SOMEONE PUT MUSTARD ON A PIZZA AND THE INTERNET IS VERY OFFENDED
September 10, 2018 9:39 AM   Subscribe

Does mustard ever belong on a pizza? [The Takeout] “Pizza toppings can be contentious, especially if those toppings involve pineapple. But move over, spiky tropical fruit, because there’s a new ’za controversy in town. Lions & Tigers & Squares, a Detroit-style pizzeria in New York, has announced a pizza that replaces tomato sauce with mustard and tops it with corned beef, sauerkraut, and cheese. Inspired take on a classic? Or the most disgusting thing ever created? Without tasting, hard to say.” [VIDEO: via: Twitter @foodinsider This pizza uses mustard instead of tomato sauce ]

• Mustard Pizza Is A Thing That Exists & Twitter Has Thoughts [Bustle]
“According to legend, a drunk customer tried to order a mushroom pizza, but it sounded like he said "mustard pizza" with his slurring, so the shop gave him a pizza that had both mustard and tomato sauce. The Lions & Tigers & Squares guys took this idea and... well, made something that sounds entirely different, but that still involves a lot of mustard. The Papa's Tomato Pies mustard pizza is, according to their site, "a local favorite with a thin layer of mustard between the crust and the cheese, topped with tomato sauce." Unsurprisingly, people of the internet who have not tried the mustard pizza have strong opinions.”
posted by Fizz (216 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
 
oh nooo, mustard on bread with cheese and meat, so gross

I think it's time we stopped allowing people to post their opinions on the Internet
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:42 AM on September 10 [115 favorites]


A thin layer of cream cheese under the tomato sauce on a pizza is really good.

This mustard monstrosity sounds delicious.
posted by Groundhog Week at 9:42 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


*adds pineapple topping to mustard pizza*
*smiles*

posted by Fizz at 9:43 AM on September 10 [32 favorites]


Holy shit, that sounds like my new favorite pseudo-pizza.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 9:44 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Sounds good but why insist on still calling it pizza?

Its like burritos vs. wraps. Just invent a new naming category instead of trying to crowd an existing one.
posted by vacapinta at 9:45 AM on September 10 [5 favorites]


Put some relish or whatever on there with sausage and call it hot dog pizza.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:45 AM on September 10 [8 favorites]


Put some relish or whatever on there with sausage and call it hot dog pizza.

I'll call it sandwich pizza.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:46 AM on September 10 [13 favorites]


Just invent a new naming category instead of trying to crowd an existing one.

Mustardilla?
posted by Fizz at 9:47 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


pizza is an open faced sandwich so I don't see what the big deal is.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:47 AM on September 10 [37 favorites]


Its like burritos vs. wraps. Just invent a new naming category instead of trying to crowd an existing one.

if you toss a chicken Caesar salad in a tortilla and call it a chicken Caesar burrito, you are being misleading and appropriative. the distinction is necessary. but we do not need to create neologisms for pizzas based on their sauces.

pizza is an open faced sandwich so I don't see what the big deal is.

this guy gets it
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:51 AM on September 10 [9 favorites]


i like mustard

i like pizza
posted by poffin boffin at 9:52 AM on September 10 [12 favorites]


I had a cheese-burger pizza a few weeks ago. That had mustard on it. It was nice. Don't @ me.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:53 AM on September 10 [5 favorites]


I'll allow it
posted by thelonius at 9:54 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


i HAVE mustard and pizza right now here inside my home where my mouth is for eating
posted by poffin boffin at 9:54 AM on September 10 [16 favorites]


perhaps an adventure
posted by poffin boffin at 9:54 AM on September 10 [11 favorites]


Someone's personal tastes diverge from my own? TO THE INTERNET
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:55 AM on September 10 [21 favorites]


I mean not liking mustard is a permissible choice for one's private life, but people who hold such views should not be platformed
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:57 AM on September 10 [21 favorites]


I'll allow for anything on bread to be called a pizza. If you want to be prescriptive and define a pizza in terms of the Neapolitan or Roman tradition, I'll eat that too, thank you very much.
posted by pipeski at 9:59 AM on September 10 [5 favorites]


is a cheeseless mustard-sauce cauliflower crust pizza a pizza?

(spoiler: yes)
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:00 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


no cauliflower is banned
posted by poffin boffin at 10:01 AM on September 10 [5 favorites]


I too have had cheeseburger pizza with mustard, and it was less judgmental and more fulfilling in many ways than the internet.
posted by Foosnark at 10:02 AM on September 10 [12 favorites]


i like mustard

i like pizza


🎵Meow Mix Meow Mix please deliver🎵
posted by zamboni at 10:03 AM on September 10 [39 favorites]


A place in my neighborhood makes a dilly-mustard pizza from time to time, and I will totally eat it. Why hate on something delicious, pizza ascetics?
posted by mumkin at 10:03 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


I maintain that the structurally unsound slop that was my first and only attempt to make a cauliflower crust pizza was nevertheless a pizza
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:03 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


There are different kinds of mustard: Yellow, brown, dijon, stone ground, honey, wasabi, chinese hot, etc.

Which ones would go on pizza? Do they all work?
posted by FJT at 10:04 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


pizza is an open faced sandwich so I don't see what the big deal is.

what if an open-faced sandwich is just weird pizza
posted by Mikey-San at 10:04 AM on September 10 [14 favorites]


cauliflower isn't actually a food, it's just wet bubbly rancid farts contained within a cellulose matrix
posted by poffin boffin at 10:04 AM on September 10 [27 favorites]


I'm still too busy trying to litigate the New England v. Manhattan clam chowder issue, so I should probably focus on that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:06 AM on September 10 [11 favorites]


I have whole-grain, corned beef, cheddar and Lebanese bread (also is that a local term? Google says khubz or flatbread might be a more recognisable term) available so maybe I'll take a crack at this for breakfast.
The question is whether to integrate a jar of white asparagus as well.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 10:07 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Clam chowder pizza could be good.
posted by ardgedee at 10:07 AM on September 10 [6 favorites]


After topping the pizza crust with the mustard, just replace the pepperoni with sliced hot dog and call it a sandwich. That should be uncontroversial.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:08 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


Sort of soup in a bread bowl without the high edges?
posted by blurker at 10:08 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


soup on a bread plate
posted by poffin boffin at 10:09 AM on September 10 [6 favorites]


I get the Coney Pizza (chili, mustard, hot dogs, onions) at our local Buddy's here in suburban Detroit every time. My spouse has become inured to the horrors.
posted by Etrigan at 10:09 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Clam chowder pizza could be good.

