Didn't like this video at first, but then it grew on me

September 4, 2018 10:19 AM

911 days of beard growth time lapse. My wife and I traveled around the world for 2.5 years. I didn't shave the whole time.
posted by growabrain (71 comments total)

As a woman who has shaved her own head twice in the past year, I realize I may have a greater-than-standard dislike of long hair growth in general. This is me judging.
posted by phunniemee at 10:30 AM on September 4, 2018 [4 favorites]

This video made my face itchy.
posted by quaking fajita at 10:35 AM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

I am kind of amazed that beards aren't over yet. When they end, it will happen fast, I predict.
posted by thelonius at 10:41 AM on September 4, 2018 [5 favorites]

I feel like I want to judge someone who traveled around the world for 2.5 years, apparently vacationing in some degree of luxury, for something other than beard growth. But I don't know anything about this guy or his wife, so instead I'll just say yep, that's a beard.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:41 AM on September 4, 2018 [8 favorites]

Damn, having money is good.
posted by _Synesthesia_ at 10:43 AM on September 4, 2018 [12 favorites]

I am kind of amazed that beards aren't over yet. When they end, it will happen fast, I predict.

Over my dead body.
posted by Beardman at 10:47 AM on September 4, 2018 [44 favorites]

As excuses for taking hours of selfie video go, I suppose beard-tracking is fine.
posted by gurple at 10:53 AM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

Me
posted by growabrain at 10:54 AM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

The shifting winds of fashion's fancy will never chap these bearded cheeks.
posted by stinkfoot at 10:55 AM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

omg please for the love of all that is HOLY, please end this unrelenting homosocial experiment.

#TEAMCHIN
posted by Dressed to Kill at 11:01 AM on September 4, 2018 [4 favorites]

I am kind of amazed that beards aren't over yet. When they end, it will happen fast, I predict.

Do not underestimate my capacity for morning sloth. I am not alone. There are many others.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:03 AM on September 4, 2018 [8 favorites]

I just shaved my head after 16 years without a haircut; maybe I should do the same thing with regular hair. My beard tends to come in kind of scraggly, plus it requires extra effort to cover it up in the operating room where I work, so I will skip that part of it.
posted by TedW at 11:06 AM on September 4, 2018

They just seem like a kind of thing that Millenials would kill.
posted by thelonius at 11:08 AM on September 4, 2018 [3 favorites]

Funnily enough, 2 and a bit years was just enough time to completely turn me off ever wanting to grow a beard again. The itching and unpleasantness in summer was not made up by the comfort in winter.
posted by bonehead at 11:08 AM on September 4, 2018

There's a moment around Day 85 where this stops being fun.
posted by mochapickle at 11:09 AM on September 4, 2018 [3 favorites]

I'm only on my own personal Team Chin because my beard grows in looking like Bad Santa's. It ain't good, folks.

But do your own thing, you hairy mammoth men.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:10 AM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

Every job ever: There's a moment around Day 80 where this stops being fun.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:10 AM on September 4, 2018 [7 favorites]

I've been rolling with a full beard for the last two years. Longest I grew it was about six inches. Then, I cut it down to about 1 inch. Recently, I trimmed it down to half an inch. I'm honestly not terribly interested in growing it nearly as long as I'd had it before. So unmaintainable.
posted by SansPoint at 11:10 AM on September 4, 2018

I tried letting my beard grow out to about the 120 day mark, but it got to be too much. I prefer my beard to remain trimmed to Rikeresque levels. And also, beards have been going in and out of style for oh what, at least all of recorded human history, so I don't think beards will ever truly be over.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 11:15 AM on September 4, 2018 [3 favorites]

This was a great video to watch. While his end result isn't personally my thing, I think a well-groomed beard is sexy af. Long may they reign.
posted by kimberussell at 11:19 AM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

This was strangely hypnotic, especially towards the end. I was pleased to see that he did at one point succumb to plaiting it, because doesn't a huge beard like that just get in the way a lot? Not to mention how uncomfortable it must be in hot weather/places. I have waist-length hair (on my head) and it takes about an hour to dry after washing - a long beard must be like having two heads of hair.
posted by Fuchsoid at 11:19 AM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

For the last few years, I have gone through an annual beard cycle roughly coinciding with the time changes. I have a goatee right now that I will let start filling in on the cheeks some time in November and leave untouched until the return of DST in March, at which point I will shave the whole thing off. The clean-shaven portion only lasts a few weeks before I start growing the goatee again because my wife doesn't like my bare face.
posted by briank at 11:21 AM on September 4, 2018

So, one year to Amish, two years to ZZ Top, three years to Old Testament. Faster than I would've thought.
posted by rikschell at 11:23 AM on September 4, 2018 [17 favorites]

I wonder what the bell curve looks like on being picked up as a hitchhiker with/sans barbarous facial hair.
posted by Dillionaire at 11:23 AM on September 4, 2018 [3 favorites]

I have a beard in fall / winter and shave my face in spring / summer. I once tried to push through the "shapeless face" phase of beard growth and noped out, largely due to my inability to not fiddle with my beard 24/7.

Dude in the video looks much better with a beard.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:31 AM on September 4, 2018

Yeah this video also answers the question "What would Griffin McElroy look like if he had a mighty beard?"
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 11:35 AM on September 4, 2018 [6 favorites]

Towards the end I started getting real interested in whether he had opinions on open source software
posted by aubilenon at 11:39 AM on September 4, 2018 [42 favorites]

The Young Dumbledore Adventures
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 11:44 AM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

I am one week away from not cutting the hair on my head for a year. As a 50 something guy who normally sports a buzz cut, it has been quite the experience in many ways. But beard? Nope.
posted by AugustWest at 11:52 AM on September 4, 2018

This was oddly interesting.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:56 AM on September 4, 2018

When they end, it will happen fast, I predict.

Look, if beards ever go out of style and my husband decides to shave his, I'm going to have to get plastic surgery because underneath the beard he looks like a baby-faced 22-year-old (he's 35). Whereas I, without the SPF benefits of a beard, look every one of my 34 years.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 12:02 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

I am one week away from not cutting the hair on my head for a year.

I usually wear my hair buzzed to 3mm or so, but a few years ago I let it grow for about a year -- no trims, no shaping, just letting it grow. When I see pictures from that time I wonder what the hell I was thinking. I secretly want to do it again -- I get actual pangs of jealousy just looking at Maui from Moana -- but it's just such a messy hassle.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:16 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

I am kind of amazed that beards aren't over yet. When they end, it will happen fast, I predict.

I'll take "Not any time soon" for $1000, Alex.
posted by Etrigan at 12:22 PM on September 4, 2018

Just posted - the video of him shaving it off and his wife's reaction.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:29 PM on September 4, 2018 [12 favorites]

I don't look good without a beard. I'm not quite a ferret, but, as far as chins go, Nature did not Provide. So I've always had one. Sometimes short, sometimes long, usually reasonably well maintained.

But now it's getting more salt than pepper and man, there ain't nothing makes a man look old like a beard with a lot of white in it. And that might be the thing that gets me to buy an actual close shaving razor of some variety.

There's probably a hotdads.com bead trim and hair style in my facial shape somewhere, but I haven't been able to find it in the last decade. (I don't count the pointed goatee and twirled moustache I had for my portrayal of Dr. Wilhelm von Whackoff in Saucy Jack and the Space Vixens.)

I always said when I was younger that I had a summer beard: "some here, some there." It filled in a little in my 40s and now it's okay density wise, but just a bit curly so essentially unruly at any length. I guess just like me.
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:32 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

I wish my beard would grow down like that but it grows out in all directions and resists any attempt at combing.
posted by octothorpe at 12:34 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

I'm always jealous of people's beards that grow down as well. I've grown mine out a long time waiting for gravity to take over, but my impatience always wins the battle and I trim it first. It looks like a reverse halo, but with a lot more stragglers, it's annoying.
posted by Carillon at 12:46 PM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

Been neatly bearded (#2-4) for six years. As the gray begins to become more apparent, I'm thinking it's time to smooth up.
posted by infinitewindow at 12:52 PM on September 4, 2018

Oh, his wife's reaction is just adorable, charming and heartwarming! I'm tearing up.
posted by amanda at 1:03 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

He's Russian!
posted by growabrain at 1:09 PM on September 4, 2018

My husband looks very handsome with a beard, in fact more handsome with one. When it grows really long though, one of his friends once stroked it and said it felt like a goat. And now that he's said that, it does feel a bit like a goat.

