"My God. It's a megalodon."
August 9, 2018 12:52 PM   Subscribe

 
So I listened to that IDEOTV episode when it came out, and it sounded like a stinker of a book and I didn't give it a second thought because I'd never heard of it and didn't know there'd be a movie.

And then some kid at my daughter's preschool, who is obsessed with sharks, brought in a book about sharks and megalodons and now she won't stop talking about the megalodon movie (which is, in her mind, called "MEGALODON!," probably in all-caps) and how she wants to see it and somehow this is going to end with me letting a five-year-old watch this thing on HBO in six months because I am a bad parent.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:03 PM on August 9 [18 favorites]


I just hope this doesn't create a Jaws-like hysteria that causes people to start killing off entire populations of megalodons.
posted by Atom Eyes at 1:06 PM on August 9 [40 favorites]


So it's not my imagination that this movie has seemed to be coming soon for most of my adult life. I'm pretty sure that I remember reading an article on it at Ain't It Cool News in the late 90s/early 00s but I'm not going to check.
posted by octothorpe at 1:09 PM on August 9 [6 favorites]


Megalodonado! coming to a cable network near you... eventually.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:11 PM on August 9 [5 favorites]


Octothorpe, same here. It almost feels anachronistic for Statham to be the star.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 1:12 PM on August 9


I love the Rotten Tomatoes 47% rating + "93% want to see this", because I am so very excited to see this bad movie.
posted by ITheCosmos at 1:17 PM on August 9 [6 favorites]


It's supposed to be pronounced "The Emm-Eee-Gee".
posted by FJT at 1:17 PM on August 9 [6 favorites]


According to Alten, however, the early attempts at a Meg movie veered far away from his original novel. "They went through some subpar screenplays," says the 58-year-old author. "I had virtually no input."

I just read MEG: A Novel of Deep Terror last month. I myself am not a good enough writer to even begin to describe to you all how bad this book is. I took a few pics of paragraphs and shared them on my instagram as I was reading it because it's one of those things that's at that sweet spot of badness that just has to be shared with others. Here's one example. Here's another.

In addition to being poorly written by several different metrics, the book is also: 1. racsit 2. sexist 3. homophobic 4. stupid. There's a scene where a surfer literally out-surfs the megalodon. Like sure, that's awesome (and better be in the movie god damnit), but also very stupid. The denouement has the Jason Statham character pilot his submarine directly into the megalodon's mouth and then get out of his submarine, on foot, inside of the shark's tummy and cut his way to the shark's heart with a fossilized megalodon tooth.

The idea that someone--many!! someones--has been holding the torch for this book for 20+ years astounds me. There are six sequels. Somehow. Idiots.

Anyway, I'm extremely excited for the movie. Not just because I love dumb action flicks and the trailer was fucking boss, but because I know with 100% confidence that it's going to be better than the book.

It has to be.

p.s. The character that Jason Statham is playing is a professor and I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT because lol.
posted by phunniemee at 1:21 PM on August 9 [47 favorites]


The whole plot was cribbed from Mozart’s unfinished opera Megalodon Giovanni. That’s Opera 101 level stuff.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:23 PM on August 9 [33 favorites]


The denouement has the Jason Statham character pilot his submarine directly into the megalodon's mouth and then get out of his submarine, on foot, inside of the shark's tummy and cut his way to the shark's heart with a fossilized megalodon tooth.

This is exactly what I want this movie to be.
posted by Mavri at 1:23 PM on August 9 [16 favorites]


I'll be honest, 47% fresh is about 40% higher than I'd have expected for this kind of movie.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:25 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


p.s. The character that Jason Statham is playing is a professor and I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT because lol.

He may be less believable as a scientist than Tara Reid
posted by octothorpe at 1:25 PM on August 9


Some place I'm sure I still have the ARC of MEG I got when I worked at a Waldenbooks in the '90s. It is a laughably terrible novel and a great basis for a Syfy movie -- how is this not an Asylum movie??
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:28 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


he character that Jason Statham is playing is a professo

The title is a Statham quote, BTW. Was very excited to hear him saying that in the trailer.
posted by Artw at 1:28 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


There are six sequels.

