No Pants, No Gun, No Service
September 12, 2018 11:34 AM   Subscribe

Colorado Sports Fan's Plan To Rob Vape Store Falls Apart After He Drops Gun And Pants
This guy here, by appearances an avid Broncos and Rockies fan, spectacularly failed to rob an E-Cig of Denver store in Colorado on Sept. 2. Fumbling his gun over the counter was a bad start, and failing to secure his pants was a bad follow-up, although he did redeem himself somewhat with a super cool karate kick to spur his getaway.
posted by kirkaracha (14 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
In a related story, the clerk has been fired for watching Ultimate Beastmaster on company time.

posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:40 AM on September 12 [1 favorite]

I used to live in Aurora, seemed to me a bad place to shoplift or rob. This was the kind of town to put security tags on soap, ya know? The WalGreens/CVS near my apartment stopped being 24 hours after a roving band of teenagers mass robbed them, so that seemed to be the preferred local thievery technique.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:42 AM on September 12 [1 favorite]

The unflappable clerk is the secret MVP of the video. I'll take some of what she's vaping, please.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:44 AM on September 12 [5 favorites]

The unflappable clerk is the secret MVP of the video.

Indeed, she takes a moment to smoke right after she's picked up the gun.

“Oh wow, this is a gun, but also, this pineapple isn't going to vape itself!”
posted by Fizz at 11:55 AM on September 12 [3 favorites]

"Good news everyone. We have a new gun."
posted by Splunge at 11:58 AM on September 12 [3 favorites]

That was a gub, not a gun.
posted by chavenet at 12:04 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]

I wonder what she threw in the trash as she stood up.
posted by 445supermag at 12:16 PM on September 12

The Avs were spared the curse of his allegiance! Gabe Landeskog lives to blissfully Disney Prince his way through another day.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 12:18 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]

The newest e-cig flavor: Butterfingers.
posted by 4ster at 12:52 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]

Speaking of butterfingers, on the sidebar to that link: "If You Don't Want To Watch A Man Shoot Out A Turd Into A Toilet From Way Downtown, Here's A Summary".
posted by notsnot at 12:57 PM on September 12 [3 favorites]

The headline really confused me. The implication of it being a vape store led me to read it as "sports fan drops his gun while struggling to breathe". It's a long headline; there's no reason they couldn't have used "trousers" instead.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:36 PM on September 12

Eats shoots and leaves.
posted by Splunge at 2:53 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]

I like how the section they posted this news item in is called "Life's rich pageant", and this is the only item in that section.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 5:55 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]

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