Beards: pros and cons.
posted by stillnocturnal at 1:12 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

Goatliness is a pro, right?
posted by aubilenon at 1:16 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

My growth at 2 months looks like his at 2 weeks, and it doesn't seem to get much longer or fuller even at 6 months.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 1:22 PM on September 4, 2018

Omg he never shuts up! Just kidding. I'm really curious what he's saying. And that's a LOT of footage to carry around and store somewhere while travelling.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:37 PM on September 4, 2018

Actually he's Canadian!

Having just shaved after about a month of general laziness I can't imagine going that far with a beard. Though I have been growing out the sideburns for quite a while, and they are finally at the point where gravity is starting to take over from my facial hair's tendency to grow in wild directions.
posted by cirhosis at 1:53 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

I'm surprised how long it got in just 2.5 years. I would have thought it would take maybe 10 years to get that long.
I've had a beard since 1978, and only shaved it completely once. (My wife told me to grow it back.) However, I prefer to keep it fairly short- about him on day 25 or 30.

I don't understand the hostility to beards. I get that individuals have preferences, and that's fine.
You can request (or even demand) that your spouse presents himself (or herself) with a reasonable degree of sensitivity to your own aesthetics, but don't expect me to.
I also don't understand why anyone would drag a sharp piece of metal over their skin on a daily basis. Hair seems to want to grow. (Until it doesn't any more.)
Also- it only itches for a week or two.
posted by MtDewd at 2:00 PM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

Watch me shave off my epic beard and then see my wife's reaction!

Erm. Watch him pay a hairdresser to shave off his beard and hair, saving all of the hair (Locks of Love? Hope so) and also for some reason the entire beard, while being taped, taking about 5x longer about the whole process by showing him every intermediate beard- and hairstyle along the way. I hope he tipped her well.

I don't begrudge this man his hair hobby, but his videoed self-absorption is too precious by half. And yet I can't look away.
posted by gurple at 2:16 PM on September 4, 2018

The Young Dumbledore Adventures

Pretty sure Dumbledore didn't adventure with a Mrs Dumbledore, even in his youth.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:52 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

He traveled for two and a half years and didn't grow a man-bun? How will anyone take him seriously? (This is a discussion that my husband and I have quite frequently, as we've been traveling for 9 months and he's resistant to getting his hair cut.)
posted by hopeless romantique at 2:59 PM on September 4, 2018

I once went a whole month without shaving and someone said to me "I can't believe you didn't shave today!"

So I shaved.

Like my day 911 is this guy's day 3.
posted by GuyZero at 2:59 PM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

I was kind of hoping there would be a side story, like his wife canoodling with pedicab drivers and tour guides in the background while he faffed on unwittingly about his beard.
posted by chavenet at 3:11 PM on September 4, 2018 [4 favorites]

Dude in the video looks much better without a beard.

I have a friend with a mighty beard. Once time I saw him from the side sitting in his car and I thought, "Hey, it's the guy from the old TSR logo!"
posted by juiceCake at 3:28 PM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

shave off his beard and hair, saving all of the hair (Locks of Love? Hope so)

The poor children already have cancer. Don't ask them to wear a wig made of his scraggly face pubes, too.
posted by phunniemee at 3:30 PM on September 4, 2018 [10 favorites]

I actually think he looks better with the beard, but more in the day 30 to 300 range, not so much after that.

I posted this in a recent askme, but I didn't think I could grow a reasonable beard, so I never really tried -- for, like decades. Then, at 44, I got hurt (x-ray; sfw) in a cycling crash, and spent about a week in the hospital.

Turns out, nobody will make you shave there, so I let it roll. And then I realized "hey, this might work," and committed to it with the joking line that I'd shave when I could walk again.

So, then, once I was cleared to use a cane, I plotted, and waited for my wife to be out of the house shopping before I cut it off. Or, rather, MOST of it.

I helped her unload and put away groceries for at least 15 minutes before she noticed. When it happened, she was in the middle of a sentence, so it was something like "So I couldn't get the usual brand of salsa because they were OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK?!"

I lasted like 3 days with it all gone. Turns out, she liked it a lot, so now I'm a guy with a beard. I keep it pretty close cropped, though. It's not thick enough to grow out into a majestic Youtube-worthy affair.
posted by uberchet at 3:51 PM on September 4, 2018 [3 favorites]

Oh, hilariously, this guy also has a Beard Problems clip, which is pretty funny. Most of the problems he notes are peculiar to very long beards, but I can confirm that ice cream cones are the bane of anyone with facial hair.
posted by uberchet at 3:56 PM on September 4, 2018

I'm more impressed by the fact that they wore those hoodies every day for the first month and a half, ditched them for a year, and then started wearing them again.
posted by googly at 3:58 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

Jack Passion: Author, media personality, and world beard champion; retired
posted by growabrain at 4:32 PM on September 4, 2018

I don't begrudge this man his hair hobby, but his videoed self-absorption is too precious by half. And yet I can't look away.

