This Coaster Has a Rating of 327.67
August 21, 2018 5:56 AM   Subscribe

Roller Coaster Tycoon 2. The highest intensity rating possible. "The average speed is almost a hundred times higher than the maximum speed, which shouldn't really be possible."
posted by mr_bovis (33 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
 
So Jon Bois is doing coaster sims now?
posted by wenestvedt at 6:15 AM on August 21, 2018 [2 favorites]


Video-games with a side plate of beans. I approve.
posted by Fizz at 6:17 AM on August 21, 2018


No.
posted by bluesky43 at 6:34 AM on August 21, 2018


I would be happy to ride on the slow, flat part of this roller coaster track.
posted by chavenet at 6:39 AM on August 21, 2018 [2 favorites]


I would be happy to ride on the slow, flat part of this roller coaster track.

Is that not essentially a train? I too would be chill with that. :)
posted by Fizz at 6:45 AM on August 21, 2018 [2 favorites]


This guy must also be a DJ because he knows you gotta slow it down to speed it up.
posted by cyclopticgaze at 6:45 AM on August 21, 2018 [4 favorites]


Is that not essentially a train?

Yes, but even cooler because it's open-top!
posted by Dysk at 6:48 AM on August 21, 2018 [4 favorites]


I've lost the last hour to this guy's YouTube channel, where he's basically turned Rollercoaster Tycoon into a Turing-complete programming language. Come for the coaster that takes 200+ real-life days to make one full circuit, stay for the slot-machine-powered-by-riders'-random-choices.

His accent and inflection also make him a dead ringer for my brother-in-law, who I am now picturing cackling madly as he sends his unwitting theme-park-goers on a ride that will take them two thousand years to finish.
posted by Mayor West at 6:51 AM on August 21, 2018 [15 favorites]


......turned Rollercoaster Tycoon into a Turing-complete programming language

Shouldn't this guy be doing something more meaningful with his time, such as studying how spaghetti breaks?
posted by thelonius at 7:17 AM on August 21, 2018 [8 favorites]


Papa, can I ride the Big Scary Motherfucker this year? I promise not to cry when my insides are on the outside.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:31 AM on August 21, 2018 [4 favorites]


And here I thought that Action Park would've been the first to test a non-Euclidean rollercoaster on location.
posted by delfin at 7:41 AM on August 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


This is the sort of thing I had in mind when I went for my CS degree all those years ago. Alas, it pays poorly.* I now manage large database systems where my goal is to slow things down enough to make users welcome those occasional sub-second queries like Christmas morning. It's a hard sell, but I'm sticking with it until I win the lottery or retire.**

* Not just poorly, but also not at all. Alas.
** I may need to purchase some lottery tickets at some point.
posted by Cris E at 7:48 AM on August 21, 2018 [3 favorites]




The slow back and forth lovers should maybe ride an alpine train. Slow scenic train taking back and forth switchbacks slowly climbing up to the top of a mountain.
posted by zengargoyle at 7:55 AM on August 21, 2018


I want to get off of Mr. Toad's Mild Ride.
posted by loquacious at 8:10 AM on August 21, 2018 [4 favorites]


I am so going on this coaster the second someone actually builds it.
posted by holborne at 8:36 AM on August 21, 2018


Mr. Bones would like a word with you.
posted by deezil at 8:41 AM on August 21, 2018 [2 favorites]


So it's primarily hour after hour of letting a virtual object crawl slowly along a virtual track to artificially inflate an artificial number thanks to a programming bug?

Whee.
posted by kyrademon at 9:06 AM on August 21, 2018


Is there...is there no ride simulation? I was hoping to see the little roller coaster cars zooming around the loop thingies, but...no?
posted by Maaik at 9:07 AM on August 21, 2018 [3 favorites]


Just about fast enough to ensure it kills everyone.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:17 AM on August 21, 2018 [3 favorites]


You know, I make fun of min/maxers, but then I look at something like that and I admit it scratches an itch in my brain.
posted by praemunire at 9:25 AM on August 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


thelonius: "Shouldn't this guy be doing something more meaningful with his time,"

Just be glad he isn't living on some volcanic island with his white cat.
posted by Mitheral at 9:32 AM on August 21, 2018 [2 favorites]


I'm going to just leave this here...

Breaking Madden
posted by Cris E at 9:53 AM on August 21, 2018 [2 favorites]


Obligatory
posted by slater at 9:56 AM on August 21, 2018 [4 favorites]


"I would be happy to ride on the slow, flat part of this roller coaster track."

