Wanted: One Kraken, 8-10 tentacles, no clothing
September 11, 2018 5:22 AM   Subscribe

The United States Air Force needs (wants?) a kraken costume. Release the RFP! Requirements include:

1. A minimum of 8 and maximum of 10 tentacles will be on the costume, with 2 arms free for mobility purposes and option of free hand, or gloved hand, exposure.

2. Fabric choice for costume needs to be water repellant - samples required for selection.

3. Easy cleaning capability as multiple individuals and events will result in soiling. Machine
washable preferred to dry cleaning.

4. Cooling system required due to high temperature and humidity while wearing the costume. Options to be recommended for selection of type of system (fan, ice pack vest, or other system)

5. No clothing on the Kraken.

6. Designed for someone between 5’9” and 6’2”.

7. Preferred Costume Colors (web color indicated in parenthesis):
a. Primary Body Color: Deep Navy Blue (152338)
b. Underside Tentacle Color: Gray-Blue (2e446b)
c. Eye Color: Yellow (f9ed32)

8. Case required for transporting and storing the costume. Wheels preferred.
posted by COD (34 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
 

5. No clothing on the Kraken.

We ran an internal survey with pictures as to how the Kraken would wear pants and there was no ground for agreement.
posted by Typhoon Jim at 5:26 AM on September 11 [30 favorites]


I sincerely hope that someone posts about the eventual costume and its use! I gotta know what the USAF is doing with a kraken costume.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:38 AM on September 11 [5 favorites]


90% sure it's going to be for Air Force recruiting rallies in high schools or public shows. Since Kraken is associated with the sea, maybe the Air Force will rescue Navy ships in a mini-drama.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:41 AM on September 11 [5 favorites]


I sincerely hope that someone posts about the eventual costume and its use! I gotta know what the USAF is doing with a kraken costume.

Fucking with the Navy.
posted by garius at 5:41 AM on September 11 [28 favorites]


I wish our dystopia would be less stupid.
posted by palindromic at 5:41 AM on September 11 [12 favorites]


Sorry, Air Force. Vice Admiral Euron Greyjoy is a Navy man, through and through.
posted by rokusan at 5:43 AM on September 11 [4 favorites]


Too bad they don't just want a chocolate one, they could go three posts down.
posted by bile and syntax at 5:48 AM on September 11 [4 favorites]


I gotta know what the USAF is doing with a kraken costume.

Boring answer: a support-services squadron, that does a lot of morale stuff for servicemembers and their families, wants a mascot to jump around and amuse people. It's a kraken because a kraken is on their squadron patch and stuff. They have a kraken on their stuff because they're in Charleston SC, which has a long nautical tradtion, and apparently to facilitate the terrible pun "Let's get kraken!"
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 5:49 AM on September 11 [16 favorites]


I suspect SPACE FORCE MASCOT!
posted by evilDoug at 5:49 AM on September 11 [4 favorites]


Boring answer: a support-services squadron, that does a lot of morale stuff for servicemembers and their families, wants a mascot to jump around and amuse people. It's a kraken because a kraken is on their squadron patch and stuff. They have a kraken on their stuff because they're in Charleston SC, which has a long nautical tradtion, and apparently to facilitate the terrible pun "Let's get kraken!"

Well sure, maybe.

But my other theory is that it's part of an elaborate long-con to get an increased slice of the military budget out of Trump.
posted by garius at 6:01 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


Paging Vice Rear Cabin Boy Sir Bobo Gargle...

