My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me
June 18, 2018 9:24 AM   Subscribe

"My wife said you may want to marry me. A little over a year ago, my wife, Amy Krouse Rosenthal, published a Modern Love essay called “You May Want to Marry My Husband.” At 51, Amy was dying from ovarian cancer. She wrote her essay in the form of a personal ad. It was more like a love letter to me. Those words would be the final ones Amy published. She died 10 days later." (previously)
posted by Memo (23 comments total) 33 users marked this as a favorite
posted by lalochezia at 9:32 AM on June 18, 2018

Oh no...this is more crying that I can manage at work today.
Tagging for later water-works.
Thanks for posting.
posted by The Legit Republic of Blanketsburg at 9:35 AM on June 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

Adds to activity

Thinks to self “aw hell no im not crying at work today I’ll read this tonight”
posted by nikaspark at 9:36 AM on June 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

Crying at Dunkin donuts of all places.
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:39 AM on June 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

...and not just because the donuts are saddening.
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:40 AM on June 18, 2018 [15 favorites]

I remember when the original article first broke (probably from MeFi), and I'm not sure if it's more or less heart-breaking now. It's irrelevant anyhow.
All I can hope is that this strengthens my resolve to improve health-care systems and regulation that limits carcinogen intakes.
"It was 1989. We were only 24. I had precisely zero expectations about this going anywhere. But when he knocked on the door of my little frame house, I thought, “Uh-oh, there is something highly likable about this person.”"
FFS people, my young heart can only take so much.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 10:03 AM on June 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Wow. This hits really hard. The love of my life died two months ago from chronic, terminal illness. The only thing that has kept me going was that they (gender-neutral pronouns) insisted that I live my life (“You have a future, I don’t”) and go on loving and being loved. This essay is right on. Talk about end of life issues. Write an advance directive. Have a living will. Tell your loved ones that you love them and what you wish for them after you go. It can make a life or death difference. Believe me.
posted by mister-o at 10:14 AM on June 18, 2018 [69 favorites]

Plan "Be"

I really like how this is put.
posted by ODiV at 11:23 AM on June 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Oh, gosh.
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:39 AM on June 18, 2018


No....that's just some dust in the air...allergies is what I have....
posted by Thistledown at 12:00 PM on June 18, 2018

Related Ted Talk.
posted by spilon at 12:17 PM on June 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

My new wife's name is Amy, and each time he mentions her name, it just startles and scares me a little bit.
Okay, a lot. And yes, "Plan BE" is absolutely perfect and the best gift you could ever give someone who will survive you, be it partner, parents, children or friends.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 12:43 PM on June 18, 2018

Ah, shit.
posted by danhon at 12:46 PM on June 18, 2018

Somebody needs to do something about all the dust in here.
posted by prepmonkey at 1:18 PM on June 18, 2018

Thank you for posting this.

A few days ago, we were watching a TV show or something where I saw a widower mention a reluctance to remarry, and it spurred me to tell my spouse: if I die first, I want you to move on after I die and find a way to be happy. I know you'll never forget me, that's not a question.
posted by brainwane at 1:23 PM on June 18, 2018

My wife was a widow.

She told me to be sure i moved on if she passes before me because she didn't want me to be lonely and I'd need someone.
posted by mephron at 1:54 PM on June 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

So sorry, mister-o.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:59 PM on June 18, 2018 [4 favorites]


damn it.
posted by duffell at 5:31 PM on June 18, 2018

What a loving, honest, heartbreaking tribute, but very hard for me to read right now. My husband is currently in hospital recovering from the removal of a tennis ball sized tumour from his intestines. I am not quite sure how we stumbled through the days between the diagnosis and the surgery. I remember that the realisation that I could really, truly lose him felt like a physical blow.

The only good thing I can say about it is that the sudden blinding clarity about what is actually important in our lives is as beautiful as it is pitiless.

On with Plan Be. And fuck cancer.
posted by arha at 9:18 PM on June 18, 2018 [11 favorites]

As much as I miss him at times, I can't deny that my late husband's death has enabled me levels of happiness I never quite had when he was alive. We talked about his death and what he wanted for me after he was gone. I kept the one promise I made--to get my 2nd Dan belt in TKD--but I'm creating the life I want for myself. His visions for my life are too limiting.
posted by luckynerd at 9:38 PM on June 18, 2018 [8 favorites]

Graaaaaaaaah. Why did I read that at work. I've got a lump in my throat the size of an apple as I attempt to not cry.
posted by trif at 3:07 AM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Even after reading all the comments I decided to read both the articles at work. Right before a meeting. Luckily I work in the type of office where I was honest about why I was sniffling and now everyone's read it and everyone is crying. Go me.
posted by like_neon at 3:30 AM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites] can be heartbreaking and glorious at the same time.
posted by Malingering Hector at 5:32 PM on June 19, 2018

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