Jello Knife
May 26, 2018 7:19 PM   Subscribe

 
Really cool, but mostly, I wish I had access to all the whetstones and sharpening equipment this person had.
posted by Fizz at 7:25 PM on May 26, 2018 [13 favorites]


So we are all thinking the same thing, right?

“So that’s how you get away with murder...”
posted by Windigo at 7:37 PM on May 26, 2018 [24 favorites]


So we are all thinking the same thing, right?

Where can I get that cow pitcher?
posted by Grandysaur at 7:40 PM on May 26, 2018 [46 favorites]


“So that’s how you get away with murder...”

I mean, that is absolutely what I'm thinking, yes. But I figure there are three kinds of people: those of us who think so this is how to get away with murder, those of us who think how clever/creative/weird, and judging by the tumblr tags where I first saw this, those of us who shriek about how could he just melt it down again?????
posted by yasaman at 7:42 PM on May 26, 2018 [9 favorites]


Time to remake "Lamb to the Slaughter", maybe?
posted by non canadian guy at 7:48 PM on May 26, 2018 [4 favorites]


Cool! But my fave part was resealing the containers.
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 7:56 PM on May 26, 2018 [14 favorites]


how could he just melt it down again?????

This strikes me as the sort of implement that will not hold up well with repeated exposure to moisture—I'd like to see how many diced onions you could get through with a blade like this before your cutting edge turns to mush. I figured it was probably not a coincidence that we only saw a portion of one vegetable before moving along to the recycling portion of the exercise.

“So that’s how you get away with murder...”

No question this makes it easier to get through e.g. metal detectors, but I think it probably leaves a lot of evidence in the wounds, right? And it does nothing for the issues of bloodstains on your person, trace evidence you leave at the scene, etc.
posted by jsnlxndrlv at 8:04 PM on May 26, 2018


I mean, but no fingerprints...
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:06 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


The body was discovered with one stab wound to the chest and puddle of jello.

this reminds me, I need to sharpen my kitchen knives.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:07 PM on May 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


Dude has also made a knife out of Pasta.

...

Pasta.

Also, I have a 8000 and 12000 grit whetstone at home, and after using those my knives are sharp enough that I can dry-shave the hair off my arm. This guy is using 30000 on a knife made of pasta. That seems like overkill.
posted by Grimgrin at 8:09 PM on May 26, 2018 [11 favorites]


The brilliant thing is the ending, and how careful he is to keep it edible the whole way. It would be very easy to make this in such a way that the reconstituted jello would not be at all safe to eat.

Knife-sharpening videos on Youtube are my crack and these are amazing. I am not coordinated enough at all to be allowed to do this with sharp objects, but I would probably marry the person who showed up in my life who pulled the "cutting paper after doing the knife sharpening" trick in my actual kitchen.
posted by Sequence at 8:10 PM on May 26, 2018 [6 favorites]


*Doug Marcaida voice*

"It will cut."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:20 PM on May 26, 2018 [6 favorites]


A cool way to make a biodegradable, moldable plastic for specific, short-term usage.
posted by darkstar at 8:21 PM on May 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


That cheese sauce he made for the pasta knife looks pretty good, though I have to wonder what the mozzarella is really adding to it
posted by aubilenon at 8:23 PM on May 26, 2018


I feel like you could have been confident you had the sharpest jello knife in the world before you got to the 30,000 grit whetstone. Like way before. Perhaps I'm naive about the existence of an underground competitive jello knife sharpening subculture.
posted by figurant at 8:24 PM on May 26, 2018 [39 favorites]


Not just short term usage. Keep in mind that jello is collagen, made from the boiled hide and bones of animals. It's the same as hot hide glue, except that it hasn't been allowed to lose all it's moisture. Hide glue can hold bits of wood together for hundreds of years.
posted by bonobothegreat at 8:26 PM on May 26, 2018 [5 favorites]


I feel like you could have been confident you had the sharpest jello knife in the world before you got to the 30,000 grit whetstone.

For me the most memorable video of the channel has been sharpening a dollar store knife with 30,000yen's worth of sharpening stones. Just way, way overboard...but then the channel is called kiwami Japan...(kiwami being the word for extreme, limit, endpoint...).

“So that’s how you get away with murder...”

No question this makes it easier to get through e.g. metal detectors, but I think it probably leaves a lot of evidence in the wounds, right?


He also has an ice knife (reinforced with polyester).
posted by Sockin'inthefreeworld at 8:30 PM on May 26, 2018 [8 favorites]


I just want, like, the third-sharpest Jell-O knife in the New York/New Jersey area.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:31 PM on May 26, 2018 [22 favorites]


Perhaps I'm naive about the existence of an underground competitive jello knife sharpening subculture.


The first rule of Jello Knife Club...
posted by darkstar at 8:45 PM on May 26, 2018 [4 favorites]


GSV Underground Competitive Jello Knife Sharpening Subculture

or

Metafilter: The underground competitive jello knife sharpening subculture it's okay to like.