It is.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:12 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Wait, what? A Detroit-style pizzeria in New York? Isn't that kind of like a Belgian-style goulash joint in Budapest?
posted by rikschell at 10:12 AM on September 10 [8 favorites]


Metafilter: wet bubbly rancid farts.
posted by Vesihiisi at 10:13 AM on September 10 [6 favorites]


Wait, what? A Detroit-style pizzeria in New York?

There's a couple of Pizzeria Uno storefronts in town. I think we let these other styles pop up so that tourists are distracted and our own favorite spots stay undiscovered.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:14 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


Which ones would go on pizza? Do they all work?

if u can dream it
u can eat it
posted by halation at 10:15 AM on September 10 [8 favorites]


> A Detroit-style pizzeria in New York? Isn't that kind of like a Belgian-style goulash joint in Budapest?

It's more like a boutique Panda Express in Taipei.

> There's a couple of Pizzeria Uno storefronts in town.

Uh uh. You can't pin that one on Detroit. Blame Chicago. (Tangentially: I thought Pizzeria Uno had gone out of business; what's instigated its revival in the past year or two?)
posted by ardgedee at 10:18 AM on September 10


a voice on the wind just whispered to me, "make a panda express pizza"

it will be sugary and unsatisfying but I believe in myself
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:20 AM on September 10 [18 favorites]


I'll allow for anything on bread to be called a pizza.

I always assumed the engagement in ridiculous arguments about topics like what is and is not a sandwich was a mostly American foible. Then I happened to mention in front of a guy from eastern France that flammekueche was basically Alsatian pizza, and, well. He, ah, he would not agree with your sentiment, it turns out.

(The next day he waved a taco in my face and demanded to know if that was pizza, too.)
posted by solotoro at 10:20 AM on September 10 [23 favorites]


I may have to leave work early today so I can hang out and favorite this entire thread.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:20 AM on September 10 [12 favorites]


Isn't that kind of like a Belgian-style goulash joint in Budapest?

there are also montreal-style bagels in NYC and their yelp page mostly consists of bitter complaints from people who are unaware of all bagel traditions and therefore do not understand what they are eating

this place seems to have escaped such customer wrath and i assume that's because actual NYC pizza is... often not really very good, and therefore a different style surprises and pleases the unwary instead of confusing and enraging them
posted by halation at 10:21 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


Back in college, when I worked at Pizza Inn (Jesus! They're still in business? How?), they tried something called "dessert pizza." Now apparently called "pizzert." God help us.

Mustard and sauerkraut couldn't be any worse than that.
posted by Naberius at 10:22 AM on September 10 [5 favorites]


To inaugurate my new Blackstone outdoor pizza oven, I set up a buffet tables with dozens of toppings and several different kinds of dough. The biggest hit was an impromptu dough I made at the last minute, replacing a third of the flour with stone-ground rye flour, plus caraway seeds and a hearty spoonful of King Arthur's dehydrated rye sour. Spread with a white sauce, topped with sauerkraut, shredded corned beef and swiss cheese, it was the hit of the party. Everyone raved about the crust.

So, people: seeds and rye sour in your pizza dough: try it.

Next party, I'm gonna provide a dill pickle dough: dill seed and chopped dill pickles for the tang factor. We'll see how that works.
posted by Lunaloon at 10:22 AM on September 10 [19 favorites]


Sauerkraut on pizza is amazing, but it has to be the top layer. On top its moisture protects it from the heat, while giving you a lovely browning of the very top-most layer.

If you put it under the cheese, the moisture has no-where to go and you end up with a disgusting, slimy mess.
posted by Eddie Mars at 10:23 AM on September 10 [9 favorites]


The only thing that gives me pause is the quantity of mustard involved. Substituting it 1:1 for tomato sauce seems a bad idea.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:25 AM on September 10 [17 favorites]


Look, we used some home-made pizza dough to make hot dog buns during an impromptu cookout this past weekend. Mustard got put on it. Nobody died. We used the balance to make a pizza with some cheese and bruschetta. It's a flat bread, and flat breads can be used in a lot of different ways.

Pizza is a land of contrasts. And deliciousness. Do whatever you want.

Gonna go have some for lunch.
posted by nubs at 10:30 AM on September 10 [6 favorites]


My instinctive reaction is no, but I treasure our differences.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:31 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


Uh uh. You can't pin [Pizzeria Uno] on Detroit. Blame Chicago.

Oh, I was, apologies that wasn't clear....

I will say, though, in a very small voice, that this New Yorker likes Chicago's hot dogs better
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:32 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


I have really given up the pizza purity fight, except in my own kitchen. Do what you want. I'll make what I like.

I'm really just here to say how very much I loathe 'za.
posted by Caxton1476 at 10:37 AM on September 10 [7 favorites]


I would eat this.
posted by rtha at 10:38 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: I would eat this.
posted by Fizz at 10:39 AM on September 10 [7 favorites]


I mean, it's not like there aren't plenty of pizzas that aren't tomato sauce based already. Various white pizzas (bechamel, alfredo, garlic butter, etc), plus BBQ sauce, which is only vaguely a tomato sauce.