This statement is already pretty self-refuting, but I'd like to make it clear I think the this video is a work of art and I'm glad he made it. Sure, it's not meaningful or world-changing, but art doesn't have to be. There are lots of completely mundane events that are transformed by the way they are recorded and shared, this is as fine an example as any.

You might as well look at this painting and think, "What, you couldn't find a bowl of flowers? Get over yourself."
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:38 PM on September 4, 2018 [4 favorites]

I don't really get the beard hate.

If I want to look professionally clean shaven I need to get out the razor twice a day - I am damn happy beards are fashionable, but I'm not sure of change anything if they weren't.
posted by deadwax at 4:47 PM on September 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have a fairly long, but regularly barbered, beard. The other day, I was walking back to work after lunch, and I passed a local elementary school during recess. I saw a ball that someone had thrown over the fence, and so I picked it up and threw it back over. And then a little blond girl looked at me and said ‘Santa?’

As being roasted by little kids goes, that one was pretty good.
posted by box at 5:33 PM on September 4, 2018 [5 favorites]

I’m jealous of his beard at about 3 months. If I could grow a dense, flaming red beard that looked like that, I definitely would.

(Beyond about four months, though, it’s getting a bit much for my preference, though.)
posted by darkstar at 6:27 PM on September 4, 2018

https://mltshp.com/p/1EJEO
posted by thelonius at 7:02 PM on September 4, 2018

This is the first time it ever occurred to me that dads teaching sons to shave their face is a stereotypical rite of passage and yet I was somehow meant to just figure out about shaving my armpits and my entire legs. That's pretty weird.
posted by lauranesson at 7:17 PM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

Do mothers/older sisters not teach that? I would have thought they would, or at least pointed out what a young woman was doing wrong if she screwed it up. OTOH shaving legs and armpits doesn't require a mirror so maybe it's just not as tricky as one's own face?
posted by axiom at 7:21 PM on September 4, 2018

"Time for work, better shave it off!"
*dramatic chipmunk*
NO THE BEARD STAYS. YOU GO!
posted by carsonb at 7:22 PM on September 4, 2018

Every time I let my beard grow, it reaches a point of color patchiness that makes me look like a calico cat. Every time I shave it off I discover my face looks older and my jowels are more pronounced than the time before. A fella can't win.
posted by davejay at 11:12 PM on September 4, 2018 [2 favorites]

Re: Beard problems. The way people used to deal with this was to just plait the damn thing already. Rock that pirate / shipmate / going-a-viking look.
posted by pharm at 2:58 AM on September 5, 2018

AugustWest: I am one week away from not cutting the hair on my head for a year. As a 50 something guy who normally sports a buzz cut, it has been quite the experience in many ways.

I am 51, and just cut my hair for the first time in 3 years, 6 months, and 2 weeks (2/12/15-8/26/18). Went from touching my waist when wet (a little more than halfway down my back dry) to an inch-and-a-half long scissor cut on top and #5 buzz on the sides.

Having long hair was an interesting experiment. I got to play around with braids and color in ways that I never had before. But, I'm done with the experiment now. You know it's time to part ways with your locks when just the physical sensation of having that hair touching your back contributes to anxiety attacks.
posted by hanov3r at 4:36 AM on September 5, 2018

I don't really get the beard hate

If you are talking about my comment, that was "beard bemusement"
posted by thelonius at 5:39 AM on September 5, 2018

I had a chinstrap in college (I know, I know) and didn't grow a full beard until I had to have my appendix out. Couldn't shower for several days so just let nature take its course.

I shave my neck and keep the beard closely trimmed and wouldn't go back to scraping a razor across my entire face on a daily basis for pretty much anything.
posted by Twicketface at 11:40 AM on September 5, 2018

I shave my neck

This is the narrow case where I can brag about my beard, because I have won beard lotto in a very minor sense: my beard basically just stops about the spot on my neck where some have to shave. I have to do almost zero "beardscaping" to keep it in line other than managing overall length.

Woot!
posted by uberchet at 6:10 AM on September 6, 2018 [2 favorites]