They have trains at Six Flags that are essentially this and they're horribly boring, plus they get in folks way.
posted by GoblinHoney at 10:41 AM on August 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


You know, you weirdos might be on to something with this mildly pleasant and unalarming roller coaster idea.

Imagine a very comfortable carriage or seat like some kind of articulated recliner, and instead of hurling you through g-forces and turns and loops at high speed, it gave you a very relaxed and leisurely tour of a pretty garden while the track and recliner very slowly and smoothly moved through a number of novel and interesting positions. Perhaps those positions could involve a massaging chair component, or they were easy and relaxed yoga poses or stretches, or a number of relaxing reclined positions

So, in the same way a very smooth mechanical device can be pleasing, and a very, very comfortable chair is pleasing and entertaining, you could do some kind of over-engineered low speed, high tech ride or track that focused on relaxation, smooth movement translations and some kind of interactive or biofeedback component to promote relaxation.
posted by loquacious at 10:52 AM on August 21, 2018 [4 favorites]


Cris, Breaking Madden has been noted fondly here on the blue a bunch of times. ALL HAIL THE BOIS.

Now, if we could have seen the author mount an Oregon Trail prairie schooner on those wooden coaster rails, that would have been pretty bitchin'.
posted by wenestvedt at 11:13 AM on August 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


You know, you weirdos might be on to something with this mildly pleasant and unalarming roller coaster idea.

Walt Disney World used to have such a ride: "If You Had Wings." Right next to Space Mountain, it was a relaxing travelogue by Eastern Airlines. I have many fond memories of it - including short lines, strong air conditioning, and a tendency to break down - all of which added up to a comfortable respite from the Florida heat.
posted by cheshyre at 3:51 PM on August 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


cheshyre: is that the same ride that was called Delta Dream Flight around 1996?

I believe I was kicked off that one.
posted by Cogito at 4:58 PM on August 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


According to Wikipedia, Delta Dreamflight was the "same ride system and floor layout, but all-new scenery and music."
Care to share the story?
posted by cheshyre at 5:50 PM on August 21, 2018


I was in Disney with my high school marching band, and I suppose we were high on excitement from participating in the Spectramagic Light Parade. Having already ridden the most thrilling Space Mountain and the only exponentially less thrilling Spaceship Earth (the one inside the iconic Epcot geodesic dome), we went in search of anti-excitement and Delta Dreamflight was our Xanadu.

As I recall it was really pretty stupid and minor annoyances like throwing coins and possibly getting out of the cars during the ride (note: they travel at ~1 mph), but it was definitely enough to get us booted. Actually, we were quite lucky we didn't get thrown out of the entire park. As it was, I don't think it ever got back to our band director, but a park ejection would certainly have noticed and not taken lightly.
posted by Cogito at 8:06 PM on August 21, 2018


This reminds me of the Euthanasia Coaster
which was a conceptual roller coaster designed by Julijonas Urbonas to kill its passengers.

Weirdest part by far is that Urbonas said that the *actual president* of a roller coaster company inspired him with his description of the "ultimate" roller coaster as one that "sends out 24 people and they all come back dead."

Unrelated, Julijonas Urbonas is really fun to say out loud.
posted by mike_honcho at 11:27 AM on August 22, 2018


Well, instead of something as actually boring as the Delta Dreamflight or other sedate dark rides like diorama train rides and the like, I'm more thinking along the lines of what would happen if you got Kuka Robotics to design an articulated super space age massaging easy chair that runs around on a track through a variety of simulated or natural environments.

So as you ran through the track or ride the articulated easy chair on the end of a robot arm would go through a continuous and extremely smooth flow of computer-controlled positions and position translations. You could impart sensations like floating or even zero gravity on the more extreme and unsettling-but-comfortable side of things, or individual articulated arm/leg/body rests could gently stretch you through a series of relaxing, sprawling poses while you were viewing a beautiful garden or greenhouse, or even immersive simulated environments.

You could even run the track through a number of controlled environments, say, a plunge from a dry sauna to a blast chilled refreshing tunnel, then a humid rainforest, etc.

Of course, since this is an adult ride there will be a pre and post ride bar offering a variety of cocktails, relaxing herbs or some of those new fangled science fiction oil vaporizers.

I would actually ride this ride, hopefully stoned out of my gourd. Granted I can do that right now by going on a leisurely bike ride and slinging up my hammock somewhere and watching the world go by, but it's not quite the same concept. Part of the concept is experiencing incredibly precise, smooth movements as facilitated by advanced robotics and motion control.
posted by loquacious at 12:40 PM on August 22, 2018


« Older Sauropodlets are so cute (SLYT)   |   Silent Sam is Silent Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments