"Now I know who I am and where I'm from"
September 5, 2018 12:55 PM Subscribe
"If you would have told me to pick who my father was, there's no way I would have picked him because I might have thought I wasn't worthy for him to be my father. I felt like my blessings came full circle because I'd always wanted to be somebody like him." Kansas City Chiefs running backs coach Deland McCullough went searching for his biological parents. He found them where he never would have expected: Runs in the Family. (Sarah Spain, ESPN, via)
Holy smokes, that is absolutely wild.
posted by saladin at 1:15 PM on September 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by saladin at 1:15 PM on September 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
That is so amazing!
I love that all these people made jokes about it without even suspecting the truth.
posted by jamjam at 1:22 PM on September 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
I love that all these people made jokes about it without even suspecting the truth.
posted by jamjam at 1:22 PM on September 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
What a fantastic story!
posted by lollymccatburglar at 1:26 PM on September 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by lollymccatburglar at 1:26 PM on September 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'll never experience a wonder like this, so I feel privileged when I see other people live miracles. That final portrait... What a denouement.
posted by Freeze Peach at 1:36 PM on September 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Freeze Peach at 1:36 PM on September 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'm not crying; YOU'RE crying.
It's dusty in here, shut up.
posted by acidnova at 1:45 PM on September 5, 2018 [12 favorites]
It's dusty in here, shut up.
posted by acidnova at 1:45 PM on September 5, 2018 [12 favorites]
Holy crap that's a good story. What a journey for them all!
posted by drewbage1847 at 2:01 PM on September 5, 2018
posted by drewbage1847 at 2:01 PM on September 5, 2018
I was expecting the reveal, but I still gasped when I got to the reveal.
I had this same reaction. Ms. Spain wrote the story so beautifully that it was still a lovely surprise even in plain sight. I laughed out loud at the dad's aunt watching YouTube videos and then telling him "nephew, I can save you the money on the DNA tests."
posted by AgentRocket at 2:09 PM on September 5, 2018 [14 favorites]
I had this same reaction. Ms. Spain wrote the story so beautifully that it was still a lovely surprise even in plain sight. I laughed out loud at the dad's aunt watching YouTube videos and then telling him "nephew, I can save you the money on the DNA tests."
posted by AgentRocket at 2:09 PM on September 5, 2018 [14 favorites]
It's so hard to read the captions on the last few photos when you're crying.
posted by twoplussix at 2:16 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by twoplussix at 2:16 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
What a wonderful story. And, yes, that huge family photo was placed so perfectly.
Thanks for posting.
posted by jillithd at 2:19 PM on September 5, 2018
Thanks for posting.
posted by jillithd at 2:19 PM on September 5, 2018
If this was a movie, you would think it was fake and contrived.
When this is a movie, it's going to be a hell of a movie.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:23 PM on September 5, 2018 [7 favorites]
When this is a movie, it's going to be a hell of a movie.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:23 PM on September 5, 2018 [7 favorites]
So crying over here. As an adoptee, it makes me so angry when children are denied their history. So happy this has a happy ending and so unexpected. I really recommend the book, “The Girls Who Went Away” about a slightly earlier era of mother’s homes and adoption. Many stories have similarities to this one.
posted by amanda at 2:34 PM on September 5, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by amanda at 2:34 PM on September 5, 2018 [9 favorites]
That pull quote. Such graceful humility in someone who had a fairly chaotic upbringing.
posted by praemunire at 2:55 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by praemunire at 2:55 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
One of the best adoption reunion stories I have ever read; everyone acting with such grace, understanding, and kindness. This is how it should be.
posted by mermayd at 3:06 PM on September 5, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by mermayd at 3:06 PM on September 5, 2018 [9 favorites]
Wonderful.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:46 PM on September 5, 2018
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:46 PM on September 5, 2018
Holy shit.
Everyone in this story just... man they just tried SO HARD to do the right thing. Like, they didn't always manage it, and they're honest about flaws and mistakes, but that didn't stop them from constantly continuing to try and that is so gorgeously a demonstration of the best kind of human. What excellent people. I could not wish more happiness for anyone.
posted by BlueBlueElectricBlue at 4:08 PM on September 5, 2018 [27 favorites]
Everyone in this story just... man they just tried SO HARD to do the right thing. Like, they didn't always manage it, and they're honest about flaws and mistakes, but that didn't stop them from constantly continuing to try and that is so gorgeously a demonstration of the best kind of human. What excellent people. I could not wish more happiness for anyone.
posted by BlueBlueElectricBlue at 4:08 PM on September 5, 2018 [27 favorites]
Oh god, feeling so many feels I can hardly function. I've still not managed to get in contact with my birth family since then although that was also about the time of my last efforts. And I've kind of not made more efforts in the past 6 months because it's such a fraught and emotionally draining issue. But right now I'm feeling a little screw that. Two facebook friend requests have gone out into the void tonight and we'll see where it leads.
posted by drlith at 4:12 PM on September 5, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by drlith at 4:12 PM on September 5, 2018 [12 favorites]
I should also mention that my BIL recently reconnected with his youngest child, who was given up for adoption when he was...18 or 19 and about a year before he met my sister. He'd never told her, and then DNA testing lead to truths being outed and the info came to my sister not directly via my BIL (?!?!) and there was a tiny bit of drama because my sister is a tiny bit dramatic, but it all worked out in the end and they've all got matching tattoos and shit now.
posted by drlith at 4:15 PM on September 5, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by drlith at 4:15 PM on September 5, 2018 [8 favorites]
MeFite adoptees: I am in reunion and I talk about adoption and reunion on and off here. I am on Facebook under my real name, Mike Whybark, and participate in several adoptee communities there, the largest of which, Adoptees Only, has been incredibly useful as a place where we, as adoptees, can talk in open dialog with others.
