Daily Itinerary of the Killer in a Slasher Movie

June 27, 2018 10:12 AM

8:42 AM— Stayed out pretty late killing teenagers last night, so I let myself take the morning off and just laze around in bed.
posted by josher71 (18 comments total)

Ah, yes, the sex = death trope. I use that to show students that they already understand the concept of genre conventions. (ME: "Two teenagers have just gone off in the woods. They're getting romantic! What's about to happen?" STUDENTS: "THEY'RE GONNA DIE.")
posted by thomas j wise at 10:20 AM on June 27, 2018 [6 favorites]

6:00PM — Finally off work. On the way home, I pick up my machete from the knife sharpening place on Columbus Street.

6:21PM — Pop a Hungry Man into the microwave and do a little work on my scrapbook. I collect all the newspaper articles about my murders and paste them into a book. At first it looked drab, but a trip to Michael’s for neon markers and some glitter fixed that.

7:00PM — Time for Jeopardy!

Beautiful.
posted by Flannery Culp at 10:25 AM on June 27, 2018 [4 favorites]

Kind of funny how, though we've had three decades of all kinds of horror movies since then, 80s slasher movies are still such a massive cultural presence. They're a time capsule, but they're also a shadow that so many other movies have to try to peek out from.

And all because it's super cheap to rent a summer camp and film there when it's not in session!
posted by gurple at 10:30 AM on June 27, 2018 [3 favorites]

And all because it's super cheap to rent a summer camp and film there when it's not in session!

At my last job someone approached our org about renting out the entire campus for a film. During peak tourist season.

The mucky-mucks fell all over themselves chasing this, including pre-emptively cancelling existing reservations for that time block, self-reserving most of the campus and cutting off any reservations for that proposed time period.

For a proposed film that hadn't even finished principal funding and screenplay yet, that had one minor B-list celeb slated on the roster.

One guess what film didn't happen at all?
posted by loquacious at 10:36 AM on June 27, 2018 [6 favorites]

One guess what film didn't happen at all?

Most films are never made
posted by aubilenon at 10:37 AM on June 27, 2018 [6 favorites]

I collect all the newspaper articles about my murders and paste them into a book. At first it looked drab, but a trip to Michael’s for neon markers and some glitter fixed that.

Think what he could do with washi tape!
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 10:38 AM on June 27, 2018 [3 favorites]

Was it Ghostbusters II?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:39 AM on June 27, 2018 [3 favorites]

Similar to this, I always imagine that network cop shows must occur after some kind of proletariat revolution considering how many wealthy people are implicated for murder and how many goons the cops kill every week, and how little the cops care about brutality or legitimate policing.
posted by The_Vegetables at 10:40 AM on June 27, 2018 [6 favorites]

Really wish they hadn't included the little "joke" about the killer having OCD symptoms (the bit with the opening and closing the door). I know, throwaway joke about a fictional killer -- but this kind of throwaway joke contributes to the perception that the mentally ill are dangerous and violent.
posted by FritoKAL at 10:40 AM on June 27, 2018 [2 favorites]

And all because it's super cheap to rent a summer camp and film there when it's not in session!

Woah. I learned something today.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:40 AM on June 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

I didn't read the opening and closing door thing so much as OCD but rather just supremely annoying. Like, knowing that closing a door loudly is annoying - so you do it a couple more times to be extra annoying.

Like my downstairs neighbour does.
posted by porpoise at 10:48 AM on June 27, 2018 [3 favorites]

So this is pulled from Leslie Vernon's day planner, right? (seriously, check that movie out if you haven't already - a docu crew embeds with a slasher killer to get 'Behind the Mask'... think 'Man Bites Dog' meets 'Friday the 13th', but funnier)
posted by FatherDagon at 1:18 PM on June 27, 2018 [2 favorites]

You know what I would be on board for? A whole youtube channel dedicated to straight-faced crafting and scrapbook tutorials conducted by an unseen host with a muffled, husky murder voice and nightmare hands. How to use a gluegun. 7 fun ideas for pipe cleaners. Using a paper cutter to add flair to your photo album.
posted by cortex at 1:35 PM on June 27, 2018 [9 favorites]

Sewing your own skin suit. Bedazzling your lotion basket.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:47 PM on June 27, 2018 [5 favorites]

Most films are never made

Is something that was never made considered undead?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:00 PM on June 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

It sticks the fucking bird on the fucking lotion basket, or else it gets the hose again!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:01 PM on June 27, 2018

You know what I would be on board for? A whole youtube channel dedicated to straight-faced crafting and scrapbook tutorials conducted by an unseen host with a muffled, husky murder voice and nightmare hands. How to use a gluegun. 7 fun ideas for pipe cleaners. Using a paper cutter to add flair to your photo album.

This feels Alan Resnick-y
posted by windykites at 7:52 PM on June 28, 2018

You know what I would be on board for? A whole youtube channel dedicated to straight-faced crafting and scrapbook tutorials conducted by an unseen host with a muffled, husky murder voice and nightmare hands.

For the full mistreated by other crafters / Carrie vibe, it would 100% be a scrapbooker.
posted by zippy at 9:22 AM on June 29, 2018