Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies.
July 7, 2018 8:05 AM   Subscribe

Whatever you do this World Chocolate Day, don’t buy yourself an 85% dark chocolate and sea salt bar solely as a tool to look down on those who prefer white chocolate, because “dark chocolate is real chocolate, unlike that sweet filth other people eat”. Don’t be that person. No-one likes that person. posted by Johnny Wallflower (100 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
 
As is tradition in our house, we started the celebration early, about 30-40 years ago.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:11 AM on July 7 [52 favorites]


I'm glad I bought myself that chocolate babka yesterday. I'll be sure it eat it all today in celebration.
posted by elsietheeel at 8:14 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]


“dark chocolate is real chocolate, unlike that sweet filth other people eat”. Don’t be that person. No-one likes that person.

Excuse me, but I'm in love with one of those people.
posted by Gorgik at 8:14 AM on July 7 [2 favorites]


After years of eating increasingly bitter dark chocolate and telling myself I love it I’ve recently come to appreciate a good, not too sweet, milk chocolate, in much the same way that I find no shame in drinking a well made Pilsner instead of some overhopped monstrosity of an IPA. Maybe because I’m getting close to 40 and don’t have anything to prove.

White chocolate is still trash tho.
posted by mikesch at 8:17 AM on July 7 [35 favorites]


I have come to the sad realization that dark chocolate gives me a migraine. It's one of my few identifiable migraine triggers. So I'm a milk chocolate person now.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 8:20 AM on July 7


Actually, white chocolate was the name of the doctor.
posted by neroli at 8:21 AM on July 7 [20 favorites]


honestly i like any chocolate whether it's bitter dark, sweet white, creamy milk...

...just don't put too much stuff in it. like. one or two additional flavorants might be interesting, like strawberries or pineapple and rosemary, or matcha.

also, no liquid fillings.
posted by anem0ne at 8:21 AM on July 7


White chocolate is fucking fine, no one is forcing YOU to eat it but could you refrain from telling people that an utterly innocuous thing they like is 'trash'?

It's not even that I'm insulted - it's just so goddamn fucking TEDIOUS to feel like I have to defend the very existance of sweetened vanilla-flavored cocoa butter solids every time it is so much as mentioned on the internet.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:24 AM on July 7 [89 favorites]


85%? I had some 100% earlier today and it was delicious!
posted by misteraitch at 8:25 AM on July 7


Two words: Ice Cubes.
posted by young_simba at 8:28 AM on July 7 [9 favorites]


It's not even that I'm insulted - it's just so goddamn fucking TEDIOUS to feel like I have to defend the very existance of sweetened vanilla-flavored cocoa butter solids every time it is so much as mentioned on the internet.

It is tedious and you don't have to do it. Surely people should be able to say they don't like a food without there being a problem.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 8:39 AM on July 7 [13 favorites]


One of the things I missed most when I was in the worst throes of my acid reflux/GERD woes was chocolate. I'm better now, so I can have the occasional chocolate and still feel okay, but it's a relatively rare treat, so I only eat good quality chocolate.

I have no connection with this company other than having eaten their delicious chocolate, but I'm going to put in a plug for Peace By Chocolate. The Hadhads are a family of chocolatiers from Syria who came to Canada as refugees:
For more than 20 years we shipped our specialty treats all over the Middle East to countries like Yemen, Jordan and Lebanon. Like much of our homeland, the Hadhad chocolate factory was destroyed in a bombing that forced our family to leave everything behind and flee to Lebanon. For three years we found our home in a refugee camp with little opportunity or hope. Our lives had been forever altered and we dreamed of returning to the lives we love. When our family was invited into Canada and became full Canadian citizens our dreams came true. With the support of our new community Antigonish and the people of Nova Scotia we have rebuilt our chocolate company and are once again doing the work we love.
A friend brought some back for us from Nova Scotia and although I can only have the occasional piece of chocolate now, it was all I could do not to eat the whole box.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:50 AM on July 7 [14 favorites]


don’t buy yourself an 85% dark chocolate and sea salt bar solely as a tool to look down on those who prefer white chocolate, because “dark chocolate is real chocolate, unlike that sweet filth other people eat”. Don’t be that person. No-one likes that person.

I wish I could favorite that because I don't enjoy being chocolate shamed. I like a few versions of dark chocolate, but mostly it's just more bitter and less delicious. Not an improvement.

