable culinary preferences of current area of residency!!!
posted by inconstant at 6:08 AM on May 26, 2018


there's no Carls Jrses roundabouts here either.

I was going to ask if you had Hardee's instead, but then I googled and discovered that Hardee's doesn't HAVE waffle fries, they have curly fries. What's that about!?
posted by elsietheeel at 6:18 AM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


i'm sorry to keep bringing this back to bees* but my favourite summer pastime is watching groups of people picnicking in the distance being menaced by bees because it looks like they're just running and screaming and waving their hands for fun

*a lie, i'm not sorry
posted by poffin boffin at 8:35 AM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Bees? No, the best part of summer is watching yellowjackets at NY state parks repeatedly saw off large chunks of your leftover grilled chicken while giving you the finger
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:03 AM on May 26, 2018


poffin boffin, how is it you get so much enjoyment from my least favorite part of summer? I do not want to fight bees for food. I do not actually want to fight anything for food. I want bees to exist, because they’re vital to our ecosystem. I just want them to exist very far away from me.

Fries are not summer food. They are all-season food.

Y’all have some pretty delicious ideas and should keep them coming. Except poffin boffin, who can feel free to stop before we have to read about berry bee cobblers or something.
posted by greermahoney at 10:09 AM on May 26, 2018


Also, meat bees are terrifying, so thanks for reminding me those exist.
posted by greermahoney at 10:11 AM on May 26, 2018


i love them they are our fuzzy chubby frands
posted by poffin boffin at 10:24 AM on May 26, 2018 [7 favorites]


In the UK I find strawberries to be rather bland and have never really appreciated why people seem to like them so much.

But Mrs. 43rd and I are on holiday in the South of France, and the strawberries in the farmers' markets here... I've never tasted anything like them. And having ripe black cherries falling on you from the tree in the garden is pretty neat as well.
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 10:32 AM on May 26, 2018


berry bee cobblers

Ooh, berry bees are the tastiest!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:27 AM on May 26, 2018


Surprised they didn't mention Grape Salad.
posted by Sphinx at 11:29 AM on May 26, 2018


4. Peaches
A peach is almost impossible to screw up.


A northerner wrote this.
posted by penduluum at 11:29 AM on May 26, 2018


Corn (on the cob. lots of butter and salt).
Brats.
Cherries. Lots of Door County cherries and Door County Wine.
posted by symbioid at 4:43 PM on May 26, 2018


You all know that it's possible to cut watermelon into bite-sized pieces that can be easily eaten with utensils, right?

Watermelon is messy in exactly the same way that lasagna is messy, if you choose to slice it into eight inch long chunks and then pick it up with your hands and bury your face in it. (Which might be fun, once, but isn't the sort of thing thoughtful hosts would expect you to do at a picnic.)
posted by eotvos at 5:56 PM on May 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


slice [lasagna] into eight inch long chunks and then pick it up with your hands and bury your face in it

Once it's cooled down below, say, 100° I would enthusiastically do this again and again. Nom nom nom nom.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:35 PM on May 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


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