Meg II: Megalodonier
Meg III: 101 Megalodons
Meg IV: A New Hope
Meg V: The Megalodonner Party
Meg VI: Meg and Meg Again
Meg VII: A Giant Christmas Shark
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:30 PM on August 9 [21 favorites]


It's too damned small! Needs to be at least double the size of that thing in Jurassic World to be keep me in suspension of disbelief.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:32 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


*FAKE SPOILER ALERT*

When Jason Statham exits into the meg's stomach, he finds Tara Reid already there.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:32 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


I will be utterly faithful in my devotion to this movie even in the event of it turning out to be utter garbage, but if Statham does not kill the Meg by head butting its gall bladder* then I will be very upset.

* or equivalent prehistoric shark organ if they don’t have those.
posted by Artw at 1:35 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


I just finished reading the book (prompted by seeing the trailer pop up on my Instagram feed). Several of the boats get more character development than the main female characters.
posted by lindseyg at 1:35 PM on August 9 [17 favorites]


Lord, I will not pay cinema money for this but I will shovel popcorn at home into my gaping maw to watch this from the comfort of my couch as a young cat chomps my toes in an approximation of the furriest wee meg you have ever seen.
posted by Kitteh at 1:36 PM on August 9 [16 favorites]


But so many of the films that fans clamored for in the '90s and early '00s have already been realized: The Dark Tower, John Carter, Watchmen, a second Blade Runner.

All classics of modern cinema.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:37 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


The Family Guy's writers room is getting fired up about now I bet.
posted by Justin Case at 1:37 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]


As a fan of MST3k, and aficionado of B-movies, I really just despise the relatively recent trend of deliberately bad movies. I always find the best MST3k B-movies are the ones where it was clear that someone was trying to make something... not necessarily good, but at least entertaining. The failures of the best MST3k material were often directors with grand ideas hampered by budgets, lack of ability, or both. When you hire a bunch of extremely talented people who know how to do stuff competently and say "let's make some dumb shit that makes a Sci-Fi Channel Original Picture look like Forbidden Planet," you lose me.

And, to be honest, I'm still convinced that the quality of Sci-Fi Channel Original Picture movies was the real reason they cancelled MST3k. Some of the MST3k movies made Sci-Fi's own stuff look even worse by comparison.
posted by SansPoint at 1:37 PM on August 9 [17 favorites]


The idea that someone--many!! someones--has been holding the torch for this book for 20+ years astounds me.

Clearly, the mistake was not holding the torch to the book.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:38 PM on August 9 [13 favorites]


It is up to 51% fresh now. The trailer made me really, really want to see it.

phunniemee, I love you for the Instagram outtakes of the book.
posted by Orlop at 1:39 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


I'll be honest, 47% fresh is about 40% higher than I'd have expected for this kind of movie.

There's a school of criticism (particularly in film) that says you should judge a work largely on whether it succeeds in what it intends to do -- when critics who adhere to this vision say "The Meg is good", they're not saying "The Meg is a movie that everyone will enjoy", they're saying "The Meg is a movie about Jason Statham fighting a giant-giant-giant shark, and if you find that remotely appealing, then this is a movie that succeeds within those limits; don't bother going if you cannot fathom a good movie wherein Jason Statham fights a giant-giant-giant shark."
posted by Etrigan at 1:41 PM on August 9 [16 favorites]


I just finished reading the book (prompted by seeing the trailer pop up on my Instagram feed). Several of the boats get more character development than the main female characters.

Yes yes yes this is accurate.
posted by phunniemee at 1:41 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


See also my most recent favorite movie, Hurrucaine Heist, whist is about a heist on one of those places where old money is burned which happens during a hurricane.

Features the batmobile version of one of those Tornado style storm chaser cars, also the dad from The VVitch as a baddie.
posted by Artw at 1:46 PM on August 9


phunniemee, thank you for those excerpts and also your nail polish is fantastic.
posted by queensissy at 1:50 PM on August 9 [5 favorites]


Hey y'all, don't forget that Jason Statham was an elite diver that went to the Olympics and I thought I saw him in speedos swimming in the trailer, so at least that part is going to be believable.

I really hope he punches a shark so it can go in my list
posted by mathowie at 1:54 PM on August 9 [8 favorites]


He’s got a really aerodynamic head shape.

