I’m still good to drive but can actively feel gout kicking in.
July 20, 2018 4:11 AM   Subscribe

 
From the comments:
If you eat loads of tiramisu as soon as you get to the party, your body will have processed the amaretto by the time you drive home.
That's why I always ask my hosts "What's for pudding? Can I have it right now?"
my 3-yo niece tries to pull the same trick 😕
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:24 AM on July 20, 2018 [26 favorites]


How's her driving?
posted by kokaku at 4:26 AM on July 20, 2018 [22 favorites]


she has an electric 2 seater that she drives into walls, doors, occasionally people
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:38 AM on July 20, 2018 [70 favorites]


After chugging back a bottle of hot sauce, anyone would be unsafe to drive due to the uncontrollable explosive diarrhea.

He should do drugs next. There's this Polish cake that's literally just poppy seeds wrapped up in dough for structural integrity; my grandma always said it made her drowsy. Wouldn't be surprised if it rendered you unfit to drive.
posted by Vesihiisi at 4:41 AM on July 20, 2018 [4 favorites]


This is incredibly mean spirited of me, but what about tuna mayo jacket potatoes and Brian Harvey?
posted by ambrosen at 4:42 AM on July 20, 2018 [3 favorites]


Red wine will make you not-okay to drive and help to bring on gout!


Ask me how I know.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:54 AM on July 20, 2018 [4 favorites]


Mrs. Fedora swears up and down that the time she had two or three whole cloves of grilled garlic at a Korean barbecue place, she felt drunk
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:05 AM on July 20, 2018


A few weeks ago somebody left a strange-looking box of chocolates on the counter here at work; I don't know who put them there or where they came from, but some of the text was in German and some in Hebrew and I have no explanation for any of it.

Anyhow, I grabbed one in the afternoon, it was foil-wrapped and shaped like a pear and I guess you know where this is going, because it was a chocolate liqueur, but the liqueur must have been just straight schnapps (the real kind, not the kind teenagers drink), because it was a good-sized mouthful that burned like hell going down.

I'd imagine five or six of those would do the job.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:08 AM on July 20, 2018 [4 favorites]


Mrs. Fedora

Did you take her name or did she take yours?
posted by biffa at 5:14 AM on July 20, 2018 [3 favorites]


I tried to eat ramen once while driving, that was unsafe.
posted by peeedro at 6:02 AM on July 20, 2018 [11 favorites]


I read tuna mayo jacket potato and thought someone must have slipped something in my coffee because that's far too many nouns in a row this morning, but apparently a jacket potato is a baked potato.
posted by emelenjr at 6:11 AM on July 20, 2018 [7 favorites]


I'm giving a severe side eye to the second article which claims that orange juice contains up to 0.5 ABV because it ferments. Are they talking about expired orange juice? I think the authors of that study should have asked a "can I drink it" question on the green.
posted by photovox at 6:23 AM on July 20, 2018 [13 favorites]


How many times has it happened to you? Your friend is binge eating tiramisu and gets behind the wheel of an automobile?
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:33 AM on July 20, 2018 [9 favorites]


And you may find yourself
With a stomach full of tiramisu
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:57 AM on July 20, 2018 [55 favorites]


In the absence of an actual study here (not unreviewed claims by a vehicle leasing company), I am wildly skeptical. Alcohol will absolutely impair onroad performance, and it's a point of some debate how much you need to consume for an operational impact, but I'm dubious of pretty much every claim in the Mirror piece.

It's wildly unlikely that a couple pints of an 0.5% ABV solution will do squat, for instance. If you shove a couple fistfuls of liquor-filled chocolates down your gob, then you'll have a bad time, but that's just a function of the alcohol, not the inherent dangerousness of chocolates.
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 7:02 AM on July 20, 2018 [4 favorites]


Isn't this easily bunked/debunked via math and some 'take it to the extreme' mythbusters assumptions? I mean, I don't have the time to do so but I'm following this thread expecting someone brilliant here to do the dirty work for me.

I maintain the faith.
posted by RolandOfEld at 7:11 AM on July 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


With that in mind RolandofEid, and purely in the interests of science, who could get behind a kickstarter for biffa's dangerous tiramisu gluttony & driving experiment?
posted by biffa at 7:17 AM on July 20, 2018 [6 favorites]


biffa's dangerous tiramisu gluttony & driving experiment?

If you're lurking and need an interesting MetaFilter name. Boom.
posted by Fizz at 7:27 AM on July 20, 2018 [14 favorites]


A couple of weeks ago, I learned that an ingredient in milk is broken down by our guts into something that triggers our opioid receptors.

Now I want a glass of milk.
posted by clawsoon at 7:28 AM on July 20, 2018 [8 favorites]


I once had a party go wrong thanks to Trader Joe's brandy beans.
posted by betweenthebars at 8:07 AM on July 20, 2018 [4 favorites]


in many (all?) States, you can get a DUI below the legal BAC limit - really one is advised to consider this sort of thing for entertainment purposes only
posted by thelonius at 8:18 AM on July 20, 2018


she has an electric 2 seater that she drives into walls, doors, occasionally people

listen this is an immense derail but i don't care: one time when me and griphus were having drunk taco brunch on the LES a little pink electric barbie jeep zoomed by the window, driven by a cackling adult woman. she was followed closely by a shrieking 4 year old, whose arrival was heralded by the frantic slapslapslapslap of her pink barbie flip fops. we witnessed a toddler carjacking and it was magnificent.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:46 AM on July 20, 2018 [62 favorites]


But I pull myself together and slowly force down three whisky liqueurs, two mai tai liqueurs and a mojito liqueur before I blow into the Breathalyser. It bleeps a warning. Success!