I feel sorry for those who don't like chocolate. I think that (at least in the West) the worst foods to not like socially are chocolate and coffee. I wish I liked coffee and lord knows every single morning of my life I have to hear about it from the coffee people. But I had a boss who didn't like chocolate and every single time someone gets dessert and/or it's her birthday, here comes the chocolate cake...which is also socially awkward when you don't want to eat your birthday cake.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:51 AM on July 7 [17 favorites]


Of course they can, cars, but "it's trash" is not a statement of personal opinion.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:52 AM on July 7 [27 favorites]


I have a cousin who doesn’t like chocolate, for serious. If someone brings a chocolate treat to a party she politely declines, every time. She eats other sweet things. “I don’t like the taste”, she says. Baffles me every time.
posted by Doleful Creature at 8:53 AM on July 7


I hate opinions about opinions!
posted by vorpal bunny at 8:57 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]


To be fair, I think many Americans have never had real white chocolate. The stuff we pass off here as “white chocolate” really is mostly trash.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:59 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]


White chocolate is pleasant; I reserve hate for things like wax in chocolate. Dark chocolate is a treat, sea salt? check, raspberry? check, truffle? of course. I shall celebrate today, but not for a while. The weather is perfect, and I am not leaving the deck just yet.
posted by theora55 at 9:00 AM on July 7 [3 favorites]


I agree, jenfullmoon, it's hard not to partake in the social rituals around drinking coffee and eating chocolate. When I couldn't have either one (even decaf) people were at a loss as to how to host me when coffee was being offered around, since I couldn't have tea either. It did seem to help that I could genuinely express disappointment that I wasn't able to partake. It was like people were soothed by the idea that I would have it if I could. It's more when someone just flat out doesn't care for it. Like Doleful Creature, I know someone who doesn't like the taste of chocolate (or coffee either, in her case) and when she turns it down for that reason, people are dumbfounded. I think they think she's just being contrarian.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:01 AM on July 7 [4 favorites]


My friend makes gluten free brownies where much of the flour is replaced with almond meal. They are exceptional.
posted by theora55 at 9:02 AM on July 7 [5 favorites]


White chocolate is only a problem for people because it has "chocolate" in its name. Lumping it together with other chocolates and railing against it makes as much sense as saying "chocolate is amazing but FUCK NOUGAT!" Like, why.
posted by wemayfreeze at 9:03 AM on July 7 [11 favorites]


The Peace by Chocolate folks I linked to above will sell you a whole box of white chocolate. There was some in the assorted box I received, so I've tried it, and it is very, very good. The Hadhads are serious chocolatiers and I think if they endorse the idea of white chocolate, well then...
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:07 AM on July 7 [5 favorites]


Eh, white chocolate has its place, especially combined with darker blends.

Hershey’s OTOH is not good stuff—that sour taste has no place in chocolate.
posted by bouvin at 9:09 AM on July 7 [3 favorites]


I am one of those people. Minus the 'it's trashy' part.
posted by Splunge at 9:10 AM on July 7


While we're at it, in addition to suppressing those "white chocolate isn't real chocolate!" bleats (is there anybody who is unaware of this? Is so, is their life meaningfully improved by hearing it? Butterflies are neither dairy products nor flies; discuss), it would be swell to give the "Hershey chocolate is awfulllllll Americans don't know real chocolate" a rest too. This, too, feels like a comment that's about as interesting and necessary as jumping into posts about spiders with a kill it with fire remark, or going on about how clowns are creepy, or jumping into a discussion with "first!"
posted by DingoMutt at 9:14 AM on July 7 [22 favorites]


The Monty Python quote of candy opinions
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:17 AM on July 7 [8 favorites]


Shoot, sorry bouvin, I was typing while you posted and should have previewed; that wasn't aimed directly at you. I think I'm tired of reading the same derisive comments come up every time a particular topic is mentioned, but I may be up and commenting before my coffee has kicked in.

My preground, grocery store coffee which is probably also not real coffee I suppose but here I am. I'll see my crabby ass out now.
posted by DingoMutt at 9:18 AM on July 7 [3 favorites]


YOU GUYS ARE HARSHING MY CHOCOLATE MELLOW.
posted by drlith at 9:24 AM on July 7 [4 favorites]


I hope I'm still allowed to dislike products labeled "chocolatey". Everything else, bring it on.
posted by mattamatic at 9:27 AM on July 7 [4 favorites]


YOU GUYS ARE HARSHING MY CHOCOLATE MELLOW.