I'd rather call all of these pizza than have to argue about which is pizza and which is flatbread, personally.
posted by tocts at 10:42 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


We've done this for years--it's great. If you have never tried it, you should. You may be pleasantly surprised.
posted by tg72657 at 10:42 AM on September 10


Also, yeah, I would eat this. Balance of flavor is probably tricky, though, and will depend on the specific mustard preparation.
posted by tocts at 10:43 AM on September 10


So Welsh Rarebit*... that's traditionally got mustard, and it's real close to a pizza (Remember a line from Northern English soap Coronation Street - 'Pizza! That's just Welsh Rarebit with an Italian name!')

*Pronounced 'Rabbit'
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:44 AM on September 10 [6 favorites]


I'll call it sandwich pizza.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:46 AM on September 10 [3 favorites +] [!]


There was a restaurant I used to order from relatively frequently, and they had an item on their menu called Pizza Sandwich, which was offered in several typical sandwich flavors but beyond that had no description whatsoever. Years of curiosity led me to eventually order the pizza sandwich. The first time I ordered it, I received a sub whose bread was pizza dough. It was pretty good! The second time I ordered it, I received a sandwich whose bread was two slices of pizza. That was strange and less good. This was baffling to me, so I kept ordering pizza sandwiches -- sometimes they would be more like the first sort of thing I received, more often they would be a sandwich with slices of pizza for bread, occasionally it would be neither of these but something else entirely. By the time I moved out of range of that restaurant, I was pretty convinced that not only did I not know what pizza sandwich was supposed to be but neither did the folks at the restaurant.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:45 AM on September 10 [48 favorites]


(The next day he waved a taco in my face and demanded to know if that was pizza, too.)

That’s not a Mexican pizza. This is a Mexican Pizza.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 10:49 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Feels very Tribbianiesque - meat good, mustard good, pizza good. *nom*
posted by wellred at 10:50 AM on September 10


Pizza Sandwich

it's like the restaurant fell into a culinary dark age, and someone unearthed the menu left behind by their forebears and tried to recreate that which was lost (which was, presumably, the fine and noble Pizza Sub)
posted by halation at 10:52 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


My kid and I just got back from a road trip to Memphis and lemme just remind you that barbecue pizza is a thing, and I don't mean that sad chicken thing they do everywhere, I mean hunks of pulled pork on a pizza. AND IT IS GLORIOUS.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:53 AM on September 10 [8 favorites]


I'm thinking that a mustard pizza would be more of a Flammekueche? Which I also eat.
posted by Capt. Renault at 10:54 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


I find it hilarious that Heinz jumped on this runaway bandwagon to try to entice people to put ketchup on their pizza, as if pizza didn't already have ketchup on it, even if not Heinz's. I mean, you know what I mean, Mr. Mustard.
posted by chavenet at 10:55 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


We like to make a tomato tart / tarte flambée thing using puff pastry as the crust and mustard as the base. It rules and I bet this would rule too!

Update: basically what Capt. Renault is talking about.
posted by beepbeepboopboop at 11:00 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


I'm a little confused about the conflation of tomato sauce and ketchup. I assume it's attempting humor, but I'm worried the distinction might actually be lost on some.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:00 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Here we call ketchup tomato sauce by default, so I think we call tomato sauce for pizzas either pizza sauce or tomato paste, I think pizza sauce is seasoned.
I usually use jarred pasta sauce, maybe this is sacrelige, but it seems pretty good to me.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 11:05 AM on September 10


So it's basically on open-faced Reuben. It would probably taste pretty good, but why insist on calling it a pizza other than for the virality and free advertis- ...oh.
posted by asnider at 11:05 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: basically what Capt. Renault is talking about.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:08 AM on September 10 [7 favorites]


I'm really just here to say how very much I loathe 'za.

Yes, the bigger offense here is referring to pizza as 'za.
posted by plastic_animals at 11:09 AM on September 10 [19 favorites]


my crew calls it "peetz" and if you don't call pizza peetz you can't hang with us
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:11 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Only thing missing here is a Klosterman byline. ZING!

I think 'za was one of the first generational slangs that made me roll my eyes. I want to say mid 90s vintage?
posted by rhizome at 11:14 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Za
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:19 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


I think what everyone is missing is that Detroit-style pizza owns bones (compared to its cousin Chicago deep dish and its distant relation, everything else) so anyone evangelizing is doing the pizza-lord's work.

I'm in Philly. No dog in this fight; tomato pie sucks.
posted by supercres at 11:22 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


a voice on the wind just whispered to me, "make a panda express pizza"

That speaks to my California soul.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:22 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


my crew calls it "peetz" and if you don't call pizza peetz you can't hang with us

you can peetz if you want to
you can leave your 'za behind
posted by egregious theorem at 11:29 AM on September 10 [8 favorites]


Mustard is great on pizza. I found out by accident when a bought a slice of pizza referred to as "The Ballpark", which I soon discovered was topped with everything you would put on a typical hotdog you would eat at a basebball game, including the frankfurter. It was surprisingly delicious, but it is impossible to convince anyone to try it.
posted by forbiddencabinet at 11:29 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


The pizza itself sounds fine, but... hmm... I never heard of Detroit style pizza. I lived and worked in and around Detroit for several years in the early aughts. Having Detroit style pizza in New York is I guess no stranger than the fact that Detroit's regional specialty seemed to be... Coney Island Hot Dogs..! I became pretty familiar with the cultural and population exchange between Detroit and Kentucky, but never understood the New York connection.
posted by Slothrop at 11:34 AM on September 10


We occasionally make pizza* at home with whole grain mustard, prosciutto, brie, and apple slices...and guess what? It's delicious.

* I admit that the word "pizza" kind of gets stuck in my throat when I'm describing it, but whatever, i'm no dictionary expert.
posted by doctornecessiter at 11:36 AM on September 10 [3 favorites]


In Romania, there is a very, very minimal amount of tomato sauce on pizzas, so people routinely top it with ketchup.

I KNOW.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:36 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


One of our local pizza joints in madison has once called Tailgator which has kraut and brats on it.

This months special is:
Featuring homemade Sloppy Joe and tater tots with cheddar and house blend cheese...