Or maybe not? If you have alcohol in your mouth it might allow you to blow a false positive. I would think that he had a layer of alcohol infused chocolate in his mouth if he immediately blew into breathalyzer.
posted by Splunge at 8:47 AM on July 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


The first time I ever had kimchi was at one of those sushi places where the plates ride around on a little train track. I saw something vegetable-looking in a cup come by and grabbed it - trying to eat a balanced meal and all that. I had no idea what it was until I asked a server about it afterward. It was so amazingly spicy I literally got light-headed (though it didn't feel like tipsy-drunk kind of light-headed?). Fortunately I was taking the bus home.

That's how I learned I really liked kimchi, though I haven't had that light-headed experience since then.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:21 AM on July 20, 2018


betweenthebars, did the party go wrong because of the alcohol in the beans, or the gas from the beans? Because I could see that going either way.
posted by Anne Neville at 9:29 AM on July 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


How about kombucha? The socially acceptable way to drink at work.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:53 AM on July 20, 2018 [2 favorites]


And you may ask yourself
well, how drunk am I?

Letting the cops go by, let the pudding hold me down
Letting the cops go by, so drunk I'm falling on the ground
Onto the blue again after the article's done
Once in a lifetime, so drunk I'm falling on the ground

(Talking Heads, I'm so, so sorry.)
posted by ensign_ricky at 10:12 AM on July 20, 2018 [10 favorites]


unsafe to drive due to the uncontrollable explosive diarrhea

The lesser known follow-up of Ralph Nader
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 10:19 AM on July 20, 2018 [9 favorites]


And you may ask yourself, "My God! What have I done?"

(I'm sure the author asked himself that)
posted by randomkeystrike at 10:31 AM on July 20, 2018 [3 favorites]


THEATRE ENTRANCE

PUPPET SHOW
and
Biffa's Dangerous Tiramisu Gluttony & Driving Experiment

(This time with apologies to Biffa and Spinal Tap.)
posted by ensign_ricky at 11:30 AM on July 20, 2018 [3 favorites]


This totally seems like a challenge I'd enjoy. Time to go eat an entire rum cake!
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:41 AM on July 20, 2018


There's this Polish cake that's literally just poppy seeds wrapped up in dough for structural integrity; my grandma always said it made her drowsy.

My Czech grandpa always identified that as stollen - quite distinct from the German version. Making it uses cans of poppyseed mixed with....butter and sugar. So even if the psychoactive ingredients are at too low a dose to cause issues, the richness is soporific!
posted by notsnot at 11:50 AM on July 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


Ok, the fact that this was initially reported in Scotland is important - there is basically a zero tolerance for drinking and driving, and the only reason that the level isn't zero "is to cover different people’s metabolisms, those suffering diabetes, plus the effects of mouthwash". The legal BAC in Scotland is 0.5 not the English 0.8, which is the reference level used in the Guardian article. If you note in the article, two servings of Tiramisu take him to a BAC of 0.4 from a BAC baseline of 0.2 - he doesn't give numbers elsewhere in the article. I am aware that these things are often not linear, but that would still suggest that a tiramisu binge of four or more servings would make him illegal to drive in Scotland.
posted by Vortisaur at 11:52 AM on July 20, 2018 [7 favorites]


There's this Polish cake that's literally just poppy seeds wrapped up in dough for structural integrity; my grandma always said it made her drowsy.

I have met a Russian version of this pastry, except it was more like a massively overstuffed strudel over a foot long, did not have the spiral in the middle and was essentially some kind of poppy seed jam, just bursting with poppy seeds.

My Russian friend bought it intentionally to show off that pastry in particular, like "No, seriously try this. Nice dreams, long nap." in typically clipped English.

I had a modest, hand-sized piece and 15 minutes later I was high as fuck and really confused why. Oh, yeah, I just ate like 2 cups of poppy seeds wrapped in the thinnest veneer of pastry dough.
posted by loquacious at 12:56 PM on July 20, 2018 [8 favorites]


I won't bike or drive for at least an hour after eating at the Burmese place up the street, because while I *love* the extra-spicy, it makes me high as a dang kite.
posted by aspersioncast at 1:21 PM on July 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


I *love* the extra-spicy, it makes me high as a dang kite.

Damn do I miss the good ethnic restaurants that come with bigger city living.
posted by RolandOfEld at 1:23 PM on July 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


Next this guy should do that thing where you try to see how much nutmeg it takes to get high.

And then smoke some Salvia Divinorum, bang a whip-it and a couple amyls, and listen to Orbis Terrarum on a loop with the lights out.
posted by aspersioncast at 1:54 PM on July 20, 2018 [2 favorites]


And then smoke some Salvia Divinorum, bang a whip-it and a couple amyls, and listen to Orbis Terrarum on a loop with the lights out.

SIR HAVE I WRONGED YOU IN SOME WAY

hold the amyl and salvia, sheesh because yikes you're going to get the biggest lecture in the cosmos if you do all that and actually break through

also careful with the nutmeg

posted by loquacious at 2:19 PM on July 20, 2018 [5 favorites]


If you realize that your probiotics are about to expire so you eat the last 15 or 20 tablets on one go you will also get incredibly stoned and be unsafe to drive. True story. No GI issues, amazingly.
posted by fshgrl at 3:33 PM on July 20, 2018 [2 favorites]


Minor pedantic point- the BAC in Scotland is 0.05 not 0.5 - Source.
posted by freethefeet at 7:07 PM on July 20, 2018 [2 favorites]


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