He’s also got great comic delivery when the script allows for it. I am hoping for just the dumbest quips.
posted by Artw at 1:58 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]


It's funny how we just got Skyscraper, which is basically What If Die Hard But With An Even Bigger Building, and not two months later here we are talking about What If Jaws But With An Even Bigger Shark.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:01 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


It's funny how we just got Skyscraper, which is basically What If Die Hard But With An Even Bigger Building

It's also What If Die Hard But With An Even Bigger Protagonist, and since Dreyfuss clocks in at only 5'5" I think that works here as well.
posted by phunniemee at 2:05 PM on August 9 [9 favorites]


In (IIRC) the second Meg book, there were kronosaurs at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, and they ADAPTED TO BREATHING UNDERWATER because plot.

Yes, you read that right.

AIR BREATHING marine reptiles ADAPTED to breathing underwater. ADAPTED.

My DH and I regularly wonder why people bother to drown when they could just adapt. You know, like the kronosaurs did.

that said, I did find the first Meg book an entertaining, if stupid, read
posted by biscotti at 2:17 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]


Meg II: This Time, It's Two Megalodons Tied Together.
Meg III: This Time, The Megalodon Is The Hero

Honestly, when I saw the trailer for this the first time, I was hoping they were going to put Statham inside a giant robot, so he could have a fist fight with the Megalodon Pacific Rim-style.
posted by Query at 2:17 PM on August 9 [5 favorites]


I would totally see the alternate timeline version of Die Hard with Richard Dreyfuss instead of Willis.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:18 PM on August 9 [14 favorites]


I got to see it at an Alamo screening, Sunday night. Sitting in a tube, bobbing on a lake as the sun set, beer in hand.
Y'all, it was hilarious. I mean, before this I'd honestly never heard Jason Statham talk-- I thought he only played roles that required only The Look. FYI, he's not a professor in the movie. More a mechanic.
It felt like the direction was crowdsourced, like a different director for every scene, or even multiple angles per scene. Yes, it is terrible. But if you see it, see it with friends, and beer, and preferably in a body of water.
I can't remember laughing so much for that long.
posted by rp at 2:19 PM on August 9 [6 favorites]


In (IIRC) the second Meg book, there were kronosaurs at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, and they ADAPTED TO BREATHING UNDERWATER because plot.

Dear biscotti, this is for you.
posted by phunniemee at 2:21 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


Well, it's always nice to see Rainn Wilson get work.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:22 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]


My DH and I regularly wonder why people bother to drown when they could just adapt. You know, like the kronosaurs did.

This is the plot to Peter Watt’s Rifters books, only more it’s bleak and horrifying because Watts.
posted by Artw at 2:22 PM on August 9 [5 favorites]


What If Jaws But With An Even Bigger Shark.

We’re going to need... a much bigger boat. No, bigger than that.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:29 PM on August 9 [6 favorites]


If you're looking for a better but still very trashy book about megalodons eating people, I'd recommend Charles Wilson's _Extinct_. AKA "The Mississippi Weebleshark Book," because the book is about megalodonses in the Gulf swimming into the bayous around (IIRC) Biloxi. Mostly Our Heroes deal with baby megalodonseses that are great-white sized but when they strand the baby megalodon it, obviously, sits there in the surf weebling for its (truly absurdly large) mommy, who rescues it.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:32 PM on August 9 [9 favorites]


Megalodonado! coming to a cable network near you... eventually.

And its documentary sequel: Megalodonaldonado.
posted by hat_eater at 2:35 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


Several of the boats get more character development than the main female characters.

I would dispute this because the book doesn't have pages and pages and pages of the boats thinking about their boobs and how said boobs can be used to manipulate tender and innocent men.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:59 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]


This movie is what might make me cancel my MoviePass account. Once I heard that they were not going to let me use their stupid VC money to pay for the film, meaning that I'd have to use my real money...

Well, I just wish I had a fossilized megalodon tooth to jab into those VC idiots
posted by anem0ne at 3:28 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


It's not a proper shark movie unless it has either Robert Shaw or Jedward in it.
posted by delfin at 3:40 PM on August 9


This movie is what might make me cancel my MoviePass account. Once I heard that they were not going to let me use their stupid VC money to pay for the film, meaning that I'd have to use my real money...