What's so weird?
posted by symbioid at 11:40 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


I think we let these other styles pop up so that tourists are distracted and our own favorite spots stay undiscovered.

Good. Stay away from the Detroit-style pizza. All of you. I hear it causes cancer and impotence. Stay faaar away. If you accidentally come into contact with some, MeMail me for proper disposal.

I lived and worked in and around Detroit for several years in the early aughts.

If you weren't living inside Eight Mile, you weren't living in Detroit, but Buddy's is a suburban phenomenon, too, so I'm not sure what your excuse is.
posted by praemunire at 11:40 AM on September 10


(P.S. Icelandic hot dogs topped with potato salad are the best.)
posted by praemunire at 11:40 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Icelandic hot dogs topped with potato salad are the best

I've never had one, but I know this instantly to be true.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:45 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


pizza is just coagulated oatmeal soup
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:45 AM on September 10 [4 favorites]


do you eat it sitting or standing
posted by poffin boffin at 11:46 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]


oh you don't eat it, silly
posted by halation at 11:47 AM on September 10


yes I do
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:47 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]


pizza is what happens when you use yeast in your quesadilla
posted by rhizome at 12:01 PM on September 10 [4 favorites]


a pizza place here in town has been making a "cheeseburger pizza" w/ mustard (and beef and onions) on it for 30 years. It's delicious.
posted by broken wheelchair at 12:02 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Clam chowder pizza could be good.

Clam chowder is just hot ocean milk with dead animal croutons.

So yeah you could probably put that on a pizza.
posted by emjaybee at 12:05 PM on September 10 [7 favorites]


pizza is what happens when you use yeast in your quesadilla

i just made myself a quesadilla for my lunch and now all i can think is 'a pizza is a quesadilla with a yeast infection' and now i don't want my lunch anymore
does anyone want this quesadilla, you can put mustard on it if you like, i don't care anymore
posted by halation at 12:07 PM on September 10 [20 favorites]


"the 'sadilla rises" is a very ernest pie
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:18 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


pizza is what happens when you use yeast in your quesadilla

There's a fusion Desi-TexMex halal place nearby that uses paratha instead of tortilla for quesadillas and they are fabulous (and potentially life-threatening). What are we talking about again?
posted by Burhanistan at 12:18 PM on September 10 [5 favorites]


Clam chowder pizza

Look, I absolutely support people's right to make the choices that lead to their best and fullest life, but GET YOUR MOLLUSCS OFF MY PIZZA
posted by Pallas Athena at 12:20 PM on September 10


What are we talking about again?

The various ways people use breads to make foods that they find delicious and nourishing for both body and soul, while also making sure that everyone knows that there is something wrong with them for how they do it.
posted by nubs at 12:20 PM on September 10 [6 favorites]


a pizza that replaces tomato sauce with mustard and tops it with corned beef, sauerkraut, and cheese.
With lunaloon's rye crust.
yum!
posted by evilDoug at 12:26 PM on September 10


Also, swiss cheese.
posted by evilDoug at 12:26 PM on September 10


It sounds delicious. I wouldn't call it pizza, though.
posted by Catbunny at 12:26 PM on September 10


Clam chowder is just hot ocean milk with dead animal croutons.

I'm a fan of The Good Place but this was the only thing about it I disliked because proper New England Clam chowder is one of the few culinary gifts New England gave the world, dammit.

Look, I absolutely support people's right to make the choices that lead to their best and fullest life, but GET YOUR MOLLUSCS OFF MY PIZZA

.....What's your take on anchovies?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:27 PM on September 10


Look, I absolutely support people's right to make the choices that lead to their best and fullest life, but GET YOUR MOLLUSCS OFF MY PIZZA

Vertebrates just don’t give you the same crunch.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 12:29 PM on September 10


I love anchovies, but the best thing about putting them on pizza is that they pretty much guarantee that I'm getting the whole pie to myself.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:30 PM on September 10 [13 favorites]


i dislike reminders of the horrifying fact that people eat seafood on purpose. by choice. without it being a life or death starvation situation. without having family members taken hostage.

d i s l i k e
posted by poffin boffin at 12:31 PM on September 10 [6 favorites]


20 years ago when I lived in NYC I used to order “salad pizza” - iceberg lettuce and fresh tomato on top - near my work in Midtown.
posted by gnutron at 12:34 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


they tried something called "dessert pizza."

Whoa there now. Baked apples and cinnamon and sugar on some sort of crusty bread object, how can that possibly not be good?

Also the mighty S'mordilla and Nutelladilla are axially symmetrical dessert pizzas (or possibly sandwiches).
posted by Foosnark at 12:34 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


I love anchovies, but the best thing about putting them on pizza is that they pretty much guarantee that I'm getting the whole pie to myself.

I'd fight you for a slice, but it turns out that anchovies are about the only food in the world that gives me an allergic reaction. I regret this because I would put them on pizza for the exact same reason.
posted by nubs at 12:34 PM on September 10


cthulhu pizza is best pizza
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:34 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


GET YOUR MOLLUSCS OFF MY PIZZA

New Haven Pizza is one of the oldest American pizzas. Clams were a common topping.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:38 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Today I made this close relative of pizza with tomatoes, Parmesan, and Dijon mustard. It is excellent. (The dough is pâte feuilletée - puff pastry.) The combination of fresh tomatoes and Dijon mustard sings.
posted by Jode at 12:40 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


(P.S. Icelandic hot dogs topped with potato salad are the best.)

In Sweden we put mashed potatoes on our hot dogs and we drink chocolate milk with it.
posted by Vesihiisi at 12:42 PM on September 10 [10 favorites]


Pizza with mustard, corned beef, kraut and cheese sounds excellent, something I'd try at least once, maybe often. But I feel this deep-pan concept is very wrong. Very wrong. Just wrong.
Also, I don't know this mustard, how is it is strength compared to dijon? (I'm European, no one will claim I was born in Kenya because of this question)
posted by mumimor at 12:42 PM on September 10


there are also montreal-style bagels in NYC and their yelp page mostly consists of bitter complaints from people who are unaware of all bagel traditions and therefore do not understand what they are eating

I just want to say that those reviews are also interspersed with people who know that bagels aren't fucking steamed and that Black Seed and its ilk are the only decent bagel places in New York.

but by all means, continue complaining about an open-faced pastrami sandwich
posted by GuyZero at 12:43 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


In Sweden we put mashed potatoes on our hot dogs and we drink chocolate milk with it.