A rare twofer!
posted by Grimgrin at 8:55 PM on May 26, 2018 [3 favorites]


I just want, like, the third-sharpest Jell-O knife in the New York/New Jersey area.

It's good to keep one's goals realistic and obtainable.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:58 PM on May 26, 2018 [9 favorites]


Watching the video, I first thought it was just going to be knife-shaped and dried out -- that's already pretty sharp for a knife made of jello, after all. Then the whetstone came out and I thought, oh they're going to actually go for it and put a bit of an edge on, huh. Then I lost track of the whetstone number (grade?) for a while and thought, this is taking a while isn't it. Then the penny finally dropped.

Overkill indeed!
posted by inconstant at 9:02 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Is there like an unofficial world championship "everyone needs a hobby" competition?

but yes I to have whetstone envy
posted by sammyo at 9:06 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Getting it all back in the candy packs was brilliant and this little meditation on cosmogenesis is beyond reproach.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:13 PM on May 26, 2018 [11 favorites]


It has made me re-think my whole “it’s okay if it’s unopened” life strategy, however.
posted by darkstar at 9:15 PM on May 26, 2018 [6 favorites]


I was sad when the knife went into the pan but then happy again that everything was returned. Just needed another "I ate a lion" at the end.
posted by user92371 at 9:18 PM on May 26, 2018 [4 favorites]


Re: 20,000 / 30,000 grit whetstones - I suspect that, since gelatin obviously has less toughness and wearability than steel, using coarser stones would have just shredded the knife instead of usefully sharpening it.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:24 PM on May 26, 2018 [6 favorites]


Are knife-making videos the new hot nickel ball videos?
posted by greermahoney at 9:41 PM on May 26, 2018


but what does it taste like
posted by some_kind_of_toaster at 9:45 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


delicious murder
posted by poffin boffin at 9:56 PM on May 26, 2018 [11 favorites]


Filing this away for when I need to defend myself in prison.
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:21 PM on May 26, 2018 [7 favorites]


I was very confused until it got to the end and I saw the references to the other knives made in the series.

I mean, making a jello knife is weird, but making a jello knife, carbon fiber knife, pasta knife, wood knife, plate knife, plastic food wrap knife, katsuobushi knife, ice knife, and chocolate knife is perfectly reasonable.
posted by ckape at 10:24 PM on May 26, 2018 [14 favorites]


[this is good]
this takes me back two decades to scream: 'best of the web'
posted by es_de_bah at 11:20 PM on May 26, 2018 [4 favorites]


Jell-O: It's Not Just A Blunt Instrument Anymore!

J-E-L-L-Ow!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:30 PM on May 26, 2018 [10 favorites]


Knife: It's what's for dessert!
posted by CrowGoat at 11:49 PM on May 26, 2018 [7 favorites]


Jell-O: It’s a murder weapon! No, it’s the start point for a variety of imaginative molded desserts.

Oh wait, it’s both! Thank heavens there’s ALWAYS room for Jell-O.
posted by kinnakeet at 12:15 AM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


Today I learned that every knife in my kitchen is duller than jello. #winning
posted by klanawa at 1:16 AM on May 27, 2018 [20 favorites]


First I thought, this is great, but in the same way the guy who made a fake bunch of bananas was great. Then I realized how useful it is. Best of the web, indeed.
posted by mumimor at 1:53 AM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


Love this guys channel but disinfecting the blade to then put the jello in your air purifier overnight? Blergh. How about a nice cup of tea from my dehumidifier?
posted by Iteki at 1:55 AM on May 27, 2018


ha - RolandofEld! my first thought was, "that's a hell of a lot of work for a shiv, dammit.'
posted by lapolla at 2:22 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


> how could he just melt it down again?????
It's the circle of knife.
posted by farlukar at 3:38 AM on May 27, 2018 [58 favorites]


I’ve just taken a couple of slices off a cucumber using a raw gelatin leaf. Make of that what you will. Maybe a small sandwich.
posted by Segundus at 4:15 AM on May 27, 2018 [9 favorites]


Three days of the コンドル
posted by grimjeer at 5:02 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Oh great, now the kids will see this and we'll have gangs and Jello will be banned and transporting a jellybaby across state lines will get you five to ten.

The Internet ruins EVAHRETHANG.
posted by Devonian at 5:51 AM on May 27, 2018 [5 favorites]


There's a bunch of extra gelatin in it so it's probably not as delicious as it started, even if it is edible.
posted by quaking fajita at 7:41 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Also, aren't those little fruit jellies made of konjac jelly, not gelatin?
posted by tavella at 7:53 AM on May 27, 2018


The plastic food wrap knife has been done in the wild, ckape. I remember reading about how it was banned from use on food trays served to prisoners at a federal supermaxes, because someone had made a shiv out of it and stabbed another prisoner to death.
posted by tavella at 7:57 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Seems like a lot of work to ruin a series of good sharpening stones.
posted by Splunge at 8:13 AM on May 27, 2018


The third-sharpest Jell-O knife in the New York/New Jersey area
Will in time both outpace and outlive you
posted by oulipian at 8:48 AM on May 27, 2018 [11 favorites]


I guess if you must eat knives this is a good idea.