That’s really too bad, because this seems like exactly the kind of movie MoviePass was made for.
posted by Orlop at 3:41 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


Megalodon't
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 3:43 PM on August 9 [13 favorites]


The denouement has the Jason Statham character pilot his submarine directly into the megalodon's mouth and then get out of his submarine, on foot, inside of the shark's tummy and cut his way to the shark's heart with a fossilized megalodon tooth.

That would be kind of derivative. I'm pretty sure one of the Sharknado movies already pulled that stunt. But lord knows Ian Ziering is no Jason Statham so, whatever. As long as Jason kicks some megalodon ass I am here for it.
posted by fuse theorem at 3:55 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


I also remember reading something about this on Aint It Cool News. I then forgot about it for 15 years until I learned about it again, at which point I read the wikipedia plot summary, and for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, read the plot summary for each of the five sequels. The summaries were complete enough that I could experience the low level of quality steadily diminish as the books progressed.
posted by skewed at 4:24 PM on August 9


this is honestly what all movies should aspire to and it's a constant disappointment to me when people, friends, family members, strangers on the street, talk about movies without giant sharks or egregious explosions or mega space beasts or giant punching robots as though those movies are in any way worth watching. if a movie has someone crying about their feelings it better be because those feelings are about a giant robot punching a giant space shark in the dick and they are just completely overwhelmed by the excellence.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:37 PM on August 9 [23 favorites]


tears of a giant clownfish
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:39 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


I want to see a mashup of A Wrinkle in Time and The Meg where Meg is replaced by The Meg, and then The Meg and Giant Oprah fight, because why not?
posted by WCityMike at 5:02 PM on August 9 [7 favorites]


mecha oprah
posted by poffin boffin at 5:29 PM on August 9 [5 favorites]


Oprahmus Prime.
posted by nickzoic at 5:42 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


Geostorm had Gerard Butler as a rocket scientist, essentially. Is this movie better than that one?
posted by Apocryphon at 5:44 PM on August 9


Here to testify: phunimee’s instagram posts have been a joy in a dark time. AND enabled me to skip reading this, so WIN! (Come for the giant giant giant shark, stay for the astounding nail beauty.)
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 5:49 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


I vaguely remember reading this book as a kid. I could have sworn it had already been made into a movie which I never saw. I might have to re-read again just for the sheer horror of the experience.
posted by Alensin at 6:09 PM on August 9


I just read MEG: A Novel of Deep Terror last month. I myself am not a good enough writer to even begin to describe to you all how bad this book is.

I picked up a secondhand copy of this a few years back and agree with you completely, and also, the actual physical format of the book itself was incredibly stupid. It was tall and narrow, entirely unlike any other book I had handled previously, a lot like a menu, or a collection of single newspaper columns. It did not fit comfortably in the hand nor in the pocket, not that it spent much time in either.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:31 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


Jason Statham’s Big Vacation - One page RPG (Actual play)
posted by Artw at 6:39 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


He may be less believable as a scientist than Tara Reid

How about Denise Richards as nuclear physicist Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough?
posted by kirkaracha at 7:52 PM on August 9 [6 favorites]


FYI, he's not a professor in the movie. More a mechanic.

That was a totally different Jason Statham movie. Er, movies.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:54 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


How about Denise Richards as nuclear physicist Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough?

(Barbie voice): Hydrogen bubbles are forming on the plutonium rods!
posted by Artw at 8:07 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]




He may be less believable as a scientist than Tara Reid

How about Denise Richards as nuclear physicist Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough?


Not to mention Kathy Ireland in Alien from L.A.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:27 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


Oh crap, nevermind, memory fault - Kathy Ireland didn't play a scientist in that movie. Shoulda read my own link before posting. >:(
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:33 PM on August 9


Shit, Gravity Falls must've a crapload of dirty money its clients need laundering.
posted by scruss at 8:44 PM on August 9


Metafilter: shoulda read my own link before posting
posted by flaterik at 8:56 PM on August 9 [9 favorites]


Can it really be worse than Battlefield Earth?
posted by allium cepa at 1:45 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Some how, incredibly, I've not actually read the Meg. I have, however, read the prolog, where, back in the day, a Meg eats a T-Rex... never mind that the T-Rex went extinct several million years before the Megladon appeared. I suppose if the Meg is gonna survive into the present day it could have existed for umpteen million years before it appeared in the fossil record.