Mmm, chocolate marshmallow
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:27 AM on July 7 [14 favorites]


I've always suspected Johnny Wallflower was the milky bar kid and this post confirms it.
posted by biffa at 9:30 AM on July 7 [5 favorites]


I had one of those ruby chocolate kit kats the other day. Those were nice; they did their rubesty.
posted by MartinWisse at 9:32 AM on July 7 [2 favorites]


In related news, someone gave me a bag of "Coffee Nut M&Ms". Be warned reader, they were nutty, but not very coffee-y. They will disappoint your chocolate day celebrations.
posted by Gorgik at 9:45 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]


You know what's the best though, are peanut butter M&Ms. Pour a bag of those and a bag of the crispy ones together in a bowl and die happy.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:50 AM on July 7 [14 favorites]


With all the fancy chocolatey energy bars I eat since I train a lot I gotta cop to having a usage footprint that is seriously outsized. My name is Burhanistan and I'm yuppie scum and I eat more chocolate than you do.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:54 AM on July 7 [2 favorites]


My 7 year old daughter hates (most) chocalate. For some reason M&Ms and Hersey Kisses get a pass, although for those it’s still just a very occasional occurrence. She hates hates hates everything else chocolate. Trick or Treating means getting some Starbursts and M&Ms and bunch of other “trash” that I have to rescue from the garbage (can’t let those mini Snickers bars go to waste!).

She also hates drinking anything but water, and hates all junk food besides vanilla ice cream. Not sure where she got her good eating habits from, because I definitely am not leading by example in this regard.
posted by sideshow at 10:23 AM on July 7 [5 favorites]


I too am fond of white chocolate.
Wouldn't use it in mole poblano, though.
posted by y2karl at 10:28 AM on July 7 [4 favorites]


I only eat white chocolate because I developed an allergy to the other stuff around age 23, just long enough to really develop a chocolate addiction and really deeply understand how much I miss it.

It causes the tissues in my throat to swell shut, so at least once a month I debate if I can get away with eating a candy bar if I then chug a bottle of Benedryl immediately after. So far I've been afraid to try.

Though the moment I'm diagnosed with something terminal, I'm switching to an all chocolate diet.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 10:30 AM on July 7 [7 favorites]


Yeah, I'm over other-peoples'-taste-sucks! brand of snobbery in general. Like, you do you, yo. I think this comes with age, like mikesch said above. Not everything we like or consume has to be some ultimate referendum on our hipness or lack thereof.

Fuck a buncha hip. Be yourself.

*cracks open a Bud Light; tunes into Nickelback; shoves off her crocs*

Someone pass me the white chocolate.
posted by bologna on wry at 10:38 AM on July 7 [22 favorites]


I will eat any and all chocolate. PM me if you have some you don't want.

Hershey's Chocolate is really Chocolate Parmesan. I like both so it's still good.
posted by srboisvert at 10:42 AM on July 7 [4 favorites]


People are like "milk chocolate is too sweet, that's why I eat dark chocolate!" and as a person with a high sensitivity to sugar I say, this is true, but consider: because milk chocolate is so sweet, I can only eat a little bit of it each day. This means my single chocolate orange lasts me 20 days, while your dark chocolate orange will probably be gone in 3 because you can eat 6 pieces at once and not feel like it's too much. Hence milk chocolate is the more economical of the two options, in terms of how long the chocolate lasts.

Please I need some excuse for the fact that, despite it making me sick, I keep eating milk chocolate because dark chocolate tastes like death to me.
posted by brook horse at 10:43 AM on July 7 [8 favorites]


Hershey’s OTOH is not good stuff

I didn't grow up with the whole Smores thing, so I don't have the same nostalgic connection to the standard Hersheys/Graham/Mallow trifecta as I might, but having tried both Smores made with the traditional hot garbage ingredients, and ones made with actually good chocolate...the hot garbage wins.

There's a time and a place for junk, and often that time is camping.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:44 AM on July 7 [19 favorites]


I am one of those poor slobs who doesn't like the taste of chocolate. I don't know why Baby Jesus did this to me.
posted by JanetLand at 10:49 AM on July 7 [11 favorites]


Couverture chocolate eaten straight from the bag by the handful, even though you theoretically bought it for making chocolate but the bag is nearly empty now, is the best chocolate. I always find dark chocolate very bitter, and in fact sometimes sweeter than milk chocolate because they add more sugar to counteract the bitter but now it just tastes too sweet AND too bitter. I have the same issue with the coffee place near me that apparently roasts their own beans TO DEATH. Basically I'm very sensitive to bitter notes. Chocolate + Hazelnut is my life though.