Braggart.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:45 PM on September 10 [5 favorites]


We need to talk about that Wikipedia article. 'Depending on the region, this dish can be called … Flammkuchen in German, which means "flame cake", or in French tarte flambée, which translates as "pie baked in the flames."' I did my university year abroad in Heidelberg (a couple regions over from Alsace) and I only ever heard the German name of the thing I ate a couple times a month. Thus I never knew that all that time the Germans were calling it a cake but the French were calling it a pie. This is steamed hams all over again.
posted by fedward at 12:45 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


my crew calls it "peetz" and if you don't call pizza peetz you can't hang with us

Your pizza is coffee from Berkeley?

I'm open-minded but that seems a little too far to still be pizza.
posted by GuyZero at 12:45 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


cthulhu pizza is best pizza

it's not delivery, it's Dagon-o
posted by halation at 12:45 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


clams in pizza have the same physical problem as pineapple when cooked: they lose moisture into the crust and the whole thing comes out soggy.
posted by rhizome at 12:46 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


I'd eat it. Unless you say 'za. Then you are suspect and so is your food.
posted by Splunge at 12:46 PM on September 10 [5 favorites]


Also, I would order that open-faced, baked Reuben thing at least once, but the dough would have to be really good to get me to order it a second time.
posted by fedward at 12:47 PM on September 10


The Midwestern pizza chain Happy Joe’s makes a signature Happy Joe Special, which is Canadian bacon and sauerkraut.

It is delicious and only the exorbitant shipping costs prevent me from having them more often.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 12:48 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


20 years ago when I lived in NYC I used to order “salad pizza” - iceberg lettuce and fresh tomato on top - near my work in Midtown.

Omigod dude you just reminded me - a couple months ago I went to a pizza place in my 'hood (endorsed by Ted Allen!), which has served me well in the past. I can't remember what I asked for, but whatever I asked for was a single-serving pizza that involved arugula.

now, I was expecting some sauteed arugula to be placed on the pizza before cooking, kind of like what they do with the basil in a margherita. But instead - they made the rest of the pizza, then before they brought it out to me they piled like three handfuls of raw arugula on top.

I blinked, then shrugged and thought "okay, free salad course" and scooped it off and ate it separately.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:49 PM on September 10


Your pizza is coffee from Berkeley?

I'm open-minded but that seems a little too far to still be pizza.


Grounds for legal action.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:50 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


I blinked, then shrugged and thought "okay, free salad course" and scooped it off and ate it separately.
You should have tried it. I have pizza with arugula and crudo often, and the combination of the hot, cheesy pizza and the fresh arugula and raw ham is delicious.
posted by mumimor at 12:52 PM on September 10 [7 favorites]


My girlfriend ordered a Nutella burger.

Everything belongs on everything and I don't care anymore.

The end.
posted by saysthis at 12:54 PM on September 10 [6 favorites]


In Romania, there is a very, very minimal amount of tomato sauce on pizzas, so people routinely top it with ketchup.

I KNOW.


The very first time I went to India, I met my cousins in New Delhi around 2001 or so. They took us to Dominos or Pizza Hut (can't remember) it had recently popped up as a chain in a shopping mall (at the time it was a big deal, not so much anymore, lots of chain restaurants there now), but it was a special treat.

At every table was a bottle of ketchup/mustard and every person in that place would dip their pizza into one or both. It blew my mind and I still hate thinking about it.
posted by Fizz at 12:56 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Snopes on 'Za
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:57 PM on September 10


Sorry, I need za. For Scrabble reasons.
posted by zamboni at 1:01 PM on September 10 [10 favorites]


Za is also a cheap way to get 30+ points in WWF.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:02 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


I have pizza with arugula and crudo often, and the combination of the hot, cheesy pizza and the fresh arugula and raw ham is delicious.

Oh, I wanted to, but the sheer amount that they piled on made it pretty unwieldy.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:03 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


(I think I left some on, upon reflection)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:03 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Besides, without za, I'm just mboni.



boni m…

🎶Ra, Ra, Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone!
Ra, Ra, Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on! 🎶
posted by zamboni at 1:05 PM on September 10 [5 favorites]


clams in pizza have the same physical problem as pineapple when cooked: they lose moisture into the crust and the whole thing comes out soggy.

I've never had a pineapple pizza come out soggy, whether it's terrible St. Louis style thin-crust or one of the good styles of crust. I think you've just had bad pizzas.

(Clams are gross though.)
posted by Foosnark at 1:06 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


I eat and enjoy donair pizza, Thanksgiving pizza, and sushi pizza. I image mustardy meaty pizza is also delicious! Is there a bologna and mustard pizza? Yum yum
posted by Stonkle at 1:06 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Just watched the video in the Twitter link and it appears that they're actually talking about some sort savory cake product being baked in a cake pan, not a pizza.
posted by rh at 1:07 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


In Downey, CA which is about half way between Hollywood and Disneyland, they have a pastrami pizza with mustard that one of my co-workers will bring into work about twice a year. It is so delicious.
posted by Sophie1 at 1:19 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Re: Dessert pizzas - Back when I worked at a Pizza Hut (let's say around the time the Indiana Jones movies started coming out) I made thin-crust pizzas with a base layer of peanut butter, a heavy dose of chocolate chips, and a drizzle of honey; necessity being the mother of invention. Well, we also traded with the Dairy Queen down the street but that's a story for a different thread.