Obviiously this is the greatest ever film that could exist ... I said as much on twitter and got followed by the Meg's author. Which made my day tbh.

I really hope they do make a film of his Loch Ness Monster book... because that looks an equally subtle masterpiece with the added appeal of 'hoots the mon' Scottish accents.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:53 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]


This looks terrible. I can't wait to drag my husband by the ear to watch it with me.

At the very least he may stop complaining about me dragging him to Marvel movies.
posted by like_neon at 2:04 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: (Barbie voice)
posted by wenestvedt at 5:41 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Extremely hot take from New Scientist: The Meg: real Megalodon shark would eat Jason Statham for breakfast

Of course he would only *allow* it to eat him for breakfast so he could win by headbutting it in the gallbladder.
posted by Artw at 6:06 AM on August 10 [3 favorites]


The real Megalodon shark probably wouldn't see Jason Statham as a viable prey item.
posted by tobascodagama at 7:27 AM on August 10


On account of hes well ‘ard.
posted by Artw at 7:52 AM on August 10 [6 favorites]


Meg IV: Meg Harder
posted by e1c at 8:18 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]


The monster in the sequel is a hybrid of Statham and megalodon DNA. It has his same smirk.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:20 AM on August 10 [6 favorites]


Artw, every time I see the title of this post I get "Sabotage" stuck in my head except with "Oh my God megalodon" over and over and over.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 8:31 AM on August 10 [5 favorites]


Statham is the most important meal of the day.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:50 AM on August 10 [4 favorites]


I get "Sabotage" stuck in my head except with "Oh my God megalodon" over and over and over.

Now I'm picturing a giant shark with a wig and mustache.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:53 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Best review i've read so far was titled "We're going to need a stupider boat..."
posted by Snowflake at 1:29 PM on August 10 [6 favorites]


Anyway... we delivered a bomb.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:07 PM on August 10 [4 favorites]


I saw this last night. Sadly, it’s not a very entertaining movie. I wanted deep blue sea with a very large shark and I got a Jason stathem action movie that happened to have a shark in it.
posted by goddess_eris at 2:09 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


I'm still mad that the bird died, but in every other respect Deep Blue Sea is the perfect Dumb Shark Movie. The Asylum-tier stuff we've had to content ourselves with since just doesn't hold a candle to its glory.

(I'll at least give DBS credit for accurately portraying the fact that parrots will choose the opportunity to be an annoying asshole over self-preservation every time.)
posted by tobascodagama at 3:16 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


Back in the late 90's, I listened to an audiobook of The Meg. This was the audiobook where I learned that while good prose is often enhanced by being read aloud, bad prose is made worse. One entire cassette of the audiobook was missing from the set I rented and, honestly, I didn't miss it. The book is Not Good. I remember being appalled by the cardboard-like nature of women in this world of The Meg. I remember the description of the teeth with inch-related measurements happening so often I wondered if they'd lifted it from mediocre porn. It was some bad stuff.

I was hoping the movie would take the shreds of potential there and turn them into something better, but, uh, sounds like a bit "no". Or at least "not better enough". I may go see it anyways at the cheap movie theater.

My one problem with Deep Blue Sea was wondering if sharks could really swim in reverse.
posted by rmd1023 at 4:00 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


They can't; the supersharks being able to do that was meant to be an indication of either their extreme intelligence or that the genetic meddling had unforeseen side effects.
posted by tobascodagama at 4:54 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]


supersharks being able to do that was meant to be an indication of either their extreme intelligence or that the genetic meddling had unforeseen side effects.