I do find as I get older that a lot of chocolate is now too sweet for me, especially if they have any filling, and I'm not sure if chocolate is changing or I am.
posted by stillnocturnal at 10:57 AM on July 7 [5 favorites]


Chocolate is a finite resource. The people who eat the type of chocolate I don't like are doing me a kindness by not consuming the type of chocolate I do like. It's a win-win!
posted by Ruki at 10:58 AM on July 7 [9 favorites]


Though the moment I'm diagnosed with something terminal, I'm switching to an all chocolate diet.

Same here, except it's bourbon and cigarettes. And chocolate, of course.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 11:12 AM on July 7 [5 favorites]


While researching just now for a snark quote it seems that white chocolate has a poor reputation due to often being 80% palm oil or other budget filler. The complaint that white chocolate not being chocolate perhaps both technically wrong (20% coca butter) and technically right (mostly random oil product, little flavor). Certainly my modest anecdotal experience it's bland, good for a sugar buzz but that's about all.

Now curious about boutique white chocolate, still not exactly sure what it is but a quality coca butter bar may be really tasty.
posted by sammyo at 11:18 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]


I hate that guy too. However, I encourage anyone to explore upwards.. my personal sweet spot is 45%-50% cocoa milk chocolate. So intense and creamy!
posted by ipsative at 11:27 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]


I dislike cake.
posted by parki at 11:56 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]


I don't hate chocolate but it simply pushes no buttons for me. Never has, even as a child...
posted by jim in austin at 11:59 AM on July 7 [2 favorites]


I've had some really good boutique (actually, co-op) white chocolate which had a sort of vanila-y cocoa-butter-y flavor. Good white chocolate exists.

An interesting fact: Aldi's chocolate is UTZ-certified - not the strongest and best of the chocolate certifications, but at least a guarantee that your chocolate is not being produced by enslaved people. And Aldi's, for mass market chocolate available in the US, is actually pretty good.
posted by Frowner at 12:05 PM on July 7 [10 favorites]


A few years ago I had the great fortune to make friends with a gal working at Dandelion Chocolate here in San Francisco. They source, import, and roast their own nibs and their bars are made with only cacao nibs and sugar. Since then I've gotten in the habit of reading the labels on all the chocolate bars I buy and regardless of how "gourmet" or "single origin" or whatever they make claim to, most all contain some amount of cacao butter (10-15% not uncommon) and many are also flavored with vanilla. I'm not saying anything is wrong with that but those of you who tend to dismiss white chocolate as somehow inauthentic, I'd encourage you read the label on your favorite bar. That "75% dark" you love so much might contain more "white chocolate" than you realize.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 12:14 PM on July 7 [3 favorites]


Oh man, I just made a Jello pudding chocolate pie. To eat. For dinner.
Also, white chocolate in rice pudding is devine.
posted by markbrendanawitzmissesus at 12:16 PM on July 7 [4 favorites]


Frowner, thanks for that-- I eat a ton of Aldi chocolate. Their dark mint bars are SO GOOD,
posted by nonasuch at 12:37 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


Varlhona or Sharffen Berger + Oberweis whole milk == best hot chocolate
posted by fluttering hellfire at 12:38 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


I didn't grow up with the whole Smores thing..,

Which we used to call marshmallows. Which used to be made from the mucilagenous roots of the plant Marsh Mallow -- Hollyhocks are a relative -- but I have yet to taste the confection made from the root.

But there are recipes. So, I may yet get lucky...
posted by y2karl at 12:44 PM on July 7 [1 favorite]


When I couldn't have either one (even decaf) people were at a loss as to how to host me when coffee was being offered around, since I couldn't have tea either.

Oh hell yeah. I don't love most tea but will drink some of it if I can get a lot of honey to put in it (otherwise it just doesn't taste right), and almost nobody has honey on hand. I don't like beer either so I generally fail at Adult Beverages. "Wanna go out for coffee?" is very awkward, especially if they want to go to Peet's and that joint literally has nothing else to consume. Blech.

For some reason M&Ms and Hersey Kisses get a pass, although for those it’s still just a very occasional occurrence.

Oh, I have a friend who claims to hate chocolate, but how many times have we gone out for chocolate dessert? Or the Chocolate Festival in SF? Which she wants to go to again, incidentally? SO CONFUSED.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:47 PM on July 7 [3 favorites]


I, unhappily, love chocolate. Most of it. Good, bad, doesn't matter. White, milk, dark, doesn't matter. LOVE CHOCOLATE.
You don't like it, or specific kinds, that's OK. Give me your share. I will eat it, all of it.
It's not something I should be eating.
HOWEVER...
posted by evilDoug at 12:47 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


While we're at it, in addition to suppressing those "white chocolate isn't real chocolate!" bleats (is there anybody who is unaware of this? Is so, is their life meaningfully improved by hearing it? Butterflies are neither dairy products nor flies; discuss), it would be swell to give the "Hershey chocolate is awfulllllll Americans don't know real chocolate" a rest too.