Also at the time Taco Johns was making their dessert thing (I forget what it was called) - a flat corn tortilla baked crispy then topped with apple-preserve-like schmear and cinnamon sugar. That delicious concoction was not considered a pizza.
posted by achrise at 1:20 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Yeah, this is bullshit
posted by From Bklyn at 1:21 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


There is a pizzeria in my hometown that debuted the "taco pizza" back around 1993. It was literally a pizza with taco fixings on it. It was amazing.

These days they have penne a la vodka pizza and baked ziti pizza.

The only rule for pizza is that it must be delicious.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:22 PM on September 10 [4 favorites]


a pizza place here in town has been making a "cheeseburger pizza" w/ mustard (and beef and onions) on it for 30 years

What's taking them so long?
posted by chavenet at 1:31 PM on September 10 [17 favorites]


If you weren't living inside Eight Mile, you weren't living in Detroit, but Buddy's is a suburban phenomenon, too, so I'm not sure what your excuse is.

True, I didn't live inside Eight Mile... I was just curious that I never heard of Buddy's or Detroit pizza. My job usually had me stuck in Southfield; it was my wife that worked downtown (at Pewabic Pottery). My strongest memory of Detroit food is probably New Yasmeen Bakery in Detroit, and their wonderful falafel sandwiches with the pickles. Or, when I go back to visit a friend in Hamtramck, I usually try to get something from Under the Eagle out of the deal...
posted by Slothrop at 1:32 PM on September 10


Anyone have suggestions for vegetarian alternatives? This sounds delicious, but it's hard for me to imagine it working without the corned beef...
posted by meese at 1:39 PM on September 10


then before they brought it out to me they piled like three handfuls of raw arugula on top.

I blinked, then shrugged and thought "okay, free salad course" and scooped it off and ate it separately.
posted by EmpressCallipygos


Next time just try a bite with the arugula on it. You may be pleasantly surprised. The contrast between hot and saucy and cool and bitter. Lovely.
posted by Splunge at 1:41 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Allow me to introduce you to a fresh new horror from 1954, the Yankee Doodle Pizza Pie
posted by JDHarper at 1:47 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


that looks good. don't overthink it.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:53 PM on September 10 [4 favorites]


I'm really just here to say how very much I loathe 'za.

I would argue that this word alone means the Z is overvalued in Scrabble and not worth the 10.
posted by jaduncan at 2:07 PM on September 10


(And yes, QI is similar for Q).
posted by jaduncan at 2:10 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


You haven't lived until you've had cranberry mustard. And you might as well put in on pizza, why not?
posted by tobascodagama at 2:39 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


> Allow me to introduce you to a fresh new horror from 1954, the Yankee Doodle Pizza Pie

They've nearly disappeared down the memory hole, but in the Boston area about 30 years ago there was a chain called Ruggles, whose angle was "British-style pizza". Basically the crust was too thin to pick the pizza up so you had to eat with a knife and fork, and the primary ingredients were cheddar and oregano. There was a location across the street from Filene's downtown that I would walk past regularly and, even in my underpaid, perpetually hungry youth, the scents wafting out of there were never able to entice me in.
posted by ardgedee at 2:46 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


I can't remember what I asked for, but whatever I asked for was a single-serving pizza that involved arugula.

Motorino delivers some of its pizzas with "toppings on the side, for freshness." Works okay.
posted by praemunire at 2:46 PM on September 10


One of my local pizza places (near Philly) offers up the New Orleans:
Cajun Style Chicken, Honey Dijon Mustard, Mozzarella And Pepper Jack Cheese.

It is delicious. Rack 'em.
posted by delfin at 2:53 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Once you get a little way north in Quebec, butter is always put on the table or included in a pizza order without having to ask or explain (it is for the crusts ... fresh baked bread + butter = no left over crusts).
posted by phoque at 2:58 PM on September 10 [5 favorites]


you'd think that logic would work on kids who don't eat their crusts but ask you to order breadsticks every damn time you get pizza

you'd think
posted by prize bull octorok at 3:03 PM on September 10 [8 favorites]


The other day I was making a pizza when I discovered to my horror that my sauce had gone off. Too lazy to go to the store, I sauced it with a mixture of ketchup, mayo, and sriracha. Not at all bad! Didn't even think of mustard, but now I am.
posted by rodlymight at 3:09 PM on September 10


- Detroit style pizza is focaccia twice baked in pans with enough cheese so the second time around it gets delicious caramelized burnt cheese edges

- Arugula is great on pizza, as are other greens, if done properly (also reminds of the first time I took some of my UK coworkers out for pizza and the response of "OOOH It's ROCKET!" when the pizza finally showed up)

- Mustard is delicious, I'll try it on a pizza, if your idea of a pizza must include tomatoes (what about white sauce / clam sauce / etc?), think of it as a focaccia with mustard and cheese on it, which is the bases of a really good open face sandwich

That being said, there is "enjoy this new food" and "satiate the homesickness of a decent slice of pizza while traveling" - knowing which one you're going for helps.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:11 PM on September 10


a flat corn tortilla baked crispy then topped with apple-preserve-like schmear and cinnamon sugar. That delicious concoction was not considered a pizza.
This is an Apple Grande and I wish that Taco John's would serve them all year instead of only during the holidays. You also get a small sprinkle of cheddar cheese!
posted by soelo at 3:17 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


It's almost pumpkin spice pizza season!
posted by ActingTheGoat at 3:18 PM on September 10 [6 favorites]


tofu, lemongrass, mushrooms, bok choy, coconut sauce, sriracha on a naan. Maybe some parmesan?
posted by mwhybark at 3:23 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Ok. So recently my wife and I were making pizzas and didn't have enough sauce for two. So we used Kewpie mayo (not mayo; Kewpie mayo) and added some curry powder. And on top of that were the regular toppings we have. It was fantastic. It wasn't pizza, really, I'll grant that. It was curry bread something or other. And it was awesome.
posted by zardoz at 3:24 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


> Look, we used some home-made pizza dough to make hot dog buns during an impromptu cookout this past weekend. Mustard got put on it. Nobody died.