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should teach sharks to swim in reverse.
posted by betweenthebars at 8:04 PM on August 10 [5 favorites]


"The Reversalodons" would be a good band name.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:38 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


My god. It’s a reversalodon.
posted by Artw at 4:59 AM on August 11


I imagine a reversalodon would be a megalodon that coughs up prehistoric whales.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:57 AM on August 11 [1 favorite]


That's probably what the band would sound like, too.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:02 AM on August 11 [2 favorites]


Obvs a reversaladon is a very large shark that eats shark poop with its bunghole and *then* vomits up chunks of whale that it assembles into living beings.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 10:33 AM on August 11 [3 favorites]


Hello zen meditation retreat theme
posted by Burhanistan at 11:21 AM on August 11 [3 favorites]


"Predator" and "meditation" are two concepts that don't really sit well together, in my mind. Unless you're training to remain calm in the midst of horrible gory death, I suppose.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:28 PM on August 11


Eh, the shark that eats with its butt and vomits new life is basically an adaptation of the 10 Oxherding pictures.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:02 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


"There is no new thing under the sun waves".
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:48 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]


I HAVE RETURNED FROM SEEING THE MEG.

First things first, I regret to inform you that (spoilers?) no one in this movie out-surfs the MEG, and when Jason Statham kills the shark he kills it from outside its body instead of inside it like he belongs. BOOOOO.

I saw this in a packed and very vocal, interactive theater. I'm not sure why she came in to see it at a theater on the south side of Chicago , but turns out I was sitting next to Jason Statham's wife the whole time. Or at least I assume it was her, since every time Jason Statham avoided getting eaten in a heroic fashion she'd shout "that's my husband!" Nice lady. Anyway, this movie was a crowd pleaser. It got a ton of laughs, a ton of screams, a lot of "TURN OFF THE DAMN LIGHTS, YA DUMBASSES" and was all in all an enjoyable, if garbage, watch.

But my favorite line, though, in the whole movie, got a laugh only from me. Mrs. Jason Statham turned her head to stare at me like I had done something rude and all I could do was stammer "it...was a very stupid line." But oh god. You guys.

OK, so to set the scene, we're at about the halfway point of the movie where you know something bad is about to happen because our heroes seem to have everything under control. They zoom out on a science yacht (I don't know boats, but it's got gizmos on it and is big enough to contain smaller boats) to warn this cluster of other boats that they should clear out of the area because there's a prehistoric murder shark on the loose. The MEG has already indiscriminately eaten its way through one and a half submarines, a whale, a giant squid, and several crew members. They get there and find pieces of smashed up boats, partially masticated limbs, etc. They're too late. They spot the shark off out in the distance and decide to put a tracker dart on it, but the only dart shooter thing they have doesn't have a long enough range to reach it. So they have to somehow figure out a way to get closer to the shark. You following me? Right, so there they are on a boat and one of them is like well if we need to get closer why don't we just boat out a little farther, yeah?

And then the leader guy says no we can't do that because, "he's already proven himself aggressive toward boats."

And I just fucking lost it. IT'S A GIANT SHARK OF DEATH. IT EATS EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH. IT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BOATS IN PARTICULAR. It's almost worth missing the out-surf the shark scene for this line alone. For me.

In case you're curious, they "solved" that problem by having Jason Statham just hop into the water and swim the dart out over to the shark.
posted by phunniemee at 7:58 PM on August 11 [9 favorites]


"it...was a very stupid line."

How does it compare to this, from Shark Attack 3: Megalodon?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 9:57 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]


this, from Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

OH FFS YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS

If I had witnessed that scene in a movie theater, the shockwave of my derisive snort would have leveled the entire building.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:24 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


Heads-up: That line is not safe for sholder-surfing ten year olds.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 7:01 AM on August 12 [2 favorites]


So it looks like Meg has gobbled up the box office! Bring on Meg 2 and The Loch!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:01 AM on August 13 [1 favorite]


fearfulsymmetry: So it looks like Meg has gobbled up the box office! Bring on Meg 2 and The Loch!

The Real Reason The Meg Feasted at the Box Office (Brian Raftery for Wired)

Too rambling, didn't read: The Meg looked like a good, goofy fun, action film, and speculation was around if would Jason Statham punch a shark? (Twitter search). Compared to Snakes on a Plane, where the humor peaked before the movie came out, and Slender Man, which is a new horror film based on a now decade-old meme (and a more recent actual murder), which isn't really something to draw in the masses of inquisitive viewers.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:09 AM on August 16 [1 favorite]


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