I got one better: chocolate isn't candy. It's chocolate, and I'm sick of going to "candy" stores only to find it's all truffles and turtles. I can go on.
posted by rhizome at 12:54 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


White chocolate is delicious and has the weirdest ads. I'm not sure white chocolate is not a cult.
posted by phooky at 1:01 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


Anyone that rails against white chocolate but hasn’t eaten non-deodorized white chocolate is literally arguing from a place of darkest ignorance.
posted by a box and a stick and a string and a bear at 1:15 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


Whatever you do this World Chocolate Day, don’t buy yourself an 85% dark chocolate and sea salt bar solely as a tool to look down on those who prefer white chocolate, because “dark chocolate is real chocolate, unlike that sweet filth other people eat”. Don’t be that person. No-one likes that person.

Pssssht, I only eat overchocked chocolate, which is chocolate that's over 100% chocolate. It's a complicated and barely-understood process, but the flavor and texture are aMAZing.
posted by 23skidoo at 1:39 PM on July 7 [4 favorites]


Chocolate is mood medicine. I swear a good piece of it goes straight to the brain. But not the sugary nonsense that goes into "chocolate bars" in convenience stores, which is just self-flagellation. I keep containers (chocolate caramels with sea salt and chocolate-covered graham cracker) in my fridge and occasionally treat myself to a couple of pieces when I need them. STRAIGHT TO THE BRAIN.
posted by Peach at 2:06 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


The chocolate babka is 2/3 gone and I'm a very happy elsie.
posted by elsietheeel at 2:42 PM on July 7 [7 favorites]


I don't like white chocolate on its own -- it tastes sort of pointless to me -- but it's great as part of a flavour profile. There are excellent white chocolate truffles, white chocolate and macadamia go great together, white chocolate and raspberry and pistachio are nice as a combo, a cookie with white/milk/dark chunks is amazing. (I do not like milk chocolate except: as part of a peanut butter cup, or in a cookie with the other two.)

Mmm, chocolate.
posted by jeather at 2:49 PM on July 7


Having worked in the chocolate business for many years, I of course have strong feelings about cacao. It's a really complicated agricultural product with significant ramifications for the environments in which it grows and the humans that grow it. If you like Hershey's and other palm oil chocolate that's fine - taste is up to each of us. But you should know that palm oil cultivation is wreaking havoc in various places e.g. Borneo. Hershey's, Cadbury and Nestle et al. are also intimately involved in the Ivory Coast cacao market supplying a third of the world's chocolate needs while using slave labor.

Like I said, it's a complicated product. Just like many other luxury goods eg coffee and wine.

Me personally, I love Dandelion, or French Broad. I'll enjoy some Amedei. I love Rogue, and Taza. If I'm hard up I'll buy an Askinosie bar.

For me, the line between good and bad is not what % the bar is, or if it's White or Milk or Dark or has inclusions or uses soy lecithin or uses vanilla bean or or or or. It's the integrity of the company in sourcing the beans, paying the people that grow them, and minimizing habitat destruction.
posted by lazaruslong at 3:11 PM on July 7 [13 favorites]


There's a place in my town that does extraordinary things with chocolates and exotic spices. Only I realized after a while that I knew all the names of the exotic spices and therefore just fuckin' sprinkled some curry powder on some Tony's Chocolonely Dark and it was amazing.
posted by darksasami at 3:39 PM on July 7 [4 favorites]


"... it would be swell to give the 'Hershey chocolate is awfulllllll Americans don't know real chocolate' a rest too."

I agree that generally "that thing you like is awful" declaration is inconsiderate and provocative, but simply pointing out that Hershey-style milk chocalate is a particular, intentionally distinct kind of chocolate that many people perceive to have a hint of soured milk -- and that more traditional chocolates, dark chocolates, and fine Belgian chocalate really are different chocalate-y flavor experiences...well, that's useful knowledge.

Like most kids, I liked chocolate, but I knew nothing outside of American milk chocolate. When I did discover other chocolate in my late teens, it was wonderous (because chocolate is divine).

I'll spend a considerable amount of money for good Belgian chocolate. It's so good.