But were the buns split on the top or the side?
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:35 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


> I think we call tomato sauce for pizzas either pizza sauce or tomato paste

What do you call the thick tomato... stuff... that comes in a tube like toothpaste?
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:37 PM on September 10


Rocket/arugula, blue cheese and pear is a reasonably common pizza offering in Australia.

I would totally try the Reuben pizza.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 3:42 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Oh, how I love being an omnivore. To every ingredient at which people are yekking and ewwing, I say, more for me!

Except when there's too much sugar in the dough/sauce. Not a huge fan of that.
posted by aspersioncast at 3:42 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


I love pizza and I think mustard is generally gross on anything. So since mustard on a hot dog is a NOPE it’s obvious how I feel here.
posted by freecellwizard at 3:42 PM on September 10


What do you call the thick tomato... stuff... that comes in a tube like toothpaste?
posted by The corpse in the library


Tuscan toothpaste.
posted by Splunge at 3:44 PM on September 10 [5 favorites]


Mustard is absurd. It should be Thousand Island.
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:56 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Detroit style pizza is ...

Little Ceasers.

Which isn't bad, mind.. I'd try it with mustard, even.
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 4:01 PM on September 10


I'd eat it. Unless you say 'za. Then you are suspect and so is your food.

It's OK I'm stuck in a Twilight Zone world from "The Preppy Handbook"
posted by thelonius at 4:10 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


New Haven Pizza is one of the oldest American pizzas. Clams were a common topping.

[newt] Our ancestors didn't know any better because they were just primitive screwheads, Ripley. [/newt]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 4:12 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Over 30 years ago we had a guy with a small pizza company who catered in food to our bar. One night he was eager for everyone to try his new invention: Cheeseburger Pizza. It was ground beef, chopped onions, tomato slices, dill pickle wafers and yellow mustard all smothered in cheddar cheese. It was actually surprisingly good, even for bar food...
posted by jim in austin at 4:12 PM on September 10 [4 favorites]


Detroit style pizza is ...

Little Ceasers.


No, but their Deep Deep Dish is close.
posted by Etrigan at 4:18 PM on September 10


if you toss a chicken Caesar salad in a tortilla and call it a chicken Caesar burrito, you are being misleading and appropriative.

Unless you think the offended parties are of Italian ancestry, I got some news if you think a "chicken Caesar burrito" is appropriating anything. What people typically call "burritos" are more Californian/Texan than Mexican.
posted by sideshow at 4:28 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


What people typically call "burritos" are more Californian/Texan than Mexican.

Burritos were brought to you by Mexican immigrants and their descendants, with ingredients used in Mexican cuisine. Which Californians? Mexican Californians. You'd have to be a real Tucker Carlson to claim ownership over Mexican food.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 5:00 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Oooh, are we doing "Carlson" as a verb, like "Munson" from the movie Kingpin? I can get behind that movement.
posted by rhizome at 5:03 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


I've been calling him Taco Carlson.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 5:07 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


Whoa there now. Baked apples and cinnamon and sugar on some sort of crusty bread object, how can that possibly not be good?

Admittedly, that was the best of the available options.
posted by Naberius at 5:19 PM on September 10


if you toss a chicken Caesar salad in a tortilla and call it a chicken Caesar burrito, you are being misleading and appropriative.

Fun fact: The Caesar Salad was actually invented in Tijuana, Mexico by an Italian immigrant named Caesar Cardini.
posted by FJT at 5:37 PM on September 10 [8 favorites]


Anyone have suggestions for vegetarian alternatives? This sounds delicious, but it's hard for me to imagine it working without the corned beef...

Vegan pastrami is a thing. Smoked watermelon is also a thing, but rather more of a commitment.
posted by halation at 5:37 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


I was born in NYC and raised in Michigan, so this is causing a civil war in my brain. On the other hand, there was that fig and blue cheese pizza I had in Asheville....
posted by acrasis at 5:44 PM on September 10


I've had flammkuchen with mustard as one of the toppings. The flammkuchen was delicious. It appears the contentious Detroit-style pizzeria came up with a similar idea.
posted by abakua at 7:41 PM on September 10


No one has mentioned the classic New Zealand pizza: lay down a scone mix for the crust, then top with a can of spaghetti (yes, you read that correctly, not spaghetti sauce but actual canned spaghetti in an overly sweet and tinny tasting sauce), finished off with cheddar cheese. The horror, the horror!
posted by tumbling at 7:41 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


This thread makes me feel the need for angioplasty.
posted by datawrangler at 7:42 PM on September 10


In the 80s I worked at Charlie’s Pizzeria in the Highlands in Louisville. It was a punk rock pizzeria. And our specialty was Peanut Butter Pizza. A thin layer of peanut butter under the tomato sauce. It was okay.

These California guys recently opened a new place here in Fairport, NY. Lulu. They make a cauliflower taco. Deep fried cauliflower on a corn tortilla with a honey-siracha salsa. And get this: peanuts. It’s delicious.
posted by valkane at 7:59 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Shouldn't Reuben pizza have Russian dressing, not mayo? If it's good crust, should be a treat.
posted by theora55 at 8:28 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]


When I was a kid, my mom would make “zucchini pizza”, which was basically pizza with slices of zucchini for crust. Since we were on food stamps, it also meant hamburger instead of sausage and government cheese instead of mozzarella. It tasted like disappointment to eight-year-old me.

Now, I will take a puff pastry, schmear it with a couple tablespoons of Dijon mustard, followed by a generous layer of Italian sausage, and then cover the whole thing with thin slices of lightly sautéed zucchini before popping in the oven. It’s more of a tart, really, but my boys call it zucchini pizza and they love it.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 8:51 PM on September 10 [2 favorites]


Look, everyone stop arguing, we have a common enemy, I just saw some goddamned asshole and a well-off-looking one at that walk out of a 7-11 in New York Goddamned City eating pizza that he had bought there. It took every fiber of my being not to scream YOU ARE THE CANCER THAT IS KILLING THIS CITY at him followed by a thorough curb-stomping.