For me personally, finding an adult-adoptee support group has been very important. Adoption is a complicated subject that for most of my life has not benefitted from a fully-considered public conversation and as a result many people that interact with us over the course of our lives have never reflected on what the experience might be like for us.
These reunion narratives will become the new social norm for us, and the more of them there are, the better social modeling will be available to our families, to both both families. That will also affect us as we consider whether we wish to pursue reunion or not. This time is fraught for us. There are communities where we can come together. You are not alone.
posted by mwhybark at 5:31 PM on September 5, 2018 [20 favorites]
For me personally, finding an adult-adoptee support group has been very important. Adoption is a complicated subject that for most of my life has not benefitted from a fully-considered public conversation and as a result many people that interact with us over the course of our lives have never reflected on what the experience might be like for us.
These reunion narratives will become the new social norm for us, and the more of them there are, the better social modeling will be available to our families, to both both families. That will also affect us as we consider whether we wish to pursue reunion or not. This time is fraught for us. There are communities where we can come together. You are not alone.
posted by mwhybark at 5:31 PM on September 5, 2018 [20 favorites]
Beautiful in so many ways. And such a great antidote to the US politics thread. Thanks for sharing.
posted by 6thsense at 5:32 PM on September 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by 6thsense at 5:32 PM on September 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
Indeed, 6thsense. I sobbed my way through the whole thing. Such a nice spot of brightness I really needed today.
posted by something something at 7:14 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by something something at 7:14 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
This is a great story, and a fine piece of writing. I too knew pretty much how it would come out, but that’s fine; the journey was well worth the time. ESPN has had some superior articles the last few months, and I do only the most minimal of sports followage.
posted by lhauser at 7:25 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by lhauser at 7:25 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
Well, shit. This was an amazing read. And has me thinking about reaching out to my bio-half-bro again. We've been FB friends for two years but it's never gone beyond "nice to meet you!" I wish I knew what to say.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:43 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:43 PM on September 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
That's adorably fitting.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:22 PM on September 5, 2018
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:22 PM on September 5, 2018
What an amazing story.
posted by SisterHavana at 11:25 PM on September 5, 2018
posted by SisterHavana at 11:25 PM on September 5, 2018
What a story.
"Being irresponsible is not neutral," Smith says. "When you're irresponsible, someone becomes responsible for what you've been irresponsible for."
What a great quote.
posted by Svejk at 11:43 PM on September 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
"Being irresponsible is not neutral," Smith says. "When you're irresponsible, someone becomes responsible for what you've been irresponsible for."
What a great quote.
posted by Svejk at 11:43 PM on September 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
Agreeing on the great quote, should be sent to all birthfathers who abandoned their woman and child. Which of course the father in the story did not, as he did not know. Again, everyone handled this so well, which is not always the case.
posted by mermayd at 5:09 AM on September 6, 2018
posted by mermayd at 5:09 AM on September 6, 2018
Thankfully I have two screens to hide behind at work because that was one hell of a touching story and I am not on my lunch break.
posted by halcyonday at 5:41 AM on September 6, 2018
posted by halcyonday at 5:41 AM on September 6, 2018
Agreeing on the great quote, should be sent to all birthfathers who abandoned their woman and child. Which of course the father in the story did not, as he did not know.
It seems like you can't say the same for his adoptive father, though, unfortunately. He gets such a brief mention that maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I sure didn't get the sense that he was present in the lives of his sons after he left their mother.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:18 AM on September 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
It seems like you can't say the same for his adoptive father, though, unfortunately. He gets such a brief mention that maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I sure didn't get the sense that he was present in the lives of his sons after he left their mother.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:18 AM on September 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
What a great story, thanks to Johnny Wallflower for bringing it.
Like some others above, I too have an adoption story. I was born in 1962 and my sister was born in 1939. Her father was captured by the Japanese in 1942 and suffered through the Bataan Death March and horrendous POW captivity until the end of WWII. It apparently was never a great marriage to begin with, and he and our mother got divorced soon after he was repatriated.
My mother and father met in Libya when he was in the Air Force and she worked in the civil service. The US had an Air Force base in Libya back then, Wheelus AFB. My mother told me later my father had a wife and never got divorced. He would come to visit and it was plain they loved each other. I had always assumed I was an unplanned surprise baby, because my mother was 45 and unmarried when I was born. My mother died in 2006 at the age of 88.