As for white chocolate, my first and predominant experience with it is from a boutique chocolatier. I liked it and still like it and don't quite understand the hate for it. I mean, it's a different sort of confection.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 4:00 PM on July 7 [1 favorite]


I only eat white chocolate because I developed an allergy to the other stuff around age 23, just long enough to really develop a chocolate addiction and really deeply understand how much I miss it.


This also happened to my spouse! Hives and all. It was specifically a really bad caffeine intolerance (acquired at about the same age), and after *ticks* I think fiveish years of total chocolate/coffee/tea/anything remotely breathed on by caffeine abstinence, it chilled out enough that they could start eating tiny bits of chocolate again a few years ago. And now they can pretty much eat chocolate if they want and decaf coffee without winding up with hives + massive migraines and dizziness. It might be safe again to try!

Personally, I am that Philistine who actively prefers Hershey chocolate because it's familiar and comfortable. I have no shame, either. My chocolate is inexpensive and easy to find, thank you.
posted by sciatrix at 4:00 PM on July 7 [4 favorites]


My husband doesn't like the taste of chocolate or coffee (or alcohol). I think he's some kind of supertaster. People do tend to be initially shocked but I can't say it's such a huge problem socially. It's also made him completely impervious to peer pressure.
posted by peacheater at 4:04 PM on July 7


As a kid I would lie and say that I was allergic to chocolate so people would stop being weird about me not liking chocolate. Turns out, I just don't like milk chocolate / Hershey's / standard American candy. I ate a 69% dark chocolate with cocoa nibs when I was 14 and was hooked on chocolate afterwards.

There's something really nice about eating a 86% dark chocolate with a glass of cold milk. The bitterness of the dark chocolate highlights the mild sweetness (lactose!) of the milk...

Also, if you're bored and want to go down a chocolate-related rabbit hole of food investigation, may I suggest the Dallas Food blog? (Link to the Mast Brothers expose, I also recommend the Noka investigation.)
posted by devrim at 4:09 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


White chocolate is like American cheese: yes, there's real-cheese American cheese which is a perfectly fine mild cheese, but for most people 'American cheese' is synonymous with 'Kraft singles' (and their even-worse off brand mimics). Likewise there's real white chocolate and there's industrial white 'chocolate' which is almost totally divorced from any relationship with cacao beans.
posted by Pyry at 4:33 PM on July 7


While I've never cared for white chocolate on its own, cocoa butter has a melting point closer to human body temperature than butter, so it's possible to substitute it in cake recipes for a more intense melt-in-your-mouth effect than regular butter cakes. Rose Levy Beranbaum, in her book The Cake Bible, has a great recipe that uses white chocolate and lowers the sugar to match what the chocolate brings in.

Not surprisingly, it is very, very, tasty. Unrelated, the same book has the best cheesecake recipe I've ever found too.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 4:40 PM on July 7 [9 favorites]


Guys, the word chocolate has ceased to look like a real word to me.

Thoughts I have

Nestle/Hershey's etc are generally evil companies, regardless of the quality of their chocolate.

The "it's not real chocolate haha you are a garbage person for liking it" regarding white chocolate is as annoying and boring as any other trendy hate phrase. It's not at all about personal preference differences but judging others for their tastes in food and creating an artificial social status where people who like some foods are considered less classy/educated/well-read/etc than others.

No one is demanding that you suddenly start loving white chocolate. The demand is "stop shaming others for their tastes" - You can enjoy something without shaming people for liking a different flavor of chocolate.

However, in addition - no one is demanding that you cease saying Nestle etc are evil. They are. You can do that without shaming someone for liking a particular flavor of chocolate.
posted by FritoKAL at 4:53 PM on July 7 [4 favorites]


I am that one who really, really doesn't like chocolate. The taste makes me gag.
posted by scruss at 5:13 PM on July 7


I just find chocolate to be the official flavor of default. It’s fine, like a sitcom that you sort of still like, but don’t laugh at much anymore, but I’d never seek it out unless it’s a box of Thin Mints in the freezer or a really dark, moist piece of chocolate cake not ruined with icing or adulterating substances. The wild mania and fanatical devotion connected with it just mystifies me (see also: bacon, coffee, craft beer). It’s just another ingredient, on the same level with most ingredients, on my tongue.