Don't eat knives, kids.
posted by adept256 at 9:25 AM on May 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


T H E R E ' S !

*plunging the knife*

A L W A Y S !

*plunging the knife*

R O O M !

*plunging the knife*

F O R !

*plunging the knife*

J E L L O !
posted by cortex at 10:08 AM on May 27, 2018 [18 favorites]


At one point, I thought he was putting.the knife in a shredder, which seemed weird, but it was an air purifier.

I also wanted to see him cut through a shoe.
posted by 4ster at 10:21 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Dude has also made a knife out of Pasta.

And he cooks and eats that one too! It's perfect.
posted by kenko at 10:25 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


wtf he made a katsuobushi knife?!
posted by kenko at 10:33 AM on May 27, 2018


Filing this away for when I need to defend myself in prison.

They don't serve jell-o because it has to be refrigerated. You get the sugar-free shelf-stable ones made of carrageenan.
posted by elsietheeel at 11:22 AM on May 27, 2018


Seems like a lot of work to ruin a series of good sharpening stones.

"Do you want knife-ants?? Because that's how you get knife ants!"
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:24 AM on May 27, 2018 [5 favorites]


Filing this away for when I need to defend myself in prison.

See what you did there
posted by chappell, ambrose at 12:47 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


I am now envisioning the plot of a murder mystery where the murder weapon is served as a meal to the detective investigating the crime...
posted by darkstar at 1:23 PM on May 27, 2018


you want lamb to the slaughter by roald dahl then
posted by poffin boffin at 1:29 PM on May 27, 2018 [10 favorites]


In Crocodile Dundee VI, Mick makes a knife out of Vegemite
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:34 PM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Really cool, but mostly, I wish I had access to all the whetstones and sharpening equipment this person had.

Me too, but then I reflect on the fact that dude doesn’t appear to own a whisk.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:05 PM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


You know, Culture-style FAGLC pretty much implicitly requires the eventual instantiation of the underground competitive jello knife sharpening subculture. Perhaps these videos should best be regarded as evidence of the incipient triumph of it.
posted by mwhybark at 9:32 PM on May 27, 2018


Dude has also made a knife out of Pasta.

Now, that's using your noodle!

I'll get my coat.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:32 PM on May 27, 2018 [12 favorites]


There's a new rice one, with an amusing twist.

I was somewhat surprised by the rice knife's apparent strength -- I know from exasperating experience that dried-up cooked rice is very hard and can stab you, but I would thought a whole knife made of powdered rice would be brittle.
posted by inconstant at 9:54 AM on May 28, 2018


This seems relevant. (I think I learned about it here, actually.)
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 8:12 PM on May 28, 2018 [2 favorites]


This seems relevant. (I think I learned about it here, actually.)
Man, that is a good story. It reminds me of another story, also from Canadian Inuit (I've forgotten which tribe, maybe Netsilik): sometimes, people made sleds out of salmon and the intestines of seals before going inland. You'd quickly form part of the intestines into meads, and use the rest to tie "planks" of salmon together into the board. it would freeze quickly and be ready for use within hours. If the hunt went bad, you'd have a whole sled of good food, waiting to be thawed.
I actually tried to get a reproduction made for a museum, but management refused it because "the Inuit have a rich culture of long tales, and we can't know if this was ever a thing". Made no sense to me as an argument, being a huge fan of Alfred Jarry, who clearly new this story.
posted by mumimor at 8:50 AM on May 29, 2018 [1 favorite]


Aw, your museum was no fun! They should have advertised it like Mythbusters, "is this a thing you can actually do?" I'd think you'd still need bone or wood for the runners because I would assume the friction would melt and wear away salmon, but it does seem possible you could use them as planks.
posted by tavella at 9:25 AM on May 29, 2018 [1 favorite]


I've seen disposable bowls (disposabowls?) made of pressed rice, so the knife doesn't surprise me.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:05 AM on May 29, 2018


Made no sense to me as an argument, being a huge fan of Alfred Jarry, who clearly new this story.

Pray elucidate. (Jarry fan here, but this one slips through my fingers like warm seal entrails)
posted by Devonian at 7:27 AM on May 30, 2018


My books are in boxes, but as far as I remember, there is a railway made of entrails, or something very similar, in the Roi Ubu.
posted by mumimor at 7:39 AM on May 30, 2018


Or maybe I confuse it with Roussel's Impressions d'Afrique. If so, I apologize
As I said, my books are in boxes
posted by mumimor at 7:41 AM on May 30, 2018


In some moods, being in Kings Cross station in London can feel as if one is a maggot inside the rib cage of a giant silver horse carcass, so I have some sympathy for the image.
posted by Devonian at 12:10 AM on May 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


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