People often ask me, ‘Do you like cheese?’

September 8, 2018 12:55 AM

Diane Cox: “Our ancestors used to call cheese graders ‘fortune tellers of cheese’ and they had an almost mythical status - you need to be able to smell the cheese and predict its flavours in 18 months or two years’ time.” Richard Green: “I originally came into the cheese world in 1977, joining Crump, Way and Sons.” Olive Murray: “I will grade anywhere from 100 to 300 cheeses a day.” Craig Gile: “I carry my cheese trier in a holster.” Mark Pitts-Tucker: “My cholesterol is not enviable but my bone structure is - my calcium levels are fantastic!” Modelling the grade value, and some cheese grading terms. “There are no two pieces of cheese that are exactly identical.” Cheese graders will probably not be replaced by robots. The Guild of Cheese Graders and the Academy of Cheese.
posted by Wordshore (26 comments total)

Ok, this is an awesome post and I'm looking forward to reading all the links, but:

Our ancestors used to call cheese graders ‘fortune tellers of cheese’ and they had an almost mythical status

I had a good two minutes of bewilderment about cheese graters... fortune tellers of cheese... mystical status... WTF.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 1:23 AM on September 8, 2018 [8 favorites]

Ya i lived for a moment in the alternate reality where cheese graters were revered by our ancestors and IT WAS AWESOME.
posted by D.C. at 2:12 AM on September 8, 2018 [9 favorites]

I am a grateful cheese gradater who lives for these FPPs
posted by infini at 3:14 AM on September 8, 2018 [3 favorites]

People often ask me, ‘Do you like cheese?’
posted by Wordshore

All is right in the world today.
posted by threetwentytwo at 3:17 AM on September 8, 2018 [13 favorites]

Huh. I guess I missed my calling.
posted by stillnocturnal at 4:13 AM on September 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

The cheese post is here! The cheese post is here!
posted by mwhybark at 4:39 AM on September 8, 2018 [3 favorites]

I for one am sick of all these cheesing posts. They appear every week or so, everyone piles on, it's this endless wave of non-stop cheesiness, and it's changing how I view the internet.

Oh, wait, did you say cheese? I thought you said politics. Carry on.
posted by hippybear at 5:00 AM on September 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:02 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

Your reputation was as being unnatural even before this post. :)
posted by hippybear at 5:07 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

Cheese graders will probably not be replaced by robots

*sniff* *sniff*... petril.
posted by sysinfo at 5:22 AM on September 8, 2018 [4 favorites]

Related, for your listening pleasure: Planet Money ep.862: Big Government Cheese in which they interview a real live government cheese grader. (Air date = Aug 31st so I guess folks everywhere are feeling a bit cheesy lately?)
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 5:45 AM on September 8, 2018 [3 favorites]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural

Bitter
posted by Fizz at 6:03 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

This is a gouda post!
posted by sammyo at 6:15 AM on September 8, 2018 [5 favorites]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural

Extra mature
posted by infini at 6:39 AM on September 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural

Cave-aged
posted by briank at 6:56 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural

Streuble
posted by Fig at 6:58 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

My dream job has been, since the moment I learned the term, to be an affineur, and to practice affinage. By Cheeses, I cannot imagine a higher calling.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 7:13 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

My dream job has been, since the moment I learned the term, to be an affineur, and to practice affinage.

The world of cheese has such delightful words and vocabulary. Today's word of the day is: turophile - a connoisseur of cheese : a cheese fancier.
posted by Fizz at 8:44 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural

Relatively uniform eye size
posted by zamboni at 9:14 AM on September 8, 2018 [3 favorites]

Food tasting in general has been very difficult to automate. You can run as many chemical analyses and spectrographs as you want but nothing beats the Mark 1 nose & tongue.

I often tell stories of my sister's adventures working as a chemical engineer in the food industry. She's has to take classes on detecting rancid peanut butter in chocolates, on how to detect off-notes in liquor and at one point I think she was in line to do quality testing at a dogfood plant (yes, the "eating your own dogfood" expression is literally true at dogfood factories) but I think she managed to dodge that one and stick with chocolates. (Mars Canada has two product lines, chocolates and dog food, no joke, and they move technical employees between the operations sometimes)

Companies would absolutely, positively automate the cheese grading process if they could. But to date, it's just not possible.
posted by GuyZero at 9:45 AM on September 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural

Soft spots
posted by The otter lady at 11:14 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself I'm unnatural

Reasonably firm
posted by Daily Alice at 11:15 AM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

cheese grading terms

Tag yourself

Half natural muenster, half velveeta, with a touch of shredded (NOT grated) parmesan
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:26 PM on September 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

I’d like to talk to you about cheeses
posted by growabrain at 3:59 PM on September 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

I don't know anything about cheese and so instead I will gift you with one of the worst lyrics from a song ever:

You haven't noticed him? Jesus
You'd better believe us
That boy he can please us
Like four kinds of cheeses

Gouda nuff?
posted by h00py at 9:27 PM on September 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

I thought it was 'grater'
posted by sfts2 at 6:37 AM on September 9, 2018 [1 favorite]