I do find that I enjoy chocolate more when I suck a piece like a lozenge, rather than chewing it up.
posted by sonascope at 5:34 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]


The type of chocolate I do like happens to be dark chocolate (starting with Hershey Special Dark as a child and with caramel and sea salt now) but the whole "dark chocolate is the best chocolate" trend that the Internet in general has been on about makes me cringe. I don't like sweet things. That's okay (even though people look at me like I'm a puppy kicker when I don't eat the frosting on a cake, no, I don't agree it's the best part of the cake, if you like it so much you can have mine). Other people, like the frosting lovers, do like sweet things, and that's okay, too. The mister doesn't like chocolate at all, which is also okay and means Kid Ruki and I get to split an extra slice of chocolate cake at family gatherings. As long as no one is actually kicking puppies (or putting vanilla beans in the chocolate, because that will literally kill me, stupid anaphylactic food allergy), it's all good! But then again, I try really hard not to do the "your favorite X sucks" thing, unless X is a Nazi, in which case it does suck.
posted by Ruki at 5:54 PM on July 7


I like dark chocolate, 85% is good, preferably with salt. I like milk chocolate ok but it doesn’t assuage whatever it is I’m seeking to cure - loneliness? Ennui? Just the general miserableness of things? - the way dark chocolate almost does. For years it saved me on a monthly basis.

Frowner, I bought some of that Aldi chocolate the other day and noticed the Utz thing! I thought, huh, why do I care that a mid Atlantic potato chip company thinks this chocolate is okay?
posted by mygothlaundry at 6:34 PM on July 7


I like Kraft singles, white chocolate and Hershey's chocolate, even though I'm Australian. My favourite American chocolate is Reese's Peanut butter cups.

I would also like to add a tick for Aldi chocolate.

I love all kinds of chocolate, so choosing a favourite is difficult. I'd probably have to vote for: I feel guilty about the source of the cocoa beans, and get confused over what fair trade chocolate actually means. I just want an ethical treat that hasn't hurt anyone.posted by daybeforetheday at 7:20 PM on July 7


eating a candy bar if I then chug a bottle of Benedryl

Metafilter: where you can have a chocolate bar with a Benadryl chaser.
posted by datawrangler at 7:36 PM on July 7 [1 favorite]


A nearby store has marbled chocolate drops (milk and white chocolate). I may be personally responsible for sales.
posted by datawrangler at 7:37 PM on July 7


I'm eating Ritter Sport Fine Dark chocolate right noww. I started liking dark chocolate right around when I started liking coffee. Guess I forcibly removed my intolerance for bitter flavours. Unfortunately a lot of dark chocolate is over sweetened and has a grainy texture.

I can't stand Hershey's, but if you wanna eat it go crazy. I really, really like Purdys chocolate. All of it.
posted by Stonkle at 8:28 PM on July 7


Oh and does dark chocolate make anybody else sneeze?
posted by Stonkle at 8:37 PM on July 7


So Chocolate Day has come and gone and I didn't get any because I had so much yesterday. Typical.
posted by ipsative at 9:12 PM on July 7


Ha! I typed that and partner came from kitchen carrying a bag of white almond chocolate. There was still time.
posted by ipsative at 9:15 PM on July 7 [3 favorites]


I have an entirely unsubstantiated theory that 'bitter' is a taste that humans acquire as we grow up... if you offer tea, coffee, bitter beer, or dark chocolate to children, they will recoil. But offer the same things to adults, and your responses will be different.

For what it's worth, Lindt and Sprungli Canada is having a deal on 7 and 8 July 2018 (that's yesterday and today) in which, if you buy $25 of chocolate, you get a grab bag of 1 pound of chocolate truffles. If you choose carefully, you can end up with quite a lot of chocolate.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 9:59 PM on July 7 [1 favorite]


i like pacari (ecuador), bonajuto (italy), and marou (vietnam), all at least 75% dark. american chocolate tastes like sunblock and/or vomit, sorry.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:59 PM on July 7


Chocolate's fine and all, but I like most other candies better. So milk chocolate is better than dark, because it tastes less like chocolate, and white chocolate is the best because it tastes like vanilla and sugar. And the more filling in a chocolate the better, too.

No, you are weird.
posted by lollusc at 12:14 AM on July 8 [3 favorites]


I read this thread while eating a bowl of cereal with cacao nibs. I put cacao nibs on cereal the way other people put sugar on it. So good.
posted by Too-Ticky at 12:32 AM on July 8 [1 favorite]


I was unaware of this major holiday! Fortunately I celebrated it anyway.
posted by Cranberry at 12:33 AM on July 8 [2 favorites]


If you don't like white chocolate I will eat yours for you, because I am giving that way. You're welcome.