(Two people will get this reference....)
posted by pompomtom at 6:07 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


"Let's get Kraken" is the motto of 628th Force Support Squadron.
posted by Agent_X_ at 6:13 AM on September 11 [5 favorites]


The artwork link specifically shows that this is for the 628th too.
posted by AzraelBrown at 6:14 AM on September 11


I want to imagine this costume will be used to run out onto a basketball court to the tune of that "Y'all ready for this?" song, to do some slam dunk acrobatics with the aid of a trampoline. Or dance in grocery stores. But I guess an Air Force mascot doesn't get to do as many fun things I suppose.
posted by AzraelBrown at 6:22 AM on September 11 [2 favorites]


Who would have thought Ry'leh is actually in Charleston,South Carolina.
posted by Damienmce at 6:36 AM on September 11 [2 favorites]


The Air Force's beef with the Philly Phanatic has taken an ominous turn.
posted by ardgedee at 6:37 AM on September 11 [7 favorites]


"Boring answer"

I don't think that answer is boring! I hope the 628th enjoys their Kraken.
posted by floppyroofing at 6:53 AM on September 11


I honestly and heartily approve of this use of my tax money.

(And that's the best RFB I've ever read. And I've read quite a few.)
posted by elsietheeel at 6:54 AM on September 11 [10 favorites]


I misread the title as, "Wanted: One Karen, 8-10 tentacles, no clothing"
posted by obliterati at 7:39 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


Vice Admiral Euron Greyjoy is a Navy man, through and through.

He would want no part of this in any event; they aren't paying the iron price.
posted by nubs at 8:10 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


Who would have thought Ry'leh is actually in Charleston,South Carolina.

Yeah, I thought it was Ry'leh/Durham.

(I'll see myself out.)
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 8:24 AM on September 11 [34 favorites]


A minimum of 8 and maximum of 10 tentacles will be on the costume, with 2 arms free for mobility purposes

So, in looking at the patch, I noted their Kraken has 12 tentacles! But then I realized that the arms are stand-ins for two of the tentacles. By jove, they've thought of everything!
posted by amanda at 9:37 AM on September 11


I'm hopin' for Ry'leh, I can see my baby tonight.

If I die in Ry'leh, at least I will die free.

Rock me mama like the wind and the rain howling and pounding ceaselessly without respite, the endless sound slowly robbing all who hear it of their sanity
Rock me mama like a Southbound train...
posted by biogeo at 9:41 AM on September 11 [3 favorites]


posted by COD

Eponysterical!
posted by nickmark at 10:18 AM on September 11 [1 favorite]


I work for one of the largest government contractors in the world, and this is the first I've heard of this.

Where the fuck are our Capture and BD people, damn it? Why the hell am I finding out about this on MetaFilter? Fucking MetaFilter! Come on people, what do we pay you for?
posted by Naberius at 11:04 AM on September 11 [5 favorites]


One must kraken alot of eggs to find the ideal ocean going behemoth.
posted by clavdivs at 11:25 AM on September 11


Damnit, the response deadline was 7 Sept. I was looking forward to pitching this one to my boss.

(Also, 100% chance this was wired for someone. PWS dated 24 Aug and response deadline 7 Sept? They knew exactly who they wanted this to go to.)
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:35 PM on September 11 [2 favorites]


Hrm, there's a lot of kraken on the front page right now. Brb, I'm going to go batten down some stuff..
posted by Horkus at 12:51 PM on September 11 [2 favorites]


So, in looking at the patch, I noted their Kraken has 12 tentacles!

Look closer, there's 13!
posted by achrise at 1:16 PM on September 11 [1 favorite]


This is the best RFP ever and I'm going to use it in my technical writing classes this fall.
posted by Tesseractive at 1:40 PM on September 11 [1 favorite]


Look closer, there's 13!


Or maybe fourteen. If you count the forked tentacle as two.
posted by CCBC at 3:15 PM on September 11


Paging Vice Rear Cabin Boy Sir Bobo Gargle...

Mad as hell that you got there before me.
posted by trialex at 6:21 PM on September 11 [1 favorite]


Great, now Trump won't only target the LGBTQ in the military, but now he's going to go after the furries too...
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:28 PM on September 11


Is it too late to submit an entry?
posted by scalefree at 8:59 PM on September 11


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