Instead, I walked into the first honest pizza place I saw and ordered two slices out of spite even though I was hardly hungry. And it turned out there was a tour of the city's best pizzerias passing through this random, humble pizza joint, and this place had been around since like 1972.

SIR.
posted by gusandrews at 10:08 PM on September 10 [3 favorites]


Anyone have suggestions for vegetarian alternatives? This sounds delicious, but it's hard for me to imagine it working without the corned beef...
Thin slices of steamed root vegetables? Specially the more bitter ones like parsley root or pastinak.
posted by mumimor at 10:12 PM on September 10


Look, everyone stop arguing, we have a common enemy

The Judean Pizza's Front!
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:19 PM on September 10 [7 favorites]


Americans have a penchant for putting horrifying ingredients on that wonderful thing we call pizza. I recently saw a blog post on which penne was put on a white pizza. Now this! Americantá FTW
posted by DJZouke at 4:47 AM on September 11


I'm a pizza purist, but as long as I know where to go to get the good stuff I could care less whether people want to create stupid novelty pizzas. It's not like we have a pizza certification program. Food is like grammar - some people take a descriptive approach, some a prescriptive approach, but in the end, you can't stop people experimenting with food. Don't like it, don't eat it. I'm sure it tastes perfectly good.
posted by Miko at 4:54 AM on September 11 [4 favorites]


I'm very glad I made this post. So much amazing pizza talk.

When are we getting a MetaPizza? section Cortex?
posted by Fizz at 4:54 AM on September 11 [3 favorites]


MetaPizza? section

Meta Lover's Supreme
posted by zamboni at 5:29 AM on September 11 [2 favorites]


Mustard on a soft pretzel is wonderful. Melt cheese over that. We're getting real close to pizza, right? No?
posted by Splunge at 5:59 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


MetaPizza: pineapple, mustard and penne on a plate of beans.
posted by Splunge at 6:01 AM on September 11 [2 favorites]


It's not like we have a pizza certification program.

Actually:
The Associazione Vera Pizza Napoletana is an international organization officially established on June 1984 by a group of Neapolitan people representing some of the oldest families of pizza makers and the most famous Neapolitan pizzerias, seeking to cultivate the culinary art of making Neapolitan pizza. Later on, the association was officially established by the Italian government as a denomination of control (DOC), a designation that made AVPN a legal entity able to give special designation to pizzerias who meet strict requirements that respect the tradition of the art of Neapolitan pizza making.
They're only certifying Neapolitan pizza, but still.
posted by fedward at 7:42 AM on September 11 [4 favorites]


> Look, we used some home-made pizza dough to make hot dog buns during an impromptu cookout this past weekend. Mustard got put on it. Nobody died.

But were the buns split on the top or the side?


Here's the thing - my wife split them on the side, and I split them on the top! We each did it differently, and still - everyone survived!
posted by nubs at 8:06 AM on September 11 [2 favorites]


I recently saw a blog post on which penne was put on a white pizza.

I mean, a local place we get pizza from for some work functions has a super great buffalo mac 'n cheese pizza, and if that's wrong I don't want to be right!
posted by tocts at 8:25 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


Here's the thing - my wife split them on the side, and I split them on the top!

I'm picturing quartered buns mortared together with mustard
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:17 AM on September 11 [2 favorites]


I'm picturing quartered buns mortared together with mustard

Nah, she cut the ones she was using on the side, while I cut mine on the top. We didn't cut both ways.

But I am intrigued by your ideas, and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
posted by nubs at 9:21 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


plz back the kickstarter for my new food truck idea, it's hot dogs suspended in a bun matrix (I will be calling them pizzas for marketing/virality purposes)
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:27 AM on September 11 [2 favorites]


Is that Neapolitan pizza certification program mentioned in the pizza-themed episode of Ugly Delicious?

Now I want to watch that again.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 12:35 PM on September 11 [1 favorite]


Given that the correct way to eat pizza is to fold it (see Rock and Roll High School) does that make it a sandwich or a wrap?
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:42 PM on September 11 [2 favorites]


Every pizza, without exception, counts as an open-face sandwich.
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:52 PM on September 11 [3 favorites]


Then every sandwich is a calzone.
posted by rhizome at 1:06 PM on September 11 [3 favorites]


Doing this substitution on a Chicago-style deep dish pizza probably violates the Geneva Convention.
posted by ZeusHumms at 1:34 PM on September 11


sorry, I only do sandwich theory. I am agnostic as to what is or isn't a calzone.
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:14 PM on September 11 [2 favorites]


you may not be interested in calzones, but calzones are interested in you.
posted by rhizome at 2:35 PM on September 11 [3 favorites]


you may not be interested in calzones

oh but i am
posted by halation at 3:13 PM on September 11


Its amazing what people will pay for some dressed-up cheese toast.
posted by Fupped Duck at 6:38 PM on September 11 [4 favorites]


Mustard pourin’ like waterfalls
posted by sucre at 8:26 PM on September 11 [2 favorites]


you may not be interested in calzones, but calzones are interested in you.

And if you gaze long into a calzone, the calzone also gazes into you.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:16 AM on September 12


a calzone is a pizza that stuck to peel leaving you in the Cal-Zone.
posted by stet at 10:54 AM on September 12


cauliflower isn't actually a food, it's just wet bubbly rancid farts contained within a cellulose matrix

I'm late to this thread, same way as I usually am to work, but I just wanted to say that CAULIFLOWER IS DELICIOUS AND LOOKS LIKE TINY ALBINO TREES.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:17 PM on September 13


look i'll eat anything with cheese it's fine
posted by solarion at 3:11 AM on September 15 [2 favorites]


I made one of those dill pickle and garlic sauce pizza recipes that's going around the internets.

It was... not bad.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:13 PM on September 29


I would totally eat that pickle pizza. It looks amazing and probably is. Basically, a white pizza with more zing.
posted by Miko at 7:52 PM on September 29


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