Many years ago I put white chocolate M&Ms in a book I wrote, and then a few years ago they actually started making them, so I have myself credit for having predicted their future existence. That said, the white chocolate M&Ms are slightly too waxy, both in themselves and compared to other M&Ms. They're better in my book than in the real world. But isn't that always the way.
posted by jscalzi at 4:31 AM on July 8 [4 favorites]


"I have an entirely unsubstantiated theory that 'bitter' is a taste [preference] that humans acquire as we grow up..."

Of course it is -- almost all alkaloids are bitter, and alkaloids are what plants (frequently) use as toxins to protect themselves from herbivores. Animals are sensitive to bitterness and find it very unpleasant, which causes an aversion to ingesting stuff that is more likely than not a plant trying to poison them. Many of the bitter tastes in foods we consume without harm are from alkaloids and other chemicals plants are using to protect themselves from things much smaller than us, for which these are toxic. And many of these are toxic to humans in high amounts.

This is why most pharmaceuticals are bitter. We're naturally aversive, via bitterness, to a large variety of chemicals that are potentially toxic.

Obviously, we (and other animals) can discover that something which is bitter won't actually harm us, and take advantage of that fact (it's more available because others are avoiding it) and therefore learn that bitter things are not always bad for us and that bitterness needn't always be unpleasant, especially in combination with other taste and smells.

However, this is learned and so small children are usually aversive to all bitter foods.

Rightly so, because unsupervised small children will put almost anything in their mouth. (By the way, this is presumably why animals, and particularly human children, become especially aversive to any foods eaten immediately prior to being nauseated and vomiting, whether or not it's truly the cause).

The principle is: better safe than sorry. If you are starving, you'll overcome these natural aversions (and then possibly culturally disseminate the fact that something isn't actually toxic). So culture strongly mediates the tolerance of bitter foods.

Bitter foods are pretty much the very definition of aquired tastes.

The bitterness of chocolate is from the chemical theobromine*, which is, yes, an alkaloid and has pharmacological effects similar to caffeine. Dogs are much more sensitive to this class of chemicals, which is why chocolate is toxic to dogs.

* The derivation of this name is interesting.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:23 AM on July 8 [8 favorites]


Well, I must say that white chocolate paired with macadamia nuts in a cookie browned just right is quite lovely; if refrigerated, even better. I think some things are abominations, but if asked to compare white chocolate to, say, separating families at the border, we would all take as much white chocolate as we could get.
posted by testmaven68 at 2:44 PM on July 8 [1 favorite]


Mefite mbrock said it back in the more peaceful days of 2015: "I'm suspicious of people whose pleasures are too pleasurable."
posted by aspersioncast at 6:53 PM on July 8 [1 favorite]


I literally grew up at a summer camp, like my parents ran it and we lived there.
So of course we had big boxes of Hershey bars for s’mores-making that the cook would try to hide in the walk-in fridge, but my brother and I would always find them.
And to this day a cold Hershey bar eaten furtively while standing in front of an open refrigerator is one of my favorite chocolate experiences. Gritty, clattery deliciousness. I’m not sorry.
posted by exceptinsects at 8:05 PM on July 8 [4 favorites]


Gonna out myself as a person who doesn't particularly like chocolate and who hates the taste of coffee.

If there are two desserts and one is chocolate, I'll have the other one. Or a cheese plate.

Y'all enjoy your day.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 11:01 AM on July 9 [1 favorite]


exceptinsects: to this day a cold Hershey bar eaten furtively while standing in front of an open refrigerator is one of my favorite chocolate experiences. Gritty, clattery deliciousness. I’m not sorry.

You should be, though. It wouldn't have killed you to at least, y'know, close the door.
posted by Too-Ticky at 5:42 AM on July 10 [1 favorite]


I tend to prefer caramel and the fillings of chocolate-covered things to the chocolate itself in general I think. As one of a few flavours or as an accent, though, I find it's really nice. I wouldn't buy myself a plain chocolate cake, but put cherries in it and suddenly it's in my top 3.

This post actually has inspired me to grab a nice regular chocolate bar on the way home to see if I can't tap into a little bit of that "plain chocolate" love. I'll probably go for a milk chocolate because I prefer the texture. I have no idea what brands are supposed to be decent though! I don't buy candy for myself very much.
posted by one of these days at 10:46 AM on July 10


It wouldn't have killed you to at least, y'know, close the door.

That's not how eating in front of the fridge works.
posted by rhizome at 11:24 AM on July 10 [2 favorites]


Preferably you should be inside it but the walk-in fridge was bigger than my whole kitchen is now, so.
posted by exceptinsects at 12:21 AM on July 11 [1 favorite]


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