In 2012 I got a Facebook message from a social worker. She gave a lot of identifying information about my mother and sister that made it obvious it was my mother she was referencing. It turns out that in 1955 when my sister was about 16, our mother had gotten pregnant. She had been engaged to a man, but she broke it off. My mother told everyone she was going to take a civil service job in St. Louis on a 6 month trial basis, but in reality she took a leave of absence to secretly have the baby. She told only 3 people: Her then best friend, her supervisor, and her mother. For the rest of her life, she never told anyone else, that I know of. The letter I received from the social worker, based on notes in the adoption file, were heartbreaking. I felt so bad for my mother. She wanted to keep the baby, but her mother was against it and gave her no emotional support. She was also afraid it would be stigmatizing for my sister, who was a junior in HS. She gave the baby up for adoption, took a bus back home, and never mentioned it again.
I always wanted a big brother. He's been accepted by all of the family, we all get along great, and it's like he's always been part of the family. In looks, mannerisms, and personality, he reminds everyone of our mother. Although he didn't get to meet our mother, he got to meet 2 of her sisters, his own half brother (me, of course) and and half sister, and numerous cousins. I wish our mother would have met him and seen how well his life has turned out, and what a great person he is. Our mother and my brother's wife would have been great friends, I just know it. I wish my mother would have met her other 3 grandchildren.
I was the replacement baby. If our mother would have kept him, I would never have been born.
posted by Daddy-O at 10:11 AM on September 6, 2018 [11 favorites]
Like some others above, I too have an adoption story. I was born in 1962 and my sister was born in 1939. Her father was captured by the Japanese in 1942 and suffered through the Bataan Death March and horrendous POW captivity until the end of WWII. It apparently was never a great marriage to begin with, and he and our mother got divorced soon after he was repatriated.
My mother and father met in Libya when he was in the Air Force and she worked in the civil service. The US had an Air Force base in Libya back then, Wheelus AFB. My mother told me later my father had a wife and never got divorced. He would come to visit and it was plain they loved each other. I had always assumed I was an unplanned surprise baby, because my mother was 45 and unmarried when I was born. My mother died in 2006 at the age of 88.
In 2012 I got a Facebook message from a social worker. She gave a lot of identifying information about my mother and sister that made it obvious it was my mother she was referencing. It turns out that in 1955 when my sister was about 16, our mother had gotten pregnant. She had been engaged to a man, but she broke it off. My mother told everyone she was going to take a civil service job in St. Louis on a 6 month trial basis, but in reality she took a leave of absence to secretly have the baby. She told only 3 people: Her then best friend, her supervisor, and her mother. For the rest of her life, she never told anyone else, that I know of. The letter I received from the social worker, based on notes in the adoption file, were heartbreaking. I felt so bad for my mother. She wanted to keep the baby, but her mother was against it and gave her no emotional support. She was also afraid it would be stigmatizing for my sister, who was a junior in HS. She gave the baby up for adoption, took a bus back home, and never mentioned it again.
I always wanted a big brother. He's been accepted by all of the family, we all get along great, and it's like he's always been part of the family. In looks, mannerisms, and personality, he reminds everyone of our mother. Although he didn't get to meet our mother, he got to meet 2 of her sisters, his own half brother (me, of course) and and half sister, and numerous cousins. I wish our mother would have met him and seen how well his life has turned out, and what a great person he is. Our mother and my brother's wife would have been great friends, I just know it. I wish my mother would have met her other 3 grandchildren.
I was the replacement baby. If our mother would have kept him, I would never have been born.
posted by Daddy-O at 10:11 AM on September 6, 2018 [11 favorites]
Thanks, Daddy-O. One of my IRL adoptee support group friends had his life shaped by the war as well. He was adopted by a couple of concentration camp surviors, people that made it through as kids, and later found that his birth father had served in WWII as well when they met. The two of them actually became best friends over the last twenty years of the older man's life. My friend was born in the mid-sixties and both sets of his parents were significantly older, a not uncommon pattern for adoptees.
posted by mwhybark at 11:03 AM on September 6, 2018
posted by mwhybark at 11:03 AM on September 6, 2018
Oh, and I meant to drop a link to the podcast "Adoptees On," which focuses on providing a direct platform for adopted people to speak, primarily to other adopted people.
posted by mwhybark at 11:05 AM on September 6, 2018
posted by mwhybark at 11:05 AM on September 6, 2018
I really appreciate all of the stories and reaching out that are in the comments here. This kind of story can make people feel very different things depending on their situation. It fills me with happiness for the acceptance that he got from all parties involved.
drlith: I just wanted to say that I hope things go well for you. You're being very thoughtful of everyone involved, which can't be a bad way to start.
posted by montag2k at 11:19 PM on September 7, 2018 [2 favorites]
drlith: I just wanted to say that I hope things go well for you. You're being very thoughtful of everyone involved, which can't be a bad way to start.
posted by montag2k at 11:19 PM on September 7, 2018 [2 favorites]
What a beautiful, heartwarming story.
posted by daybeforetheday at 5:24 PM on September 8, 2018
posted by daybeforetheday at 5:24 PM on September 8, 2018
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